Rehab
They were all sitting in Eric's house. Kenny was drinking a soda, and the rest of the boys were eating fudge. Cartman was hooking up his karaoke machine at the insistence of Kyle, and Stan, who wanted to see the boy make a fool of himself some more. Well, Stan just wanted to be happy. Kenny could see that he was still bent out of shape over Wendy. He planned to change that. He was really annoyed with his friend not being able to find himself another girl.
"I heard from the grape vine," Kenny said as he pulled his jacket off. "That Henrietta likes you, Stan."
"She's incapable of love." Stan said smiling at Kenny.
"No. I mean it. She really likes you. She told me so." Kenny said grinning.
He wasn't lying. She had confided in him, and told him if he spoke to anyone about this, he was going to wake up with his eye balls sliced out. Kenny had nearly told her that she would kill him before she could finish slicing them out. That was just his luck. However, he decided to keep his mouth shut.
"I've got just the song for you, Stan." Cartman said smiling.
"Yeah!" Kenny said as he dragged a sad Stan to the mic beside him. Kenny smiled. "I've been struck with inspiration." He explained. "Thanks, Cartman." He said as he started up the song.
"Stanley, Stanley…, when you first met, you thought you never felt something so strong. She was like your lover…, and your best friend. All wrapped into one, with a ribbon on it. And all…, of a sudden…, when she left, for about the billionth time, you just started falling. You…, say you're dead. You feel so empty and hollow. You say you'll never give yourself to another the way you gave it to her. Don't even recognize the ways she hit you, do yuh? It always takes a miracle to bring you back. And she's the one to blame. And now I'm thinking…, oh! She's the reason why you're thinkinn'…, you might wanna smoke all these cigarettes right now. I guess that's what you get for wishful thinking. You should've never let her enter your door. Next time you wanna go take her back, I shouldn't let you go on and do it. Cuz now you're takin' all my weed! It's like, go check into rehab. Cuz Wendy is your disease! Stanley go check into rehab! That girlie is your disease! You've gotta check into rehab. Cuz Stanley, she's your disease! I'll help you check into rehab! Cuz Stan, you've got a disease!" Kenny put an arm around Stan, and started dancing with him.
"Damn. Ain't it crazy when you love girls. You'd do anything for the one you love. And anytime that she needed you, you'd be there. It's like…, she was your favorite drug. The only problem is, she just keeps using you. In a different way than you keep using her. By now you should know, it's not meant to be. So Stan, you better go, and wean yourself off of her. Cuz she's just gonna continue to use guys like she did it to you. Don't even recognize the things she does, do you? It always takes a miracle to bring you back. And Wendy is to blame. Cuz now I feel like, oh! She's the reason why you're thinkin', you might wanna smoke all these cigarettes right now. But dude, that's what you get for wishful thinking. You should've never let her into your door. Next time she wants you to take her back, you shouldn't really go on and do it. Cuz now you're takin' all my weed! Dude you should check into rehab! Wendy is your disease! ("She's my disease!") Just go and check into rehab. Stanley you have a disease! You gotta check into rehab! For Wendy is your disease! ("She's my disease!") You better check into rehab! Cuz dude, you've got a disease!"
Kenny grabbed Stan's hands and raised them up, swinging them. "Now Stanley, gimme dat! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Now, Kyle gimme dat. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Now Cartman gimme dat. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. I'll give you dat. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh."
Stan started to sing sadly. "Oh! She's the reason why I'm thinking. I just wanna smoke on these cigarettes right now. I guess that's what I get for wishful thinking. I should've never let her enter my door. Next time I wanna go take her back, you shouldn't let me go on and do it. Cuz now I'm taking Kenny's weed! ("Taking all my weed!") I might've checked into rehab! And Wendy, you're my disease! It's like I checked into rehab. And Wendy is my disease! They've got me checked into rehab! Oh! And, Kenny, she's my disease! They told me, check into rehab! And Wendy, you're my disease!"
The song ended, but the instrumental kept going, and Kenny kept dancing Stan around the living room. Stan was sweating, and Kenny was too. Cartman and Kyle were clicking away on their phones taking pictures. Kenny was too busy trying to cheer his friend up to care if they were posted on any social network. He just was having a blast with Stan.
