CHAPTER 25
ALICE
Orange is the color of memories burned in your mind and etched in your soul.
We walked out of each other's lives on a Wednesday,when the sky was a brilliant shade of orange but the wind's much too cold to be considered normal.
Sitting under the shade of the tree, we counted the days left until his graduation. Four more days.
"Do you think I'd be able to go to your University when I enter college?" I asked him, but he never heard me. He was staring far into the nothingness of the prairie, the wild flowers dancing as the breeze hummed in harmony. It was a sad sunset, and he was holding my hand.
I leaned my head on his chest. His heart was beating in une with the chirping birds. It was like a well woven lullaby, only I didn't want to sleep, cause I was afraid to find out that it was all just a dream when I wake up.
"Jasper? Is something wrong?"
He looked down at me. His eyes were glittery, and I knew he was fighting the urge to cry. "If I asked you to call me Jazz, would you?"
"But you hate being called Jazz." I protested.
He sighed, cupping my face with his hand. "You could call me a monster and it would still sound beautiful and delicate, soming from your lips. The sound of your voice is enough to keep me calm, Al."
"Why are you saying this to me?" I pouted. He was well now, good thing the pressure he applied on the snake bite that rainy night stopped the venom from crawling through his veins. Otherwise, he would not be here now, or ever. I shivered at the thought of losing him.
I closed my eyes and traced his jaw with my lips. "I wish I could go back to the past and change everything… Maybe we wouldn't be this complicated if it had been different."
"Most people wish they could hit rewind to undo all the mistakes in the past. But all I want is to hit pause and treasure this moment with you. Right here. Right now. Forever."
He leaned down to smell my hair. He always did that. I looked up to meet his gaze, his face was sillhouted by the sunset that was now about to end.
"I'm sorry, Alice." He breathed.
"For what?"
"I can't stay in your life forever. Trust me, you deserve someone better."
"Bullshit." I whispered. My knees suddenly feel numb and powerless, and before I knew it, I was crying. "Are you saying goodbye?"
I touched his face. I did not have any intentions of letting go. "Did I say something stupid? There goes one more mistake." I felt a tear rush to my cheek. " Do I bore you with my problems? Is that why you're turning away?"
"Do you know how hard I've tried to be what you want me to be?" He said, his back facing me. I ran to him and embraced him tightly from behind.
"You don't deserve me, Al." His voice shook, and I knew he was crying. "Believe me. You'd rather have Edward than hang out with someone like me."
"But it's you that I want…" I cried. "Don't you know that, Jasper? What about me? What would I do without you…?"
I was sobbing helplessly, I couldn't see through my tears. It was starting to get dark, too. I clung to his white shirt while I cried.
"Take this" He handed me an orange handkerchief, it was the reason why I used to ease him before. I always asked him why he was carrying around an orange handkerchief.
"It's my Mom's." He confessed. "You'd always have me with you."
"Jasper, please!" I pleaded, but he continued walking away. "Jasper!"
Finally, I could not let him go just like that so I resorted to a desperate call. "Jasper!"
This time, he looked back, and I could see that he was crying, too. Thuder and lightning started rolling, and soon enough there was rain. I ran towards him, intent on making this happen.
"Can I have one last kiss?" I was panting, drowning in tears. My hair was wet and it was plastered o my face. Jasper closed his eyes and cupped my chin.
And for the last time that night, our lips met with hunger and angst. He kissed me with such fierceness that summoned me to kiss him back just as rough. His hands were all over me, wandering over my shirt, while I grazed his body like a god's. I couldn't even think of this as disgusting. This was my only way of telling him all the words that my lips wouldn't utter, because whenever I start to speak, I lose my voice. Because I love him. I love him so much…
We separated from each other, panting heavily as we tried to catch our breath. "Jasper…" I whispered. The pain in my heart intensified as I looked into his eyes. I knew he didn't want to do this, but why was he doing it? "Thank you…" I sobbed, "Thank you for bringing some color into my life…"
"I'm sorry, Al." He uttered once more, then slowly let go of my hand. He began walking away from me, oblivious of what I was truly feeling for him.
I started walking to the opposite direction. As my feet squished and squashed on the puddles of water on the ground, I sobbed.
Because he didn't say goodbye, but I knew that we were separating more than physically.
I tucked his handkerchief on my pocket. As soon as I was home and I got changed, I let it dry and put it safely in my drawer. I lay on my bed, wondering what I would do for the next couple of days. It was summer vacation, and for some reason things were getting spontaneous and random. They all change in a snap of a finger.
**
Okay,I'm so sorry if I am being a big ass to all of you, but I assure you THIS IS AN ALICE/JASPER story and it will always one,I just used Edward as a little villain here, I mean, would it have been different if I used someone with a different name? And just so you all know, things like these actually happen in a person's life. If it doesn't happen to you, then lucky you. Lucky lucky you, but not everyone lives a life as perfect as yours. Please stop hating me. Reviews and PMs are actually made for you to tell me what you think about the story, not for you to tell me what kind of a person you think I am based on my story. I have a heart too, and some of you have hurt it pretty bad, I must admit. But it's okay, I'm sorry, okay? I still love all of you even though some reviews and messages really made me cry because... Well, you just made me feel like a total trash on Earth, as if I'm worse than a criminal. I've actually thought of quitting writing altogether when I am done with this story. I am so sorry everyone, if I, by any means, have inflicted pain or harm in your lives through my writings. Thank you for wasting precious time reading my stories. I just hope that someday, you guys would realize that life is not a fairy tale. It's not always rainbows and butterflies like what you wanted me to write.
And to end all this,
The best love stories are the ones you have to fight for.
Think about that. Thank you.
