A/N: Thank youto my wonderful Beta LadyKahlan and to all who have reviewed so far.
Half-Blood Prince moment, set during The Unbreakable Vow.
It's the night of Slughorn's Christmas party and Hermione's having a horrible time.
I've been looking forward to writing this for a while so I hope you like it. It's another sad one!
Chapter Twenty-Nine: Goodbye
Hermione quickly marched through the castle, keeping to the shadows. She didn't want to be seen by anyone. Her breathing was harsh and she knew she looked a mess. The evening had been a complete disaster, and had perfectly rounded off the worst month in Hermione's life. She felt tears come to her eyes and angrily wiped them away, before taking a shortcut towards the Gryffindor common room.
What had possessed her to take Cormac McLaggen to Slughorn's party? He was the vilest, rudest, and most disgusting human being Hermione had ever met. Not only had he thought it would be okay to spend the evening bragging about how amazing he was, the horrible boy had insisted on groping her. Hermione felt violated and hurt. How dare anyone try to touch her and kiss her against her will?
He was disgusting, a complete pig with little regard for Hermione's feelings. All he had wanted from her was a quick snog and fumble. Hermione was not that kind of girl; any decent person would have realised that and left her alone. But not Cormac; he had spent the entire evening following her and trying to persuade her to do things she would never want to do with a prat like him.
Hermione felt herself blush at the thought of him trying to kiss her. He had grabbed her roughly under the mistletoe and stuck his tongue down her throat. When she had tried to pull away, he had placed his hands in her hair to keep her from moving. She gagged at the memory. He had only let her move when she had suggested she get them some drinks. The stupid pig had grinned wolfishly, thinking she was going to spend the entire evening drinking Butterbeer and snogging him. He had even squeezed her bum as she tried to make her escape.
Hermione hadn't hesitated to leave; she made a quick dash to the drinks table and spoke briefly to Harry and Luna, before slipping out of the room and making her way to her common room. She knew it wouldn't be long before Cormac noticed she wasn't at the party, but hopefully she would reach the safety of her dormitory and never have to speak to him again. She sped up at the thought, and quickly turned the corner, half jogging down a long corridor.
As Hermione neared the portrait of the Fat Lady she heard the sound of heavy footsteps. Her heart missed a beat and she whirled around panicking. She couldn't see anyone, but knew it was him. Her life was too crappy at the moment for it not to be him. She glanced towards the portrait but knew it was still too far away, even if she ran. Hermione looked to her left and saw a door to an empty classroom; without much further thought she yanked it open and quickly moved inside. The door shut with a soft thud and she prayed he hadn't heard. The room was dark, and Hermione could barely see. She ran up the aisle of tables and dived behind an old chest of drawers, as the door creaked open.
'Hermione?'
Her heart was beating a hundred miles per hour and she willed it to be quiet. Surely he could hear it pumping madly, and would find her easily.
'Hermione I know you're in here, I just saw you make a mad run up the corridor and into here,' he said moving towards her hiding space.
Oh crap, he had seen her. He didn't know where she was hiding though, so she still had a chance.
Soft footsteps made their way up the aisle and the door creaked again, allowing someone else to enter.
'Weasley?' another male voice said, sounding confused. 'What are you doing in here?'
'Prefect patrols, what are you doing?'
'I was looking for Granger and thought she had come up here.'
'Well she hasn't, it's just me.'
'I could have sworn I saw her coming up here.'
'Nope, that was me doing my rounds. Why don't you go look somewhere else like a good boy.'
'You know, I don't appreciate the way you talk to me Weasley.'
Hermione peeped around the drawers to see what was going on. Ron and Cormac stood very close to each other in the middle of the room; both were tall but Cormac had a foot on Ron. This didn't seem to faze him in the slightest because he took a step even closer to Cormac, with his wand raised.
'I don't appreciate you McLaggen,' Ron said in a threatening tone. 'Now fuck off before I do something to that face of yours.'
'I highly doubt you can take me,' Cormac said, pulling out his own wand.
'Keep talking and you'll find out.'
They stared at each other for a few more seconds before Cormac took a step back.
'I've got better things to do than be here with you, Weasley,' Cormac said smirking. 'I expect your friend will be waiting for me in the common room.'
Ron snorted, 'She was running as fast as she could to get away from you McLaggen, so I don't think you'll find her waiting for anything from you.'
Cormac gave Ron a look of deepest loathing, before moving towards the door.
'She's probably making herself ready for me, Weasley. She certainly didn't mind what I was doing to her at the party.'
Hermione blushed and felt anger boil her blood. He was an absolute pig with no regard for her feelings. How on earth did he think she had enjoyed any part of this evening?
Ron seemed to be unfazed by Cormac's words and simply shrugged. 'She ran as fast as she could away from you, so I reckon she did mind whatever you were doing to her.'
'We'll see, Weasley,' Cormac said as he opened the door.
'I don't need to. I've seen enough,' Ron said smoothly, 'and I'm warning you now, if I catch you doing or saying anything inappropriate to her, I'll do as much damage to your body as I can. I don't care what you did tonight but clearly she didn't enjoy it, so leave her alone. Do you understand?'
'She's not yours,' Cormac said, sounding angry. 'I can do what I want with her.'
'No, actually you can't,' Ron replied, taking a step closer. 'Stay away from her or you'll have me to answer to, and if that's not enough to keep your fucking hands off, you'll have Harry too. Hermione's our best friend and neither of us would be happy if you kept harassing her. She didn't enjoy tonight so she ran off. Take the hint and leave her alone.'
Tears began to fall down Hermione's cheeks. How could Ron be such a prat and then defend her so strongly? He made her so confused, but she couldn't help but adore him. It made their current situation even worse.
Cormac gave Ron one last look of disdain before leaving the room, slamming the door as he did so.
Ron waited a few seconds, to make sure Cormac had truly left, before he spun around and moved slowly back up the aisle.
'So are you going to come out now?' he said softly, looking around the room for her. 'I know you probably hate me as much as him at the moment, but I don't fancy you staying in here all night.'
Hermione hesitated, wiping her eyes and cheeks with the back of her hand. She slowly got up and moved from her hiding place. Ron stared at her, taking in her dishevelled appearance and unhappy expression.
'Did he hurt you?' he asked in the same soft voice, taking a few tentative steps towards her.
Hermione shook her head and moved closer to him.
'Not really,' she mumbled, 'just my pride I suppose.'
'Are you sure?'
'Yes. He's just a disgusting boy with no thought or consideration for anyone but himself,' Hermione said, coming to a stop in front of him. This was the first time they had spoken to each other in a month.
'Well taking him to Slughorn's was a stupid idea,' Ron said, staring down at her.
'The person I wanted to go with was busy with someone else,' Hermione snapped, 'so I didn't really have a choice.'
'You always have a choice,' Ron said, his ears turning red.
'No I don't,' she replied, feeling her anger and hurt for him begin to return in full force. 'There was no one else to go with, and I didn't want to go alone.'
'There were loads of people to go with,' Ron said, 'you just picked him 'cos you knew it would upset me.'
'Upset you?' Hermione fumed. 'You're a fine one to talk. I had every right to take him to that party after what you've done to me!'
'I haven't done anything,' Ron argued, folding his arms. 'You were the one snogging every Quidditch player possible!'
'What?' Hermione said, shocked that he could be such an arse. 'I wasn't the one being rude and spiteful, I wasn't the one constantly being mean, I wasn't the one who decided to shack up with Lavender Brown. I thought we were moving somewhere when I asked you to Slughorn's party. You said you wanted to go with me, and then five minutes later you're snogging her!'
'You didn't ask me to the party,' Ron said, taking a step back from her.
'Yes I did,' Hermione said, breathing hard. 'In Herbology, and you said that you wanted to go with me.'
'You didn't actually ask,' Ron said, staring at her intently.
'I made my feelings about wanting to go with you clear, Ron,' she said annoyed.
'Well you didn't make it clear enough,' Ron huffed.
'So you decided that you'd rather have Lavender instead?' Hermione said, raising her eyebrow.
'No, that's not... I didn't...' Ron stuttered, running his hands through his hair.
'You didn't what?' Hermione said, moving even closer to him and feeling a desperate need for answers. Ron had put her through hell these past few weeks. He had made her believe that they had something special and then cruelly took it away without a single explanation. Her heart had been broken into a million pieces and he acted like he didn't care. She needed answers and she wasn't going to leave this room until she got some.
'I didn't mean for the Lavender thing to happen,' Ron admitted quietly. 'It's not like I hunted her out or anything. She came to me.'
'So you couldn't have said no?' Hermione said scornfully. 'You couldn't have said you weren't interested?'
'I wasn't to know you would react the way you did!' Ron replied, turning to face the wall and placing his hand out to steady him.
'How was I supposed to act?' Hermione growled. 'Did you expect me to give you a hug or pat you on the back and say well done, Ron, you've broken my heart with a stupid cow from our year?'
Hermione moved towards him, unable to stop what she was saying.
'I trusted you and allowed you to do things to me that I would never let anyone else do. I allowed myself to feel things for you that I knew normal friends didn't feel. But what was the point?' Hermione asked, stopping next to him. 'You just threw it in my face by kissing her!'
Ron spun around, his face flushed. 'You can't blame it all on me. You were just as bad. I didn't have a clue about what you were feeling or thinking. All I knew was that you had been snogging Quidditch players instead of me!'
'What are you talking about?' Hermione said feeling confused.
'Krum!' Ron yelled. 'You snogged Krum!'
'Once, after the Yule Ball,' Hermione said, pushing him hard on the shoulder. 'It's hardly the same!'
'But it is!' Ron said, grabbing her arms to stop her lashing out again. 'I was waiting for you. I would have waited for as long as you needed, but it was pointless. You had already kissed him!'
Hermione stood with her mouth open. He would have waited for her. Pain ripped through her body.
'I never would have kissed Lavender if you hadn't kissed Krum,' Ron said sadly.
Anger rose up inside her again; how dare he blame his actions on her?
'I wanted to go to the Yule Ball with you,' she said in a dangerously low voice, 'but you were too busy trying to find the prettiest girl that would take you. You hadn't even noticed me!'
'I asked you though,' Ron said, still gripping her arms.
'No you didn't!' Hermione said, trying to shake him off. 'I was a last resort because you couldn't find anyone else. I would have happily gone with you, and happily snogged you all night long. It's your own fault for not wanting me.'
Ron looked shell-shocked. He didn't say a word but stared down into her face.
'I had one kiss with Krum two years ago, and it lasted five seconds. How many have you had with Lavender?' Hermione whispered. 'I would hardly call that the same thing.'
'You've been at it with McLaggen tonight though,' Ron said, coming out of his daze and gripping her harder.
'He forced his tongue down my throat and grabbed my bum,' Hermione snapped, 'I neither wanted nor took part in it. That's why I was hiding from him in here.'
'Well you shouldn't have asked him to go with you!'
'I wanted to go with you!' Hermione said, shaking him again. 'I wanted to be with you, but you ruined it by picking Lavender.'
'I didn't pick Lavender – '
'– She's the one you're kissing and touching every opportunity you get,' Hermione said roughly. 'She's the one calling you her boyfriend. I don't even have you as a friend anymore!'
'And whose fault is that?' Ron argued. 'You've completely stopped talking to me!'
'How do expect me to talk to you, when every time I look at you I want to cry?' Hermione said sadly. 'It hurts to even be near you. I trusted you!'
Hermione felt her resolve break. Tears began to fall down her rosy cheeks and she let herself go. She cried as if she had never cried before. Her body heaved with heart-wrenching sobs and she felt the pain of the past few weeks flow through her. Ron had put her through hell and she had tried to keep her cool, but what was the point? He had broken her heart and she couldn't see a way of them being anything ever again.
'Please don't cry,' Ron whispered, moving to cup her face. 'I hate it when you're sad.'
Ron pulled her to him and she fell against his chest. Tears fell harder as she gripped his T-shirt and smelt his glorious smell. Why did Lavender get him? What could Lavender possibly give him that Hermione couldn't?
'I wish I could change it,' Ron mumbled against her hair, wrapping his arms around her.
Hermione cried harder, pushing her nails into his back as she clung to him. How could she survive without him in her life? He was everything to her, and being this close to him again only made her feel more upset.
Ron moved his head to kiss her cheek. He nudged her forehead and she looked up, tearstained and pitiful. Blue eyes met brown and, before Hermione could stop herself, she leaned in. Ron mirrored her and softly brushed his lips against hers. Fire warmed her heart and she felt herself come back to life. Ron kissed her again, just as softly. He placed his hands on either side of her face and Hermione felt her eyelids flutter shut. He kissed every part of her face, and Hermione felt a distant memory of scarred bodies and a hospital wing.
Somewhere in Hermione's mind she knew this was wrong. Ron had a girlfriend and he had hurt her; she shouldn't be giving in to him so easily. However her body didn't want him to stop and as he began to kiss her neck, Hermione felt herself drown. He was heaven and hell. No one could create such strong feelings of love and hate like he did. He was all she could ever want, and all that she could ever fear. Hermione felt herself moan at his closeness.
'Hermione,' he uttered, breaking the spell.
The feelings of betrayal and hurt came rushing back. Hermione pushed him hard and he let go of her, looking dazed.
'I can't do this,' Hermione said, moving away from him and facing the wall.
'I want us to at least be friends,' Ron said softly, moving behind her.
'No,' Hermione whispered, placing her head on the cool stone wall. How could they be friends when she wanted so much more?
'What?' Ron said, placing his hand on her back.
'I said no,' Hermione muttered, turning round to face him as his hand dropped to his side. 'I can't be your friend any more, Ron. I can't do it to myself. You've hurt me more than anyone and I can't go back to how things were. It's too painful. I... I can't be your friend.'
'Hermione,' Ron said, sounding choked. 'You have to be my friend; it's not the same without you.'
'You made your choice when you picked Lavender – '
'– I didn't pick Lavender!'
'She's your girlfriend, Ron.'
'But I don't see why we can't try to be friends again,' Ron said desperately, grabbing her arms again.
'It hurts too much,' Hermione said softly, looking up at him and feeling the last of her energy leave. 'I need time, and I need you to leave me alone.'
Ron shook his head, tears rolling down his own cheeks. 'I can't... I... What about Harry? You can't leave both of us.'
'I'm still Harry's friend,' Hermione replied, trying to step away from him. 'He didn't hurt me.'
'I didn't mean to hurt you,' Ron said, moving closer.
'But you did,' Hermione said simply, 'and now you have to face the repercussions. I can't be your friend anymore.'
Ron dropped his hands from her arms as if burnt. Hermione gave him a sad smile and touched his cheek. He closed his eyes and she felt her resolve weaken. Life without Ron would be awful, but life with Ron and Lavender would be far worse. Until she was gone, Hermione would not be able to have any sort of relationship with him. She was too weak, and loved him far too much.
Feeling the need to say goodbye to her gorgeous redhead, Hermione stepped closer to Ron and inhaled his beautiful smell. She didn't know when they would be this close again; she had to have a memory of him that didn't involve fighting or words of hurt and despair.
'I really did want to go to Slughorn's party with you, Ron,' she whispered. 'I bought this dress for you and everything.'
Ron's eyes opened and he looked down at her navy dress as if it was the first time he had seen it. She had purposely picked the colour to go with his own colouring and knew he would have enjoyed the feel of it, had they ended up under the mistletoe.
'It's perfect,' he whispered dejectedly.
Hermione nodded and stroked his cheek tenderly. She gently raised herself on her tiptoes and brushed her lips against his. Ron took a second to respond but when he did, it was with such force that Hermione had to grab his arms to keep herself upright. He crushed his lips to hers as if she was leaving him forever, which for all they knew, could be the case. Feelings of want, desire, need and love swirled around Hermione's body and she began to feel dizzy.
They broke apart, both breathless from the simple act of lips touching lips. Hermione had to wonder what it would feel like if they actually kissed properly, with tongues. Did he feel like this with Lavender? Did they experience the same feelings and heat? They were snogging each other senseless, so surely they felt something like this?
Hermione glanced up at Ron and noted his glazed look and unsteady breathing. Questions spun around her brain, but she knew she couldn't ask them. This was their goodbye, and questions would only ruin it. She had to stay strong, she had to walk away and never think about him like this again. He had picked Lavender, and she couldn't stay a part of his life now.
'Goodbye, Ron,' Hermione whispered, letting go of him.
Ron shook his head, unable or unwilling to say goodbye to her. Hermione gave him one last unhappy smile and tried to memorise his face in her mind. She closed her eyes before turning around. This was it; they would not be friends after this. She gave a soft sigh before opening her eyes and walking away.
Hermione walked all the way out of the classroom without looking back. She quickly made her way through the portrait hole and marched up to her room as if she was sleep walking. As Hermione reached her bed, she sat down heavily and took off her shoes. She then pulled her bed curtains closed and crawled under the covers. As she placed her head onto her pillow she felt the floodgates open. Tears streamed down her face, and she did nothing to try and stop them.
Tonight she would mourn the loss of her best friend. Tomorrow she would try to get on with her life.
