My Pet Peeve
Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.
Ah. That's bad. Probably… Hidan's slightly alcohol muddled brain took longer than usual to notice things. He'd been enjoying numbing himself with beer but had lessened his own intake when he realised there was a possibility of getting Shikamaru drunk. The only problem with this was that he didn't actually know where the boy was right now. A fact which was pretty quickly sobering him up.
He's gonna be so pissed with me! He wanted to slap himself. Shikamaru was unlikely to be pleased, especially if he was drunk. Hidan didn't know what was actually going to happen. Shikamaru wasn't in this room and he wasn't in the kitchen either. Although he was treated to a wonderful view of Choji and Ino in the middle of eating each other's faces, with Choji occasionally stopping to have a bite of pizza.
"You guys are fucking disgusting." Ino put up her finger whilst they continued. Hidan left them to it. If they enjoyed being creepy that was their business. Sadly he was grabbed by Kiba who for some reason was wearing a tutu.
"Heyyy. How good are you in bed?"
"Get off me before I break your fucking arm." Kiba was quite possibly stupider than him. This didn't happen often so it was a nice change.
"But I can't see what else Shika sees in you! You're such a dick!" Of course this hit a nerve. Hidan smiled at Kiba, which he would've seen as a warning sign if he wasn't so far gone.
"Go fuck yourself." Hidan then grabbed the nearest heavy object (in this case a shoe) and hit him over the head. He then dumped him on the floor and removed his trousers. He could throw those out of a window somewhere.
Upstairs he was fairly sure were people either fucking or attempting to fuck and so it wasn't going to be great being up there. He better not be up there with a fucking woman or I will murder him.
For some reason Naruto and Sasuke were incapable of finding an actual room and so were sitting in the hallway. They were actually metres away from their own room. Hidan couldn't be bothered to get any water and chose to sit on the floor and make a running commentary.
"I wouldn't do that. No one likes that, he's just gonna fake it. And don't take off the shirt, you've gained way too much weight recently." Sasuke looked over and scowled.
"What will it take for you to leave?"
"You could tell me where Shika is."
"Kiba's room." Naruto pointed to the door just down the hall.
"Thanks. Enjoy your mediocre shag." Perhaps he could trick Shikamaru into screwing on Kiba's bed. Or at least fucking it up in some way. When Hidan pushed the door open he found Shikamaru. Sadly he wasn't alone.
-Page Break-
Shikamaru had been well aware that he'd had a little too much. As soon as the room starts to move you know you should be worrying. He'd had to stumble out of the room to get to the bathroom. Hidan could deal with his own problems, he needed to get some water on his face.
This accomplished and his head feeling a little clearer he left the room. And nearly stood on Naruto and Sasuke.
Well that's fantastic. I thought I wasn't going to throw up. Luckily Kiba hadn't bothered to even close his door let alone lock it and so he escaped into there. Even though it was filthy and stank like mould it was better than watching the free sex show. Although while he was in here he had to satisfy his curiosity. It took a few attempts to find the right drawer.
Aha, he does have a stash. This didn't answer the question of where he got the tutus but it did solve the dilemma of where he kept them. The amount of colours he had was pretty extensive too.
"Shikamaru?" He turned round expecting Kiba or maybe Hidan but instead he saw Temari.
"Oh! Hi…" Considering that the last time they'd seen each other Hidan had attacked her dog, it was kind of awkward. "Long time no see."
"Yeah… I was going to my brothers' room but it's locked. And well…" She gestured to the hall.
"Why'd you think I came in here?"
"I suppose there wouldn't be any other reason to come into this hellhole." She then noticed the tutus. "Wow. I've heard about this before but I didn't think he'd have so many."
"I had to find out while I was here."
"Fair enough." She sat down on the bed and smiled at him. "Wasn't there a guy with you last time we met?"
"Yeah… Sorry about that by the way."
"Oh it's fine. That dog is kind of yappy." She smiled again. "What happened with him anyway?"
"Well… He's kind of my boyfriend…" Christ, that sounds weird. Temari stared at him.
"Oh… I didn't know you were… that way."
"Neither did I."
"So… Is he always like that?"
"Fairly often. He's not a bad person or anything, he just has a few anger management issues." Understatement of the year.
"He still doesn't seem like the kind of person you'd go for."
"Yeah I was pretty surprised myself." Hidan was still preferable to anyone his friends were dating though. An Ino or a Sakura or even a Hinata would probably bore him after the madness that is Hidan.
"Oh." Temari came over and crouched in front of him.
"What?" He wasn't sure he wanted her right in his face like that.
"You have a mark on your shirt, wait a sec." She started rubbing it.
"Oh, thanks." It wouldn't have bothered him that much but it was nice to have someone concerned for a change.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Shikamaru nearly fell over. Hidan was standing in the doorway with a look of rage on his face.
"She's cleaning my shirt." Surely he could see that?
"Hi there, Hidan?" Temari at least remembered his name. He grunted at her.
"Why are you up here dickhead?"
"I had a headache." Because you insisted I drink more.
"But why is she here?" Temari raised an eyebrow at Shikamaru as if to say 'is he serious?' Shikamaru gave her a nod in reply to say 'he is'.
"She also wanted to escape?" Hidan gave her a hateful look. "Sorry about this, he's always badly behaved around people he doesn't know."
"What?!" This just enraged him further.
"Don't worry. I have Gaara for a brother, I'm used to it."
"True."
"Don't fucking ignore me!"
"I think I'd better go before your boyfriend has a fit." She gave him a wave before leaving. Hidan was now practically smoking at the ears.
"Why were you alone with that bitch?"
"She can probably hear you." Along with most of the Northern hemisphere.
"How fucking dare you, you cheating bastard!"
"What? Where does cheating come into this?" He wasn't aware that talking to someone counted as cheating.
"It was with that bitch though! I know you had a thing for her!"
"No I didn't!" What's wrong with him?
"But she was crouching next to you! What was she doing?"
"I told you!"
"But why was she in here anyway?"
"Because Gaaras room was shut and she didn't want to watch the show outside?"
"You're full of fucking excuses!"
"Because they're all true? Why would you think I was cheating on you?"
"It looked like it." He was faltering now.
"I have enough trouble dealing with just you, why would I want to deal with anybody else's bullshit?"
"I guess…" Apparently this hadn't occurred to him. Shikamaru sighed. At least he seemed to believe him now.
Why would he just assume I was-? Oh! Kakuzu… Someone who's already been cheated on tended to be more sensitive about minor things. It would explain the anger even if it didn't make it any less annoying to deal with.
"Just because one person cheated on you doesn't mean I will." He knew he'd hit the mark when Hidan jumped back.
"That's not why!" He started to go red. It was probably the cutest you could expect from Hidan.
"Stop worrying about it. Cheating would be troublesome."
"That's reassuring. Dick." He then noticed the drawer. "Are those tutus?"
"It's Kiba's supply."
"He'll need it." Hidan held out the pilfered trousers smiling.
"…What did you do?"
"I may have knocked him out and stole his trousers."
"How did you knock him out?" Images of Hidan appearing behind Kiba with a frying pans were in his head. Especially after what he'd done to Lee. Kiba had never been the brightest bulb in the bunch but if he sustained brain damage due to the madness of Hidan, he'd feel pretty guilty.
"Hit him on the head with a shoe."
"…I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that." The less he knew the better. "He'll be ok right?"
"Probably." Hidan threw the trousers to the other side of the room and lay back on the bed. "Hey, this isn't bad."
"It is when you think about all the things he's probably done on it." Hidan quickly stood up and examined the duvet.
"…It looks clean." Sensibly he chose to sit on the floor instead. "Ahh, why are we still here? You hate this bullshit just as much as I do."
"Not quite as much as you do. And I don't feel like leaving this room right now."
"Because you love the smell of mould and old tissues?"
"No. Although I didn't notice the tissues…" Shikamaru edged away from the corners where they seemed to have collected. "It's mainly to do with the sex show."
"Oh. Well seeing as they've both had a few, it'll probably be over quickly."
"Hopefully." The only plus side to this was that no one else would bother coming into this room.
"Can we at least fuck it up a little while we're here? He's so off his head, it could break him."
"You can if you want. I'm not touching anything." Not without several pairs of gloves. Hidan had fewer issues with this and started pulling everything out of the drawers and throwing them onto the floor. This seemed pretty pointless until he started arranging all the tutus. "You're not making a giant penis on the floor are you?"
"How'd you work that out?" He even seemed mystified.
"You could at least do something original."
"Like?"
"You could stick them all together and put them back in normally?"
"You're a fucking genius!" Helping Hidan would be the nice thing to do but it was funny to watch him getting frustrated. It hadn't occurred to him that glue would just go through the netting and a couple of the tutus ended up sticking to him. "Why didn't you say this would happen?!"
"Because I thought you'd realise that the band at the top was the best place to stick it."
"Oh… Well fuck it." He dumped all of the fabric into the drawer and doused them in glue. "Done."
"You're covered in it now." Hidan sniggered. "What?"
"You don't get it?" Shikamaru didn't really want to know about whatever innuendo was in Hidan's head. He was saved from having to say this by Kiba walking in. It took him a moment to realise they were in his room.
"What have you bastards been doing?"
"Sitting here?" This should be obvious. Kiba however, was looking at Hidan's chest.
"What the fuck? You were doing that in my room?"
"Doing what?" It took a while for this to click. "Oh!"
"Get out!" They didn't need to be told again. He was going to be even more pissed off when he saw what they'd done to the drawer. Naruto and Sasuke were gone luckily.
"My chest is sticky."
"…Please wash it off." Now he'd noticed, it couldn't be unseen. Hidan seemed to be more interested in trying to stick Shikamaru's hand onto his chest. "I worry about you."
"You need a sense of humour."
