FIRST I WOULD LIKE TO SAY: Don't get use to back to back updates. Haha. You are just lucky.
Lucky that Wintersupersoldiers got it back to me soo soon.
Anyhow, here you go. I hope you like. Remember Reviews are your friends
And yes, more guilt in this chapter.
Chapter 29:
Chilling Metal
Toni found herself staring at a big white sign for a countless amount of time. She didn't know how long she was staring at the sign, but it felt like it was a while. She felt the passing of time as the sun changed location in the sky.
Maybe, it was the big block letters that caught her attention. Or maybe it was the red letterings, warning people to keep out. Maybe, it was the name on the sign that caught her eyes as this was where it all begun in a sense. This was where the American Icon was chosen.
This was Camp Lehigh.
This was where hundreds of men trained to have a chance at become a super soldier. Though the Camp was pretty much a ghost town with guards only at the perimeter of the camp, it struck Toni as odd that the camp was so empty so soon after a war, but she supposed there was no need for it when the Super Soldier Project was dead.
"It's different then I remember," Toni distantly heard Peggy say. The agent was speaking softly, but her voice drafted through the air as there was nothing to drown out the sound. Phillips said something in reply, but Toni paid no attention as she stared at Peggy.
Toni was finding it difficult to read to the Sassy Agent, who seemed to be holding herself together in the misty of everything. The genius from future hadn't even stepped a foot in this camp before, and yet, she could see the memories of this camp. She could see Rogers as he tried to keep up with the rest of the men. She could see the other soldiers being cruel to Rogers as he struggled. She could see it all in her mind, and she was barely keeping it in, but yet, Peggy seemed unfazed by their surroundings. It was impressive.
"Are you okay?"
Toni was snapped out of her thoughts by a hand on her shoulder. "Peachy," she replied as she glanced at her Father, who was staring at her. She wasn't in the mood to speak, but she was quite proud at herself for not flinching. "How are you, Mr. Stark? Not too tired from those late nights?" she asked with a smirk that was her façade.
Howard's groaned as his hands dropped from her shoulder. "I think I prefer you hating me; then at least, my daughter wouldn't be joking about my sex life," he replied with a scrunched nose.
She patted him on the shoulder before she picked up her pace. "I would've teased you either way," she said with a chuckle as she stepped toward Phillips and Peggy. They were making their way toward the center of the camp, trying to put some distance between them and the guards posted at the gate. "However, it would've been much worse."
Her father let out a chuckle as he followed. "So maybe I'm lucky."
"Or maybe, not," she said, stepping to Phillips. Toni wasn't interested in Peggy and Phillips' conversion, but she wanted some space between her and her father. Her emotions were all over the place and she didn't want him to see the battle going on in her mind, though she doubted that anyone was buying that she was sane at the moment.
*O*O*
In the middle of the camp stood a flag pole, and even if the camp was empty, the flag was flying high. Not far from the pole, a dirt line was drawn into the ground in a circle pattern. In the middle of it, Toni's device laid opened with loose wires not yet connected traveling away to a machine shaped like a podium, where Howard was working. Around him were cases of different shapes and sizes, and each were opened as her father worked from all of them. He was silent, focused.
For a while, Toni just watched him, seeing how much he enjoyed what he was doing. She could see the happiness in his eyes as he worked, and it hit her. For the longest time, she had thought that he had hidden in his labs to hide from her. She thought he couldn't stand to be around her after her mother's death, but as she watched him, she realized it wasn't that. He hid for the same reason that she hid. He hid in the labs as it was the only place that brought him peace, which was the same with her.
Though she hated to admit it, they were very much alike and he probably would've understood her the best if he hadn't died. He would've understood her need to be in the lab often as they shared a lot of the same characteristics. If her mother hadn't had died when Toni was so young, her father might've not retreated into the labs and might've been her best bud. He might've been that protective father that she saw on TV and was always jealous of.
Toni shook her head as she tried to focus on her device so she wouldn't be shocked again.T She had lost count of the number of times she had been shocked. A part of her blamed her father, since he was the one who added a low resolution interface; however, she knew it would give her better control of the time that she would end up in.
"Stark."
She felt her heart skip a beat, feeling someone behind her. She couldn't get over how jumpy she had become since this whole experience, and it annoyed her. She hated being so weak that even a glass of water could freak her out, and now a mere shadow could do the same. Maybe she could talk to Clint, who would tease her endlessly, but he would give her some pointers without questions. "Colonel," she replied as she welded a wire to a core.
"Can I speak to you?" he asked.
Toni glanced up at Colonel Phillips, who was staring at her. Her eyes drifted to the metal suitcase that was handcuffed to his left hand, knowing what was in the case. She also knew that he was going to hold onto it until the very last second. "What's up, Colonel?" she asked with no interest in referring to him as Salty anymore. Sure, the nickname started out of annoyance, but it grew into fondness, which was now gone.
"We need to talk."
"I'm starting to think you don't want me to leave," she replied as she fought her urge to sleep. She hoped he couldn't see how exhausted she was as she didn't want him to see it. She didn't want to be forced back into a hospital bed, because that sleep was not restful, even if she needed it.
"Trust me, I want you to leave. Can't deal with two Starks in one time," he replied with a smile.
Toni frowned at him before glancing at her father, who was talking to Peggy. "…Fine," she replied, pushing herself up from the ground. "Let's talk," she said, as she dusted the dirt off her.
Phillips stepped away from her and the device, putting some distance between them. After eyeing him for a few seconds, Toni set the welding tool in her hand down on the ground and followed. Once the Colonel was sure they could talk in peace, he turned back to Toni. "How are you really?"
"I'm peachy," she replied, as she narrowed her eyes at him. It was the same answer that she had given her father, and it would be the same answer that she would give Phillips.
"I said really. How are you really?"
"What do you want?" She asked as she stared at him, daring him to say something. She was ready to pounce on whatever he said. "…I need to get back to the device," she replied with a sigh.
Phillips groaned. "You won't make me regret sedating you. You needed to sleep."
Her eyebrow rose. "Wasn't trying to; however, if it's working, then good," she replied, sternly. "Now, if that's all."
"Toni," he said, firmly. It was clear he was not in a playing mood.
Her hands balled at her side. He didn't get to do this, after he basically tranquilized her. He didn't listen to what she wanted; she didn't want to sleep. Why couldn't he understand that? Why wouldn't he listen? Sure, she didn't want to explain it, but why couldn't he? "Okay," she replied slowly, thinking of ways to change the subject. "I guess that we need to talk about getting you a date. I mean, you must be jealous of Stark and all of his-"
"Toni," he said sternly.
"Yes?" She tried sound as innocent as she could.
"If this is what having a child is like, I'm glad I didn't have any," he replied.
She let out a chuckle. "You would be lucky to have a child like me," she replied, trying to ignore the guilt rising up in her. She had no right to joke after what she'd done. "Besides I could hook you up with that Commander from HYDRA. She seems like a total joy." If Toni never saw that woman again, it would be too soon.
"Yea, and I bet her idea of a good date would be torturing you, though I would be up for that," he said.
Toni's smile faded and for a few long seconds, she was quiet, deadly silent, unsure of how to respond. How could he say that after everything that happened? Didn't he know what that woman had done? "Okay, you reached your limit for the day, Colonel," she snapped, coldly. "If that's all, we have to get this set up." She glared at him before turning to walk away.
However, she didn't even take a step before Phillips grabbed her arm, stopping her. She yanked her arm, trying to break his grasp. "Let go," she demanded loudly, drawing the attention of Howard and Peggy.
Phillips' grip loosen, but he kept a grip on her arm. "I'm sorry," he said, softly. "I was out of line."
Toni stared at him for a few seconds before looking away. "Just let go," she snapped, feeling something grow inside of her. She refused to call it a panic attack, but she felt it rise up inside of her. She didn't like the idea of someone touching her without her permission; no one had the right to touch her.
The Colonel's hand dropped to his side. "I didn't mean to."
"Just don't touch me," she replied, looking over to her father, who placed down his wretch and took a step toward them. There was a look of protectiveness on his face as he stared at them. It was an odd expression to see on his face directed towards her.
Phillips let out a sigh as he took a step back. "I didn't mean to upset you. My mouth got the better of me." He looked at her before he glanced over to Howard, giving him a look. She didn't say anything, as she stared between them. "We'll get her. As we speak, the Howling Commandos are hunting her down. They'll find that female Commander."
Toni wasn't sure if it matter anymore if they found the Commander, because she would be gone, always from her evil grasp. But, it did matter. She wouldn't feel safe until that Commander and her Stalker were caught. "Okay," she uttered, not sure if it was a good idea to keep recent activities of the stalker a secret. However, she wasn't sure if he was working with Loki, and if the Stalker was working with Loki, she couldn't tell any of them.
Phillips let out a sigh. "There was a reason why I wanted to speak to you."
"Later," she replied, turning from him.
"Hold on a second," he replied, reaching into his pocket with free hand. "I wanted to give these to you."
She narrowed her eyes at him as she watched him pull out a box. "What is it?" she asked as she stared at the little gray box. It was too big to be a ring box, though she wouldn't have any idea of why he would give her jewelry of any kind.
"Take it and see," he said, holding out the box.
"I don't like being handed things." Toni narrowed her eyes at Phillips, who only stared back. "That's what I have an assistant for." However, after a few long minutes of just staring at each other, she sighed and reluctantly took the box from his grasp. "If you're proposing to me, what took you so long?" she asked, as she stared at the box. "You know what they say."
"Just open it," he replied, infuriated.
She gave him a long look before opening the box, and she froze as she stared at two sets of dog tags. Without looking, she knew who both of these sets belong to. However, she didn't understand how they were in the boxes as they should have gone down with Barnes and Rogers. "I don't understand," she said, unable to take her eyes off them. "How can you have these?" She asked, feeling herself tremor. The tags felt chilling to the touch, and she felt colder with each second that she touched them.
Phillips smiled, sadly. "They're just copies of them, which I had made you. Perks of being a Colonel." He paused as he looked at them. "I thought you would like them."
Yes, they weren't really theirs, but these tags struck her heart. "Thanks," she said, staring at Bucky's tag. Though she was grateful to have something to remember him by, she wasn't sure if she had a right to wear it. She let him die, just like she allowed Steve to go down. She closed her eyes, remembering the last conversions that she had with both of them. Would Steve still call her special? Would Bucky still tell her that he would come back to her? She wasn't sure, and she couldn't blame them.
"Toni," Phillips uttered
"I need some air," she said, closing the box and slipping it into her pocket. She all but ran away from Phillips who let her leave without saying a word.
*O*O*
It had started to rain in the last few minutes, and the wooden step that Toni was sitting on provided no cover from the storm. She could've moved from the steps on to the porch, but she didn't have the will to move, even if the rain was so hard that it felt like she was being pelted by halt from a heavily snow storm. However, at a few long minutes of just sitting there in the rain, she forced herself up but didn't go far. She stepped back and took a seat on a higher step. She didn't know if she was punishing herself or if it was because the cold was the only thing she could feel.
Even with her heavy military coat, Toni was freezing, but she felt alive as if it was the only thing keeping her in the real world. Her eyes were focused on the closed gray box that fit perfectly in her hands; the box seemed to mock her. They were gone and she was just left with replicas of their tags. What right did she have to these? Did the Colonel expect her to keep them and wear them?
She didn't know if she could bring herself to wear or even hold them, but she wasn't sure if she could give them back to him. She didn't know if she could part with a connection to the men. Sure, she would see Steve again, but he would be Rogers again, not her shrimp. It would be different, and she would lose the relationship that she had with him. Even now, she missed their late night conversions in his apartment where they just talked, talked about anything.
She was pathetic, wasn't she? She was mourning two relationships that she didn't want in the first place, that were destroyed because of her. What right did she had to mourn? She had no right at all and she knew it, but yet, here she was, mourning.
As Toni closed her eyes to think, she heard footsteps, swishing in the mud. She knew who it was before she opened her eyes and fought to ignore the growing warmth in her heart knowing it was him. "Howard," she uttered as she opened her eyes.
"Toni."
"Howard."
"Toni."
Toni let out a painfully sad laugh as she watched him step to her. "Why are you here?" she asked, not wanting to be bothered. She wanted to be alone to her thoughts, though she knew it would be unwise. Her mind was never a safe place when she was like this. However, she could peg the question: was it ever safe?
"To tell you we're waiting until the rain stops before we start."
"Okay," she replied, hating that she had left this all up to her father.
Howard let out a sigh as he took a seat next to her. "You can talk to me." His arm flinched at his side as he struggled not to touch her.
"I'm fine," she replied, glancing down at his shaking hand. "And no I can't."
"Why is that?" he asked, sounding hurt.
She glanced at his face before she looked back down at the box. She couldn't talk to him for the same reason why she didn't tell Barnes and Rogers the truth. "I can't talk to anyone."
"Why?"
Toni squeezed the box. "Have you not seen any time traveling movies?" she questioned, sadly but with a smile.
"Not recently. Not big in this time," he said with a chuckle.
She closed her eyes, but her grip did not loosen on the box. She didn't reply, hoping her silent would clue enough for him to leave her alone; however, Howard did not move from her side for what seemed like hours. He just sat there in silence next to her, staring at the rain, and it wasn't until the rain let up that Howard spoke again.
"What's in the box?"
She glanced her him before looking out into the camp. "A gift from Phillips."
Howard glanced down at the box. "Was that why you freaked out on him?" he asked.
Toni looked at him. "No," she said plainly.
Again, he allowed the silence to overcome them as he looked away, but this time it wasn't him who broke the silence. It was Toni as she opened the box. "ID tags," she uttered.
"What?"
"ID Tags," she repeated. "It's what's in the box."
Howard glanced at the now opened box and focused on the metal tags inside. "Dog tags," he said, staring at the engraving in the metal. He was unable to read the names, but he didn't need to read the tags to know who they belonged to. "Rogers and Barnes?"
"Yes."
He leaned forward as his hands twitched in his lap. "…Feeling guilty?" She didn't answer him as she started at his hands. "I know the feeling. It's the feeling I get each time I make a new weapon. Sure, I feel excitement for creating something new, but guilt follows as I wonder if I just signed someone's death certificate. I know I'm going this to save lives, but it's still someone's child that I'm killing."
It felt like someone had knocked the air out of her lungs. It was how she felt when she had made weapons for the military. It was one of the reasons why she stopped making weapons after she was tortured. She had seen what her weapons had done. "You didn't pull the trigger," she replied, knowing it wouldn't help. But it was what she had been told.
Howard let out a sigh. "I tell myself that every night, but I can't seem to make myself believe it."
"And you can't tell anyone, because you know they wouldn't understand," she said slowly. "So you hide it, because no one should be burdened with it. Besides who would want to know anyhow?" She glanced back to the box. She acted the way she did, not wanting anyone to see how broken she was. "Maybe, if I act happy, I would really be happy." She said, slowly and softly.
"Yes," he replied.
"So that's why you sleep with all of those women?" she asked, with a small smile.
He shook his head with a chuckling sigh. "Well, those times were fun, and… I can't believe I'm admitting that to my daughter," he said, still playing with his hands.
Toni shook her head. "Don't need to worry about little old me. Not like I don't already know," she uttered. Both allowed silence to fallen upon them again, and it wasn't until the rain stopped completely that Toni spoke again. "At least, you enjoyed it."
"Well…it does eventually lead me to you, so no matter what, it gives me the most important thing in my life," he said, leaning back.
"…You just found out that you're my father and you're already saying that? After everything? I know I pissed you off more times than not," she said, staring at him.
He shrugged. "I think that normal for a parent-child relationship," he said, his hands still twitching in his lap.
Toni wasn't sure as she didn't have a normal relationship with her father. "I would suppose you would be right," she replied.
"I'm always right," he said, with a grin.
"Hey, that's my line," she said, her eyes drifted down to his hands. Again, silence fell, but once more, she was the first one who broke it. "I'm surprised that you hadn't touched me yet."
Howard let out a sigh before he glanced down at his hands. "I saw how you reacted to Phillips."
She closed her eyes. "He shouldn't have grabbed me," she mumbled. "He also shouldn't have sedated me and forced me to…" She shook her head as she drifted off. She didn't want to think about her nightmares as they plagued her enough.
"He thought what he was doing was correct," Howard said, fighting every urge to reach out to her.
Toni's hands tightened around the box to the point it hurt. "You agree with him?" she asked, fighting back the anger that was struggling to break free.
"No," Howard said, and Toni could tell him that he was sincere.
Her grip loosen on the box and glanced over to him. "Why?"
Howard reached for her left arm and hovered it there for a few seconds before he clasped her arm in a sign of support. "Your guilt. It's eating you alive."
"It's my fault," she uttered as she stared at the box.
"No," he said. "It's not. They died because of the war. Not you."
"Why don't you understand? I could've changed everything. I could've kept them alive. I could've told them." She closed her eyes as she felt her heart race. "Why don't you hate me?" she asked, as she leaned in to his touch. She couldn't understand why he was being so gentle and nice to her. "I hate me."
His hand dropped from her arm so he could pull her into an embrace. He wrapped his arms around her and nestled her head under his chin. "I could never hate you. Maybe, mild dislike in your teenage years, but never hate. There's nothing you can do to make me hate you, Toni."
She buried her face in her father's chest. He had no idea of how badly she needed a life line or how bad she needed this, but she couldn't understand why he was here. He should hate her. He should want nothing to do with her, like so many others. Maybe, it was because he didn't know everything that she did. He didn't know where Rogers was and that she could lead them right toward him. He could be back with them.
However, she couldn't. She couldn't lead them to Rogers for the fear of the future, even if he would've liked this time better. "I…know where…Rogers went down," she said, between her sobs. She may not have been on the task or the job, but she had seen the files. She had seen where he had went down. "I can…lead you to…him….." She drifted off again as she brought the box to her chest. "B-but I can't."
Howard's grip tightened around her. "I know, Toni. I know," he said, his voice trembling.
"You must hate me."
"No, I don't," he said, quickly. "Never hate."
She couldn't understand why he still wasn't mad at her. Anyone else would be mad at her. "I could've stopped it," she replied into his chest.
"I know, but there was a reason why you didn't. Though no one could name all of the risks, it would set something off," he said, rubbing her back. "I'm not a time traveler, but I think that is rule one of the hand book, right? I might need to look at your rulebook to see, though." He added a laugh.
How could he be making a joke about this? "I wish I had a book," she replied, sadly. "I would've known what to do."
"Not your fault," he said.
"But-"
"He's right, Toni. It isn't your fault," Peggy said, interrupting them. The way she talked and walked, it was clear that she was unsure of herself. "No one blames you. I don't blame you."
Toni didn't retracted from Howard's arms, but she peaked out toward Peggy, who was trying to sport a smile but failing. "I don't know how any of you can say that." Tears streamed down her face.
"Because it's true," the agent stated, stepping toward them. "I know what both Barnes and Steve meant to you and how hard this is for you, but you don't have to feel guilty. We each would have done the same thing."
The gray box suddenly felt heavy in her hands. "I'm sorry, Peg."
"No, don't be sorry, Toni," Peggy stated. "There's only one person who should be sorry and that is Schmidt."
"And he's already dead," Howard added.
It would've happened anyhow with or without her, which was what she told herself; however, she couldn't believe it. She had done so many things in her life, and she had hurt so many people. How could this be any different? However, this time it was Peggy and her father telling her this, and she knew she could believe them, especially Peggy, who would never lie. She would never steer her wrong. "Okay," she said, slowly pushing herself off Howard.
"I know the guys would want you to have these," he said, tapping on the box.
Toni glanced back at the box before looking at Peggy, who was eyeing them. "Okay," she said, still feeling unsure. It was that feeling that silenced her. It was that time that she used to think.
After a few seconds of silence, she took a deep breath as she looked between Peggy and Howard. Her tears had stopped and she did feel better after the talk with her father, but she knew she had a long day ahead of her. "So let's stop sitting here and get me home," she said, trying to put on a smile.
Howard's arms dropped to his side as Toni pushed herself up. He eyed her red face and nodded. "Yes, let's get started," he said as he got to his feet.
*O*O*
Toni could almost feel a weight lifted off her chest as she stared at her device. It was an amazing feeling to know that she would be home soon, and she couldn't wait to take a nice long warm shower in her full body wash. She also couldn't wait for some actual food and not this military crap that they were trying to pass as food. However, she had to remind herself that she mustn't get her hopes up. This could still blow up in her face or she would end up somewhere she didn't want to be.
"Are you okay, Stark?" Phillips asked as he stepped to her side. His hands were tucked behind his back.
"Peachy," she said as she mindlessly played with the dog tags around her neck. After the talk with her father and Peggy, she had decided to keep the tags. Her guilt was still there, but if neither Howard nor Peggy hated her, how could she blame herself? How could she hate herself? They were right. There was nothing she could have done, and she needed to believe that. She needed to let go all of this guilt as it as eating her alive.
"Is that the only thing you know?" he asked.
"For that question," she replied as she stepped toward her device, which was sitting on a metal case. Wires traveled down the side of the case and away from the device. The dirt drawn circle had been washed away, leaving a muddy mess in its place.
The Colonel let out a sigh. "You're impossible. Just like your father."
Howard let out a sigh. "Hey," he replied, as he stepped to them. "I am not impossible. I just know what I want."
Toni was barely listening to them as she played with the ID tags, which was now warm to the touch. Since taking the tags out of the box and putting them on, a second barely passed without her touching them. Even though she only had them for a few short hours, these tags already meant something to her. It felt like she keeping them close by wearing the tags. She knew she had gotten close to the both of them, but she didn't realize how close she was until Barnes' death and Steve's disappearance.
"Are you ready, Toni?" Howard asked, drawing her out of her thoughts.
She shook her head as she glanced up at him. "Trust me, I'm really. Can't wait to get your smell off me."
Howard gave her look but before he could respond, Peggy came back and said, "We're good. All of the guards are at the posts and there's no one in the camp besides us."
Phillips nodded before he stepped toward Howard and Toni, and though the dirt circle was gone, he was careful not to step within the ten foot range of the device. "Ready, Stark?"
Howard straightened up and turned to the Colonel. "Yup, just set everything up, and we are ready for action."
The Colonel's face crunched as he chuckled. "Wasn't talking to you, Stark. I was talking to the prettier Stark," he replied.
Toni had to admit that just being with these three took some of guilt way. They made it difficult to be depressed. They made her want to smile, which was shocking. She had never been this close to so many people before; however, she didn't know what she would've done without them. "Oh, thanks you, Salty," she replied. "I always have thought I am prettier."
Colonel let out a groan as Howard chuckle. "And there it is again. I hate that nickname."
"At least you got a nickname," Howard replied with a smile.
"I don't know if a nickname from Toni is always a good thing," Peggy said, as she stepped to her them. Being in heels, she stepped awkwardly on the balls of her feet.
"I think Agent Sassy Pants is amazing nickname," Toni replied, trying to ignore the pain raising up in her chest. Before his death, Barnes had complained about not having a nickname and he would tease her for one. It had turned into a game for him. "Don't be jealous." Her hands went to the dog tags and squeezed.
Howard laughed, but Colonel made a face. "I don't know if anyone would be jealous," Phillips stated.
Peggy let out a sigh. "I think we are digressing," She replied.
Phillips nodded and said, "Agent Carter is correct. Say your goodbyes." He gave Toni a look, which she knew would be the only real good bye she would get from him. He may not have liked or trust her to begin with, but she knew she had grown on him. Even after that blunder of sedating her, he had grown on her. "I'll say one thing, Stark," Phillips started, "I prefer you over your father, but it will be peaceful without you."
"Aw," Toni uttered.
"I need to get used to someone else having my surname," Howard replied.
Peggy laughed. "Don't worry, Toni," she started as she stepped into the circle. "I won't let him go too crazy when you're born."
Howard gave Peggy a look. "Crazy? It's not my fault that I have so many things to prepare for before my genius offspring is born."
Toni's eyebrow rose as she stared at her father. The second she wondered how the hell he had her when he was goof ball was the second it went out the window. She knew he had woman lined up to be with him, which made her wonder if her mother one of them. She hoped not.
"I have to start looking for the best teachers and schools," Howard started.
Peggy let out a chuckle. "Slow down, Howard. She isn't even born yet."
"Never too early to start looking for the best for my child," he countered.
"You need to find her mother first," Peggy replied, giving him a look.
Impulsively, Toni glanced toward Phillips who was staring at her intently. When they had first met, Phillips had teased her about not having matters, and Toni had let it slip that her mother had died. Now, Toni knew what that look meant: an order not to say anything. He had nothing to worry about. She wasn't going to say anything like she did with Barnes and Rogers. She was going to remain silence like the heartless person that she was.
"I'll find her," Howard said, turning toward Toni. "Going to give me some hints."
"Why don't we get started?" Toni replied, nodding toward the device.
"I might get the wrong woman to be your mother. So you want to tell me who she is? And besides, if you don't like your name, I can always change it," he said, stepping to her.
At first the joking was fun, as it helped her forget about her pain, but now, the jokes were getting to be too much. She needed them to stop. "No, I think I'm good. What fun would it be if you don't find her for yourself? And I think the world would drop into madness without a Toni Stark," she said.
"Think highly of yourself, do you?" Howard asked, watching her as she mindlessly played with Rogers' and Barnes' tags.
"Well, dear O', Dad," Toni started, "I take after you." Her mind started to drift toward future Rogers and wondered whether he had seem the similarity between her father and her.
"Oh, god," Peggy uttered, pretending to be scared. "That's scary. You will definitely need your Aunt Peggy."
"Aunt?" Howard started. "Wouldn't want the honor of being the mother of my child?"
"You're unbelievable, Howard," Peggy replied with a chucking sigh.
Howard laughed. "Well, if Toni gave me a clue."
Toni's nerves kept growing as she wanted to get this over with. She glanced toward Phillips for some kind of support, but his glances were only warning. "Peggy is so not my mother. Too classy for you." Her heartbeat was racing, putting yet another stain on her tired body.
"Geez, Toni. Tell me what you really think of me," her father said, playing hurt.
However, Toni could tell it was more than just playing hurt, which struck her, and for a few minutes, Toni's nerves left as she took in her father's guilt. She wasn't sure what he was feeling, but she had no doubt he was thinking of his short coming. It was no secret that they had a bad relationship, which she had made clear with her actions. She even admitted to him that she had lost her father to his company. Now, he knew that she lost him to the company.
"Not everything is about you, Howard," Peggy said, glancing between the two before she stepped to Toni. It was clear that she had seen his pain as well. "In the beginning, Toni, I wasn't your fan and I didn't trust you," Peggy stated, changing the subject. "I was ready to write you off, and I was annoyed when Phillips didn't, but now, I see that I was mistake. I'm sorry for how I treated you."
Everything started to spin as she felt sick. Toni knew that Peggy didn't hate or blame her for what happen to Steve, but Toni still did, and to hear her say that, it was too much. "Peg, you don't have to," She said slowly.
"But I do," the Agent responded with a weak smile. "I will make it up and be there through it all." Before Toni could respond, Peggy pulled her into a hug. "Just imagine all of our girl nights together."
Toni never really had a girls' night as her father had never seen the need for a child genius to have a girls' night. "Is this where we giggle and talk about our nails?" she asked as she pushed out of Peggy's arm.
Peggy gave her a look. "Heck, no. I was thinking gun ranges."
"Then we can take over-"
Interrupting, Howard gave Peggy and Toni a look. "I think you plan to turn my child into another you, Peg."
"Is that a bad thing?" Toni asked. "Imagine it. I could take over the world."
"It-" Peggy started with a smile.
Interrupting again, Howard stepped forward. "I think Colonel Phillips is getting annoyed," he said as he nodded toward Phillips who was still staring at them. "I do think it is time."
There was still a sadness in his voice that Toni didn't like. "It is," she replied, forcing herself not to reach for the dog tags. They seemed to become so important to her in so little time.
Peggy nodded. "It is, and I can't wait to meet mini you." She gave Toni one last hug before saying her good-byes. There were some tears in her eyes, which Toni had rarely seen. "And don't forget: their deaths are not your fault, okay?" she said, staring at her. "Say it," she said sternly after a few seconds of silence.
"…It's not my fault," she replied slowly, knowing it would be a battle to believe it. Peggy smiled as she turned and stepped away from the muddy circle. She joined Phillips, who has was unlocking the handcuffs.
Taking eyes off them, Toni turned toward her father who had turned from her toward the podium. With a deep breath, she followed after him, knowing that he needed to know. He needed to know that she didn't hate him anymore. "Howard," she called.
He stopped and turned back to her. "Scared?" he asked, jokingly.
"No, never," she replied.
Howard looked at her, and it wasn't until a few seconds later that he spoke. "I'm sorry."
Toni stared at him, confused. "Sorry for what?"
He stepped closer to her, before glancing toward Phillips and Peggy. They were head deep into their own conversion, but Phillips was keeping a close eye on Toni and Howard. "Sorry for being such a horrible father."
Toni stared at him for a few seconds, comprehending what he had just said. "What?" she uttered, not expecting that from him.
"You made it perfectly clear that I was a horrible father, which isn't too surprising," he replied. "I think it runs in the family. My father wasn't the best either, but I'm going to make it up to you."
Toni had wondered before if her father had never paid any attention to her due to the fact that she was a woman and not a legacy that he wanted. Now, she knew that wasn't true. It was clear that she was enough for him. "Who said you were a horrible father?" she asked.
He gave her a look. "You did."
Toni laughed it off. "All jokes."
"Ha ha, so funny," he replied, mockingly. "I'm going to make it up to you. I'm going to be there for you, for all of your milestones." His tone changed, turning soft.
She wanted to tell him that he couldn't or shouldn't do anything differently, but she knew it was pointless judging by the look in his eyes. She also knew that if she told him not to, he would know it was the truth. "My childhood wasn't that bad," she replied. Sure, he shipped her to boarding school and she hardly saw him, but she couldn't say it was horrible.
"Toni," he said, clearly not believing her.
"It wasn't," she countered. "And besides, you had already made up for it… Dad." The word felt weird on her tongue, but the look on her father's face was priceless.
"You just called me dad without it being a joke," he uttered, completely shocked.
"Yeah, yeah, don't let it go to your head," she replied, waving him off. "I know I'm the prefect child."
Howard laughed as he ran his hand through his hair. "You're going to be a handful."
"You bet."
Before Toni could say another word, her father pulled her in for a hug, and it wasn't a short one. "I'm glad that you're my daughter, and I'm glad that you are you," he said. "And what Peg said, don't blame yourself, though I know you won't listen."
"Nope. I have a hard head."
"And I can't forget to sign you up for some self-defense class. I can't have my daughter getting kidnapped all the time. How many times has it been so far?"
Toni pushed herself out of her father's arms and stepped back, giving him a look. "Not you too," she replied with a long sigh. Screw Clint. She was so getting Romanoff to give her some tips, because she was not a damsel in distress. Plus, it would help her with her self-doubt. It might even help her nerves as well.
"If a father cannot tease his daughter, what else is she good for?" He laughed as he allowed her to pull out of his arms. He met her glare as she stared at him with an intense look. "Plus, it's good for you. It helps build character and keep your high horse in check." Her glare only seem to intensify. "Okay, I will quit." Howard took a step back. "However, I wished we could've talked more. I would have liked to have known you better."
"Would you now?" she asked.
"Yeah, I would have." His glance was soft.
Toni let out chuckle. "Don't worry. You can bug little me, who would probably blow you off too."
He let out a laugh. "You're going to keep me on my toes, and I look forward to it."
Even after everything that Toni had went through, it still surprised Toni to hear him say that. "Oh, really? I think you would call it quits after the first diaper."
"No, that's why I will have nannies for," he replied, chuckled.
Toni's eye twitched. "You won't get off that easy."
"I th-"
"You two are making me sick," Phillips stated, interrupting them. The loose, open handcuff rattled against the metal case as the Colonel stepped to them. "And I would rather not puke up my lunch."
Howard's eyes drifted to the case. "I guess we better get this going. We don't want this thing out in the open for too long," he said, nodding to the case.
"Then let's get this done," Toni replied, as Howard took the case from Phillips, who stepped away as soon as the case left his hands.
From there, it seemed like everything kicked into hyper drive and that time was slipping away. Toni had been waiting for this moment for such a long time that she hadn't thought that she would see the day. However, now that it was here, it felt like a dream. Was this really happening? Was this all some kind of nightmare? If it was, she was going to shit herself and never going to watch TV before bed again.
As Howard connected the Tesseract, Toni stepped back to her device and got down onto her knees. The interface that her father added would help her control the device better, allowing her to transport to the correct time. Though this was all a theory, Toni had faith that it would work. There was no way that both her father and her calculations were wrong. Now, she just needed to pick a time, and she had a day in mind.
Toni glanced toward her father, who had just finished connecting the cube and was typing away. She eyed him for a second before turning to Peggy and Phillips, who were a safe distance away. Peggy's eyes were drilling into her as Phillips nodded at her. Even if she couldn't read his mind, she knew what he was saying.
With a deep breath, she turned back to her father, who was smiling at her with that cheesy smile of his, and as he smiled, she was cursing herself. Unable to stop herself, her hand went to her neck, to the tags around her neck, and she felt herself hate growing again. Here she was going to let another person die without saying a word. She was really a heartless bitch, wasn't she? She was really going to allow him to die, just like Barnes? Why couldn't he leave her be? Why couldn't he let her hate him? Why did she have to care for her father?
However, she knew she couldn't tell him for the same reason why she didn't tell Barnes. She really was going to burn in hell, wasn't she? She suddenly felt sick again. Why did it matter if her father died on that ill-fated day in March? Would it change anything, if he didn't? Stop, she thought, knowing she couldn't stop his death.
"Ready, Toni?" Howard called out.
The tags started to cut into her palm, and Toni was surprised that her hand wasn't bleeding yet. She glanced down at the tags before she spoke, "Yes."
Without another word, Howard turned on the machine, while she focused her device sitting in the middle of the mud circle. A few seconds after connecting the final wires to the device, Toni glanced up to her father and the cube, which started to shine brightly in front of him. It took mare seconds for the bright blue light to travel along the wires to the device in front of her. Toni felt her nerves grown as her device let up, shining brightly.
The interface started to flip and chip as it spun into action. The meters started to spike as the device drew in power from the Tesseract. The energy levels were rising off the charts, and the device was growing hotter with each passing second. As Toni stared at the gages, she thought the device was going to overheat and exploded. However, she knew that was what she wanted.
And just like that, the wind started to pick up and the device started to spark. Toni knew there was no stopping this now, and she needed to brace herself for impact, but as she watched her father, she stared at his smile, knowing she couldn't do this, not again. She couldn't allow another person to die as she did nothing. She didn't care about the future, which she thought was damned to begin with. Maybe, the world would be better with her father alive. "Damn, it all," she yelled, though she wasn't sure if anyone could hear her over the device.
Toni started to step to her father, and she could see everyone's shock around her. She could see the looks in their eyes telling her to stop. She would see their worries look, but she didn't let those looks get to her. "Howard," she yelled, feeling her exhaustion creep on her again. It felt like her energy start to disappear as the device powered up.
Though he did not move from the podium, she saw his mouth move in a rapid movement, but she wasn't sure if she just couldn't hear him or if she just couldn't comprehend him; however, she didn't understand him. "March 15," she yelled, barely making it a few feet. "H-Howard, M-march 15-" She yelled but unable to get the words out or maybe she did and she just couldn't hear them coming out of her mouth.
However, it was that moment that everything started to spin. It was that moment that her device spark violently, drawing everyone's attention, and it was the last moment that Toni remembered. After that moment in time, it seemed like everything stopped existing. Everything just seemed to vanish, and she was left unable to feel anything.
The end for now.
I hope you enjoy the check.
And it also doesn't seem like Toni always gets the short end of the Stick, doesn't it? First Barnes, then Steve, and now Howard.
In the next Chapter, we shall see where Toni ends up and whether she had done any damage to the time line.
