Chapter 29: A change of scenery
He's flown out to Cape Town and I'm thinking about him. The last time we made love, the night before I lost our baby.
Edward has always been excellent in his performances and that night wasn't any different. We opted for the missionary position not because of it's intimacy we were after but he had just read the night before that it's the safest positions for pregnant couples.
We wanted each other seriously, so there was nothing careful about the pace or the intensity. I wanted him deeper inside me so I kept tugging at him. He has no problem living up until I changed positions. I want him to take me from behind but he's too careful about the baby.
EDWARD: Not tonight ok.
BELLA: Why not?
EDWARD: Tonight I want to see you. (Gently touching her face)
BELLA: You've been running that line on me for weeks now, what's going on?
EDWARD: Nothing I just… I just want to see your beautiful face, remember just how lucky I am to have you.
BELLA: I am not beautiful.
EDWARD: Of course you are, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever known.
BELLA: This is about the baby isn't it? You think our wild sex will harm it.
EDWARD: And this is your idea of changing the subject simply because you don't believe what you really are.
BELLA: Edward be truthful with me.
EDWARD: (pause) ok this is about the baby. I am just worried; I don't want to do anything that will harm it.
BELLA: It's just sex Edward.
EDWARD: With you and me, it's never just sex Isabella!
BELLA: I know and its part of the reasons why I am so satisfied with you and now you're practically telling me that we can't do it like that for nine months and even more after the baby is born.
EDWARD: That won't happen.
BELLA: Edward if you feel guilty about talking dirty to me now while it's still inside what about when it's born? Would slut and bitch be appropriate then?
Edward immediately covers my mouth with his hand then we break out in laughter.
EDWARD: Shhh…
BELLA: See what I mean?
EDWARD: It's just weird that's all. I am not saying that I do not miss it…
BELLA: So then let's do it…
It's my turn to be manipulative and seductive. I start by combing my fingers through his silky black hair while taking in his handsome face.
How did I manage this? After everything I put him through with my love for Jacob, how could he still be here? This man who can have any woman he wants, how could he still love me? Just ordinary me!
BELLA: Even if it's just the last time in say… 2 years…
EDWARD: (Laughing)
BELLA: I want to know this baby can't change us, that we'll still find a way to be ourselves even when we're parents.
EDWARD: Of course we will be.
BELLA: Show me!
EDWARD: Okay.
He starts by pulling my hands up, trapping them above my head with his own but what is enough to draw interest from me is the way he roughly pulled my legs apart, forcing them deep inside me and with the first thrust, he gets a moan out of me. I try to close my eyes but, Edward… I have to honor him by keeping my eyes.
EDWARD: No!
He grabs her harder.
EDWARD: Keep your eyes at me at all times you understand?
BELLA: Yes!
EDWARD Yes who?
BELLA Yes sir!
And it was just a fabulous night ruled by passion and love and oh I miss it dearly now.
I give him a call for the first time since he moved out but get agitated when it sends me to voicemail. I am not interested in talking to an answering service. I finally understand why when I was working at reception; all those people went insanely rude whenever they were put through to voicemail.
Realizing that I can't exactly write them an apology letter for how I never understood I decide to let it go with the admission. I would have loved to talk to my husband.
He's already in Cape Town. Victoria took care of all details, both minor and major so all they had to do really was walk into perfection. This of course this also meant they had time for dinner before tomorrow's meeting- that though was Victoria's doing. She penned this down perfectly. She'd make sure they got there early and she was sure with the correct outfit she could get him to agree to this… to them. It's not so much for the reason she wished, she knew she was playing on his pain but still it was better than nothing.
And the dinner was going great or at least she thought they were doing well until he started going through his pockets.
VICTORIA: What are you looking for?
EDWARD: My cell phone. Think I must have left it in my hotel room.
'What if Bella calls?'
VICTORIA: it's ok you can get it later.
'Yes but what if Bella calls? Is that panic?'
EDWARD: You're right I should just relax.
VICTORIA: Of course, I mean what did you do before you had it?
'I don't know, I've had a cell phone all this time I was with Bella. In fact, I don't know what it is I did before I met her. What if she calls with something impossible, as she wants me to come back home, will she still want to even if I don't pick up? I didn't even tell her I was going away.'
VICTORIA: This whole place is so stiff. (She looks around)
'I should go.'
VICTORIA: You want to try that spot we saw around the corner.
EDWARD: Actually, I was just thinking about getting back to my room. It's late and I have a big meeting ahead of me.
VICTORIA: its only 8:30 we can just go to the club.
EDWARD: You go…
'I am going to go check my phone. Maybe she's tried to get a hold of me and maybe she hasn't I know but I can't take that chance.'
VICTORIA: Are you sure? I could just…
EDWARD: No, you go have fun. I just wouldn't be good company tonight. Not while my cell phone is all the way, up there and…
VICTORIA: And you're down here…
It stung her to admit that he still had faith in his marriage but still as much as she knows she is up against it, she loves Edward too much to stay away.
EDWARD: See you tomorrow ok.
It wasn't her disappointment that he had to care to when he finally did get back to his hotel room and saw there were three missed calls from Bella.
EDWARD: Shit!
He doesn't even wrestle with it, he immediately dials back and doesn't even get apprehensive when it rings longer than she normally allows. In his opinion, they are on their way back and this call start to set everything back on the right track.
She sounds shaky when she eventually picks up.
BELLA: Hello!
EDWARD: Hey! You are there.
BELLA: Sorry I was just in the bathroom for a quick shower.
EDWARD: it's ok I haven't been waiting long. I am sorry I just got your messages. I was downstairs in the lobby having dinner.
BELLA: In the lobby? You're staying at a hotel?
EDWARD: No, I mean yes.
BELLA: (Laughing) which one is it then?
EDWARD: I am staying in a hotel, the Hilton in Sandton but I am not there right now. I had to rush to Cape Town to meet someone tomorrow.
BELLA: You're in Cape Town?
And you didn't tell me?
EDWARD: Yes I'll be back tomorrow lunch time. I figured there was no need to tell you because I didn't expect us to talk within that time frame you know.
BELLA: Yes we're that bad!
Yes we are!
BELLA: I didn't need anything earlier... you know when I called you. I don't know what got over me.
EDWARD: Whatever it is say it's great, it doesn't mean something's evil's come over you if you call your husband.
BELLA: I know but...
EDWARD: But nothing, this is such a wonderful effort on your part it makes me feel we're on the right road you know
BELLA: Edward I don't want you to misunderstand anything.
EDWARD: What's there to misunderstand? You're finally ready to talk, you're finally ready to fix us, and you're finally ready to welcome me back home.
BELLA: Edward!
EDWARD: Cos I want that more than anything you know.
BELLA: How? Aren't you angry with me anymore?
EDWARD: I realize that we both have stuff to sort through but the point is that we do it together...married and that's all that matters Bells. And you're right we got a better chance at it if I move back in.
BELLA: And then we'll be fine?
EDWARD: We'd be fighting for it. Bells we can't say this marriage is important to the two of us and then think that the magic to save it will weave itself from a hundred miles away.
BELLA: But that was never the point Edward. That was never the point for you moving out.
EDWARD: Then remind me because I don't understand anymore. I don't understand why I have to be so far away from my wife every night and yet convince myself that it's for the good of my marriage. I want to come home Bella and I want to come home today.
BELLA: You can't.
Lately it amazes me how simple it is for me and Edward to go from longing to anguish, we were doing so well until we discovered we both still want different things.
EDWARD: Why not?
BELLA: Because unlike you I want to save what we have...
EDWARD: How Bells if we don't even live together?
BELLA: because I want to take a step back to take a good look at saving what we have and if you're there...
EDWARD: ... then you see the guy who reminds you of the child that you lost?
BELLA: That's not fair!
EDWARD: None of this is but why are we taking it out on each other when we should be sticking together. I love you Bella and I don't want to try this without you.
BELLA: I love you too.
EDWARD: So let me move back in. I'll be home this afternoon, I'll take the afternoon off, and we can start on building our future again.
BELLA: What? If Carlisle allows you to?
EDWARD: Now who's not being fair?
BELLA: The truth usually is isn't it? You want to work at this marriage but repeatedly you let your father come before me and he knows he can because you let him.
EDWARD: But that's not true, I don't even like my father.
BELLA: Yes and that's why even that morning of the miscarriage you had to go be at work and left me there to deal with this on my own.
EDWARD: You wanted me to leave you alone.
BELLA: How Edward? Why would I want that? You're my husband and I had just miscarried why do I want you to be at work?
EDWARD: Ok so I wasn't there for you...
BELLA: You weren't...
EDWARD: But own up to your parts too will you? This isn't just about the miscarriage. Yes, it prompted everything in this direction but you have been angry with me for a very long time and that's why you're bringing Carlisle up like this.
BELLA: What are you saying?
EDWARD: That the miscarriage alone isn't enough... that you have been gradually building this anger because of my father, that you have known for a while that you wanted me out but you couldn't because of the baby.
BELLA: Don't be paranoid.
EDWARD: Well it's either that or that other thing.
BELLA: What other thing?
Jacob! He means Jacob.
EDWARD: (with hesitation) Let me put it this way; I don't think this is enough to break us; we've survived a lot worse as far as can see and I want to come home.
BELLA: I am not ready.
I can feel the agony in his voice. The desperate attempt to get back home is slowing in its tracks. His silent admission; at least he knew how to fight Jacob because he was right there but how does he fight this... whatever this is when he can't see it.
EDWARD: Will you ever be?
Will I? Will I ever know how to forgive myself for this... for everything; for Jacob, the baby, for Carlisle, will I ever know how to deserve Edward again?
BELLA: I want to be everything you deserve.
EDWARD: You are much more than that.
BELLA: The thing is I don't feel that way anymore. I don't feel I am enough woman for you...
EDWARD: This is bullshit.
BELLA: I couldn't even carry your child to term.
EDWARD: That was...
BELLA: What was it... an accident?
He doesn't know what to call it because as much as we both hate to admit it there's still so much blame inside him to claim that he is ready to move past this.
EDWARD: I know I can't tell you what you want to hear at the moment but I want to come back home.
BELLA: Why; to torture me with your blame?
I can't hide it anymore. He knows my grief is of his doing and changes the complexion of things. He will own up to his poison because he is willing to try while I would rather stay locked up in punishment as my idea of making this up to him.
EDWARD: I know I'm wrong... I know but I want to try Bells because I can't do this without you.
I can't do it without you! I am working on it! But you have to stay lenient with me please! Let me find my way back to me... my way back to us.
BELLA: I gatta go Edward.
I didn't wait for him to protest and when the phone rang I immediately knew it was him so I ignored it. 15 missed calls in a space of an hour and I am already battling with myself; why am I so horrible to him, no other man has been this eager loving me?
And of course this meant Edward couldn't stay alone and not without trying either but after many failed attempts to get me out of his head he winded up in Victoria's room drinking whisky and talking through his feelings. She's glad to have him... don't get her wrong but in times like these she is vividly aware of the fact that no matter how hard she'll try Edward's heart is stubbornly fixated on his wife.
EDWARD: I am sorry to impose myself on you like this but I just couldn't be alone right now without making another unanswered phone call to Bella.
VICTORIA: You know she won't answer then why do you keep calling.
EDWARD: You don't understand do you?
VICTORIA: What's there to understand? She doesn't want to be with you, she's making this very clear.
EDWARD: It's not so black and white... it never is with me and Bells. We've been through everything together and I am not gonna run simply because one of our plans didn't come true.
VICTORIA: You lost a child Edward, that's not something that it's easy to forget.
EDWARD: I know but this is more than just about that baby. In fact something's she said tonight just made me realize that there more things to deal with than I realize, this miscarriage only scratched the surface. (Taking a deep breath)I don't know what to do
Victoria. I want to fly back now.
VICTORIA: You can't, you have an important meeting in the morning.
Plus she gets to stay with him a little a longer.
EDWARD: I know so I stay which means that she was right. Time and time again when she's needed me I have picked work and this is probably right up there with when I worked that morning of her miscarriage. I mean what kind of husband does that. I picked her up, dropped her off then went to work to finish reports that Carlisle wanted. What kind of husband does that Victoria?
VICTORIA: A husband who's also lost a child and is dealing in his own way. Don't you think you're being a little hard on yourself?
She knows as well as he does that his heart should be with Bella because they are married and in love but she wants him too much to play this game clean and be a good girl about it. This for her is a competition and she intends on finishing first.
EDWARD: Do you honestly believe that?
VICTORIA: Come on lets go dancing.
EDWARD: We can't we have a meeting in the morning.
VICTORIA: The meeting is at ten and we're ready now so that means we have a little time to play with.
EDWARD: I don't know Victoria.
VICTORIA: You know something tells me you use to be so much more fun.
EDWARD: Used to be?
He's so gullible.
VICTORIA: Yes before you got so uptight and grave.
EDWARD: Grave?
VICTORIA: I don't know maybe it's being married I don't know but then I guess it would explain why I never did get married. I love being out there, I love my freedom.
EDWARD: I am free.
VICTORIA: So then let's go.
He considers it for a second.
EDWARD: (drawing a deep breath) we're in Cape Town we don't even know what spots are hot over here.
VICTORIA: So we'll find out. Call your friend Emmett if you must but you and me we're having fun tonight.
He agrees especially when he weighs it up against his other option... you know sitting in his hotel taking drink and after drink to help ease his mind of me when everything has to be solemn for tomorrow morning. He picks this. They didn't have to ask Emmett for his take on the town's clubs, they found one which suited them quite finely where they drank, danced and conversed till the early hours of the morning getting to know each other in a different way.
~*~'
A/N: Something tells me Victoria may be getting her way…..
REVIWS make the heart swell.
