Taken
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. This fanfiction is for entertainment purposes only.
Author's Note: Thank you so much for the reviews! You are all wonderful. I hope you enjoy this chapter. It is from Bella's POV. I hope you enjoy this chapter. This is the beginning of Bella crawling out of the darkness and trying to save herself. I hope you like it. Thanks again for reading and reviewing! You all rock!
BELLA'S POV
Awareness begins to awaken as it drags the numbness away from my body. I try to grip the numbness, to keep it a part of me. I didn't have to face my life when I was blanketed in the numbness of my pain.
However, reality wasn't going to allow me that. I have to face what I had done. I have to face what happened to me. I know that, just as I have known even in my mental state that Edward hasn't left my side for however long it has been. Has it been hours? Days? Weeks? I am unsure.
I just know I don't want to be a ghost. I want to live. I want to feel deserving of Edward's love. I want…I want to trust Edward again. As the numbness recedes, my mind is able to process that Edward is talking to me with his eyes downcast and his hands are clutching one of mine tightly in a vice.
"I miss you, my Bella. I remember our first kiss with perfect clarity. I remember our first kiss with perfect clarity. I remember your first day at Forks High School and how drawn I had been to you. You have always been so damn strong. You have always been there for me when I needed you. How could I have abandoned you in my quest for revenge when you needed me?"
I feel his tears drip onto my hand and a small whimper escapes me. I detest seeing him in pain. He hears me and raises those glorious burning eyes to my own. When he sees I am lucid he begins to cry anew.
"Love? Bella are you all right? I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry."
I reach my hand out and caress his cheek and he smiles slightly at me.
"Can you ever forgive me?" Edward asks me earnestly.
I know I have already forgiven Edward. I understand why he has changed. I know what has happened to me impacts him just as much if not more so. So, I nod at Edward and watch as he cries more tears. I can't cry, not yet. I need to see a counselor and soon. I tried to end my life because of what I saw. I had to talk it out and I can't do that with Edward. If I do, he will always want to kill Riley. I know eventually I will tell him, but not yet.
"I need help." I whisper to Edward.
Edward just clutches me tightly against his chest.
"I'll help you. We'll get through this together."
I knew he would suggest that, so I am ready with my response. "No, I want to talk to a counselor. Could you let your father know? Please." I finish quietly.
His eyes are filled with hurt and sadness, but he tries to hide it from me.
"Sure, of course. Whatever you need." He says quietly. He pages a nurse and Carlisle is in the room only moments later.
"Bella, how wonderful that you are back. What can I do for you, sweetheart? Carlisle asks me in a pleasant yet concerned voice.
I take a deep breath and focus entirely on Carlisle, not wanting to lose my nerve. "I need to see a counselor right now, as soon as possible. I need someone to talk to immediately."
Carlisle flashes Edward a look of concern before addressing me.
"The only counselor available today is Dr. Paul Lahote. If you would prefer to wait for a female counselor, I…"
I cut him off. "Dr. Lahote will be just fine." I swallow down the fear and focus on what I need to do.
"Very well." Carlisle says distractedly.
I look over at Edward and he is looking down at his hands. Carlisle leaves to arrange my appointment and Edward speaks.
"You haven't forgiven me. If you had then you would confide in me as we have always done."
I don't want to hurt him, but I have to be honest. He deserves that and so much more.
"Edward, I do forgive you, but…I can't worry about setting you off with what I say. I don't want you to go off and kill Riley. I don't think you are ready to hear what I know now."
His eyes fly up to meet mine. "What you remembered in the bathroom?" He asks and I nod.
"I just…I need to talk to a professional, Edward. I tried to kill myself because of a memory coming back to me. That isn't normal. I need to heal myself. I need to heal so we can heal together."
His eyes fill with shame. "I understand. I'm sorry that what I said hurt you." He tells me softly.
I sigh in obvious frustration. "I don't want you to be sorry you hurt me. I want you to be sorry you said it in the first place!"
Edward runs his hands through his hair in frustration and yanks on it. He doesn't speak for a long time.
"I'm sorry." He whispers brokenly.
I know what he isn't saying and he knows that I know it, too. He is sorry he hurt me, but still plans to kill Riley. I am not sure what is worse, the immense sadness I feel or the scorching anger that he still doesn't understand me, or just doesn't want to understand me.
As the pain inside my heart grows I feel complete despair overtake me. I decide that I need Edward to leave the room for a while. I need some space and some time to think. I cannot allow him to destroy his life and he still plans to try. I am not strong enough to deal with that. Not yet.
"Edward, I need a little time to myself right now."
His eyes flash with fear. "Bella, please."
"Please go. I just…I have…" I can't quite get it out, but I don't have to say anything. A deep voice fills the room.
"I believe Ms. Swan asked you to leave. You have to anyway because we are about to have a therapy session."
He is a tall, good looking man in his late twenties. He walks across the room ignoring Edward and reaches out his hand to shake mine in introduction.
"Hello, Ms. Swan. It is a pleasure to meet you. My name is Dr. Paul Lahote. Please call me Paul."
His eyes are warm and he is so friendly that I offer him a small smile. "Call me Bella." I offer.
"Bella." He says with a smile. He turns to Edward. "I will make sure your father contacts you when you are allowed back into the room."
Edward's eyes are filled with anger as he looks at Paul, but are filled with tears when he looks at me and I know I have to reassure him.
"Edward, I promise we will talk right after my session. I love you." I tell him.
The pain in his eyes lessens somewhat as he responds.
"I love you, too." Before he slowly and painfully leaves the room…taking my shattered heart with him.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Bella is finally on the mend. What do you think about Dr. Paul? Do you think he will cause trouble ahead? Do you think that Edward will let go of his hatred and need for revenge? I would love to hear your thoughts!
Thanks again for reading! You are all wonderful! Please review!
