Chapter 29
Today was the last day of 2015, tonight millions of people around the world would celebrate the closing of the old year and heralding in the new. She didn't want to celebrate anything; it hurt to know that while she was suffering, the world wasn't mourning with her.
How was it possible that while the life she'd built so painstakingly over the last 8 was shattering, and the man she'd loved for even longer had left her; that life still went on?
She didn't want to open her eyes and face the new day. Although she'd barely gotten any sleep the previous night, at dawns first light she'd closed her eyes, and wanted to keep them closed now. Clark's face swam in her mind's eye; seeing the way he used to look at her so devotedly when they were at school, the joy on his face the first time she told him of her love, the happiness he couldn't hide when they were dating, and the promise of everlasting love in his expression when he recited the vows of marriage. Although she'd tried to ignore it, hoped that it would soon pass, for years all she'd seen when he looked at her was weariness, despondency and disinterest. But even that was gone, washed away; leaving behind only anger, resentment and pain.
Her eyes creaked open, flicked to the clock, saw that it was almost 9am, and closed once again. She didn't have to worry about making excuses for not going to work, it didn't matter if she didn't bother having a shower, putting on make-up and dressing prettily because her husband wasn't there and didn't care either way. Clark was gone, and everything hurt.
oOo
"Let's move a few feet away." Clark cautioned quietly. Once the two men were standing behind the back shed J'onn rematerialised.
"Has she thought of reversing the spell J'onn?" He asked quietly.
"No my friend, she has been too distressed to think of anything other than you."
Clark rubbed his hand over the back of his neck and sighed "J'onn..."
His friend held up a hand to stop the flow of words "Clark, I am not trying to make you feel guilty, I don't believe you have any reason to feel that way; I am just telling you that at the moment, you are the only thing on her mind."
He nodded and sighed once again "Yeah, but the thing is J'onn I don't feel guilty and as much as I don't want to admit it, that makes me feel heartless."
J'onn patted him on the shoulder "You are not heartless Clark, if you were you wouldn't feel that way at all. You don't like wounding someone even when it's warranted, but don't ever apologise for having compassion my friend."
He smiled weakly in reply "I didn't have much compassion when I confronted Lana last night, but I feel bad now. Not for what I said or for leaving her because I think I was justified in that, but because I know how she's feeling at the moment. I know how it feels to love someone so much that when you lose them, it feels like your whole worlds falling apart."
"Lois." J'onn replied compassionately.
"Yes." Clark replied simply then gestured with his head "Why don't you go onto the farm, have some breakfast and a sleep..."
"I wish to study the spell first." J'onn cut in quietly.
"After you eat and have a sleep..." He corrected firmly and when his friends mouth opened he continued talking "...and don't bother saying you'll do that later, because mom won't let you get away with that excuse. At the moment it's all quiet so you don't have to stay awake for any particular reason, I'm here and if it looks like Lana's getting ready to do anything I'll give you a call to come over, but at least if you rest now then you'll be more alert when we do need you."
J'onn's lips quirked in acknowledgment "I would not pay the slightest heed to anything you said, but would instead go back to the farm and work on the spell if it wasn't for one reason."
He grinned in amusement "Let me guess; the threat of mom not letting you."
J'onn ginned and nodded "I too had a mother like yours, so know that I would not win if I try to argue with her."
"Nope." Clark replied amused and after taking the cell phone that J'onn held out, titled his head goodbye, propped his shoulder against the shed wall, x-rayed through the house to find Lana was still in bed, and hoped that her conscience would kick in sooner rather than later.
oOo
"Honey, while Lois is in the shower move the mattress Clark used last night into the den, then J'onn can have a sleep in there, and afterwards study the spell without Lois knowing about it."
He nodded but frowned lightly "I know we can't tell Lois that he's sleeping with the excuse that he was out all night on an emergency since there's nothing on the news, but later on, how are we going to fool her into thinking that he's just arrived, if he's already here?"
Chloe chewed her lip thoughtfully "J'onn can move through solid objects right?" He nodded and smiled in understanding "So all he has to do is pass through the walls until he's outside, and then knock on the door as if he's just arrived."
The two smiled pleased with the solution and when J'onn arrived a few minutes later, he was promptly seated at the kitchen table. A bowl of hot oatmeal was placed in front of him, along with a steaming cup of coffee. The three took seats at the table, and while he ate, brought him up to date on what they had discussed after he'd left the previous night.
Sipping his coffee, he sat back in his chair and nodded "Taking the book to the fortress for safekeeping was a good idea. At the moment Lana is in a lot of pain; she is only thinking of how she has lost Clark, but I have dealt with people for a long time and it is best to be cautious. Some people turn their pain into anger and lash out; others use it as a shield to never be hurt like that again, while others use it constructively to help their fellow man. At the moment we do not know how Lana is going to react. I would like to think that she will come to look beyond herself, to realise that she took that which wasn't hers and do the right thing, but until we know for sure it is best to be careful.
"What do you think the odds are of Lana doing the right thing?"
He sighed and shook his head "I do not know Martha, even though she has convinced herself that she was only righting a wrong when she changed the past to marry Clark; she must have known deep down that what she was doing wasn't right, but did it anyway. From reading her and from what you have all told me, I do not get the feeling that she would have changed things back if she hadn't been found out. She has been scared for a long time that either Lois would remember and take Clark away from her, or that her husband would leave her for Lois one day, and her fear increased tenfold when Smallville arrived, but even with all this, she still did not contemplate reversing the spell at any time, but instead looked for ways to keep that which she had already taken."
Martha ran a hand through her hair and looked at her son "Well hopefully now that she's been exposed, Lana will do the right thing sweetie, but if she doesn't, we have the spell and J'onn will keep looking for a way to reverse it."
He nodded slightly and smiled "I know mom, but I feel confident that she will. She did let Lois come back last month after I told her no, and now that Clark's told her the same thing, she'll give in again. She doesn't know that we've got someone who can read her mind, and is ready to give us warning so that we can destroy the book; so more than likely she'll think that if she reverses the spell, that she'll get the book back."
"So that she can try again?" Chloe asked rhetorically.
He bobbed his head lightly "Exactly, as J'onn just pointed out, she's hurting and only thinking about how she's lost Clark. She's not even thinking about what she did, or how she's cheated both him and me over the last 8 years."
Sighing once again Martha turned to her guest and smiled "Well, why don't you go and have a sleep and if Clark calls in the meantime, we'll come and wake you up."
He didn't bother arguing, just nodded, thanked her for the breakfast, rose and left the room.
"Well I'd better go outside and keep busy, call me if you need me mom." At her nod, Smallville stepped outside the back door, and began the process of feeding and watering the animals, cleaning out cages, and keeping busy with other farm chores. For the first time in memory, he actually looked forward to feeling a pain more agonising than any he'd ever felt before, but at least when it was over, his life and love would be restored to him again.
oOo
When Lois returned downstairs, the three women convened in the lounge room, and after getting a list of chores that needing doing, they split up. Martha retreated upstairs to the bedrooms, Chloe to the back part of the house, containing the guest parlour and den where J'onn was currently sleeping, and Lois to the kitchen and lounge room.
While cleaning Lois' mind kept churning. She'd wanted to think everything through and this was the best way to do it. Keeping busy physically, while her mind could turn everything over mentally was the way she tended to solve most problems. She wasn't one to sit around on her keister contemplating her navel, so was glad that she had plenty of work to keep her hands productive.
An hour later she looked around the kitchen, saw that everything was almost sparkling and decided to stop for a smoke before moving onto the lounge room. She had just stepped towards the back door when Martha's voice halted her tracks.
"How about we take a break, and have a cup of coffee with some cake or cookies?"
"I was just going for a cigarette, but would love a coffee afterwards." Lois smiled gratefully.
Looking around the room, Martha smiled in return "Sweetie the kitchen is almost gleaming in the morning sunlight, thank you."
"Don't bother thanking me Martha; I've gatecrashed here enough so it's about time that I cleaned up as well." Lois chuckled lightly.
"Nonsense, you've helped me plenty of times." The older woman rebuked softly "I'll put the kettle on and call Chloe; and would you mind calling in Clark dear."
"No problem." With a last smile, Lois headed to the back door and stepped outside. After looking in all directions, she followed the sound of hammering, and found him in the pasture behind the barn fixing one of the fences.
"Smallville..." When he looked up curiously, she thumbed over her shoulder "Your mom said to tell you that she's putting on the kettle, so if you want a cup of coffee and cake now's your chance."
"Thanks Lo." He finished hammering in the nail, grabbed a cloth to wipe his hands and walked with her back to the house, but paused when Lois didn't walk up the back stairs with him "Aren't you coming?"
"I'm going to have a smoke, so I'll be in soon." He nodded; she waved airily and continued around to the front of the house.
Stepping into the kitchen, he took a seat at the table, and looked at his mom when she began to speak "Sweetie, after we've finished would you mind taking Clark some coffee and cake. I don't want him to go hungry."
He smiled in amusement and gently reminded her "We don't actually have to eat mom; we only do so because we enjoy it but..."
"I know but I still don't like the idea of my sons not eating when I am." She returned firmly and hearing the intractable tone in her voice, he gave in gracefully.
"I'll take it now while Lois is having her cigarette, otherwise she'll wonder why I'm leaving the house with food, when Clark's supposed to be at the markets right now." Nodding in agreement, Martha quickly made up a thermos of coffee, Chloe put a slice of cake and a few biscuits in a container, and just as Smallville stepped out the back door, Lois stepped back inside the house from the front.
oOo
Upon reaching Clark's house, Smallville quickly x-rayed around, found his twin behind the shed in back and raced to where he was currently stationed.
"Is something wrong?" Clark quickly got to his feet, but at his twins quick headshake relaxed once again.
"Mom just wanted me to bring you some coffee and food so that you didn't go hungry." He replied handing over the thermos and container.
"We don't need to eat..." Clark began only to stop when his twin held up a hand "I know that and you know that, but we both know mom."
Grinning in brother-ship, the two men grinned at each other.
"So is she doing anything interesting?" Smallville asked gesturing with his head towards the house.
Clark shook his head and blew out a deep breath "No, she only got out of bed half an hour ago, and she's now having a shower..." Taking a quick look into the house he nodded "She's still in the shower."
"Is she still crying or has she moved past that?"
"If you mean has she started to call me every filthy name under the sun then no, if she did that then I'd feel like we were getting somewhere. I was hoping she'd become angry that I didn't appreciate what she did for us to be together, and reverse the spell in disgust or something similar. You know what Lana's like, so that's pretty much what I expected." Smallville rolled his eyes and bobbed his head in agreement. Clark swiped a hand over his face and gestured "Well I hate to say it, but it looks like we're in for the long haul; she seems to be stuck in depression."
"Shit; depression means that she won't wanna do anything." Smallville replied frustrated.
"I know." He agreed disheartened.
"Well J'onn said that even though she was devastated at my refusal last month, she did eventually give in and let Lois return." He put in hopefully.
Clark snorted rudely "Yeah, but what do you think the odds are, that she's ready to lose again so soon?"
"It was only last month for me, but almost another lifetime for her..." When Clark's mouth opened, he rushed on "Yeah, she's kept the memories sharp, but it still must feel like a long time ago for her."
Clark thought about it for a minute and sighed "I hope so."
Patting his twin on the shoulder Smallville thumbed over his shoulder "Well I'd be getting back, give us call if you need anything."
Bobbing his head in agreement, Clark got comfortable once again, poured some coffee, reached for a cookie and continued to keep watch on his wife.
oOo
After morning tea was finished, Smallville once again retreated outside, and the ladies went back to their chores. Looking around the lounge room with satisfaction an hour later, Lois rubbed her back, stretched then plopped down on the couch.
She hadn't come up with anything brilliant, near good or downright sucky to send Smallville home. She hadn't come up with anything at all because her mind had been completely occupied with the dreams, Kal, Oliver and her feelings regarding all three.
She tilted her head back and looked up at the ceiling with a sigh.
"Lois dear are you alright?" At the sound of Martha's voice, Lois looked over and smiled.
"Yeah, I'm just taking a nice break after cleaning the lounge room." She smiled and patted the sofa "Why don't you take a load off and sit for a few minutes."
"That's not a bad idea." Martha replied taking a seat, and resting her feet on the coffee table "Don't tell my boys you've seen me doing this, since I'm always telling them not to put their feet up."
Grinning in agreement, the two ladies sat quietly, enjoying the peace and quiet. Turning to the older woman Lois cocked her head to the side "It's kind of weird to think there are other uses in another universe huh?"
"Yes it is; but I like that in both worlds, although things are different, everyone is still essentially the same." Martha replied softly "You, Chloe and Clark are still close, and that makes me very happy; my son was no slouch when it came to picking good friends."
"Well he didn't exactly pick me, I just landed on your doorstep and wouldn't leave; being that I'm Chloe's cousin he was stuck." Lois laughed in remembrance.
"Nonsense, he was very happy to have you around." The older woman smiled.
"Uh huh, you do remember when all he wanted was to get rid of me right?" She knocked the older woman's arm with her own, smiling in amusement.
"Well yes but that was also when he had the bad taste to fancy Lana." Martha felt the colour crawl up her neck when the words popped out unthinking.
Lois let out a surprised shout of laughter "Martha Kent, I'm surprised at you." She giggled softly at the flush that stained the older woman's cheeks "So now the truth comes out."
"Oh dear, I shouldn't have said that." The elder Kent blushed fiercely "Please excuse me."
"It's ok; I won't say anything." She replied with a quiet chuckle "Did you ever like her?"
"I tried to for my son's sake, but she didn't make it easy." Martha replied honestly.
"No she didn't." Lois affirmed with a quick head shake "Feeling obligated to like someone is bloody awful."
"Yes it is." Martha agreed with a soft smile "But he'll be happy now, really happy and that's enough for me." She reached over and picked up the younger woman's hand "I know that you were angry when they got married dear, I remember that night; can I ask now if what you said then was the only reason you were so angry."
"It wasn't the only reason, but it was a large part of it, and I meant what I said. However, I was also angry because Clark had been such a jerk just to get Lana's attention, so I couldn't help wondering how low he'd sink just to keep her once they were married." She shrugged and sighed heavily "As you know that night I didn't hold back on how I felt about Lana or his behaviour..." Martha nodded "I thought it was a shame that this guy who could be so nice most of the time, could just as easily be so careless with others just for her sake. I couldn't understand what he found so enthralling about Lana that he was willing to give up his integrity for her; I still don't." Her lips twisted softly "Maybe I don't love Ollie enough, but I would never give up my honour for him. I think if I did, eventually it would destroy something within me, and I'd end up hating myself too much to be able to love him." She finished quietly.
"You would." Martha replied, squeezing her hand before letting it got with a last pat "What you said that night shook him you know. We talked about it afterwards and I think what you said helped him to see the road that he was heading down." She smiled meditatively "You weren't around for long after they were married, so probably don't realise that he didn't change because he grew out of his feelings for Lana. I think after the two of you had words, he took a good hard look at himself and didn't like what he saw, because I noticed a change in him after that night."
Lois shrugged uncomfortably "When we made up he told me that what I said was harsh but true, and he was going to stop his crappy behaviour; but regardless of everything, I still wish they'd had a happy ending."
"I know you do dear but they couldn't have, because they were all wrong for each other right from the beginning." Martha replied softly, before patting Lois leg "Well I'd better get lunch started; I thought we'd have homemade hamburgers and fries; what'd you think?"
"That sounds great; I'll give you a hand." Standing and stretching the two women moved into the kitchen and were shortly joined by Chloe.
"I'm done Martha would you like a hand with lunch?"
"Thank you dear, we're having hamburgers and fries. I'll make up the patties if you two will start peeling the potatoes, cutting up the tomatoes, etc."
Nodding in accord, the kitchen was soon busy with activity. At the knock on the front door, Lois went to answer and pulling the door open, greeted Dianna.
"Hi, come in." Waving her friend inside, she walked with her back to the kitchen "We're just making lunch, would you like some coffee?"
"No but thank you for asking; would you like some help?"
"Nah we're good, so just make yourself comfortable and keep us company." Chloe replied with a quick smile.
Dianna nodded, took a seat at the kitchen table, and the four women chatted pleasantly of nothing in particular.
Shortly thereafter; J'onn likewise arrived, Smallville returned to the house and within 30 minutes lunch was served.
oOo
"Lunch was lovely Martha, thank you." Dianna smiled at the older woman.
"I'm glad you enjoyed it, but they were just hamburgers and fries." She replied apologetically.
"Yeah and they just were great." Smallville chimed in, and when everyone added their own praises Martha smiled pleased.
Once the table was cleared, and the kitchen was spotless, everyone bar Lois re-took their seats to enjoy desert and a cup of coffee "I feel like stretching my legs so I'll have desert in a little while, would you like me to check if there's any mail Martha?"
"Please." Nodding, she opened the door and stepped outside.
"Sweetie I put Clark's lunch aside earlier, can you please take it to him after we're finished?"
"Sure mom." Smallville nodded, and didn't waste time arguing about their not needing to eat.
The five of them chatted while enjoying their desert, and when coffee was served each sat back enjoying light-hearted congenial conversation.
Chloe turned to her friend "So Smallville, I guess you're really looking forward to being Superman again huh?"
He bobbed his head agreeably "Yeah, it's amazing how much you miss the normal routine when it's taken away." He smiled and held out his hand in a gesture "Y'know, like the crazies who wanna take over the world..."
"The nut jobs who are ticked off because someone's taken their parking space." Dianna tacked on cheerfully.
"The wackos who threaten to blow up the local coffee shop because they can only get a small, instead of a jumbo, super grande late." Martha intoned seriously with twitching lips.
"The weirdo's who start a riot at Barney's yearly sale when they miss out on a bargain." Chloe paused and cocked her brow "Are we talking about Lois or real lunatics here?"
"Isn't that six of one; half a dozen of the other?" Smallville guffawed lightly, then pretended to wipe a tear from his eye "Gees guys; you're making me yearn even more for the daily routine of trouble and mayhem that only living with Lois can entail."
They chuckled lightly, but stopped abruptly when his face became solemn and he held up a hand for silence.
"Sweetie what's wrong?" When he didn't answer, Martha reached over and patted his hand "Clark."
"Its Lois, she's talking to me...to Kal." He corrected with a quick head shake, and pushing back his chair, he swiftly strode to the door, and stepped outside.
He came to a halt at the top of the back stairs, his hand gripped the railing, and his eyes locked onto his beloved standing at the head of the driveway. As she was facing the road, he couldn't see her face, but he could hear her voice, and his heart thumped hard at every word she uttered.
oOo
Lois checked the mail box, saw that it was empty and looked back down the driveway to the house. This was far enough away that no one would be able to hear her, and privacy was what she really needed right now. She leant back against the fence, blew out a deep breath and began talking quietly "Kal, I don't know if you're real or not; I can't seem to decide yes or no either way, but if you are, and you can hear me, then please listen." She paused for a moment, shook off the feeling of absurdity and continued softly "I've been dreaming about you for years. In my dreams at first I considered you nothing more than a friend, then I came to love you and realised that you were everything to me. Wide awake however, I tried to put you in a box labelled fantasy; just a harmless little whim that wasn't important to me or my life. But when I got back together with Oliver I wanted the dreams to stop, I wanted you to go away but you refused to be banished."
She sighed, raked a hand through her hair and looked down "You don't know how stupid I feel talking to you about this, especially since I feel like I'm talking to myself, but if I don't do it now, I never will; and I need to. I was talking to a friend of mine last night, and he said that I had to ask myself what was the significance of my dreams, and what did they mean to me. So that's what I've been doing. I've spent the morning turning everything over and I think I finally understand." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly "I think subconsciously I made you up as a projection of all my past relationships that didn't work out, so that I wouldn't let myself get suckered in and hurt once again." She frowned lightly, and blinked away the tears that filled her eyes "I don't love Ollie as much as my dream self loves you, but I think that's because in dreams you can't really be hurt; so it was safer to love you, than to take a chance and give my heart completely to him."
She swallowed back the tears that clogged her throat, lifted her head and gazed at the fields across the road "I know this is extremely illogical, but for the longest time I thought...no I believed that we had been together, and you loved me, but not enough to stay. I know that didn't really happen, but I think it is why I used you to symbolise all my failed relationships, and in particular the men who had walked away before. It's also partly why I never wanted to tell Ollie; because he had been one of them. The other reason is that I was scared Kal; it's that's simple." Her lips crooked in small humourless smile "I've never been afraid of putting my life on the line for a story, but giving my heart to someone else's safe keeping was a different matter. Love is easy, but need is harder, and I never wanted to need anyone so much that I'd feel crippled if they left me, so I jealously guarded my heart because it was safe."
She coughed to relieve the restriction in her throat, and shaking her head, blinked away the tears that filled her eyes "I've been selfishly holding onto you all this time, so that I'd still have someone if Ollie left again. That wasn't only cowardly but he doesn't deserve it. Oliver healed my heart; he's given me faith that love really can last, so it's ok to be scared with him." She paused to wipe shaking fingers over her brow and continued "I feel really ridiculous saying all of this, and even more so for what I'm about to say, but I think I have to say it out loud; so here goes..." Her breath hitched but she gamely finished "I'm setting you free Kal, and asking you to do the same for me. I'm tired of being torn between a fantasy and reality, I just want peace. I want to love Ollie completely, and I can't do that as long as you're there. So please don't come to me in the dreams anymore, please just let me go." She closed her eyes and whispered "Goodbye Kal."
Smallville's heart ached when Lois rationalised him away as nothing more than an echo of all the men who hadn't been strong enough to love her. It began to pound when she asked him to let her go, but as the last two words faded from her lips, the fist that had slowly been tightening around his heart clenched tight. Shaking his head in refusal, he raced up the driveway, and came to stop a couple of feet behind her.
"No."
Lois stilled at the voice. She'd felt the small gust of wind at her back, surreptitiously pinched her arm and at the tiny sting she knew that she wasn't dreaming. There was no possible way that Kal could be standing behind her, but she was frightened to turn around and look all the same.
He firmed his voice and repeated "I said no, Lois."
She took a deep breath, and turned around to find one of the Clark's standing behind her. Letting out her breath in a soft woosh, she smiled shakily and hoped that she looked a lot more carefree without, than she presently felt within "I'm pretty sure you must be Smallville since I didn't hear Clark's truck go past, but I wasn't paying much attention so um..." She shook her head and waved her hand "...sorry I'm talking nonsense. Let's go back to the house so I can have some coffee, and stop rambling."
He ignored her words, unwilling to pretend any longer "Clark and I never told you our alien name did we?" At her slight frown, he kept his eyes straight on hers and continued softly "It's Kal-el."
"Excuse me."
"I said my name is Kal-el, but in your dreams you call me Kal." At the upset on her face, he sighed heavily "Lois..."
She held up a hand forestalling his words "I don't know if you think it's funny to mock me about this, but I don't appreciate it; especially right now."
He shook his head minutely "I'm not mocking you Lo, I really am Kal-el and so is Clark."
Her lips tightened, but instead of answering she stepped around him, and began to walk back to the house but stopped at his next words.
"Lois I'm not lying."
She spun around and glared at him angrily "Fine you're Kal, which means that you must have heard me just now, so I'll say it again; goodbye." Spinning on her heel, she continued to walk down the driveway.
He knew that sooner or later Lana would reverse the spell, or they'd find the answer and do it themselves, so it shouldn't matter whether Lois believed him or not, it shouldn't matter that she was intent on walking away from him, but it did matter. It mattered a lot. He could never accept goodbye from her with equanimity, that would be tantamount to admitting defeat, and he couldn't do that.
He hurried to catch up, stepped in front of her and held his stance "No."
"No what?" Lois asked frustrated.
"No, I'm going to let you just walk away without even trying to make you understand." He replied firmly.
"Understand what, that you're Kal?" She sneered lightly.
"Yes, I'm Kal and so is Clark." He replied patiently.
"Well I understand now, so thanks for explaining; are we finished?" She asked politely.
"No, we're not finished. I know you don't believe me..."
"Why would you even think that, I mean what's not to believe?" She cut in sarcastically.
"Lois I was sitting at the kitchen table when I heard you talking to me." He replied steadily.
"I was talking to myself, you might not know this but I do that a lot."
"You were talking to Kal."
"He's...not...real." She gritted out between clenched teeth.
"Yes I am." Smallville insisted, raking a hand through his hair in frustration "All the powers that Kal has; so do Clark and me. Every dream that you've had about Kal and you, was about us."
"What the hell are you talking about?" She frowned and shook her head uncomprehending "You're from an alternate universe and we only met a few days ago. Clark has been physically married to Lana for the last 8 years, the two of you were mentally married to her while still in the womb, and I've never been involved with either of you."
"Yes you have." He looked her in the eye knowing it was time for the full truth "I'm not from an alternate universe Lois. This is my world, Clark and I are the same man; and we've all been lying to you about that." When her eyes shot sparks, he nodded in confirmation "I don't blame you for being angry, but will you just let me explain what's really going on and why we did it?"
"Why bother, you've obviously gotten your jollies having a good laugh at my expense." She replied tightly.
"Believe me, no one was laughing, that's the last thing anyone's felt like doing; we had our reasons for not telling you the truth even though we wanted to. Will you please just give me a chance to explain everything to you now?" He asked quietly.
"I'm not interested. Since you told me that you and Clark are the same man, then you'll know that we weren't all that close years ago. As such you might not remember this, so I'm going to help you out." She looked at him dead in the eye, and continued slowly ensuring that he understood "I never cared if you had secrets or not, that was your business, and god knows you never had a problem telling me to mind my own back in the day. Telling me to back off I can respect, lying to my face just ticks me off. So if you think that I'm just going to stand here, and listen while you heap even more rubbish on top of what you've already told me, then it just goes to prove that you don't know me any better now, than you ever did."
She turned away once again, but this time was stopped by his hand on her arm "I know you a lot better than you think Lois, there's very little about you that I don't know." He paused and let go of her arm "I knew that you'd be angry and I didn't like lying to you, but I did have a reason, so please just hear me out."
She sighed and dropped her head before looking over her shoulder "Why?"
"Because I don't want you to go away hurt or angry thinking that we didn't trust you, it had nothing to do with trust ..." He stopped when she held her hand up.
"Being a general's daughter I learnt to keep secrets almost from the cradle. There are a lot of things I've never told anyone, not even Ollie. That had nothing to do with trust but keeping other peoples confidences. When it comes to my own business, that's exactly what it is; my own. I've always kept my own counsel and shared only what I want, with those I trust or feel the closest to. Clark, and you by the same standard are people that I've kept things from, just as both of you have with me. We were never each other's confidant, that doesn't mean we weren't friends; it just means there are some things that are no one's business but your own, until you want to share them." She paused and finished softly "I know when you were younger, Lana and Chloe gave you a hard time about telling them everything about yourself, I didn't agree with them for the reasons that I've just stated. Don't ever spill your guts to someone just to hold on to them, that's a very foolish thing to do, and once done you can't take it back."
"I don't want to take this back, there's a lot you don't understand because you don't know about it, but I want you to." He took a deep breath "I need you to Lois."
She looked at him searchingly, before nodding "Ok, but I don't want to hear any crap about you being Kal alright?"
"I can't promise that."
"Then forget it." She said with finality and began to walk away once again; without thinking he reached out, spun her around and into his arms. His mouth locked onto hers, his arms tightened, but when she pushed against his shoulders he let her go "What the hell are you doing?"
Good question, he silently berated himself "I'm sorry, I just wanted..." He trailed of wondering what in the hell he could say now.
"Just wanted what? I'm engaged to Oliver and I don't believe in screwing around; morality maybe flexible to you but it's not to me." She replied angrily.
"It's not for me either Lois."
"Yeah right, and your track record to date proves that doesn't it. First it was Lana when she was engaged to Lex and now it's me. Do you always have to go after other guys girls; is it the thrill of cheating that turns you on?" She demanded acidly.
"I wasn't cheating Lois and neither were you." He replied steadily "Three days ago you were my fiancée"
She looked at him like he was slightly unbalanced, and took a step back "I'm engaged to Oliver."
"You're engaged to Oliver now, but you shouldn't be and that's one of the things I need to explain to you." He reached out to take her hand, but dropped his when she drew back "I know that you're confused, and I can tell you why." When her mouth opened, he shook his head quickly "No Lo, it's not because of what I'm saying, it's because Lana's messed with your head, in the same way that she's messed with both mine and Clark's lives."
"I'm not confused, but I think you are." She replied slowly "Lana's done nothing to me, nor has she done anything to you. The only one that's been directly affected by her is Clark, and considering that he's left her, then I'd say that she's the one who's messed up right now." She hesitated before continuing "Maybe being in this world has...I'm sorry, but maybe it's playing with your mind and..."
"This is my world." He reminded her gently "I am Kal and I can prove it to you."
"I don't think so."
"I can." He pressed his lips together and tried to smile but found the effort difficult "I can tell you everything that's happened in your dreams, everything that you and Kal have talked about, or done together that no one except the two of you two know about." He paused for a beat before continuing, and heard her heart begin to hammer heavily at his words "I can tell you about your first date, the first time you kissed, how you got scared and ran when he told you of his love, all your fights..."
Her breath caught in her throat, her eyes widened, her hand lifted to her breast, and shaking off her alarm, she took a step back "Don't say anything more."
"Lois, just look inside your heart and you'll know that I'm right. You're heads rejecting it, but your heart knows the truth."
She shook her head stubbornly "I know the truth."
"No you don't, you only know the fabrication that you've been living with for the past 8 years."
"You're trying to tell me that my life is a lie?"
"Yes." He replied softly "The dreams you've been having are your real life, they are the truth; and the life you're living now is the lie."
"Well this lie seems pretty real to me, so if it's it's all the same to you, I'll stick with it." Lois replied calmly.
"And you're just going to brush off the dreams, even though you've told me yourself that you can't discount their veracity?"
She heard the disappointed tone in his voice, and decided it was time to remind him that she wasn't a starry eyed dreamer, and never had been "I'm not interested in living in the Twilight Zone Smallville, I prefer to live in this plane of reality; so yeah, I'll stick with the lie, and leave the dreaming to you."
"Lois I can prove it to you if you'll let me."
"Prove what; that you're Kal?" She swiped a hand through her hair irritated "Smallville listen to me carefully; I'm not interested in dreams or in letting them rule my life. I prefer facts; reality not fantasy."
"We are the reality Lois."
"I don't know what you're talking about, but if you're trying to say that we belong together then one, I don't care, two, I don't believe you and three, I don't care." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly "Now, I'm going to marry Oliver and spend my life with him ok?"
He ignored her last statement and stuck to the matter at hand "I have a lot to tell you and I want you to listen to me, that's all I'm asking Lois; just that you hear me out."
She closed her eyes in aggravation "Smallville..."
"Please."
Her eyes opened and seeing the resolve on his face, knew that he wasn't going to stop until she listened "Fine, but when you're finished I want that to be the end of it, alright?"
The finality, the slight edge of frustration in her voice finally broke through the composure that he'd been trying to hold onto "No! God Lois don't you understand that I'm fighting for my life, our life together." He asked impatiently.
"No I don't understand; I don't get what the point of this is." She returned in the same tone.
"We were cheated Lois, our lives were stolen; don't you get that?" He yelled in frustration.
"My life wasn't stolen." She yelled back before dragging in a deep breath. When she next spoke, her voice was more temperate but just as firm "I know my life, I know what I've done, all the mistakes and choices I've made; both the good and the bad. Your life might have been stolen but mine wasn't."
"Yes it was." He returned inflexibly "We were engaged Lois, we were happy and we were going to be married next year."
"I'm happy now."
"You were happier with me."
"Of course you'd say that, for some reason you've got a bee in your bonnet about us, and nothing I say is going to budge it." She blew out a soft breath and rubbed shaking fingers over her brow "Look obviously something's wrong with you, so I think we should just go back to the house and hopefully someone there can help you."
"We were engaged Lois."
"Whatever." Shaking her head in frustration she turned away again, only to be swung around and into his arms.
He ignored her resistance, tightened his arms around her waist as his mouth locked possessively onto hers. When she gasped, his tongue swept inside plundering and claiming every corner and crevice for his own. Lois fought against him for a moment longer before finally giving into the desire rushing through her veins, and then she was clinging to him as tightly as he was holding her. His hands smoothed up and down her back, her fingers gripped into his hair. His lips lifted for less than a heart-beat before he was kissing her again. Their mouths moved against each others, changed angles but never quite parted as the kiss went on and on. It was only when he felt that she needed to take a deep breath, that he finally released her. Their eyes opened, his thumb brushed against her bottom lip when it suddenly hit him that he'd all but pushed himself onto her. His hand dropped away, he took a step back "I'm so sorry Lois."
Blinking rapidly, Lois swore softly under her breath and stepped away.
He watched as she gathered her composure, heard the curses she muttered softly, before turning back to him again "I told you before that I'd never leave Ollie for a flash in the pan. I don't know whether you weren't listening or just don't care, but I'm telling you again; I won't leave Oliver and I won't cheat on him with you." When his mouth opened she held up her hand "I'm going to tell him about this, about kissing you but I'm also going to tell him the truth; that it meant nothing to me."
"You responded to me." He challenged softly.
"Yeah I did but so what?" She nodded in agreement "I'm 28 Smallville, I've responded to a lot of men's kisses. Unlike the story books I've never yet magically fallen in love with someone because of a kiss." She smiled cynically "I've felt lust before, and I'm old enough to know better than to stupidly throw my whole life away, for something as fleeting as that."
"It wasn't lust Lois it was love; your heads just rejecting the truth." He replied sadly, pushing aside the misery he could feel creeping over his heart "We were engaged baby, please just try and believe."
"Firstly DON'T call me baby; I am NOT your baby. Secondly, I don't need to try and believe something that never happened. Now is this the end of it?" She asked quietly.
"No, I have to make you understand."
"No, I have to make you understand." She kept her voice even and her eyes steady on his "I'm not Lana; I don't need to have a boyfriend and a spare lined up just in case. Don't ever confuse me with her, because that will be your first mistake. One man at a time has always been enough for me; and from now on that man will only ever be Oliver."
He swallowed hard at the unwavering tone in her voice, but Lois was his life and he just couldn't give up "If you marry him it will be a mistake."
"Say's you."
"It's true."
"Then it will be my mistake."
"I told you that Clark and I are the same man, and that we were split. Well just as you've been dreaming about Kal, he's been dreaming about you; about..." His voice faltered but he firmed it "...about the life we had built together."
"Ok."
"It's true."
"I DON'T CARE!" She yelled in aggravation "I'm not interested in dreams, when are you going to get that?"
"Never; because we do belong together."
She looked at him, shook her head, turned on her heel and began walking down the long driveway to the house.
Smallville looked after her, as J'onn's warning once again rang in his head; no matter what you say now, Lois won't accept that you are the man she has been dreaming about; nothing you say in this timeline will bring the love she had for Clark back. He swallowed back the tears that clogged his throat and knew that if he just accepted defeat then he wouldn't be worthy of her love. Lois would never have given up on him so easily, she'd proven that just by clinging to him despite what Lana had done; he couldn't do any less for her.
He didn't try to stop her as she kept walking down the driveway, her footsteps paused now and again, but he followed behind and told her about their relationship. He knew that she was listening; her heart was beating like a drum in her breast, her breath had caught one or twice, and he'd heard her gasp when he described her engagement ring, but she kept walking.
When she reached the barn she stopped, but didn't interrupt until he grew quiet. After a minute of silence, she turned around and looked at him. Their eyes held for a moment, she saw the hope in his, and felt her heart hurt that she couldn't give him what he wanted. He saw the compassion in hers, and felt his heart ache that J'onn had been right.
"Have you finished?" Lois asked quietly.
"Yes."
"I didn't interrupt you once Smallville; not once. So please can that be the end of it?"
He heard the tiredness in her tone and began talking quickly "I haven't told you how this happened Lo, I haven't explained to you ..."
"I think you've said enough." She cut in quietly.
"Lois 8 years ago you were unconscious for five days, and I know there are times you get scared it will happen again." He shook his head quickly when she flinched "It wasn't a medical problem Lo, so you don't have to worry about that. However, I can tell you what caused it if you wanna know." She looked at him doubtfully but he could see that she was curious, and hoped it would be enough for her to want to hear the rest.
Lois paced away, chewed her thumbnail lightly and thought about it. She knew that he'd thrown out that carrot deliberately as a last resort that she'd be curious enough to listen. On the one hand she couldn't fault him, she'd done the same to others in pursuit of a story; on the other hand she didn't want to hear anymore. She was tired; just sick and tired of it all. She didn't know why he insisted on carrying on with this, but if she didn't find out what happened then she would still be frightened on occasions, and she didn't want that either.
Turning around, she saw that he was waiting patiently and exhaled heavily "I think I've been pretty patient up to now, but if you can tell me what happened 8 years ago then I'm not going to be stupid enough not to listen. However, it has to be on the understanding that once you're done, you will be done, ok?"
This was his last chance. He'd heard the determination in her voice and knew that if she didn't accept it after hearing this; that she never would. "Let's go up to the loft, we can be comfortable and talk without being interrupted, ok?"
She nodded and walked quietly beside him into the barn and up to the loft. Lois stood next to the window, pulled out her cigarettes, lit one and inhaled deeply before blowing out one long stream.
Smallville sat on the arm of the couch and at her gesture to begin, quietly told her all that had happened the previous month, then brought her up to date on everything up to the present.
Lois listened quietly, after her cigarette was finished, she took a seat on the couch and patiently listened to everything he said. When he finally grew quiet, she shook her head slowly as her lip curled up without humour "If Lana caused my coma just to get you back, then I'd say that she succeeded; after all when I woke up, the two of you were married."
"Clark and Lana were married Lois, I'm not married to her." He corrected firmly.
"Didn't you tell me that you and Clark are the same man?" She questioned sedately.
"We are...were...shit." He raked a hand through his hair and started again "Clark and I are the same man, but when he married Lana we were split. So the easiest way to make you understand is by saying that if he'd never married her, we would still be one person."
She nodded slowly "But he did marry her, so to try and understand what you're saying, I'm going to refer to you as one person, instead of separating you and Clark, is that alright?" He nodded reluctantly "Ok, well when I woke up in the hospital you and Lana were married."
"The first time I didn't marry Lana when you were in the hospital Lo, it was the second time that she and Clark eloped." Instead of being clear, his words came out a jumbled confusion. Hearing her reply, he swore softly, silently rebuking himself to take his time and get it right.
"There was no second time only a first; I've only been in a coma in the hospital once." She reminded him calmly.
"Sorry, what I'm trying to say is that in the first timeline; which is the real one, I never married Lana." He shook his head swiftly "After you woke up, she married Lex and a couple of months later you left to travel. I left shortly after their divorce, returned four years later and began to work with you at the Planet."
"That didn't happen."
"It did happen Lois, it did! But Lana went back to the past and convinced her younger self to marry me when I was just a stupid young fool, and that's when Clark and I were split." He let out a deep sigh and rubbed a hand over the nape of his neck "Shortly after I left Smallville, I forgot about Lana and was grateful that she turned me down, because I knew that if she hadn't I would have regretted it; which is where Clark comes in. He told you that he's been unhappy..." She nodded "...well that was an understatement Lo, he's been wretchedly miserable for years. As I mentioned before, just as you've been dreaming so has he. He's dreamt about the life that he'd lived, the woman that he loved, and for years the dreams were the only thing that got him through; they were the only thing that felt real to him. When you returned to America, and came to stay at the farm, he knew that you were the woman he'd been dreaming about. When I arrived a few days ago, he found out the truth. That the life he'd built, and the fiancée he loved had been taken from him; and then he found out that Lana was responsible."
He paused and looked at her sadly "I'm sure you can imagine how he felt knowing that his life was a lie, and the woman he was married to had tricked him." She tilted her head uncertainly "Now try and imagine how both of us felt when we discovered the truth. The life that I've lived for the past 8 years has been wiped out of existence as if it never happened. Clark's life has been changed in a way that he didn't want; and our fiancée, the woman we love more than anything is now engaged to another man."
"Smallville I've never been involved with, much less engaged to either of you." She replied softly.
"You were Lois."
She glanced out the window, before looking back at him "You're not really trying to get home are you?"
"Yes I am."
"I mean you're not trying to get back to your own world?"
"This is my world." He repeated once again "I'm just trying to get back everything that's been taken from me, and so is Clark."
She pressed her lips together and smiled sadly "Then I'm sorry, but until you can find a way to go back to your world..."
"This is my world." He cut in firmly, holding her eyes with his until she sighed and nodded reluctantly.
"Ok, if this is your world then you'll just have to accept that it's not the way you remembered it and move on." She suggested gently.
"I don't want to move on."
"You sound like you did when you used to dream about Lana."
"I'm not that kid anymore Lois, I don't want to move on because I know what's important, and who I need beside me for the rest of my life; and it's you." He reached out and touched her hand fleetingly "You're my life Lo, I need you; please, god please just try and remember."
At the combination of doubt and sympathy on her face he knew that he was losing, but kept talking in the hope that something would trigger inside her head and get through "The night before all of this happened, you were scared that Lana would do something to take me from you, and later I was scared of the same thing. I was frightened that one day I'd wake up, and be back to normal only to find that years had passed, and you had moved on to find happiness with someone else." He paused to swallow hard but kept going "You told me that if anything happened, you'd keep trying to get me back. You promised that you wouldn't give up on me, on us."
"How could I get you back, when we were never together in the first place?" She asked with a soft fleeting smile.
He brushed a tear away impatiently and looked into her eyes willing her to accept "We were together Lois; please baby just try and remember."
"Smallville..."
"I know you don't believe it but it's all true; there shouldn't be two Clark's Lois, there should only be one, and that one should be engaged to you."
"But there are two Clarks; one is married to Lana and the other is a solo act." She paused and chose her words carefully "I don't want to hurt you by saying this, but if what you said is true, then the life you knew is gone. Don't waste your life trying to get back what you had; you wasted years wanting Lana only to find that she wasn't the one, don't do it to yourself again. Clark's left Lana hoping to find happiness; now you need to do the same."
"You're telling me to forget you."
"Yes."
"I can't."
"Smallville I'm not the woman you believe me to be. I'm not a dreamer, I'm not romantic, and I don't believe in the world well lost for love; I'm much too practical minded about everything, and I like being that way." She hesitated at the despair on his face and continued softly "Dreams are nice but I prefer reality because even when it's sad or messy or heartbreaking it's real; and I'll take reality over flights of fancy any day of the week."
"The dreams you've had are real. I am Kal and the way we feel about each other in your dreams was our reality Lois. Our lives weren't perfect, we had arguments and petty disagreements, we laughed and had our fun times, sometimes the romance was soft, other times it was fun, and at others it was a fire that couldn't be quenched, and I was surprised that we didn't burn in the flames." He swallowed hard to push down the ball that was lodged in his throat "We were together for over 18 months Lois and the passion in our relationship; and I'm not just talking about our sex life, but our passion for each other didn't diminish, it burned hotter every day." He paused and asked quietly "How do you think you'll feel knowing that you had the chance to be with Kal in real life, but threw it away?"
"As I told you last night, even if I met Kal in real life it wouldn't change anything. Oliver's a good man and I love him, I'd never throw him away for a fantasy."
"I am Kal Lois." At the disbelief in her eyes, he finally accepted that J'on was right; she would never believe because Lana had taken that away from her "You don't believe me, do you?" He asked softly.
She sighed and shook her head softly "I think you're homesick and scared that you're not going to get back to your own world, so you're looking for a connection in this one. I don't know why you picked me but..."
"But you don't believe." He cut in, stating matter of fact.
"Smallville, you want me to believe that you and Clark are the same man; that your lives….our lives were all but taken and changed by Lana because she loved you; and all of this happened without anyone being aware of it." She raked her fingers through her hair, and smiled without humour "Don't forget I was around back then, so I know that Lana never had to use tricks to get a boy named Clark Kent to marry her. Plus I'm also the woman whose condition you both used for your own benefit to try and steal her from Lex. Clark succeeded, and you failed, but you've both told me that you did it." When his mouth opened she shook her head "I've no doubt that Lana came-on to you, just as I'm sure that you were looking for an opening and my jaunt the in the hospital suited you both; but blaming it all on her now is kind of tacky don't you think?"
"No, she didn't trick us into pursuing her, or Clark into marrying her, we have no one but ourselves to blame for that." He replied in a soft voice "I know you felt cornered when you said that we were your best friends..." This time when her mouth opened, but he didn't give her time to respond "It's ok Lo, in this timeline our friendship hasn't had a chance to grow, and because of that you don't know just how bad we feel for what we did. I only remembered it last month but..."
"Its ancient history now, so forget about it." She cut in quietly "Clark apologised a long time ago and that was enough. I'm just trying to point out that given what I know; you can't reasonably expect me to believe your story." Lois' lips curved up in faint smile "Besides, didn't I hear you state quite emphatically only a couple of days ago, that you would never be interested in me because I'm not your type?"
He swore richly in his head, but didn't get a chance to respond "It's fine Smallville, I feel the same way. We were never attracted to each other romantically which is a good thing. Romance has ruined a lot of good friendships, and I think we have become friends; ok not best but closer." She patted his shoulder absently "We used to have a somewhat familial relationship; remember when I told you off about AC, said I didn't need a brother..."
"We're not siblings Lois, not even close." He cut in decisively, determined to derail that train.
"No, but we're not anything else either." She told him steadily.
"And Clark's dreams, the one's I told you that he's been having."
"You also told me that he's been miserable for years, so his dreams were probably just a way of escaping from a marriage that he felt trapped in. A lot of people dream of doing bigger and better things when they're unhappy with their life. He's been married since he was 19, but 30 is now looming on the horizon and he's frightened." She shrugged casually "Instead of enjoying life and being somewhat carefree when he had the chance, he spent his teenage years either chasing after or pining for Lana, and his twenties being the dependable responsible husband. Now he's almost 30, his marriage didn't work out and all those years are gone. Given that he's been unhappy, and is now older, more than likely he's also realised that just because he was hot for Lana in school, didn't mean that he had to marry her before he'd even had a chance to get out there and see what the world had to offer."
The logic of her reasoning was sound, and he would have agreed, if he didn't know in this instance it was all wrong "Seeing you in his dreams; his feelings for you?" He prompted quietly.
She sighed and rubbed her brow "I probably returned at a time when he was really vulnerable. He was dreaming of another life, loving someone new and exciting, and possibly wrote the dreams off as nothing more than a harmless little fantasy. We've all fantasised at some point, and it is harmless until you get sucked into believing that it's real." She gave a small embarrassed smile "I hate admitting this, but I've struggled at times to not to give and believe my dreams are real, but I haven't, so I do understand where he's coming from. Unfortunately, he was unhappy and consequently susceptible so when I returned, he endowed me with all the characteristics of his fantasy woman, and made me out to be something that I'm not."
When his head shook back and forth, she nodded instead "Clark's on his own for the first time in his life; he doesn't have Lana, he's been yearning for his dream woman so I'm convenient. You're scared that you're stuck here, so I'm convenient for you too. But Oliver will tell you that I'm just as much of a pain as I always was, I really haven't changed much at all. Believe me, if we were together, you and Clark would be looking for a way out."
He shook his head and ignored her sigh "And the fact that I described your dreams in more detail than you've revealed." He asked despondently.
"You told me that Clark dreamt, do you know all about his dreams?" He nodded reluctantly "More than likely, you've just taken the little I've shared, combined it with his, and turned it around to describe mine."
"But that could only have happened if you had the same dreams."
"There are a lot of things that can't be explained in this world. I'm not comfortable with that because I think everything must have some logic behind it, but I'm not so close minded that I'm going to believe that some things just can't be explained."
His eyes filmed over, and his throat started to close up, but he cleared it determined to have one last say "Lois you have the opportunity of a lifetime here, not many people get it, and everyone would love to have it. You can marry Oliver and be content, or you can be with the man that loves you more than life, the man that you loved in the same way before it was taken away from us." He slashed his hand across his eyes, and lifted it to touch the side of her face "You've had the dreams so you know that I'm right, you just have to accept."
She shook her head once again.
His heart clenched tight in fear; he'd lost. His hand fell uselessly to his side; he nodded and turned his eyes towards the window, but couldn't make himself leave. Her mind was blocked against him, and nothing he said or did would ever get through. It seemed that Lana had gotten her victory after all; she'd wanted to ensure that Lois wouldn't love him and she'd succeeded.
Lois looked at him quietly, noted the tears sliding down his cheeks, and knew that it was time to bring an end to everything "Do your mom and Chloe believe everything you've just told me?" She asked quietly.
He nodded shortly "Yes, we all know it's true; including Clark, Dianna and J'onn."
She shook her head in weary resignation "While I wait by my car, will you please go inside, get my purse and car keys; tell everyone that I'm leaving."
His eyes shot to hers "You don't have to leave."
"Yeah I do." She nodded gently "I'm going home to Oliver."
"God Lois, please."
She shook her head once again, and after touching him softly on the arm, left the loft quietly.
He sat still for a moment, closed his eyes tight and pushed his feelings down deep before racing into the house, gathering her purse and keys, coming back and silently handing them to her.
"Thank you." She opened the car door but instead of getting in, she smiled at him sadly "Please tell Clark not to come and see me, I think it's best if none of us see each other again."
"Lois..."
"I'm sorry, I really am. Maybe one day you will get back to your world and find what you've lost, and Clark will meet the right woman and be happy; I sincerely hope you both do." She finished softly before turning to climb in the car, but stopped at the sound of her name.
"The last night we were together, I told you to never ask me to let you go, because that was the one thing I couldn't give you." He swallowed hard and finished in a soft voice "Just as you promised to never give up on me should anything happen, I won't give up on you either. We'll be together again because I'll never stop fighting until our lives are restored to us, I promise Lois." He stepped forward, stopped then stepped forward again and gathered her into his arms.
He held her close, breathing in the scent of her hair, feeling the familiar lines of her body pressed against his "I love you baby; I always will." He pressed his lips against her cheek then dropped his arms and stepped back, watching silently as she got into her car and drove away.
He kept looking after the car long after she'd pulled onto the road, until it became only a speck using normal vision, and that's when it finally hit him. She was gone, the most precious thing that he'd had, the person that he loved more than anything else was gone. He'd lost her, and until or unless the spell was reversed, she wouldn't be coming back. He turned to walk back into the house, when his knees buckled. He landed on the ground heavily, tried to gulp in air, but the ball in his throat became bigger; his breathing turned to gasps, and pants before tearing out of his throat in a scream. Wrapping his arms tight around his knees, his head dropped onto his arms, and he sobbed for all that had been taken from him and all that he'd lost.
oOo
As the door closed behind her son, Martha looked at Chloe before turning to her guest with trepidation.
"J'onn..." He lifted his eyes to hers, and at the graveness of his face, asked quietly "Do you know what's going on?"
He half nodded and smiled sadly in reply "I believe so; when Lois said that she wanted to go for a walk, she really wanted to be by herself to say goodbye to Kal."
Chloe paled and turned to catch the older woman's eye before turning back again "But what about seeing the two men and..."
He shook his head gently "She can't accept Chloe, she thought about it, but nothing can get past the spells that Lana did; they were too powerful."
"That's why you were quiet after lunch when we were all teasing him about being Superman, isn't it?" She asked forlornly "I just thought...but that's why?"
"Yes, I knew but it wasn't for me to say."
"Clark went out to stop her, didn't he?" Martha asked steadily.
"I can only assume, but he heard her talking before he went outside, and I think we all know that he wasn't going to let her go without at least trying to make her believe." He finished softly.
Martha felt her heart ache knowing that right now her boy was hurting, and there was nothing she could do. Right now they were all helpless; helpless to stop Lois from turning away, helpless to make Lana change everything back, helpless without the knowledge of how to do it themselves.
No more words were spoken, eye contact was fleetingly exchanged and each saw the sadness the other felt at what was presently taking place outside. All hoped that Clark would succeed, but knew that he wouldn't, and all hurt.
When he zoomed into the house, up the stairs and out again, Martha turned to J'onn once again, and at his gentle headshake, swallowed back the tears and waited for her boy to come inside.
She heard the car drive away, but when he didn't return after several minutes, she got to her feet, and peered out the window to find her son standing stock still, looking down the road. When he turned towards the house, she looked over her shoulder at her guests, smiled sadly and opened her mouth to ask if they could have some privacy, when his scream resonated through the kitchen. Not caring about anything but her son, she flung open the door, and ran down the stairs.
She could see his body was shaking, could hear his sobs and sliding to her knees beside him, she wrapped her arms tight around him. Suppressing her own feelings, she rocked her son as she used to when he was a child, until the gut wrenching sobs finally petered out to hiccupping gasps, and then silence. Her hands stroked over his back, trying to calm the shudders that were still quaking through his body. She pressed her cheek to the top his head, and tried to think of something that would give him comfort, but knew that nothing she said right now would stem the hurt that he was feeling.
"Come inside sweetie."
"She's gone mom."
"I know, come inside."
"I thought...I thought that I could get through to her. I was so sure that Lana could never beat Lois and me, that nothing could; but she's won."
"No she hasn't." Martha replied firmly and cupped his face in her hands "Lana's won nothing; she's lost, she just hasn't admitted it yet."
"Lois...Lois doesn't love me mom."
"Yes she does Clark, remember what J'onn said, that if Lois can't accept the truth, it's not her fault. Please sweetie, don't look at this as if your love for Lois wasn't strong enough, or hers for you was lacking because it wasn't." She wiped her thumbs under his eyes and kissed his cheek "If Lois' love for you was weak, then she wouldn't have remembered you at all; but she did. Despite what Lana did, she remembered you Clark, and she heard you calling out to her. Lana took the love Lois felt for you away, so her heart can't hear the truth, but don't ever doubt that she loves you; because then Lana will win."
The tears trickled quietly down his cheeks "She's gone back to Oliver."
She nodded gently and pressed her lips to his forehead "We can't stop her Clark, the only thing we can keep doing is hoping. Don't give up on hope honey; sometimes it's the only thing that gets us through. Lana will either give up, or J'onn will get the information from her, or he'll decipher the spell, but she's not going to win this Clark, I'm damned if she will."
He nodded wearily "I don't know what to do mom; what'd I do? I'm used to solving most things with my powers, but they're not going to help with this. As bad as everything was, just having Lois here with me, believing that she would finally see that I was Kal was enough, but I don't have that anymore."
Helping him to his feet, she wrapped an arm around his waist and began to lead him back to the house "Come inside sweetie, just come inside for now."
They walked into the kitchen and found it empty, knowing that everyone had left to give them some privacy, Martha guided her son to the lounge room, and sat him down on the couch "I'm just going to see what's happening, but I'll be back in a minute ok?" He laid his head back on the couch, closed his eyes and nodded disconsolately. She smoothed his hair back, bent and placed a kiss on the crown of his head and walked out of the room to the study.
When she opened the door, all three turned to her with faces full of melancholy.
"How is he?" Chloe asked quietly.
"Heartbroken; Lois has gone home to Oliver."
Chloe's eyes filled with tears "Is there anything I can do?"
"No, unfortunately the only people who can do something right now are Lana or Lois." She wiped her fingers under her eyes and sighed "One is too selfish to give my boy's their lives back, and the other can't accept the truth because it's been hidden from her."
"Martha..." She turned at the call of her name "I will go back to the house, Dianna will stay here and keep trying to decipher the spell. I think that Clark needs to know what has happened, and he'll need his mom." J'onn paused and continued softly "I know at the moment all seems hopeless but it is not. I will try to delve deeper into Lana's mind, see if I can find anything that will help, or even encourage her into doing the right thing. However, even if I can't, I will know the second she thinks of the reversal and then we'll have it. If she decides to do it that's fine, but either way remind both men that their lives will be restored to them."
She nodded "Thank you. I don't know what you should say to Clark. I..."
J'onn looked at her with compassion "I will just tell him that I am there to give him a break and to keep tapping into Lana's mind. I don't believe this is the kind of thing he would like to hear at all, but if he has to, then it would be best coming from those who love him; yourself, his brother and his friend."
She nodded, he left, Chloe and Martha returned to the lounge room, and Dianna once again attempted to interpret the spell.
