Sorry for the delay people, here is another chapter. There are still a few chapters of shore leave left before I'm going for the plot again. I hope you like the Rahna I've written here. Please do tell if something was off.
As always, thanks to Gabe97 for reviewing the last chapter. And thanks to everyone who takes the time to read it :-)
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The door slowly opened and he immediately started to apologize, "Jane, look I'm sorry, I didn't want to-" he silenced abruptly though when he didn't see Jane entering. He saw the last person he would guess entering his room, and that rendered him speechless. She slowly entered before the door closed behind her. She didn't approach the bed, instead she stood there near the door, her head lowered in shame. Kaidan swallowed his anger for now, but he would have another word with Jane later. "What are you doing here?" She looked away as she heard the rejection, the bitterness in his voice. She scolded herself for even thinking about talking to him.
"I, uhm...I came here to thank you for saving me." She scratched the back of her neck as she looked at the floor. "I guess you saved me again," she tried to lift the mood with that tiny missplaced joke, but when she looked at Kaidan she realized it had no effect. He was still staring wide eyed at her as he tried to put things together in his mind. He was beyond confused and hurt but she didn't seem to notice.
So many memories swirled through his mind, the emotions he thought he chased away came back in a rush. He didn't even realize he was staring wide eyed at her with a slightly open mouth. All he could think of was the evening he came to her hospital room, when she demanded he leaves her alone. "Kaidan you alright?" He felt as if he watched her in the hospital right now, her arm wrapped in bandages as her frightened eyes looked at him. Now her eyes were different, because they didn't bear any pain or fear. "Kaidan."
He flinched a bit as he came back to reality and still saw Rahna standing in the room. Kaidan blinked a few times before rubbing his tired eyes to make sure he's not hallucinating. When he looked back at her, he saw her still standing near the door. "I ah - I'm sorry."
Rahna smiled weakly as she nodded, "It's okay. I understand." Kaidan leaned forward to place his elbows on his slightly folded knees, then he did nothing but watch her. She didn't know what to do, but she felt really uncomfortable for standing near the door. Kaidan kicked himself mentally.
"Ah, you can - you can sit here," he pointed at the chair Jane sat on a while ago, "if you like." She watched him for a while, not sure what to do. He swore though, the seconds he waited before she did something were killing him.
Hesitantly she stepped closer to the chair before she sat down. Both still looked awkwardly away, all the time Kaidan thought to say something, anything. But with her so close he was the seventeen year old Kaidan again. Only difference was that he didn't love her anymore. "What do you want?" His question was bitter and harsh, but he couldn't help himself.
Rahna swallowed hard again at his bitterness, "As I said, I came here to thank you."
"I didn't mean that," he said, but that made her only more confused. Kaidan sighed before speaking again, "I mean what are you doing here, talking to me? I thought you were afraid of me?" His question stung her heart like a bullet, but she understood his bitterness so she wasn't really mad at him.
"I thought you would want me to apologize."
Kaidan watched her for a long time, thinking about what to answer. It was true, though. He needed to hear she's apologizing. "I do want that. But I thought you were afraid of me."
"I was afraid of you," she spoke, her eyes wide with panic as the evening came to her mind. "Look, I was terrified of Vyrnnus! I was scared to death when he broke my arm! I'm still shaking at the memory..." She silenced for a while to take a deep breath. "I never saw you that angry before, and I didn't know how to react. I'm sorry."
Kaidan watched her as she spoke, before looking at the door. He was speechless. Many times he thought of encountering her, how he would yell at her and accuse her for leaving him. But now when she sat close to him, all he could do was listen to her apologies, his own voice gone.
"Kaidan, I know you're mad at me."
He took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. He didn't know what to say, or what to speak to her about. Everything was just so fresh and painful, yet he couldn't just shoo her away. Something permitted him to do that because he wasn't that kind of person. "Look, I am mad and I still can't understand what made you so terrified of me. I mean I saved our lives and all I get as thanks from you is you avoiding me." He looked at the door as he spoke. He couldn't look at her or he would start to yell. "I thought we were friends."
"We were, but...seeing you kill someone in cold blood was not the thing I expected from you." That only served to fuel his anger, still he didn't yell.
"And what were you expecting of me, Rahna? Should I have let him kill us? Would that make you less terrified of me?" His voice was bitter and hurt.
"Now you're being childish."
"No, you were childish because you left in that plane without talking to me! Without asking how I am dealing with killing our superior!" He raised his voice slightly and could see her flinch in the chair. Her hand grabbed handfuls of the knee length skirt she was wearing. Kaidan could feel her biotics raging, they collided with his own in a not pleasant way. He shook his head and sighed, realizing he's being a jerk. "I'm sorry..." he whispered while looking at the door again.
"You shouldn't apologize, Kaidan. It was I who messed up, and I'm sorry. I really am. If there is a way to bring back time I would never have reached my hand out for that glass of water. I would've pulled it biotically and you would never have to kill him." Kaidan flinched at that, thinking about the possible scenario that he could have been married to Rahna now, have kids with her. He didn't want that, otherwise he would never have met Jane. Or he would meet her and fall madly in love with her, and have an affair behind Rahna's back.
He ran his hand through his hair and sighed, knowing that the past can't be changed. He looked back at her and did nothing but watch her for a while. Slowly he started to realize that the past, stays in the past. It can't be changed. "We can yell here and argue all day, but I suppose it won't change a thing."
"Yeah...it can't be changed." She removed a strand of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. Another long, uncomfortable silence fell in the room. There were so many things that needed to be said, yet they couldn't be said. Rahna stared at the floor, not knowing what to say because she could feel that there were still so many things that bothered him which not even a thousand sorry's won't make it easier for him. She took a deep breath and decided to change the topic a little, "How are you? Did you strained your implant too much?" Kaidan looked away and sighed.
"I'm good, Doc says I need to keep my biotics offline though so they can recover until I return to the mission." Kaidan grew curious then. "How did Hernox even kidnap you?" She closed her eyes and tensed when she remembered that evening two days ago.
"I had a doctor seminar here. I just stepped out of the skycar when three Cerberus operatives advanced on me. That was two days ago. He couldn't point your location, and he squeezed every information I had of you which was very little." She swallowed hard at the memory of being threatened by Hernox. "I did tell him only what I knew, but that was mostly from the time when we were in BAaT. I didn't want to tell him you could be here during this shore leave." Kaidan watched her silently, the low hum of the machines in the room the only sound they could hear. Slowly though, he couldn't ignore the familiar hum of her biotics that gently collided with his. Talking with her was nice, he had to admit. After so many years he thought this would never happen again. But here they were talking to each other as if they were really good friends.
"How was your life after BAaT?" She decided to ask. Taking a deep breath he carefully chose what he would tell her and what not. He probably should've thrown at her the truth, which was he was deeply depressed (because of her and Vyrnnus' training methods) and paranoid.
"I took some time off from the Alliance. Two years, if I remember correctly. I lived a normal life, worked in a store, but somehow that wasn't me. I had to do some good in the galaxy, you know."
"Yeah, I always had the feeling you were the type." She said chuckling and Kaidan couldn't help but laugh a little.
"What type?" he asked jokingly and Rahna rolled her eyes.
"Oh you know, trying to do some good just so you can impress a woman." She winked and Kaidan blushed, thinking of Jane immediately.
"Yeah I read a few of these books when I was little. Where the man goes to space to prove himself worthy of a woman he loves," immediately he thought of Jane, "But I gotta disappoint you, that's not me." Now she laughed a little more, the tension between them slowly disappearing. Kaidan listened to her laugh and it reminded him of the happy times he spent in BAaT. He averted his gaze back to the door, thinking about how he loved to hear her laugh, how he would do anything back in BAaT to hear her laugh. Kaidan took a deep breath and looked back up at her again, deciding to ask her the same.
"What about you?"
"There wasn't much going on, really. After BAaT was shut down I went back to my parents in Istanbul. I went to a doctors college, then graduated when I was 27. I am kinda fascinated with the L2 implant so I'm trying to see if there's a way to lower the complications."
"And? Any results?"
"Yes," she answered with a smile on her face. "Turns out that if we eradicate the errors from the implant, the L2's can be more effective than the L3."
"Meaning we can kick some more ass." He said, hoping to lift the mood a little, which he did. Their laughter filled the room before she regained her composure.
"Yes, and I've contacted some friends from BAaT, who have suffered more greatly than we did. I contacted Ina and she was only too happy to sign in for studies."
"Is she still the crazy cat person she used to be?" asked Kaidan as he handed her a pudding, she hesitantly took it as he opened the pudding Shepard brought him.
"Oh yes she is, but she's genuine and kind. I think that's why the cats love her."
"Do I even dare ask how many cats she has?" Rahna chuckled before she answered.
"Six, two cats are females and pregnant it seems." Kaidan just shook his head as he ate his pudding with a smile on his face, imagining Ina with a bunch of cats. "She and Jason are together though."
Kaidan's eyebrows shot up at that, disbelief written on his face, "Really? So he listened to my advices." He shook his head as he ate the pudding.
"What?" asked Rahna, who had no clue what Kaidan was talking about.
"In BAaT, he always asked me how to approach her. So I told him how to get a women's attention and he carefully listened." Rahna smiled and ate her pudding as well.
"According to the social networks, they're engaged." Kaidan smiled brightly, it seems that BAaT wasn't such a pain to everyone.
"I'm happy for them," he said before they both silenced again. He supposed they were friends so...he had to show her he's interested in her life as well. "Say, uh...when are you getting married?" The question surprised her completely. She had to blink a few times before she could answer.
"In a month." Talking to Kaidan about her marriage was somehow strange. She didn't know why, but she felt that it somehow hurt him.
"He a good guy?" The question surprised her again.
"Yes...he's five years older than me. Treats me well and with respect." Kaidan did nothing but nod and stare at his pudding as he listened to her. Rahna kept watching him, not knowing if her next request would only make him angrier. "You and Jane are invited, if you like." That made him look at her, the disbelief clearly written on his face. He looked away and thought about her invite, then decided that going there with Jane wouldn't be such a good idea.
He wanted to answer but suddenly the door opened again, Kaidan desperately hoped it was Jane, but he got disappointed when he saw his parents walking in. When they noticed Rahna though, his mother's smile faded away where his father just kept watching her.
"Mom, dad."
"Kaidan, where is Jane?" His mother asked while eyeing the girl suspiciously. "And who's that?" He knew his mom would flip out when he tells her she's Rahna. He was even more shocked when Rahna stood up and went to them to greet them.
"My name is Rahna. I know your son back from BAaT." Darcy eyed her, then Kaidan but decided to leave this for another time.
She just walked past Rahna and sat down on the chair she sat a while ago, "How are you?"
"I'm fine. Doctor told me not to use my biotics for a while."
"Yeah but where is Jane?" Kaidan sighed because his mother kept pressing the matter on.
"She left the room so I could have a talk...with Rahna." His mother's brows furrowed together, Kaidan knew she would stay polite though because Rahna was still in the room. Sighing, she turned around and stood up from the chair.
"We just wanted to see how you are Kaidan. We're off home, we have a lot to prepare for the wedding." Kaidan nodded, then waved his parents goodbye. When they left, Rahna came back and sat down on the chair his mother sat a while ago. She smiled and Kaidan reflexively smiled back as the two started to talk about their life. Kaidan wondered though if he did the wrong thing, because he knew he had to look for Jane. Yeah, definitely bad thing, he thought when he wondered where Jane is.
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"You know, I wanted to kill her the moment I saw her on the chair." Said a half drunken Trish as she slammed her beer bottle on the table. Shepard was half drunk as well, but still more sane than Trish. She came down here and joined Shepard when she noticed Rahna staying behind in the room for longer than she would've wanted it.
Shepard smiled at her comment as she took a sip from her own beer. "I was searching for a way to lower the explosion radius of the bomb so that it could kill only her on the chair. Sadly, that wasn't possible." Trish shook her head as she pointed a finger at Shepard to get her attention.
"Y' know, if she stays there for another five minutes, I'm gonna take my gun and march up there. I don't like her at all." Shepard pointed her finger at Trish as well.
"And I'm gonna spank Kaidan when he gets down here. Right here in the cafeteria." Both giggled now but soon regained their seriousness. "But seriously what's taking them so long!" Shepard slammed the bottle on the table, almost breaking it. Trish looked over Shepard's shoulder and saw Kaidan's parents approaching them.
"Oh shit, here comes Ms and Mrs Perfect." Shepard turned around and saw Trey's angry eyes already boring holes into her. When they stopped next to the table, none bothered to lift their heads from their bottles. Both were too drunk to care.
"I hope you have a very good explanation for your behavior, Commander." Shepard (as drunk as she is now) lifted her head and send a smile to the Captain.
"No I don't. Hell I'm on shore leave, I can do whatever I want!" She said with a raised voice, Trish giggled as Trey turned his angry eyes at her.
"I'll come back to you, Miss McLane." He looked back at Shepard even angrier now then before, "Commander, I suggest you stop behaving like this."
"Or what? You gonna call Hackett?" Shepard stood up and went right into his face. "You know what? I don't care! Call whoever you want, I'm on shore leave and having a great time!" She sat back and drank her beer, ignoring Trey completely. Darcy saw the anger on her husband's face and she took his hand to drag him away from them.
"Trey...Trey please, let it slide." He listened to his wife and somehow turned around to leave the hospital. Shepard glanced around and her eyes fell on the stairs that would lead to the second floor where Kaidan was. But Kaidan was not alone. That thought made her insides turn.
"You know what, Trish?" she said as she stood up on wobbly legs, then slammed her hands on the table. "Why don't we get out of this bloody cafeteria and have some fun tonight?" Trish (as drunken as Shepard) was only too happy to oblige.
"Hell yeah!" She yelled making everyone inside the silent cafeteria turn to look at them, but the two didn't care. If Kaidan could spend some time with Rahna alone, she could spend some time with Trish. But what hurt her most was that she trusted Kaidan to end the conversation fast so he can come look for her. She pushed that thought away, because right now, she and Trish would have a great night out.
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December 21st, 2183...
It was 2 am in the night (or morning) and still no sign of Jane. He paced his hospital room up and down, waiting for Jane to arrive so they can go home. Restless, he opened his omni-tool and called for a cab. Chakwas made sure he could go whenever he wanted because his injuries weren't that serious. Once he reached the first floor he almost ran out of the hospital.
Half an hour later, he reached his home and he almost ran in when he saw two police cars parked on the lawn. Something struck him, and something told him that it has to do with Jane. He immediately ran into the living room only to see Trish sitting on the couch, her face burried in her hands as Brian comforted her. Darcy shot up from the couch and went to stop him as he wanted to grab Trish's shoulders to ask where she is.
"Where is she?!" What worried him even more was that Trish was crying. She never cried.
"I'm sorry! I didn't know!" Kaidan turned to his mother, then father, then to Brian, seeking for any kind of answer where Jane is and what happened.
"What happened?" Trish shot up from the couch and shoved Brian aside before she poked a finger into Kaidan's chest, her watery eyes filled with anger.
"Rahna! That's what happened!" she yelled drunken, but Kaidan was none the wiser.
"What?"
"After we waited and waited and waited for you to arrive, we left to have a drink! We waited for you, but Rahna was more important than we! Than her!" Kaidan blinked twice as he slowly started to register what's going on. "And we drank and had a hell of a time. But then...she passed out! Didn't even breathe!" Kaidan's heart clenched with fear as he grabbed Trish's upper arms hard, not caring if he will bruise her.
"Where is she?!"
"Upstairs!" Trish mumbled louder before Kaidan ran up the stairs to his bedroom. His heart was hammering with fear, repeating the words Trish said earlier; she passed out and didn't breathe. Kaidan chased every bad thought away for now, finally he reached the door to his room and he couldn't bother to open it slowly. He almost stormed in, and what he saw made his heart drop with fear.
"My God, Jane..." he whispered as he sat down on the bed next to her, immediately taking her hand in his. She was sleeping and smelling of alcohol, but what he also noticed was her pale face and lips. He pushed a strand of hair from her face and leaned down to place a long, soft kiss on her forehead before leaning away to look at her. "Jane..." he murmured softly while feathering his fingers across her cheek.
"It would be better if you let her sleep." He spun around at the soft voice of his mother coming from the doorway. He turned back to Jane as she entered before sitting down on the nearby armchair. "She was pretty bad, you know."
"What happened? And why the hell is Trish drunk?" His mother sighed and Kaidan could only guess that nothing good happened.
"After Jane let you with Rahna, she made her way to the cafeteria to wait for you. Later, Trish joined her and...well, one thing led to another. When Jane saw you didn't come down she suggested they have a night out. They went to Puzzles, the bar down the road and they got really drunk. Smashed a few tables and chairs..." Kaidan shook his head as he listened to his mother. What he already heard was bad, but his mother continued. "The police interfered and...well, Trish is close to getting fired. Trey is trying to pull a few strings, but we'll see what happens."
"My God..." Kaidan said as he still held Jane's hand. His mother watched his son worrying about her, but she couldn't ignore the slight note of anger she felt towards him.
"But Kaidan, why were you talking with Rahna? At all?" He sighed, not knowing the answer to this question. Not really.
"She wanted to talk and I wanted to know how she was."
Darcy shook her head in disbelief, "Kaidan, let me tell you one thing." He turned his head around to watch his mother, waiting patiently for her to start. "Rahna realizes her mistake and she even apologized, that is nice from her. But don't let her fool you." That made Kaidan blink in confusion.
"Fool me?"
"I just want to warn you that Rahna...she may be after more than you think, and I don't want to see Jane get hurt."
"Mom-"
"Just don't claim I didn't warn you, but if you want an advice, I'll give you one; break every tie you have with Rahna."
"Mom-"
"I'm not done yet!" She interrupted, her voice a little louder than she intended. "That girl has brought you nothing but depression and pain. I have watched my youngest son lock himself away in the room because she broke his heart. And let me tell you one thing, I'm not fond her and never will be!" Kaidan watched in awe as his mother blinked her tears away. Rarely was she this angry with him, but he understood her. He lowered his head and slowly started to realize what exactly he had caused simply because he talked to Rahna. And he had to admit though, that Rahna wasn't worth the trouble.
"I'll talk to her...and tell her to forget about me." Darcy nodded in agreement.
"You may not realize it now, but it's the right thing. Do it for her sake, if not for your own." She stood up and left without saying another word. Kaidan remained alone at Jane's side while he listened to her low snoring. She was adorable and he scolded himself mentally for causing everyone such trouble.
He cupped her hand and brought her knuckles to his lips as he whispered, "I'm sorry."
