WARNING:

Dark Themes including talk of SUICIDE in this chapter nothing extreme, but it's there.

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Chapter 29:

It came from behind. I spun quickly and threw a kick backwards into whoever it was. My foot collided with a stomach which resulted in a deep "UHG!" it was a guy. He came back with a fist to my chest knocking me backwards into the bathroom door. Wait has the door been closed this whole time? The intruder interrupted my thoughts with the attempt to choke me. I ducked and jumped on his back trying to choke him. The bathroom door opened. Jacob stood in the doorframe with the light illuminating the kitchen; he stood there shocked. I looked down at the intruder and dropped right off of him.

"What the hell was all that?" Jacob asked looking back in forth between me and Sam. "Was that you two?"

"It was quiet, you weren't on the couch anymore and didn't respond to me calling your name. It was dark so just as a precaution I walked quietly down the hallway. I heard a creak behind me so I spun and kicked. I didn't know it was Sam."

"So I pushed her backwards into the door-"

"With his fist."

"With my fist, and went after her to choke her."

"I ducked and jumped on his back trying to choke him!" I shook my head with a chuckle.

"You couldn't tell who she was?" he asked Sam.

"No. Her hair is up, from behind in the dark it looks like she has no hair. It could have been anyone."

"So you guys okay?"

"Yeah, were good." I laughed.

"Yeah." Sam chuckled.

"Good, now that you guys arent trying to kill each other anymore, I'm going to bed."

"Let me help you." Sam said acting as Jacob's crutch as he walked.

"Why are we stopping at the couch?" Jacob asked.

"Because you sleep down here."

"I want to be next to Sydney." I haven't heard him talk this way in so long, I smiled.

"I'll sleep on the floor right below you."

"So he can squish you when he gets up? I don't think so." sam said.

"And the floor isn't comfortable."

"Well then…" I looked around. "I'll sleep on the chair."

"Why can't we just go sleep in the bed?"

"So you don't have to go up and down the stairs."

"I'm fine."

"Don't be difficult." I said and gave him a kiss on the forehead. "Until your legs get better you should be off them as much as possible. We'll take care of you." I said with a smile. He crossed his arms and sat back on the couch.

"I'll be right back." Sam said.

"You're coming back?" Jacob asked.

"To watch out during the night." he left.

"I hate this!" Jacob said fixing his legs.

"What's wrong?" I asked sitting next to him.

"I should be the one protecting you. Not you protecting me or Sam protecting you!" I rubbed his chest and starred at his face.

"It's only for a little time. You can go back to being my big bad wolf in a few weeks. Okay?" he looked at me. "Can I have a kiss?"

"Since you asked, no." I waited a second then leaned up and kissed him. "Hey what are you doing!"

"What?" I laughed.

"No means no." he said with a smile.

"You're so goffy." I leaned in again.

"Rape!"

"You can't rape the willing." I winked at him and he laughed. He looked at me for a second before he leaned down and kissed me. Our lips haven't touched like this in days, I never realized how much I loved it until now. I snuggled in next to him and ran my nose against his lower jaw line. I gave him one kiss on his adams apple and rubbed his chest again. He sighed and relaxed a little more under my touch. Sam came back in.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't meant to-"

"It's okay." I said sitting up, I could have sworn I heard Jacob whimer in protest. "Jacob try to get some sleep, I'm gonna talk to Sam outside for a minute."

"Jacob?" he asked quietly. I kept my face serious. "Okay." he said with a nod. I helped him lay back on his pillow, turned out the light and stepped outside with Sam.

"I need to talk to you please."

"Okay, it's a little hard to understand you though, because of your accent.

"I'll try to speak slow. I don't know what to do. The test is in two days, we can't fail the test. If we fail that's it, I'm forever their slave until they decide to kill me, and Jacob, Jacob will die."

"Does he know?"

"Not that he'll die if we fail."

"How do you fail this, test?"

"For me, if I use my powers, for Jacob…if the moonlight touches him."

"The moonlight?"

"Yeah. They say wolves are most powerful, in human and wolf form, in the light of their own; the moonlight. I don't know what to do."

"He'll just stay in at night."

"What about week four?"

"What happens in week four?"

"He's a wolf that whole week."

"Too big to be inside."

"Yeah. That's not the only problem though. Carlisle said he has to phase all over again. The breaking of the bones, the nails and teeth growth, everything. You know how much pain he's gonna be in? His legs aren't going to be ready for that in two days. He heals fast, but not that fast."

"All over again." he shook his head.

I let out a sigh,,

"What else is on your mind?"

"Besides everything? Um, well." I let out a sigh and looked down.

"What is it? You can trust me."

"I think I should leave…if not before then after."

"Why?"

"Look around, for every star in the sky I have two reasons. His life, well all of your lives, are much more complicated with me here. Thik about it, would Jacob be laying on that couch right now with a broken lag and one he can barely walk on? Would he have to go through this test? Would his house have caught on fire? All the extra arguments between you guys? The fight with me and Leah? The whole thing with Jacob and Embry imprinting on me? I hate that me being with Jacob is hurtful towards Embry. I could keep going, but I think you see my point."

"You can't be serious."

"100%, I am." a tear ran down my cheek.

"Don't you love him? Jacob?"

"Wha- Of course!" I said as more tears started to surface. "That's why I'm doing this. To make his life better and less complicated."

"No, if you're gonna go through with this, it'll be in spite of your feelings for him. He would give his life for you an-"

"He might have to! Because of me. It's not a sure thing, me leaving, but I'd be lying if I said the thought never crossed my mind." he put his hands through his hair. "You'll be the only one to know about this. I'll make him forget me, like I never existed. He forgot me once, it won't hurt him-" my tears choked me, cutting me off., "it won't hurt him to forget me again."

"How can you say that? It's a selfish decision."

I scoffed, "Yeah, I'm definitely thinking of myself! If I leave before the test, he wont have to go through it, I'll surrender, or live under the radar for a while. I can survive a few months until they find me. Look I was only telling you, so you knew what was going on, when I don't show up."

"You're gonna decide this within two days?"

"I have to. I won't let him die for me, it wouldn't be fair."

"I thought you wanted to start a family with him though."

"I do…DID!" I corrected quickly.

"Did." Sam repeated.

"Why are you trying so hard to get me to stay anyways? You don't like me."

"You make his life. You make him happy. And it's not that I don't like you, it's just, I don't fully agree with all of your choices. I don't wanna see that kid with out you here. He wont be the same." the tears fell harder.

"Well then what if I died?" I whispered died. I didn't mean to, my voice stopped coming out, but my lips still moved. "That way he won't have to try to find me, or get me back. He wont have a chance with me or a choice; he'll have to move on. Would that be easier? If I killed myself?" his eyes widened. "or went in the woods and didn't fight back? Trust me I don't want to be saying this, but thinking the things, I've been thinking has made me resort to this. I've made myself crazy thinking about this shit!"

"Now you listen to me." he said walking closer to me and grabbing my hands. "You are not going to harm or kill your self. Do you hear me?" I sniffed. "I won't let that happen. You might think I have no way of controlling your actions on leaving and your right, I don't. but I cant keep you from killing yourself."

"I think you need some sleep."

"Nightmares."

"At least try. It'll help take your mind off of things."

"No. I'm just gonna sit out here on the steps for a while." he looked at me suspicious.

"Don't leave without telling me."

"I'm not leaving tonight. Alexie is here."

"Alright. I'm gonna check up on you from time to time."

"Okay Sam." he walked slowly inside. I sat on the step and looked straight out. My hair swirled around letting the wind reach my scalp and seep into my thought. The cool air was a refresher. All my thoughts raced through my head.

"Leaving." I said quietly to myself. 'Leaving is definitely an option. Probably option number one. I don't have to kill myself. Although, if I did it would probably be better that way. I wouldn't have to worry about going to be their servant, or having them kill the people I love while I watch, or them killing me. I'll save that as my last resort, I guess. Could I ever kill myself? No, I don't think I could. I could put myself in the hospital, but not six feet under. Maybe I'd ask that bitch Cassie to do it. In that fight we had at school it seemed like she was trying to kill me. I don't know.' I thought. I shook my head. I have to stop thinking about death, I'm getting depressed. I'll need that depression later, not now when I need to think!

'what happens if I don't leave? Keep Jacob out of the moonlight? Go back to deal with Jane? Help Whitney through being a mom and being a vampire? Live a lifetime of guilt? Maybe I need to talk to someone else about this.' I thought. Sam opens the door, interrupting my thoughts.

"I'm still here, Sam." I said with my head down, he closed the door. The wind blew and I caught a whiff of wolf, I didn't move or think anything of it.

"Sydney?" a guy said a few minutes later. I looked up.

I said Embry, "Hey Bry."

"What are you doin' out here? Why are you talking like that?"

"Thinking and it's a long story. Haven't seen you in a while."

"I know! Come here." he said smiling walking towards me. I stood up and walked up to him. He hugged me and gave me a kiss on the corner of my mouth. "How's Jake?"

"Doin' okay."

"And what about you sweetheart?" I blushed.

"I wish I could say I was okay, but soon it'll all be over with." I smiled.

"Not, sure if I know what you mean, but…okay.." he sat next to me. "I missed you. I kinda forgot what you looked like."

"I could never forget your baby face." I said and pinched his cheek. He smiled, HUGE. "If I asked you to do something…crazy, for me, would you do it?"

"Anything! Whatever you say I'll do it."

I put my hands on either sides of his face and looked slowly back and forth between his eyes. "Runaway with me. Don't tell anyone, let's just go."

"Seriously?"

I shrugged, "Maybe."

"Alright, when?"

"You'd seriously do that for me?"

"Of course, I love you. I have no choice, I imprinted."

"Can you ever forget that you imprinted?"

"No, it's like your name, you never forget. Even if you don't like it, not in my case," he smiled, "but, you can't forget."

"That must suck."

"Sometimes. You know like when you see the one your supposed to be with, with someone else. Kissing, hugging, touching. It drives you nuts! You wanna do something, but her happiness means more to you than anything. No matter what it is that makes her happy, she's happy, so your happy."

"Oh, Bry…"

"No, please I don't need you pity."

"Well you're getting it anyways. You know I love you, right?"

He chuckled once, "Yeah Syd, I know."

"No I'm serious. I love you Embry Call."

"Not enough."

"But I do." I said and gave him a small kiss.

"I love your kisses." he said quietly. I smiled and leaned against him.

"You time will come Embry." he said quietly.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing, nothing." he smiled.

"Shouldn't you be getting home? It's late."

"I can stay with you all night. When you want me to leave, I'll go."

"Don't say that," I chuckled, "I'll never ask you to leave."

"Let me ask you something."

"Sure." I said looking up at him.

"If I got to you before Jake?" he paused, "If I told you my feelings and asked you to be mine, before you met Jacob, would things be differently right now? Would I be laying in bed right now with you sleeping next to me?"

"Embry…" I said quietly.

"No, please, I need to know."

"…maybe. Okay yes I love Jacob, but I have a whole different kind of love for you. One I cant explain. If I met you first, who knows what might have happened. I can't say for sure. But I can say, I honestly would have dated both of you guys and made my decision after. If I couldn't decide, I wouldn't chose either of you because I wouldn't want to hurt the other, how I hurt you now."

"You're not hurting me."

"I am too, don't lie." he sighed.

"Thank you for being honest, though."

"I owe it to you."

"Please, you don't owe me anything." he started to ywan then stopped and tried to cover it with a cough.

"Go home and sleep."

"I'm not tired."

"Bullshit." I smiled.

"I wouldn't trade anything for being here right now."

"Can you stay a little longer? I'd like a cuddle buddy if you don't mind."

"Anything for you." he said wrapping his left arm around me, I snuggled into him, inhaling his scent.