Sorry it has taken a long time to update however I needed to see where season 6 was going. I will go through season 5 in the next few weeks. However I am not starting season 6 until mid August. I write this as how I think Ziva might have seen the circumstances of the episode, her thought and feelings. Personally I think she would write this in Hebrew. However I do not know how to write in Hebrew and most can not read it so we will pretend. Also since it is her thoughts sometimes a thought is not finished or you jump around this is so she can analyze everything and she needs to be careful not to be to specific incase this would be found and used against her.

Enjoy the Diary this is the start of Season 5

Review Please, it is the only payment I get and I need my fix:)

We all know the disclaimers.


Bury Your Dead

25 September 2007

I am writing this after looking back at the last few days. I am wondering how much I am really a part of this team? Gibbs totally left me in the dark, I will find out why though it may take a long time to get the answer.

I arrived on Saturday to work, I was going to make some phone calls and pull in a few favors to see anyone could get me information on this mystery women who was taking my partner.

However I could have never imagined what would have happened. We were in MTAC and had located Tony's car or should I say Professor Di Nardo's car. It appeared he was in no signs of distress and was alone in the car. However he was still not answering the cell phone. We watched as Tony was driving down the road and then suddenly his car blew up. I have seen many explosions in Israel, a favorite of suicide bombers, and I knew instantly there was no way he could have survived this. However I could only call his name out as I stood up in MTAC watching this nightmare unfold.

We arrived at the scene, I could smell the horrible smell of burnt flesh, I had smelled this before and it never leaves your mind. I started toward the car and threw down my pack. I was glad that Gibbs had asked McGee to photograph the scene. However I grabbed my camera and started to photograph the scene also.

McGee asked if I believed in Miracles. I quit believing in them the day my little sister died. However Tony was the only person I had told about her, why I am not sure, it was not something I shared usually. I then looked at Tony's ID and cleaned off his picture. I could not let my feelings go yet.

I was sitting at my desk starting to think about loosing Tony and McGee was driving me mad with looking at the explosion over and over. I decided to look also and try to put my mourning to use and find this bastard that killed him. As I was watching the films with Tony I saw the limo it was in every frame. Gibbs was right he was following someone.

However then Ducky came up and gave us the best news I have ever heard. The body was not Tony. This body had never had the plague and Tony had. Now I could have hope.

Trent Kort showed up from the CIA, it appears he knew about Tony's car, however he denied involvement in the bombing or Tony's whereabouts. As Trent started to leave Tony showed up on the elevator. I wanted to take him out when he grabbed Tony, was glad to see that Gibbs and McGee both had the same thought. However Kort let go of Tony and Gibbs motioned to put away our weapons. Personally I think we should have shot him then and there.

Abby told on us taking items from Tony's desk when we thought he had died. I was surprised that Ducky and Jimmy also had taken momento's. I had done this since I was a child and my mother had died. I wonder why they had done it? Was it to keep a piece of him close? Too bad I had to return his letter opener it would have gone nice with my knife collection.

Tony finally realized that he was not the person the bomb was meant for. He realized that he had a routine of picking up Jeanne at the hospital after work and going to breakfast. He then realize she still might be in danger. Gibbs sent Tony and I to go pick her up.

We arrived to her apartment, it was empty. I found a card addressed to Tony. He looked at the card and then asked if I ever lied to someone I love. I looked at him and debated internally for a few seconds how honest I wanted to be with him. I told him the truth, Yes I had lied to someone I love, and continue to lie everyday. I regret the day that he finds out that I have lied to him, however I do not think Tony will ever realize that I have lied to him. Tony on the other hand has found out how it feels when you lie and get caught.

I am amazed that Tony had told her the truth. He made the decision not to continue with the lies. However I really think he did love her. He made the mistake of falling in love with his assignment. He was lucky I have known many others who have done this and were not lucky enough to live to tell the truth.

I offered to put a BOLO out on her however Tony said she did not want to be found. I think he said this because he was not ready to find her. I am not sure why I left, however I did, maybe I should have stayed with him? However my previous experience was telling me he needed to be left alone to think things through.

We found Benoit's yacht however he was gone when we arrived. However something about this did not feel right. I just can not put a finger on it.


Family

2 October 2007

I arrived to work and was having fun tormenting McGee if he had ever lost his virginity. He is so easy to get riled up, and I knew it would give Tony some fun, I had seen that his car was already there and figured he was at his desk. However I pretended to be shocked that Tony was there before us and working.

I offered my friendship and a ear to listen when I saw that he had the note from Jeanne sitting on his desk. He informed me if he needed cheering up he would put superglue on McGee's keyboard. Well you guessed it McGee was glued to his keyboard. However it did not really cheer him up, his smile is still not reaching his eyes.

I felt so bad, I do not think that McGee realizes that Tony really did care for the girl in his assignment. I do not think it is right for McGee to tease Tony concerning this girl. Nor do I think it is right that Gibbs assigned him to call people to explain about someone not telling the truth.

This case was interesting, a young sailor was killed all because he ran a stop sign hit a car and got involved in another murder by accident. However this led us to a case of a missing baby.

When we were at the house we found a nursery. I had to laugh when I got into a discussion with Gibbs concerning children, and how the couple could have went through legal channels to get there baby back from the surrogate. However Gibbs then asked me if I wanted to have children. I started to answer, however he cut me off saying it was a simple question. He then told me when I have kids I would understand why these people would kill to get there child back. However then I pointed out if they really loved their child they would get it medical attention.

I could tell this case was making Tony think about what could have been. I am right, his feelings were more for this girl. I wanted to tell Tony I knew he was upset, and that if he needed to talk I was there, however he cut me off before I could offer.

Later when we were back at work, I cornered him in the bathroom. Again I saw the man who never washes his hands after using the bathroom. I have to admit I cringe every time I see him shake hands. However Tony tried to avoid talking with me by comparing me in the bathroom to cinemax, whatever that is. I have been watching Tony fall apart and he needs to stop this before it effects his performance at work.

I was very honest with Tony telling him he made an error in judgement in falling in love with that girl. He should have never allowed his self to get involved with his assignment. I tried to tell Tony he needed to let go his feelings, he had not thought this through. I had read the card she left for him, she wanted him to go be with her, to leave us. I needed to have him realize that he was not the person she thought he was. Was he really willing to become Tony Di Nardo? Did she know Tony Di Nozzo? How much of the real Tony had he let her see?

I have been in Tony's shoes. I have had to convince someone I loved them and then finish my assignment. Tony would have never lasted in Mossad. He can not seperate his emotions. Though, Tony crossed the line when he brought up Roy. This had nothing to do with him, and how dare he compare them.

Tony got totally obsessed with Panda poop being used for paper. However I swear if he brings it up again I will kill him without a thought. He is lucky he is still alive as it is.

It took a few hours and Tony talking about Panda poop, however I told him I accepted apologies unlike Gibbs. Tony admitted he knew I was trying to help, however then was distracted with some information that came in.

In the end the baby was found and the biological parents got him back. Tony also made a decision, he decided to stay Tony Di Nozzo. I am so happy that he has decided to stay and not go with her. However he has a lot of healing to do, though he has grown up so much this past year, hopefully we will not see a regression to the old Tony. I really like the Man he is becoming.


The Ex-File

9 October 2007

Abby bought all of team Gibbs as she refers to us new Ipods. I must admit this was a great gift. I love listening to a variety of music. I downloaded several songs from my favorite Israeli group. Tony apparently downloaded Frank Sinatra who he calls old blue eyes. I will have to research this more. McGee though downloaded a seminar on being an alpha male, I will have to store this for future use to get information out of him.

Tony surprised me he actually admitted that he may see me as something more than just a Mossad agent. However I am not sure I liked that he thought of me as a girl. A women yes, but a girl is a child and that I am not.

Well this week I finally got to met the third ex Mrs Gibbs. She was a beautiful red head named Stephanie. Must admit I could understand why they got divorced, she had a temper. However it was interesting in seeing how the current girlfriend, the ex girlfriend and the ex wife got a long. I think I saw Gibbs actually cringe. I guess he does have a weak spot.

I must admit I loved Tony's analogy of the meeting of the ex's and current girl being a train wreck that you can not look away from.

Tony seems to be dealing well his choice to stay as Tony Di Nozzo and stay with the team. However he has changed. I just can not put a finger on it yet.

I was impressed Abby can land a nice sucker punch. She is not as defenseless as she puts on.


Identity Crisis

16 October 2007

McGee is searching for a puppy. I always thought it would have been fun to have a dog, however with my career you can not have something that might tie you down. However McGee does not have to worry about going off anywhere, and Abby I am sure would watch the dog for him if he had to go anywhere. McGee actually took a chance to take a shot at Tony about his lost relationship. I tried to pretend I did not notice the hurt in Tony's voice.

I have made friends with a young women who had some great potential as a FBI agent. I am surprised she was not all over Tony however she was more interested in advancing her career in the male dominant world.

I must admit I had my concerns about this agent, she is very green and naive. I thought she had become involved with her suspect. However I think my jealousy may have clouded my judgement. I thought Tony may have noticed however he never said anything.

I think I surprised McGee by going through the agents purse. He brought up something about a women's code. I never heard of this, however I was convinced that this agent was responsible for the murder of the dead man in Duck's morgue. I was a little upset when McGee said Tony liked this agent. I knew he had basically tricked me when he said this and I countered that Gibbs did not like her and ended the discussion.

I am surprised that Tony was interested in this young agent. She did not seem to be his type. However it seems that maybe the old Tony is returning. I actually confronted him on this, however I wish I had done it in a less public place now. I was surprised he did not have more of a comeback. I think I may have got his goat, as I have heard the expression used, and if it is wrong I am sure if Tony ever reads this he would let me know.

I finally realized that I was giving this agent a hard time because I thought she might interfere with Tony. However I realized that she was not a threat and soon befriended her. However when she and Tony was undercover I had great fun in getting Tony all wet. Must say Tony was all thumbs as was the young agent. Did Tony feel guilty when he heard my voice I know from experience when we were undercover usually he is not all thumbs.

The young agent was impressive, when the suspect attempted to take us out she took him out first. I really miss judged her, and apparently Tony he did not even try to get her number. However I got it, though she understands that I prefer Tony to her. I wonder if Tony knew she preferred women? I am sure that would not help his psyche any.