Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games.

We awake when the train lurches to a stop. I eat an egg and drink a sip of hot chocolate, then I go to change. I have a metallic black dress, with the fabric slightly shredded at the bottom. Just for the technology district, straight from District 8. I walk out onto the stage and see the families. Carline has two little sisters that just like her, with glasses and straight blonde hair. The boy has a brother that just looks bored, like he doesn't care that his brother is gone forever.

The crowd claps politley, obviously relieved that the murderer of their children isn't in front of them. I decide to abandon the speech. I step up th the microphone and find my voice. "I can't tell you how sorry I am. I didn't kill them, but that doesn't mean I'm not sorry. I know you don't like me. I don't expect you to. I came home and they didn't. But you have to learn how to move on. I'll learn with you, because I see them all at night, in my nightmares. Don't mourn their death, celebrate their lives. It will get you through the days ahead. Thank you."

The crowd claps, more real this time. I walk into the Justice Building. I don't pay attention to the feast, because I start talking to Beetee, a previous victor. I ask him to make some things for me. "You'll probably be mentoring this year, so I'll give it to you in the hub. I have a hunch that District 2 is gonna win this year. And District 7's long overdue for a female victor, they'll probably be next. and then District 1 once or twice..." Leona twirps to me that it's time to leave. I thank Beetee as Marlin loops his arm around me. I fall asleep in my dress.

~A day later~

My nightmare was awful last night. "Join us," they had all said. Would it really be that bad? But Marlin... Snow would surely kill him as punishment for my suicide on the tour, if Marlin doesn't kill himself first. I have no doubt that he wouldn't hesitate to join me. But what about my father and my sisters? They would surely be executed for "crimes" against the Capitol in front of the Justice Building, with everyone in the entire district watching them die.

We pull into District 2's station. I walk onto the stage in my short long-sleeved lavender dress with minimal clapping. The sleeves are because it's cold here, but the they also have hidden compartments for valuables... and weapons.I try to look happy, but my stomach is somersaulting as I look at the families.

There's Anna's parents, little brother, and two sisters, Aeneas, Adair, and Clove. The two younger ones have black hair an eyes such a brilliant green I can tell from here. Adair had wavy brown hair, like Anna, and light blue eyes. On Oliver's side, there's his mom and a little boy, about six years old, with blonde hair and blue eyes. He looks at Clove, who is still a little baby, and shakes his head and rolls his eyes. Oh, how ironic if he ended up loving HER of all people. I say the usual speech. Then I add my heartfelt speech, the one that I wrote.

"In District 2, it's an honor to volunteer, but I honestly wish Anna hadn't. Anna, Madeline, and I were more than just allies. I wouldn't exactly call it friends, because we were still all out for each other's blood, but we had a bond that even the games couldn't break. Oliver, on the other hand, was the epitome of a District 2 tribute. Strong, tall, good with weapons. In the training center before the games, I suggested that two of the career learn survival skills. On the way to the Captiol I saw a games where all the Careers died of starvation, a shameful death, because there wasn't any food in the cornucopia. Oliver disagreed immediately, but Anna talked him into it.

"They had a special bond, Anna and Oliver. My heart almost broke when he told her that he loved her." "Oliver has dishonored us all in Two. He showed love during the games because he was weak, unworthy of being a victor. Love, the mark of a weakling," Oliver's little brother says, his surprisingly strong voice echoing off the buildings in the square.

"I beg to differ, Mr..." "Cato." "Well, I beg to differ, Mr. Cato. Love is what makes me strong. Hell, love is the only reason I'm standing in front of you and not Oliver. Thus, showing love is not weak to me. Oliver didn't dishonor you. He showed that just because you're from a District 2 doesn't mean that you're incapable of love. Honor them both, and don't forget them. Thank you."

Someone in the crowd throws something at me. The short knives in my sleeves are dislodged from the tiny pocket and slicing through the apple before it hits me in seconds. It falls to the stage in three pieces. I bow and walk away.

~A day later~

Now we're in District 1. This may be the second hardest, behind District 9. I sleep, I eat breakfast, I let Marlin slip me into my short dark pink dress. I am mechanical. I had the dream again last night, and it's slowly getting to me. I somehow can't scream when I have it, so Marlin doesn't know when to wake me up. My sisters back home is the only thing that keeps me from purposely tripping and falling onto the train tracks. My speech is the same, I say some stuff about Alistair and Maddie, but my attention is on Maddie's siblings.

Her brother Jasper is glaring at me with a look of pure hatred. Her sistirs, Opal, Jade, Aquamarine, and Glimmer, are all smiling at me. The first three are Madeline imposters. The only difference is that they don't have an insanse glint in their eyes. The other, Glimmer, has the stereotypical green eyes of District 1. She twirls her blonde hair idly around her finger, a far away look on her face.

The little food I do eat is good. I just want to have dinner in my room, with Marlin. I fall asleep on the car ride to the station. I am woken up by FiFi, who is carrying me aboard. I start to panic, so he puts me down. "Where's Marlin?" "He's... busy. He'll meet back up with us in District 10." "But he was supposed to be here with me the entire time!" "I said he's busy, princess."

As soon as we're on the train, I start screaming at Finnick. He leads me to my room by my hand. "Get your hands off of me, FiF!" I scream as I try to pull my left arm from his grasp. "Shut your mouth, princess!" He closes the door.

Looking around around the room, he pulls a listening device from the frame of a painting on my wall, microphones from my lamp and the doormat, and a camera from the knob on the bathroom doorknob.

He throws them out into the hallway. He sits down in a chair and sighs. I curl up into a ball on my bed. "He.. he was supposed to be here protect me. What's going to happen to us now?" I ask, scratching at my stomach. He is confused for a moment, but then it dawns on him. "Really? Gonna reveal it in the Capitol?" I nod.

"Then that's why Marlin was summoned by Snow. Snow must have found out somehow, and he threatened Marlin with it." "But Marlin doesn't even know!" I argue. Finnick shrugs. "I noticed you didn't eat at the feast. Let me go get you some fish." "Bring a knife for the bones." He nods and leaves the room.

As I wait, I silenly pray that Snow doesn't tell Marlin my secret. I wanted to tell him so badly, and I made the mistake of waiting to tell him, and now Snow was going to ruin that, too. Finnick puts a plate in front of me and sits back down in the chair. "I'm sorry, but I need to be alone right now." He nods and leaves.

I eat the fish, picking out the bones with the knife. Then I take the knife in my hands and examine. It would be so easy to just kill myself, right now. My family reminds me that I can't. But it's so tempting. How about trying it on a smaller scale to see how it feels? Yes, that's a good idea. I cut 'I need' on one of my arms, and 'Marlin' on the other. The room spins, the floor comes up to meet me, and the world goes black.

Let me just say this: I do not in any way encourage self-injury. The scars ViVi will have from this are very important in the next chapter, and then again at the end of the book. If you are harming yourself in anyway, I encourage you to get help, and I want to remind you that you are strong and beautiful, on the inside and out. I hope you never feel alone, because there are others in this world who care about you, and they are praying for your safety everyday.