HERE TO STAY

PART II: New Beginnings


Chapter 28

TOBIAS

Tris hadn't been herself lately, between finals and her mother, everything had been set on edge. It was as if everyone were stepping on rocks; tip-toeing their way around her. Will and Christina, though they didn't know why, knew that there was something wrong with Tris, but they didn't attempt to ask what. Truthfully, everyone was too busy with their own lives to be concerned with another. Finals had gotten everyone in a gloomy mood—Tris in particular—and it was only made worse with one thing. Christian's funeral—well, it wouldn't affect Tris just yet. Tobias had to tell her, but he didn't know where to begin.

He had barely enough time to process it himself. His relatives, Christian's that is, had decided to make up some bullshit story about how he had been killed in a car accident on the side of a freeway—they refused to believe Tobias' story even despite of his proof and evidence. Regardless of Tobias' protests, they went ahead with it anyway, and filed his death as a 'tragic accident'. There was nothing Tobias could do but scoff at them. It was pretty pointless to argue. He really didn't want to attend some fake burial, but it was only right that he see his friend off one last time—even though he knew the body wouldn't actually be there.

Now, he had the horrible task of breaking the news to Tris. Looking at her now, the way her face scrunched up in concentration and the way she would smack her lips together when she finally understood something, he never wanted to disturb that. She was an angel that had come to grace him with her presence—her beauty radiated off her. Light rays bouncing off her golden locks.

He sighed as he laid down the notes he was gripping in his hand. "Tris?" His hands were shaking now that there wasn't anything in them.

"Yeah?" She hummed back happily. But when her face saw his, her smile quickly dropped. "What's wrong?"

"It's—It's Christian..." He stumbled with his words, "They're going to have a funeral next week." The next few seconds went so silent that he could hear the small pellets of rain hitting the bedroom window.

"Oh." Her eyes fell sad, and her face dropped at the mention of his name. Her reaction was the same as his—and pretty much the only reaction one could give. But as quickly as her expression changed, a small smile quickly replaced her frown, "It's going to be okay."

He only nodded praying that would be true.

...

The week passed by quickly, and no one spoke of the funeral again, until today. Tris took her finals with much on her plate—with a heavy mind—but Tobias knew without a doubt that she had aced them.

Tris was soon back to her usual self after the exams had passed, though her mood was still gloomier. It was to be expected though, the funeral was today and neither of them knew how to feel—or what to say. They had been given the opportunity to speak, but both doubted they could even manage a word when the time came. It was so strange, Tobias never thought he'd be this speechless when it came to Christian—the friend who always had much to say, the one who always brought out the carefree, happier side of him.

"Are you ready?" Tris' hand twitched in his as she gave it a small squeeze.

"I don't know if I'll ever be." His voice was soft, tender. "But I have to do this... Christian would've wanted that. I have to do this for him."

She answered only with a nod and began to turn towards the church. Today was the day they were finally going to have a memorial for Christian. It was a small, intimate gathering, consisting of Tris and Tobias' small group of friends—which really was only Christina and Will—and other long distant relatives of Christian's. They hadn't known the extent of his death, they only knew the cover story. Truthfully, Tobias didn't even know what it was—what the police had swept under the rug. It seemed like that was all they were doing these days. So now Christian's death had been ruled out as a drunk accident. That he had died in an unfortunate car crash. But if only they knew... That it was as far from the truth it could get. He was killed, murdered by a psychopath that the police continued to turn a blind eye to. They had left him roam free. Even though Tobias never knew, he was certain the police did, and they let him keep living, keep slaughtering innocent lives.

He cringed at the memory of Marcus—he finally figured it out, he really did despise that man. No matter what he called himself, no matter what the paperwork says, he wasn't his father.

The service had signalled it's beginning, and Tobias let Tris lead him to his seat. As he walked down the isle where black carpet now covered what usually was red, he only saw fifteen people in the rows. Some, he noted, didn't even seem to be sad. They had bored faces, as if they were eager to get out of the service. It took a crazy amount of control for Tobias not to stalk over and punch them senseless. How could they be so heartless?

Everything went by so quickly; the priest spoke briefly, commemorating Christian, and praising his bravery. But there was no bravery in being killed. Since when was there ever?

Soon, the ceremony was over, and everyone had begun to file out of the church in rows. The precession that carried Christian's coffin lead the way to the cemetery, while everyone else followed numbly behind. Some even dispersed elsewhere, having possibly grown bored of it all. Tobias' hands fisted into balls by his side as he tried to keep a straight face. He was so angry; the past few weeks that was all he had felt. All that anger, rage, hatred, channelled through to one person. But what good would that do him now? That person was dead. Killing him felt good the second he pulled the trigger but only afterwards did he feel like he was drowning in his emotions. He had pushed everything, his everything he was feeling behind his hatred, and when that was gone, all that he hid had resurfaced. He was hit by a tidal wave of emotions, which left him on a roller coaster for much of the past week.

Everyone soon came to a stop, as the remaining people huddled around the dull, grey tombstone. It was carved in an arch shape with Christian's full name carved on the front, along with some other meaningless words. It read:

Here lies Christian Renton.

Son and friend.

Taken by a tragic accident.

It was a load of bullshit. Taken by a tragic accident? There was nothing accidental about being murdered. And it was all but tragic. His death, it was awful but it was not tragic. He hadn't needed to die—he wasn't supposed to. He was supposed to live a long life, full of happiness and love because that's what he deserved. He didn't deserved to have been killed by a psychopath. If there was anything tragic in his death, it was that.

Tobias stared at the grave, where his coffin now laid beneath the ground. Little did everyone know, the casket was empty. His body wasn't there—only an empty wooden box with his name engraved in cursive letters. If he knew Christian at all—which he did—he knew, never in the world would he have wanted this. Only Tris and him knew where his body was, and only they buried and remembered him the way he would've wanted. They had given him their own memorial; they had gone back for him, a few days after, and had buried him. He was better off where he laid than in this meaningless grave, where people he didn't know, where people didn't love him faked their condolences.

"Tobias?" His head shot up at his name, "Would you like to say a few words?"

He didn't answer.

"It's okay Tobias. You can do it. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere—I'll help you through it." She reassured him, slowly gesturing him forward.

He simply nodded and slipped his hand from Tris' as he took his stance beside the priest. Tears dotted at his eyes as he opened his mouth to speak, "There was so much to say... So much left unsaid between us. And there's nothing I can do to fix that... But all I know is, Christian didn't deserve that—he didn't deserve any of it—he should've lived a full life with love and happiness. He was so young... So much ahead of him." His voice threatened to break, the words were all that was holding himself together. "And I—I miss him everyday. People say it gets easier over time... But it hasn't... I still see him in my dreams. I wish I had more time." He looked up to the blue sky, "I wish I had more time with you Chris... I miss you." He whispered to his friend.

And in that moment, he thought he caught the smallest of voices in the wind. I miss you too Tobias. But it was gone before his next tear fell.

Everyone clapped at the end of his speech, but there was nothing in his words that should've been celebrated. Tris returned to his side as she pulled his hand into hers, clutching it tightly as their tears spilled on the freshly dug ground. They stood in silence together—only grief taking over their whole being.

Everyone then took turns placing a small rose on the newly dug soil. They all had tears in their eyes but he only knew that only three were genuine. Tris clung to his side, her eyes red and raw. Christina and Will to his other, both sharing his grief with him. Although they hadn't known the full extent of Christian's death, they knew the burden and they had helped Tobias with the grieving process. The four of them, were the only ones who truly were pained with sadness, the others were frauds. Made clearly evident by their urgency to leave, making up transparent excuses. Tobias preferred this, he preferred that it was just the four of them now. Everyone else hadn't been welcomed to stay, and if he knew Christian at all, he would've said the exact same.

"Are you okay?" It was Tris' voice who broke him from his gaze. His eyes had been so fixed on the terrible grave, his mind so absorbed in his friend's death that he had almost forgotten about her. But her palm in his reminded she was there, right next to him, going through everything he was.

She mightn't have known Christian well, or for a long time, but she was there—she was there when he was taken. And more importantly, she knew how much that hurt. She understood how something like that couldn't not leave a mark on the soul—a scar on the heart. But she still loved him unconditionally, much like she had Christian until his end. He was as much a part of him as he was for her.

Looking back at Tris now, her eyes shining with tears, he understood it all too. "No." He stated simply. No, he wasn't going to be okay—would anyone else going through that be too? It was the truth, and there was no denying that. But there was some part of him inside that glimmered with hope, something he hadn't felt since he first ever laid his eyes on Tris. "But I think I'm going to be." He answered with a small smile.


A/N: Eeeeep! The next chapter is going to be the last... Then I might write an epilogue to finish things off! But it's gone so quickly... I can't believe it. Thank you all so much for encouraging me and all the support you've shown me so far along the way. Love you lots!

Oh and my new fic is out, it's called 'drag me under'. Give it a read if you want :)