Hello everyone! Okay, so I haven't managed to update quite as quickly as I hoped but this is still much quicker than usual :P There will be two more chapters after this one and then this story will be finished.
As always, thank you to everyone who reviewed - I hope you enjoy reading this chapter and again, please tell me what you think :)
"Why are you doing this?" I cried as he moved closer and closer towards me. "All I've done is try to help you!"
The red mist before his eyes did not lift. "Because Sirius has everything I want," he growled. "I'm sick of being treated like a second class citizen next to him and James. Even Remus."
"Did I treat you like that?" I asked pleadingly.
Peter stopped. "You… no." He stumbled over his words, seeming unsure of himself. "I thought you liked me but then…"
Trying to take advantage of his sudden confusion, I said convincingly, "I do like you, Peter."
"But you didn't show up today…"
"Only because I had quidditch," I protested desperately. "Peter, you've got this all wrong."
"I don't… what do you mean?"
"You're angry because I didn't show up today – that's all this is about! It was only because I had quidditch, Peter. Please believe me."
He looked at me for a moment, sighed, and sat down beside me.
"I'm sorry."
I had no idea what to say in return. My heart was still beating at double its usual rate and besides, what could I say?
"I just… I like you a lot and I hate seeing you with Sirius."
Something clicked inside my head. "When you say… when you say you like me, wha- what exactly do you mean?"
"I mean I like you," he replied, gazing at me with a simple smile on his face. "I like you, just as you said you like me."
He turned to face me and my stomach lurched as his mouth seemed to move closer and closer to mine.
"Peter, don't – please, stop – "
He ignored me and pressed his horrible lips onto mine. I could feel his hands, his disgusting snaking hands, begin to move across my body. First it was my neck, then my shoulders and then he started to tear my shirt. Tears began to trickle down the side of my face; I felt a terrible dread and a sickening realization as each one of my muscles tightened and froze. I was trapped: by him and by my own fear.
"Don't think about him," Peter whispered. "It's just us now."
I could feel his right hand slithering up my thigh and I desperately wanted to be sick.
In my cold terror, I never heard the dormitory door open. It was only when Peter flew across the room that something began to register in my mind.
"Rain, what happened?"
I barely recognized the frantic voice as Remus'. Shivering, shaking, I could not reply.
"Did he… was he trying to…?"
I just could not speak. It was as if a huge lump had formed in the middle of my throat and would not move. I could feel my chest heaving like I was crying.
In any case, Remus seemed to understand.
"I can't believe he would do something like this," he murmured, more to himself.
In my mind too, I was struggling to comprehend what had just happened. The memory of Peter's actions, just a few minutes ago, was playing continuously in a loop inside my head. My heart was still beating at what seemed liked thrice its normal rate.
Then, over Remus' shoulder, I saw his face. My stomach lurched. He was paralyzed, but even so, I just could not bear to look at him. I turned my head away – and there, standing by the dormitory door, was Sirius.
I saw him look at Remus and me suspiciously; then he glanced at the corner of the room where Peter lay and his expression changed.
"What's going on?" he asked tentatively.
Remus stood up and moved towards Sirius. Sitting alone on the bed, I wrapped my arms around myself, staring at the floor, cold and tearful.
I could hear Remus speaking to Sirius. What he was saying exactly I could not quite make out. A minute later, Sirius motioned violently towards Peter – Remus stopped him. Startled, I lifted my head.
"That's not what she needs right now." Sensible Remus. He always knew what to do.
I gazed at Sirius. His face was of such a contortion of fury that it alarmed me.
"Go and comfort her. Give her some chocolate and when she's a bit better, take her to the hospital wing. I'll deal with him."
Sirius moved slowly and came to sit by me. He didn't say anything; just put his duvet around me.
I took another glance of his face.
I hesitated.
"You're angry," I whispered.
"Yes, I am." His voice shook.
All my breath seemed to leave my lungs. I knew it. He blamed me.
"I'm sorry, Sirius. He just – I couldn't… I was so scared… I…"
My body began to shake with my racked sobs and I could not finish.
His expressions changed again. Now he seemed horrified.
"I'm not angry with you. Never you. How could I be angry with you?"
He put his arms around me; it made me start.
"I'm sorry – I'm sorry," I apologized desperately.
"No, I'm sorry," he interrupted softly. "I should have asked. Can I…?"
I nodded; he tried again, and this time I began to feel some relief from the contact.
We sat for a moment like that – me, wrapped in his duvet and his arms. Then –
"Can I… how… how far did he go?" Sirius asked hesitantly, in a tiny voice.
"He… put… he put his hand…"
The lump reformed in my throat, constricting my breathing as I remembered.
"I couldn't… he wouldn't…"
"Oh god," Sirius breathed.
"I'm so sorry," I cried. "I'm so sorry."
He held me tighter. "This isn't your fault, Rain," he said softly. "This – none of it – is your fault. He did something terrible to you. If Remus hadn't been there…"
He shook his head and grabbed something off his bedside table.
"Here… it might help."
I stared at the chocolate in his hand, wondering how I could bring myself to eat it. After some hesitation, I took it from his hands and unwrapped it slowly. I brought it to my mouth and bit off the tiniest corner piece I possibly could. It was so incredibly sweet but ever so slightly warming.
"I had been trying to help him," I whispered to Sirius, trying my strength. "I felt sorry for him…"
"He's a monster. What kind of man…"
"I was so scared… I…"
"It's okay," he murmured. "It's okay, I'm here."
I took another bite of the chocolate, larger this time.
"What's going to happen now?" I asked him timidly.
He sighed. "Remus has probably taken him to Dumbledore, who will hopefully let everyone know what a monster he is."
I froze. "What do you mean?"
He seemed surprised. "Just that everyone needs to know what he's really like."
"Sirius, no one can know about this. No one."
"But Rain – "
"People stare at me enough as it is. I can't deal with everyone knowing. I just can't deal with it."
He look as though he was about to argue, but then he seemed to think better of it and gave in.
"Okay, no one knows. But you have to let me take to the hospital wing."
"What for?"
"So Madam Pomfrey can check you over. You're in shock; this has been a horrific for you."
"But – "
"Please, Rain. I need to know you'll be okay."
I nodded but said nothing.
He held me to him and kissed my hair tenderly.
"I love you so much, Rain."
"Do you?" I asked in a small voice.
He nodded.
"I hate him," he spat suddenly. "Who does he think he is?"
A pause.
"Don't, please," I chided softly.
"Sorry," he whispered. "Will you come to the hospital wing?"
I sighed. "I suppose."
"Don't get up too quickly," he warned gently.
I did as he said but my vision still went black for a second or two as I stood.
We walked together to the dormitory door, his arm around me. I left the room without looking back.
Thankfully, the common room was mostly deserted when we went through. I felt completely exhausted. I was walking like an eighty year old woman – drained.
When we arrived at the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey was waiting for us. I could tell that someone had already informed her of what happened. She was kinder and more sympathetic than I had ever known her to be. Sirius hovered about, unsure of himself – in the end he made some excuse and left.
Remus came to see me before long. He said that he had taken Peter to see Dumbledore, who was now deciding what action to take.
I had always liked Remus. He was kind and responsible; traits that I was not always sure that James and Sirius shared. And now, having regained some ability to think straight and a will not to focus on what had happened, I remembered Ruby's predicament. Could I let Remus do so much for me and allow Ruby to continue doing something that I believed was wrong?
I began tentatively. "Remus, can I ask you a question?"
"Of course."
"Have you… spoken to Ruby lately?"
His discomfort showed in his expression. "Rain, should you really be worrying about this right now?"
"Please, Remus."
He heaved a sigh. "No, I haven't. I'm pretty sure that she's avoiding me."
I bit my lip, nervous. "I know the reason why."
He started. "What do you mean?"
I took a breath before I continued. "I mean I know the reason why she's avoiding you, but I can't tell you."
"Why not?"
"Because she made me promise not to tell anyone and I can't break my word – she's my best friend."
"But you're telling me something's wrong?" he replied, worried.
"I… something's happening. Something big. You have to talk to her, Remus."
"She's not ill, is she?" he whispered, looking terrified.
"No… but she's really going to need you. Please, Remus. Go and talk to her."
I left the hospital wing the next day. I was walking around in a daze, not concentrating on anything or paying attention to anyone. A bizarre feeling of detached horror weighed on top of me as if it was pushing me closer and closer to the ground. It felt like a huge burden, several kilograms of hard heavy iron lying on my shoulders that I could not shake away. Every time I looked up his face loomed before me and then the film began to play. This film, where instead of Remus bursting in, we were left alone and the nightmare scenario started. It recurred so often that it seemed as though my memory was struggling to understand it had not actually happened.
I had seen Dumbledore. Of course, I had had to recount everything and then, after reassuring me that only those who needed to know would be told of it, he left me alone. He kept his word and I was relieved: Remus and Sirius already knew; Lily and Ruby seemed to know without me telling them, and he had disappeared to "visit a relative".
So why was it that I was here, alone in our dormitory bathroom, before the mirror?
I supposed that in a way, I had always known that this would be how my life panned out. I should have realized that as soon as anything went wrong that that would be it and I would be back on the road to self destruction, hating myself.
One by one, garment by garment, I began to take off all of my clothes. First my robes, then my jumper, and then I felt myself carry on, letting all the material covering my body sink to the floor. I gazed at the patterns in the stone floor, transfixed as I stood before the mirror, cold and naked.
Slowly, very slowly, I lifted my head. I stared at the girl in the mirror. Instinctively, my hands began to feel what I could see and I watched as the red marks started to form where I had too aggressively grabbed the excess fat on my thighs. Tears fell down my cheeks as I felt an intense disgust as I touched the exact same skin that he had. I wanted to tear it off, to not have to look at it ever again. I was revolting.
I felt dirty. I could pinpoint every place on my body he had touched and I hated it. I hated my own skin and I hated myself. Then, with a powerful sense of déjà vu, my eyes fell upon the exact same scissors poking out of Ruby's wash bag that had cut the scars into my wrists all those months ago. As though in a trance, I seemed to gravitate towards them, slowly moving the zipper to reveal the contents of the bag, and I reached to take them. The feel of the metal, cold to the touch, shocked me. Images flashed freely through my hazed mind, one after the other: Lucy, standing at the door; Lucy, horrified; Lucy, gone.
Just like Lucy, I froze. The scissors fell from my hand in a ghostlike motion, heavily hitting the ground with an overlooked importance. Just like Lucy, I stood in the doorway, horrified. Just like Lucy, I turned my back on the bathroom and ran for help, desperate.
