NEW NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR (1/8/15): I've created a twitter account to connect with readers and keep everyone better updated on the progress of my stories. If you're interested, the information for it is located in my profile! Check it out!
Oh my gosh, you guys. Over 530 followers? Over 370 favorites? 372 reviews? And not to mention, almost 100,000 views for the story! I'm both humbled and grateful. I looked at it the other day and saw that I've gotten double-digit reviews for the last THIRTEEN chapters. I don't know about ya'll, but I think that's pretty awesome. Thank you so much to all of you for investing time in this story, and especially to anyone who leaves feedback – it's your reviews that fuel my motivation to write this story, you know!
I know I've been really, really bad about updating this story and I can't possibly apologize enough. Real life has just been so hectic these past few months that I just haven't had hardly any time to write, but the story is never far from my thoughts! I'm going to do my best to update as frequently as I can, I promise. Thank you to all of you for being so patient with me! And I really hope you all enjoy this chapter – it gave me some trouble, not gonna lie.
Oh, and P.S.: I want to give a shout-out to Ste0rra, who kindly offered to translate The Crossroads into Russian so that more readers can enjoy the story, and to mrskaz453, who totally called what's about to happen in this chapter.
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Walking Dead.
Chapter 29
When Jenna woke up the next morning, her face felt like it had gotten hit with a sledgehammer. The majority of the previous day had been spent grieving over her brother and sobbing her eyes out, so her face was now swollen and puffy, her eyes sore and crusted over with dried tears, and her head aching something fierce. But the pain in her eyes and her head had absolutely nothing on the pure agony that had settled in her chest. Her heart was broken, shattered into a million pieces.
As she lay there, the day before and all its life-altering revelations instantly came flooding back to her, making her throat tighten with emotion once again. Jenna laid a forearm over her eyes as the ache in her chest intensified and sucked in a shaky breath, unable to think of anything but Sam. The brother she loved, the brother she had wanted so desperately to find, but whom she now knew she would never see again.
Growing up she'd had plenty of friends who had absolutely hated their siblings. She'd go to her friends' houses and watch as they bickered and fought and shouted at their brothers and sisters, doing anything they could to drive the other as insane as they could. But not Jenna and Sam. Sure, they had their disagreements over the years, but she couldn't remember a time in their lives when they hadn't been close. Growing up they'd done everything together, regardless of the four year age gap between them. And after their father died, well…Sam had been the one to take over the role of her guide and protector. They weren't just brother and sister – they were best friends.
She could picture him in her head now. At six-foot-three he'd been the tallest in their family, both immediate and extended. They hadn't looked anything alike, either. Where she had red hair, pale skin, and blue eyes – traits from their father's side of the family – Sam, who'd gotten more of their mother's genes, had dark, almost black hair, green eyes, and tanned so easily that all he had to do was think about the sun and he turned a shade darker. Jenna frowned sadly, trying hard to remember the last time she had spoken him and what they had said to one another. It had been early in the apocalypse, barely even three weeks into it. Back when her mother and Jon and his parents had all still been alive and they'd all been certain they would make it to Fort Benning…
OOO
"Jen?" Jenna looked up from the dinner she'd been cooking to see that her mother was standing in front of her and holding a cell phone out for her to take. "It's your brother."
Eager to hear her brother's voice and for the comfort it would bring her, Jenna surged to her feet and grabbed the phone from her mother's grasp, passing her the spatula she'd been holding. While Renee took charge of the food sizzling in the pan, Jenna went to step into the hall for privacy, squeezing Jon's shoulder when she passed him. "Hey, Sam," she said once she was alone.
"Hey, sis," his deep, familiar voice sounded in her ear, making her muscles relax with relief. For once, his end of the line was quiet rather than filled with the sounds of busy people talking and moving about. She hoped that meant he was finally taking a break from all of his duties and was giving himself a chance to reenergize. "How you holdin' up?"
Jenna sucked in a deep breath and leaned against the wall, crossing her legs at the ankle. "I'm alright," she answered, even though that wasn't entirely the truth. She was tired and scared and so stressed out that she felt like she may lose her mind at any given moment. She didn't want to tell him that though – it would only make him worry more. "What about you? How are things at the base?"
Sam heaved on his end of the line. "Honestly? It's a shit-show," he said truthfully, sounding as weary with stress as she currently felt. "There's people running around all the time, new problems popping up every single day. And there's so many refugees here now that it's hard to even find room for everyone. It's like Hooverville out here with all the tents we've put up just so everyone has shelter over their heads," Sam explained tiredly.
"Will there still be room for us?," Jenna asked worriedly, alarmed to hear about the lack of space.
"Of course," Sam confirmed without missing a beat. "I've already got a place squared away for ya'll. Don't worry about that." Jenna relaxed, relieved. "Jen," Sam continued after a beat or two of silence, suddenly sounding much more serious. "I know it's tough out there on the road, but you guys need to get here as soon as you can," he said.
"I know," Jenna sighed. "Trust me, we're trying to."
"Try harder," Sam instructed. "There's…there's talk of sealing up the base soon," he revealed, much to Jenna's shock. "We're at capacity with survivors and we only have so many supplies at our disposal to take care of the ones already here," he explained, as though he could sense her reaction. "The higher ups think it would be best for everyone on the base if we stopped taking people in. It's hard enough taking care and keeping track of everyone now as it is – we'll be in over our heads if we take anyone else in."
"Close the base off to the public?," Jenna repeated in astonishment, keeping her voice low so the rest of the group wouldn't hear her. "And leave all those other people
out there to fend for themselves? Do you have any idea how angry everyone will be?" She could picture the hordes of angry survivors protesting at the gates of Fort Benning, cursing and yelling because they'd been cheated of the sanctuary they'd been promised. God, what would happen when Jenna and her group got there and went waltzing through the gate like they were royalty while everyone else was left to fend for themselves on the outside? The crowd would riot. Might even try to rip the place apart.
"Pretty damn pissed off, I'd imagine," Sam said wryly. "I don't like it either, but I don't think we have any other choice," he said with a note of resignation. "It's what we have to do if we want the base to stay up and running."
Jenna grimaced a bit, not sure she agreed with him. "I guess."
There was a brief stretch of silence before Sam spoke again. "Mom said you've really stepped up since all this went down, that you've been really strong," he said, making her eyes immediately jump over to their mother. Renee was plating food for everyone and distributing dinner with a small smile on her face. "She said you've been keeping the group together, keeping them going. I'm proud of you, Jen," he said approvingly.
Jenna smiled a bit, humbled by his words. "I'm sure she exaggerated to make me sound better," she said modestly. "It's not like I've done that much…"
"Maybe you need to stop underestimating yourself," Sam countered knowingly. "I've said it once and I'll say it again – you're stronger than you think you are, sis," he insisted. "Probably the strongest woman I've ever met."
Jenna was touched by the sincerity in his voice. She felt her eyes well up with tears, but quickly blinked them away and cleared her throat, trying not to get all emotional on him. "Now you're just sucking up," she joked in a thick voice, trying to lighten the conversation. She thought she heard Sam laugh a bit in response, but the connection suddenly started to break up, making him sound weird and distorted on his end. "Sam?," Jenna asked with furrowed brows, listening as the static between them became worse and worse. "Sam, can you hear me?"
She struggled to understand his next words. "Jen – hear me?," he asked, sounding robotic. "Breaking up – barely hear – Still there?"
"I'm still here, Sam," she said, even though she was pretty sure he was having just as hard a time understanding her as she was understanding him. Jenna pulled the phone away to look at the screen, feeling her heart drop when she saw how low of a signal she was getting. It could only mean one thing – that the phone towers had finally given up the fight and they were about to go into a total communication blackout. She'd known it would only be a matter of time before something like this happened – she was surprised it had taken this long, to be honest.
"Sam," she said in a bit of a panic, pressing the phone back to her ear. The others were looking at her curiously now, but she ignored the stares trained on her. "I think all the towers are going out. I'm losing signal fast and I don't think I'll get it back again." Her stomach twisted as she realized this was probably the last time she'd talk to her brother for a long while. "Sam, we're gonna get to Fort Benning as fast as we can," she said in a rush. "No matter what, we will get there. Until then, watch out for yourself, okay? Don't do anything to get yourself hurt, or worse."
Sam seemed to hear enough of what she'd said to understand what was happening. "Be careful – dangerous out there," his distorted voice said. "I'll be – for you guys. Look – for each other," were his stern, broken up instructions. " – love you. Tell mom – love her, too."
Jenna started to tell him that she loved him too, but just as she opened her mouth, the line went dead in her ear. "Sam?," she asked feebly, even though she knew he was gone. "Sam?" When she continued to hear nothing, she pulled the phone back to look at it again before slowly closing it, knowing that their line of communication was now gone forever.
OOO
Jenna resurged from the memory, feeling tears rush to her eyes again despite the fact that she'd been certain she had no more tears left to cry. Had she known at the time that that was the last conversation she'd ever have with her brother, she would have said something more meaningful. Like how good of a man he was for stepping up and taking charge of the family when their father had died, despite the fact that he'd barely been eighteen at the time. She would have thanked him for always being there for her, for always protecting her and for being that guiding light she'd needed in the aftermath of their father's passing. She would have told him how much she loved him, and how life was never going to be the same without him.
Jenna's eyes and head throbbed as a fresh wave of emotion swept through, making her eyes prickle with tears yet again. But just as she started to drown in her own misery, a small voice broke the silence of the room.
"Jenna?," Chloe asked quietly, carefully.
Jenna hesitated, then moved her forearm away from her face, wiping her eyes with her sleeve in the process. When she looked to the young girl standing only a few feet away, Jenna noticed that she seemed nervous. "What is it, Chloe?," Jenna asked without much infliction, her voice rough and scratchy after crying so much. Chloe stared at her for a second, glanced worriedly toward the front door, then looked back at Jenna again with hesitance. "Chloe, what is it?," Jenna repeated, a little more firmly this time.
"It's…it's Erin," Chloe finally said. "She left."
It took a second for the words to register in her mind, but once they did Jenna sat up in a flash. For a moment she could only stare at Chloe in shocked disbelief, hoping she had heard her wrong. But when Chloe just continued to stare back at her with that anxious look, Jenna quickly scanned the room, noticed a lack of blonde hair, then surged to her feet and rushed to the front door. She yanked it open without bothering to check what might be on the other side and stepped out onto the porch, eyes immediately turning to the driveway.
Chloe was right. The Camry was gone.
Jenna turned and stomped back into the house, slamming the door shut behind her. "How long has she been gone?," she demanded, all thoughts of her brother and her grief shoved to the side for now.
Chloe started fiddling with the hem of her t-shirt, looking uncomfortable with Jenna's sudden anger. "Not long," she answered timidly. "I woke up when I heard the car start outside. By the time I got up to see what was happening, Erin was already driving away," she proceeded to explain. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," Chloe quickly apologized, looking a little guilty. "I didn't know what to do."
Jenna heaved and ran a hand over her face, unsure what to make of this turn events. Had Erin left for good? The idea didn't seem too farfetched, given the circumstances. Even though Jenna herself had been too distraught to tell Erin what had happened, it was almost certain that she would have found out through Chloe. And of course she wouldn't stick around after hearing that Fort Benning had fallen – because why would she? The only thing binding her to Jenna had been the hope that the base was still there. Now that that tie was severed, there was no reason for Erin to stay; especially so considering her aversion to Chloe.
But maybe she was just jumping to conclusions. Maybe, a tiny, optimistic part of Jenna reasoned, Erin had been feeling better and had gone out to look for supplies or something, to stretch her legs and get a little fresh air. Erin might be gone, but maybe it wasn't for good. With that thought in mind, Jenna looked down at the space next to the couch, where they'd been keeping all their bags or supplies. Her optimism vanished when she saw that all of Erin's belongings were gone.
But then she noticed that something else seemed off about this picture. Along with their bags of clothes, toiletries, and personal keepsakes, she and Erin had also had several bags of food, medicine, and weapons – everything they'd accumulated on their travels – piled up next to the couch…
…all of which were now missing.
"Oh no," she said as realization dawned. "No, no, no!," Jenna groaned, dropping down to her knees in front of her bags to rifle through them in her denial, not wanting to believe it. When she found nothing but her own clothes and personal items, she was forced to face the truth.
Erin had left, for good. And she hadn't gone empty handed, either – she'd taken all of the most crucial things they needed to survive with her, leaving Jenna and Chloe with next to nothing.
"Shit!," Jenna cursed in pure frustration, throwing her bag across the room in her anger before dropping her face into her hands.
How could this have happened? How could things have gotten so shitty in such a small amount of time? First she had found out about Fort Benning, then was forced to accept the truth that her search for her brother had been in vain and that she'd never see Sam again. Now Erin had not only left, but had decided to rob her in the process. All the food they'd found, the medicine she'd hung on to, the weapons she'd accumulated…what the hell was she supposed to do now that all of that was gone?
Jenna moved her hands from her face and shoved her hands through her hair, her emotions pulling her in several directions all at once. She was so furious at Erin that she wanted to break every smash-able thing in the house, but she was still so utterly gutted over Sam and the fall of Fort Benning that she wanted to just curl up into a ball and cry her heart out. The hits just wouldn't stop coming. And Jenna, now feeling overwhelmed by it all, wanted nothing more in that moment than to just give up and throw in the towel. To roll over and admit defeat and let the cruel, unforgiving world do whatever it wanted with her.
"Jenna?," a tentative voice sounded behind her, making her instantly come crashing back to reality.
Chloe. For a moment Jenna had forgotten about Chloe, the girl that Fate had recently shoved into her path. Chloe's father was dead and her group was gone, which meant there was nobody for the girl to depend on for help now but her. The thought immediately sobered Jenna up. No matter how hurt she was over her brother or how otherworldly enraged she was with Erin for her betrayal, breaking down simply was not an option. It wasn't just Jenna who was back to square one here – Chloe was affected by all of this, too. She was going to need Jenna now more than ever.
Pulling herself together as best as she could, Jenna managed to somehow center herself and finally stood back to her feet before slowly turning to face Chloe. The girl seemed unsure what to do with herself as she awkwardly shifted on her feet, eyes regarding Jenna with a hint of wariness. "I'm sorry for going off like that," Jenna apologized, hating that she'd frightened the young girl. "It's just…Erin took everything," she revealed. "Our food, water, medicine – our weapons." Jenna shook her head and rubbed the heel of her palm into her forehead. "We've got nothing."
There was a beat of silence, then, "Actually, she didn't take everything."
Jenna paused at that, then dropped her hand from her face and furrowed her brows at Chloe questioningly. "What do you mean?"
Chloe hesitated for a moment, then walked past Jenna and disappeared into the kitchen without a word. Jenna stared at the doorway she'd disappeared through, perplexed, until she returned a few seconds later. To Jenna's immense surprise, she was toting one of the bags that they'd found when they'd been searching that house for Chloe's group. She carried the bag over to where Jenna was standing and then handed it to her. Jenna took the bag and opened it, feeling both surprised and relieved when she saw that there was enough food and water inside to last them a few days – even the hammer and hatchet she'd taken on the run the day before were inside.
Jenna stared at the contents for a second, then looked to Chloe with raised brows. "How do you have this?"
Chloe shrugged. "After I told you about Fort Benning, you were out of it for a while. Erin could tell something was wrong, but you weren't speaking to either of us so she asked me what happened," she began to explain. "When I told her about Fort Benning, she got really upset. Then she started acting…weird. All day long she kept moving around the room and messing with her things, then she'd go and stare out the window for a really long time. Even after I finally got you to come inside she was still being all…squirmy," Chloe said with a frown. "I thought maybe she was thinking about leaving."
"Why didn't you say anything to me?," Jenna demanded, thinking this whole thing could have been avoided if Chloe had just spoken up. She might not have been able to stop Erin from leaving, but she certainly could have stopped the woman from robbing her.
"I tried," Chloe defended. "But you were so upset that you wouldn't listen to me."
Jenna thought about it for a moment, then was able to vaguely recall Chloe trying to talk to her once or twice the previous evening. Both times she'd ignored the girl, buried too deeply in her own grief at the time to care about anything else. "Right," she said, her voice losing its edge at once. "Sorry," she apologized again.
Chloe just nodded, then looked down at the bag. "Anyway, I was afraid to say anything to her about it because I wasn't sure how she'd react…but I was worried what she would take if she did leave, too," she continued on, motioning to the bag with a wave of her hand. "So I hid that when Erin went to use the bathroom at one point, just in case. After that I tried to keep an eye on her. I even tried to stay up after you'd fallen asleep in case she planned to go as soon as we were both asleep. But I could only stay awake for so long…and then she left," Chloe concluded. "I couldn't stop her. I'm sorry, Jenna."
Jenna sighed as Chloe finished the story, hating the way things had gone down but still grateful to Chloe for being smart enough to recognize what was happening and hide some essentials away. They weren't so great off considering how little supplies they had, but it could have been worse – much, much worse. Shifting the bag of food to one hand, Jenna reached out with the other to place it on Chloe's shoulder and give it a squeeze.
"Don't blame yourself," she said firmly. "If Erin was set on leaving, I doubt either one of us would have been able to stop her." Chloe relaxed a little at hearing that and nodded her head. "You did good hiding this stuff away," Jenna added, nodding to her in approval. "That was really smart on your part." Jenna manage a small smile for her. "You may have just saved our asses, Chloe."
Chloe smiled a bit at hearing that, her cheeks turning pink. "There's one more thing," she said, reaching behind her to retrieve something that had been tucked into the back of her pants. Relief coursed right through Jenna's veins when she recognized her handgun and the trusty silencer still attached. "You dropped it when you went to bed, so I grabbed it and hid it," Chloe said, extending the weapon toward her in offering.
Jenna took the gun, taking great comfort in the familiar weight in her hand. With this being her personal gun, she'd kept the ammunition for it with her personal belongings rather than in the weapons bag – and she knew for a fact that there were close to a few dozen bullets left. Suddenly their situation seemed a lot less dismal. Erin's departure had dealt them a hard blow, yes, but it wasn't something they couldn't come back from. With a little time and effort, they could definitely overcome this obstacle and get back on track.
"Good job, kid," Jenna said appreciatively, shoving the gun into the back of her jeans. Chloe smiled in response, but when her stomach rumbled hungrily in the next moment, she wrapped her arms around her midsection as though to muffle the sound. Jenna raised a questioning eyebrow, her concern for Chloe surging up above everything else she was feeling inside. "Did you eat anything after breakfast yesterday?"
Chloe shook her head. "I was too afraid to. With the way Erin was acting, I didn't know what she'd do if she saw me eating some of the food," she explained, scrunching her nose a bit.
Jenna nodded, feeling bad for Chloe. "Here," she said, rifling around in the bag and grabbing a few food items for the girl to eat. "Have some breakfast – you've definitely earned it."
Chloe instantly nodded her agreement and took the food Jenna offered, then cast a concerned look at her when she realized Jenna was not grabbing any food for herself. "Aren't you gonna eat, too?"
Truth be told Jenna didn't have much of an appetite, despite the fact that, like Chloe, she also hadn't eaten since breakfast the previous day. Simply put, her grief over Sam had robbed her of any desire to eat. "I'm not hungry," she said with a shake of her head. When Chloe frowned with worry, Jenna sighed. "Honestly, I'm not," she insisted, before gently pushing her in the direction of the fireplace. "Go sit down and eat. I'll start a fire to warm the place up," she said.
Chloe hesitated, then did as she was told. While the girl went to sit down near the fireplace and eat her scant breakfast, Jenna set the bag Chloe had hidden down next to her things and went to lock the front door, pushing the loveseat back up against it to barricade them in. She then joined Chloe by the fireplace and made quick work of starting a fire, sitting down in front of it for warmth once she was finished.
Though the grief of her brother still hovered over her like a dark storm cloud, Jenna forced herself to push her inner turmoil away for now and focus on the dilemma at hand. With Fort Benning out of the picture and after the way Erin had left them, they were going to need a new course of action. She had felt better about being out in the wild when she'd still had plenty of supplies and someone her age around who could fight alongside her…but now it was just her and Chloe, an eleven-year-old girl who, despite proving to be a quick thinker, was too young and too inexperienced to be expected to fight anything. Their little hiding spot suddenly didn't seem so secure anymore, especially given their limited amount of weaponry to protect themselves with. They were going to have to leave eventually – they needed to go someplace safe, someplace secure.
An image of a white farmhouse flashed to the forefront of her mind, followed by the faces of the people she'd left there. Just yesterday they had been talking about the group and whether or not Jenna would ever go back to them. At the time she hadn't considered it to be an actual possibility, as she had still been operating under the hopeful belief that Fort Benning was still intact and taking in survivors. But now that she knew the base was gone, going back to the farm wasn't such an improbability anymore. She could practically hear the farm calling her back – calling her home.
The mere thought of going back to the group sent a jolt through her nerves. Before she had left Rick had told her that she could always come back, that she would always have a spot reserved within the group. And Jenna did want to go back – she missed them more than words could describe, and after everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours she found that she very much needed their friendship and their support, even though she was hardly deserving of either after the way she'd left. But would Rick hold true to his word? And, furthermore, would the rest of the group be as willing to let her back in as Rick had been? Jenna might not have thought so in the beginning, but the glaring, unavoidable truth was that she had abandoned them – and she hadn't even had the guts to say goodbye to them in person. They had to have been hurt when she left, probably even angry. What would they think if she suddenly showed back up with Chloe in tow asking to be let back into the gang after the way she'd left?
Then, of course, there was the matter of Shane. The way Jenna saw it, there was a fifty-fifty chance he was still there. Did she have it in her to go back knowing he might possibly be there? Would she be able to live alongside him again considering their rocky history? If it meant finding a safe place for Chloe and being back with the group – back with Daryl – Jenna knew she at least had to try. But then again, if Shane was still there how safe would the farm really be for either of them?
"Do you think Erin will come back?," Chloe suddenly asked to break the silence that had been stretching between them.
Jenna tore her gaze from the fire to look at Chloe, then shook her head. "No. If she did, I'd be very surprised. Probably even more surprised than I am that she left in the first place," she admitted.
Chloe cocked her head to the side. "If she did, would you accept her back?"
Jenna thought about it, then slowly shook her head again. "No," she answered unremorsefully. "Whatever trust I had in her is gone." Jenna scowled at the nearest window, as though Erin would somehow see or feel it wherever she now was. "She made her decision. Erin's on her own now."
Chloe nodded, then turned her eyes downward as she took a small bite of fruit. For a moment she was silent, then she looked back up at Jenna with sympathy. "I'm sorry about Fort Benning," she said gently, making Jenna look back to her, the scowl falling from her face. "I don't know who you were looking for there, but…I'm sorry that they're gone."
Jenna felt her chest constrict a bit as Sam's face flashed across her mind, but managed a small, grateful smile. "Thanks," she said quietly, before turning her gaze back to the fire to signal that she didn't want to discuss the matter any further.
A few more moments of silence passed between them. "So what happens now?," Chloe asked next, changing the subject.
Jenna sighed and considered the question. She thought about mentioning the farm to Chloe and presenting it as a possible place for them to go, but decided she needed a little bit more time to think the whole thing through. "We'll need to restock on food and water," Jenna said instead, "and probably weapons, too. There's still plenty of houses in the neighborhood we haven't searched yet, so hopefully we'll be able to replace most of what Erin took," she explained with a nod. "We need to get our hands on a car, too. If trouble comes along – " Or if we decide to go to the farm, Jenna added in her head, " – we'll need transportation so we can make a quick getaway."
Chloe didn't say anything for a long second, just stared at Jenna with an expression that was both surprised and hopeful. "You mean…I can stay with you?," she asked cautiously. "You aren't gonna send me away or anything?"
The question caught Jenna off guard and made her frown at Chloe with confusion for a second. "What?"
Chloe flushed a bit and turned her gaze away. "You know, I just…I thought you might not want me around. It's not like I'm your responsibility or anything…"
When she saw the wary look Chloe's face, as though the girl was afraid to get her hopes up, Jenna's expression softened. "Of course you can stay with me, Chloe," she said gently. "It was never my plan to get rid of you or leave you to fend for yourself. I said I would help you any way that I could, and I meant it." Chloe finally met Jenna's gaze and her shoulders visibly relaxed. "It's you and me now, Chloe," Jenna added firmly, reaching out to squeeze the girl's shoulder again. "I'm gonna do everything in my power to protect you from here on out. I promise."
Chloe looked like she might get emotional for a second, but instead of crying she nodded firmly, eyes turning serious in a heartbeat. "We'll protect each other," she corrected, her tone leaving no room for argument.
Jenna managed a smile that was both grateful and impressed, then nodded her agreement. "Deal."
Jenna thought about Sam a lot in the days that followed Erin's disappearance. It seemed that everything she saw reminded her of him in some way, triggering memories of him or of the things they had seen and experienced together over the years. There had been a time in her life when she could reflect on memories such as these with warmth and fondness, but now, as she mourned the loss of her brother, they had quite the opposite effect. Each memory left her feeling cold and broke her heart anew, now serving as nothing but harsh reminders that Sam was gone and that she was never going to see him again.
Jenna had felt grief like this before – it was one and in the same as what she'd felt after she'd lost her first group. The first time around, being alone in this mad world for the first time and still very much distraught over the deaths of her loves ones, she had succumbed to her misery and retreated into herself until she was reduced to something as lifeless and unfeeling as the walkers that had destroyed life as she knew it. Jenna had lost herself, and had she been on her own this time, it would have been all too easy – and all too likely – for her to lose herself again as she mourned for Sam.
But that was the difference between now and then. She wasn't alone. She had Chloe this time.
Chloe was an absolute god-send, that much Jenna became convinced of fairly quickly. Though the pain over the loss of her brother was a constant presence, having Chloe around at least helped to keep her focused and grounded, gave her a newfound sense of purpose and reminded her of the responsibility she had taken on by taking the girl under her wind. Each time Jenna found herself starting to sink into her grief, all she had to do was think about Chloe and remember the fact that another life was dependent on her now to come right back out of it. And on the occasions where Jenna wasn't strong enough to push past her sadness, Chloe was there to offer the comfort and support she needed.
The friendship that blossomed between them was easy and effortless. With Erin out of the picture, Chloe was much more comfortable and came out of her shell, allowing Jenna to actually get to know her and see her real personality. She learned that Chloe had come from a town named Dawson, was an only child, and had been raised primarily by her father and grandmother, both of whom were now deceased – her grandmother had passed some years ago and her father, as Jenna had already known from the first night she'd met Chloe, had died only weeks before, from a walker attack she had since learned. Chloe was also much more outgoing, whip smart, and extremely mature for her age, and though she might not have been much of a fighter, she applied herself in other ways to make up for what she lacked in physicality. For example, Jenna had gone out back just the day before to find her building something with a bunch of sticks she'd collected from around the yard. As it turned out, she'd been making squirrel traps, something she'd been taught by a boy – and avid hunter – she had lived next door to pre-apocalypse. She also had sharp eyes and a knack for finding useful things that Jenna might have otherwise overlooked while out on supply runs.
All in all, Jenna thought having Chloe as her companion was a huge improvement from her previous arrangement. Unlike Erin, Chloe was friendly and welcoming and did anything she could to help Jenna out – most of the time without even having to be asked. As infuriated as Jenna had been when Erin had robbed them and split, now she had to admit that she was actually happy the woman was gone.
After four or five days of Jenna and Chloe being on their own, they had managed to rummage through the majority of the houses in the neighborhood and had restocked on enough supplies to have Jenna considering whether or not it had come time to move on. With how little weapons and protection they had, it was a dangerous gamble for them to continue to be on their own like this – if the wrong people came along, Jenna knew she and Chloe could be in some serious trouble. They had also cleared most of the houses in neighborhood by now, which meant they'd have to find supplies elsewhere when they ran out. All things considered, Jenna deduced that they probably couldn't linger in the area for any longer than a few more days, which meant it was time to move on whether she thought they were ready or not.
"Hey, Jenna?," Chloe asked as they were in the middle of another afternoon of searching for supplies. They were clearing one of the last few blocks of houses on the far side of the neighborhood that hadn't already been checked – they'd found a few useful things so far, but nothing too extraordinary. "Can I ask you something?"
Jenna, who'd been searching through the cabinets lining the kitchen, glanced at her over her shoulder. "I think we've moved past the formalities stage of our friendship, don't you?," she asked pointedly. "You don't have to ask to ask me a question. Just ask – I don't mind," Jenna reassured.
Chloe nodded her understanding, then tilted her head curiously. "Who's Daryl?"
Jenna started in surprise at the question. She and Chloe had done a lot of talking over the past few days as they worked to get to know one another, but though Jenna had mentioned the group and the farm, she'd never talked specifically about Daryl or their complicated relationship. "You say his name in your sleep a lot," Chloe explained when she saw Jenna trying to figure out how she knew about him. "I know he's not your brother, because his name was Sam," she then pointed out. "Who is Daryl?"
Jenna pressed her lips together for a moment, feeling her cheeks heat with the beginnings of a blush. For a few seconds she struggled to come up with an answer, genuinely uncertain as to how she could describe just who Daryl was to her. Should she say he was her friend? Her comrade? The first – and only – man she'd had feelings for since Jon had died? "Daryl was…in my last group. The one I was with when I was on the farm," she finally answered.
Chloe narrowed her eyes with uncertainty. "Is he…dead?"
Jenna shook her head. "No, he's alive. Or he was when I left, anyway," she added, frowning a bit. For a moment she considered the possibility that Daryl might have died in the time she'd been gone, but almost immediately Jenna shoved the thought away. Daryl was tough, an excellent fighter, and knew how to survive in conditions like these. Of course he was alive. "He was one of the strongest in our group," Jenna explained. "He's also one of the most hard-headed men I've ever met," she added, her tone a bit on the wry side. "I'm certain Daryl's still alive – the man's too stubborn to die." That's what she was going to choose to believe, anyway.
Chloe's hazel eyes gleamed with interest. "Were you two close?"
Jenna pursed her lips, unsure how to answer. "Maybe…in a weird way. We butted heads at almost every opportunity and bickered at each other like an old married couple," she said, thinking back to their numerous fights. "But there actually were times when we got along and we were good together whenever things got tough," Jenna added with a nod, now thinking of the time she and Daryl had almost kissed, or that last night on the farm when she'd fallen asleep in his arms. "The times we got along were few and far between, mind you, but they were…really nice," she said, her tone going a bit wistful on its own accord.
Chloe had a look of understanding on her face now. "You miss him, don't you?"
Jenna saw no point in trying to deny it. "I do," she answered honestly.
Chloe nodded, then tilted her head with curiosity. "Do you love him?," she asked bluntly.
That made Jenna freeze and blink in surprise. "What?," she asked in shock, unsure she had heard Chloe correctly.
"Do you love Daryl?," Chloe repeated herself patiently, raising her eyebrows in expectation.
Just as taken aback by the question the second time around, Jenna gaped like a fish and felt her cheeks heat with a blush. "I…I don't know. I don't think so," she finally managed to answer, shrugging her shoulders. "I care about him, of course," she quickly clarified, "but love?" Jenna shook her head. "I was only with Daryl for a short while. The truth of the matter is…I feel like I hardly even know anything about him. We spent so much time fighting and pushing each other away that we never really got to know each other." Which was something Jenna could admit that she very much regretted. She wished she'd used her time with Daryl a little more wisely, that they had gotten along better than they had. Jenna hated that she had so few fond memories of him to reflect on.
Chloe frowned with confusion. "Why push him away if you care about him?"
Jenna sighed and shifted on her feet, turning her eyes away for a moment. "It's…complicated," she said, meeting Chloe's gaze again. The girl looked like she was going to demand further explanation, but since Jenna wasn't particularly feeling in the mood to explain and address all of her commitment phobias, she spoke up before Chloe could. "You find anything in that pantry?," she asked, blatantly changing the subject.
Chloe looked like she was contemplating whether or not to try to pry further, but after a few seconds she seemed to decide against it and went with the change of topic. "Not really," she said with a small frown of disappointment. "Just some…" Chloe trailed off and leaned into the pantry to rummage around, then continued, "moldy bread, some baking stuff, a few jars of anchovies, and some…errr, sauerkraut?," she said slowly, as if she wasn't sure whether she was saying the word 'sauerkraut' correctly or not. "What's that?"
"It's cabbage. Sauerkraut literally translates into 'sour cabbage'," Jenna answered.
"Sour cabbage?," Chloe repeated doubtfully.
"It's actually not that bad, though it'll give you gas if you eat too much of it," Jenna said with a shrug and a smirk. "Put it in the bag," she instructed with a nod of her head. "The anchovies, too."
Chloe put the sauerkraut in the bag, but pulled a disgusted face at the jars of anchovies when she retrieved them from the pantry. "Gross," Chloe commented, giving a small shiver.
"It might be gross, but it's still food," Jenna reminded, which made the girl scrunch up her nose. "Turn your nose up all you want, but those anchovies are coming with us," Jenna said matter-of-factly. "Who knows?," she added with raised brows, "one day when it's freezing outside and we've got nothing else to eat, those little fishies just might save your life."
Chloe still looked mildly repulsed, but slipped the jars of anchovies into the bag hanging from her shoulder. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that," she said with a hint of sarcasm, which made Jenna smirk a bit.
"Let's," she agreed. Jenna then shut the cabinets she had been looking through and stepped toward Chloe. "Alright, I think we've found about all we're going to in here," she announced, frowning at the kitchen that had yielded them so little. "Let's have a look through the rest of the house, see if we can't find some weapons or medicine. After that we'll check out the garage and then head on to the next place."
Chloe nodded her agreement with the plan, then followed Jenna out of the kitchen. Since they had already checked and cleared the one-story house of walkers upon first entering, they moved freely through the deserted hallways. While Jenna started for what appeared to be the master bedroom, Chloe disappeared into the hallway bathroom to start rummaging through the cabinets under the sink and the medicine cabinet hanging on the wall, her young features set in an expression of concentration. Jenna hesitated by the doorway to the bathroom, watching as the young girl commenced her search.
"Keep your ears open," she instructed Chloe, unable to help feeling a little uncomfortable whenever Chloe was out of her sight, even if she was only a few feet away. There had just been too many times in the past where she had turned her back for only a second and everything went to complete and utter shit – she was paranoid now, even when the coast looked perfectly clear. And the longer time went on, the more paranoid she could feel herself getting. "If you hear anything out of the ordinary, call for me. No hesitation. Call for me and I'll be right back here," Jenna insisted.
Chloe looked up at her and nodded. "I will," she promised. Jenna nodded and then finally continued on, leaving Chloe to her business.
The master bedroom Jenna walked into was cold from the winter weather outside and heavy with the feeling of abandonment. She stopped just inside the doorway to look around the room, eyeing the unmade bed and the dresser drawers that had been left open. Some of the drawers had been pulled completely out of their cubbies and carelessly deposited onto the floor, as though the people searching through them had been in too big of a rush to care about where they were left. There were clothes strewn here or there and things knocked about, signs of either hasty packing some time again or perhaps a search through the room for valuables by other survivors.
Jenna went to the open closest and looked around, flipping idly through the clothes that had been left behind and still hung there. After a few moments her eyes dropped down to the floor of the closet, almost immediately landing on a safe that had been tucked into the corner. Seeing as a safe was usually a pretty good place to look when searching for weapons or ammunition, her heart instantly leapt with excitement. Crouching down, Jenna reached for the safe to see if the door was locked or not only to discover that the door was already open. Pulling the door open a little wider, she was greeted with the sight of an empty gun holster and an emptied out box that had once contained bullets. Jenna deflated in the blink of an eye. Damn, she thought to herself with a sigh of disappointment, Too late.
Jenna got back to her feet and proceeded to search the rest of the room, as well as the adjoining bathroom, but other than a bottle of aspirin, a small flashlight, and a few warm looking sweaters, there wasn't much else to find. Jenna stuffed what she had found into her bag, let her eyes do one last sweep of the room, then went to find Chloe.
She found the slender girl poking around in one of the other bedrooms. "Well, the master bedroom was a bust," Jenna announced, leaning against the doorframe. "Was your luck any better?"
Chloe stepped away from the desk she'd been looking through and turned to Jenna, shaking her head. "Not really," she said with a small sigh.
Jenna frowned, disappointed with the result of their searching. They'd searched an entire block already but they had hardly anything to show for it. She'd known the day would come when the neighborhood would be milked dry, only she hadn't quite expected that day to come so soon. "I can't help but notice the fact that supplies are getting harder to come around in these parts," she mused aloud, brows furrowed pensively. "I'm starting to think this neighborhood might not have much else to offer."
Chloe stepped toward Jenna, curiosity in her eyes. "What does that mean, then? What do we do if there are no more supplies to find here?," she asked.
Jenna looked at Chloe, then shrugged. "We'd have to leave this place behind and move on. Go somewhere else," she answered simply.
Chloe pursed her lips pensively. "Go where?"
The question immediately made a mental image of the farm flash through Jenna's mind. She'd been thinking long and hard about going back to the farm, about whether or not that was where she and Chloe should head. She had spent days weighing all of the pros and cons and now, finally, after all of her contemplating, she had come to a decision – Jenna wanted to go back to the farm, wanted to go back to her friends. Whether Shane was there or not, whether the group would be happy to see her or not, Jenna knew that being back with the group on Hershel's farm was where she wanted to be – no, where she needed to be. Now that their time in the neighborhood seemed to be coming to a rapid close, it was time to propose the idea to Chloe.
"Actually, that's something I've been wanting to talk to you about," she started slowly, her tone serious. "I promised you that I would do whatever I could to protect you, and I intend to hold true to that," she reminded Chloe, "but I have to be honest with you – us being out here on our own like this is extremely risky. This world is dangerous, unpredictable. We need protection, we need security, and we need people." Jenna paused to suck in a breath. "There's only one place that I know of to find all of that. And it's back at the farm, with my old group."
Chloe didn't look very surprised by what she had just said, Jenna couldn't help but notice. It was as though the girl had already been expecting her to propose something along these lines. "But…you left them," Jenna's young companion pointed out. "You must have had a reason for leaving in the first place, right?"
Jenna nodded once. "I did." She hesitated, unsure if she should tell Chloe the truth about what had happened between her and Shane, then decided that if she was going to take Chloe to the group then she might as well know exactly what she was walking into. "Part of the reason I left was because I wanted to look for Sam. But…it was also because of something else." Jenna paused. "There was a man in the group. His name was Shane and we…didn't exactly see eye to eye, to put it mildly," she explained. "To make a long story short, I knew something about Shane that he didn't want becoming known to the rest of the group. And when I got attacked by a walker while we were on a run together, Shane didn't do anything to intervene. He just let it all happen in the hopes that the walker would do his dirty work for him and shut me up permanently."
Chloe instantly looked alarmed. "He tried to kill you?"
"Indirectly, yes," Jenna admitted, cringing a bit. "I fought the walker off, but it was a close call. Of course as soon as Shane saw that I'd survived he changed his tune pretty fast and tried to play it off like he hadn't left me for walker bait," Jenna said, continuing her retelling. "He wasn't gonna fool me, though. I knew what he'd tried to do and I'd seen him for who he really was."
"Did you tell anyone?," Chloe asked, still looking startled by this new revelation.
"I told Daryl," Jenna confirmed with a nod. "And I told Rick, the man that led our group. As it happens, though, Shane was Rick's best friend. It was hard for him to hear what Shane had done," she said with a frown, thinking back to the way Rick had reacted when she'd told him about everything that had happened. "Anyway," Jenna continued, concentrating on Chloe again, "I didn't trust that Shane wouldn't try to pull something like that again. So I kept my distance from him for the rest of the day, then left the next morning."
"But now you wanna go back? After everything that happened with Shane?," Chloe asked, confused.
"I'll admit that I'm not thrilled with the idea of seeing him again," Jenna confessed after a moment of hesitation. "But there's a chance that Shane isn't even there. Maybe Rick came to his senses and sent him away once he realized how dangerous he was," she stated optimistically. But then she sighed and rubbed her forehead, remembering all too well Rick's reluctance to believe his friend has taken a turn for the worst. "Then again, there is a very real possibility that Shane is still there," she added. She frowned to herself for a second, then shook her head. "It isn't the ideal arrangement, but if it means getting you to a safe place and being back with my friends, then I can find it in me to deal with it," she said, nodding her head resolutely.
Chloe gnawed on her lip for a moment, looking uncertain. "But what if he tries to do something to you again? I don't want you to get hurt, Jenna," she added insistently.
"I know how to protect myself from men like Shane," Jenna reassured her. "The group will be there to help, too. Daryl and Rick know, and I'm sure most of the group knows what happened by now, too – they won't let anything like that happen again, trust me," she said, remembering how infuriated Daryl had been when she'd told him what Shane had pulled on their run. Something told her that Daryl, regardless of how angry he might be at her for ditching the group, wouldn't be letting Shane come anywhere near her once she was back on the farm.
"The situation with Shane sucks, yes, but the rest of the group is good, I promise," Jenna continued when she saw that Chloe still didn't seem completely convinced. "They're friendly and kind and supportive. I was in a bad place when they found me – hell, I was one more string of bad luck away from turning into Erin," she revealed, gesturing with his hands. "But the group took me in, put clothes on my back, food in my belly, and proved to me that there were still good people left in this world. And I think we both know how hard it is to find good people these days," she pointed out.
Chloe slowly nodded her head in agreement. "Yeah, we do."
Jenna smiled a bit, her expression reassuring. "Going to the farm and rejoining the group – regardless of whether or not Shane is there – is the best option for us, Chloe," Jenna said in conclusion. "I wouldn't have suggested it as an option if I didn't truly believe it."
Chloe fell silent as she took a long few moments to consider the proposition before her. Jenna held her breath as she waited to hear the girl's response, hoping her answer would be the one she wanted to hear. Of course, at the end of the day she knew she'd be able to overrule Chloe's decision and force the girl to go to the farm if she really wanted to, but Jenna would prefer it if it didn't come to that.
Finally, after what felt like hours, Chloe spoke up. "Okay," she said with a nod of her head, eyes determined.
"Okay?," Jenna repeated, raising her eyebrows.
Chloe nodded. "If you think the farm is where we should go, then let's go," she agreed.
Jenna immediately released the breath she'd been holding and smiled, feeling immensely relieved. But in the next moment, her relief was quickly overshadowed by a wave of nervousness as the reality of the situation set in – just the mere fact that they were officially going back to the group was enough to make her feel anxious, but it was the thought of having to face the repercussions for her leaving to begin with that really made her heart jump with apprehension. Jenna did not think her friends would turn her and Chloe away when they arrived on the farm, but she did fully expect to be met with quite a few questions and more than a few unhappy campers. Daryl, she was certain, would be the unhappiest of all. Jenna knew she was going to be doing a lot of explaining in the near future, as well as a considerable amount of groveling.
Her nervousness must have shown on her face, because Chloe walked up to her and reached out to pat her on the arm, her eyes reassuring. "Don't worry," she said comfortingly, "I bet they're gonna be really happy to see you again."
"Maybe. They might also be really mad to see me again," Jenna countered pessimistically.
"Well, maybe at first they will be," Chloe conceded with a shrug. "But after a while, I'm sure everything will go back to normal."
Jenna managed a small smile in spite of her skepticism. "I hope so." Jenna then nodded her head to the side, indicating toward the hallway. "C'mon. Let's check out the garage then head on to the next place. I think we've found about all we're going to here," she suggested.
After Chloe nodded her agreement, the two left the bedroom and started back down the hallway. As they walked, Chloe glanced up at her questioningly. "So where is the farm? And when should we leave?," she asked.
"The farm is a little ways outside of Senoia," Jenna answered, which made Chloe's eyebrows raise. "Yeah, I know, it's kinda far," she admitted, "but this time around I know where I'm going, so hopefully it shouldn't take quite as long to get back. As for us leaving," Jenna continued, "I figure we've got enough supplies to last us at least until the next town – all we need now is to get our hands on a car. Once we've got that, I think we're good to go and start making our way back."
Chloe made a sound of understanding, then turned her eyes forward as they continued down the hall. Once they reached the end of the hallway, they turned left down another hall that led to the front door and started for a small laundry room about halfway down. Much like the rest of the house, the small room was in a state of general disarray, with various items littering the ground and the tops of the washer and dryer no longer in use. Jenna walked in first, unaffected by the mess, and pressed her ear against the door that opened up to the garage, which was the only part of the house they hadn't checked upon entering. She knocked her knuckles on the door then listened out for anything that might indicate the presence of a walker or another person – after a few moments went by without any unexpected sounds on the other side, Jenna deemed it safe to check out.
"Stay behind me," Jenna said to Chloe as she retrieved her hammer from her belt loop and raised it defensively, just in case. She then grabbed the doorknob and turned it, slowly opening the door.
The garage was freezing cold and so dark that she could only make out shapes of things. Before she dared to take a step further, Jenna retrieved a flashlight from her bag and clicked it on, pointing it out toward the garage. Almost instantly, the little beam of light bounced across something large and shiny sitting right in the middle, making Jenna first freeze with surprise, then feel a strong surge of hope.
"Well, I'll be damned," Jenna said aloud, stepping into the garage and walking toward the Subaru innocently sitting in the middle of it. It looked like a slightly older model, maybe a two-thousand-five or six, but it looked to still be in pretty good condition. Jenna flashed the light around the garage, doing one last quick sweep to make sure nothing was going to surprise them, then focused on the car again. She reached out to try the handle, but cursed under her breath when she discovered it was locked.
"Is it open?," Chloe asked behind her.
"No," Jenna answered, before flashing the light into the car and peering around the inside. There wasn't much of anything inside, save for a few travel coffee cups, a cardigan sweater, and a few other odds and ends. "There might be keys left behind somewhere inside, but if not, we could probably just do it the old fashioned way and force the lock open with a coat hanger," she mused aloud. It was then that she heard the sounds of rummaging around behind her, which drew her attention back to Chloe. "Whatcha doin'?," Jenna asked when she saw the girl searching through the scattered items littering the laundry room floor.
"Looking for the keys," Chloe answered simply. "My house back in Dawson had the garage attached to the laundry room like this," she proceeded to explain. By now she had dropped to her hands and knees and was searching around on the floor. "Dad and I always went in and out of the house through the garage, so we kept all the keys on a key rack on the laundry room wall so it was easy to grab and so we'd never lose them. Kinda like this one," Chloe said as she found a key rack on the ground and then held it up for Jenna to see. Just as Jenna began to think that Chloe might be on to something, Chloe's attention shifted to something between the washer and the laundry room wall and she let out a triumphant sound. "Found them!"
"No shit?," Jenna asked in amazement, immediately hurrying over to her. When Chloe clambered back up to her feet and turned to give her the keys she'd just found, Jenna grinned and reached out to ruffle Chloe's dark hair. "You continue to impress me, kid," she said fondly, giving her hair one last ruffle before grabbing the keys and walking back to the car.
After isolating the one key that had the same symbol as the car on it, Jenna unlocked the driver's side door and pulled it open. She took a moment to share a hopeful look with Chloe before plopping down into the driver's seat. Jenna then jammed the key into the ignition, said a quick mental prayer, then tried to turn the car on. The engine stuttered a tiny bit, probably from the months of disuse, but came to life nonetheless. Jenna and Chloe both immediately grinned at each other with elation.
"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm gonna take this as a sign," Jenna said as she got out of the running car and opened up the backseat to stow away her bags. "Just as we decide to go back to the farm, we find a working car?," she asked with raised brows, "I think it's meant to be."
"I think you're right," Chloe agreed with a grin, walking around to the other side of the car so she too could put her things in the backseat. "So when do we leave? Tonight?," she asked, sounding a little eager now despite her earlier hesitance.
Jenna thought about it for a moment, then shook her head. "We'll leave in the morning, that way we have plenty of daylight on our side when we leave," she decided. "Go on and get in the front seat," Jenna then instructed as she shut the backdoor to the car. "I'll get the garage door."
While Chloe did as she was told and got settled in the front seat, Jenna walked to the garage door, turned the small handle in the middle to unlock it, then pulled upward. The large door made quite a bit of racket as it lifted and opened, allowing a gust of cold wind to flood into the garage – the noise attracted a few stray chompers roaming in the street, but Jenna only spared them a brief glance before hurrying back to the car and joining Chloe in the car. As soon as she was seated and the door was shut, she shared an encouraged smile with her companion before putting the car into reverse and backing out of the garage. The walkers in the street hurried toward the Subaru as Jenna reversed down the drive, but they only barely managed to get their decaying fingers on the trunk when Jenna put the car in drive and started down the street, quickly leaving them behind as they started back for the safehouse.
Much later that night, long after they had eaten dinner and packed up their belongings for their impending trip, Jenna sat in front of the warm fire with her back against the foot of the couch as she wrote about the day's events in the journal she'd been keeping since she left the farm. Chloe slept soundly next to her, her young face calm and relaxed as she rested. As Jenna finished writing about their search through the neighborhood and the fortuitous find of the vehicle now sitting in the driveway outside, she paused and tapped her pen against her chin for a moment, thinking about what she wanted to write about next, then continued.
I proposed the idea of going back to the farm to Chloe today, and she agreed, Jenna wrote. I'll admit that while most of me is excited to be going back to the group, I'm also a bit…scared. Not just because I'm afraid of what the group might say when I return or because of Shane, but because I'm actually afraid to see Daryl again. Jenna paused and frowned pensively for a moment, then kept writing. I've said over and over again how much I miss him and how I wish I was back with him…but now that I am going to be with him again, what's going to happen? I'm not naïve enough to think that he'll accept me back with open arms, especially not after the way that I left. But what if he never forgives me? What if he holds this against me forever? What if the damage I've done by leaving isn't fixable?
Jenna paused again and sighed, gnawing at her bottom lip for a moment. The thought of Daryl never forgiving her made her heart ache – they'd come so far toward the end, had finally started to find some common ground with one another; she hated to think that might be gone for food. What if when she went back and he hated her for the rest of time? Jenna thought about this for a second, then sighed again before pressing her pen back to the paper and writing some more.
I suppose I'll just have to wait and see what happens, she wrote. Who knows? Maybe he will forgive me and things will go back to the way they were before I left. Well, on second thought, I don't think I want things to be exactly how they were. I'm finishing fighting with Daryl, finished with doing everything in our power to piss each other off. This time I'm going to do things right. When I get back to the group, things will be different this time around. No more running, no more pushing people away – no more pushing Daryl away. I've experienced what life without him is like, and I don't like it.
Jenna would have written more, but a noise to her left broke through her concentration and caught her attention. Glancing over, she saw that Chloe had started shifting in her sleep and was making small whimpering sounds. When Jenna got a look at Chloe's expression, she frowned as she saw that the girl's brows were now furrowed together and that her pretty features were set in a mask of distress.
"No," Chloe said quietly, still shifting in her sleep. "No…run…run…," she continued to murmur, looking more and more troubled by the second. "Dad…not Dad…"
Jenna realized in an instant that Chloe was having a nightmare and reached over to place a hand on the girl's shoulder. "Chloe?"
She didn't wake at first and continued to shift around, the volume of her voice growing louder as her nightmare continued. "No…not my Dad…run! Run!"
"Chloe," Jenna said with more firmness, giving her shoulder a shake. Chloe finally jerked awake, her eyes wide and her chest heaving as she looked around, as though she was trying to figure out where she was and what was going on. When her eyes landed on Jenna, understanding dawned and she relaxed some under Jenna's hand. Then her eyes began to fill with tears. "You're okay," Jenna said soothingly, the sight of Chloe's sad eyes tugging at her heartstrings. "You're with me."
"I was…dreaming about Dad…" Chloe said thickly, her shoulder shaking some as the tears began to spill over and slide down her cheeks. "About the day he…he…" Chloe, unable to finish the statement, broke off and began crying, burying her face into her hands to hide it from Jenna.
Without hesitation, Jenna pulled Chloe closer and wrapped her arms around the girl's shoulders, offering up the comfort she so obviously needed. Chloe immediately accepted the gesture and buried her face into Jenna's stomach, crying quietly as she continued to be tortured by whatever images had just replayed in her mind. Jenna rubbed the girl's back soothingly and petted her hair, trying to console her. "It's okay," she said quietly, running a hand over Chloe's hair again. "Let it out. It's okay."
They sat like that for a while, with Chloe crying in Jenna's arms while Jenna murmured soothing, comforting words to her. Eventually, however, Chloe's crying quieted down until she was only sniffling to herself here or there. She did not move away from Jenna, though, and continued to cling to her, something which Jenna didn't mind one bit.
"Better?," she asked after a long stretch of silence.
"A little," Chloe answered weakly, sniffling to herself still.
Jenna sighed and nodded her understanding, tightening her arms around Chloe a bit. "I lost a parent to walkers, too, so I know how you feel," she told Chloe. For a moment she thought of her mother and how she had looked while she had been dying in her arms. The image made Jenna close her eyes for a second as her throat constricted, but she quickly pushed the disturbing picture away and pulled herself together. "You never stop missing them, and the pain never quite goes away...but eventually it won't hurt as bad. It'll get easier, I promise. Just...give it time," she said encouragingly.
Chloe nodded, but didn't say anything in response. After that a few minutes of silence stretched between them, until finally Chloe spoke again. "Will you sing to me?," she asked, catching Jenna a bit off guard. "My grandma would sing me to sleep whenever I had bad dreams," Chloe explained, finally pulling away some so she could look up at Jenna with watery, hopeful eyes. "Could you do it?"
Jenna pressed her lips together and cringed a bit. "I'm not much of a singer," she warned doubtfully.
"That's okay," Chloe encouraged. "I don't mind."
Jenna hesitated for a nanosecond, then sighed and nodded. "Okay," she agreed. "Anything in particular?" When Chloe shook her head and told her to sing anything she wanted to, Jenna wracked her brain for a second before deciding on the first song that popped into her mind.
"Smile, though your heart is aching. Smile, even though it's breaking. When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by. If you smile through your fear and sorrow, Smile and maybe tomorrow, you'll see the sun come shining through, for you." Jenna paused as Chloe sighed and settled down again, resting her head on Jenna's lap now. Jenna smiled to herself for a moment, then continued singing. "Light up your face with gladness, hide every trace of sadness. Although a tear may be ever so near. That's the time you must keep on trying. Smile, what's the use of crying? You'll find that life is still worthwhile - If you just smile."
As Jenna finished the song, a beat of silence passed. Then, Chloe said, "You're right…you're not much of a singer."
Jenna grinned and shook her head, but knew Chloe was just teasing her. "Hush," she chastised good-naturedly, even though internally she was glad to know that Chloe was feeling well enough now to make fun of her.
"Just kidding," Chloe said without raising her head, though Jenna could still hear the smile in her voice. "Thank you, Jenna," she said next, her tone much more sincere. "That was nice."
"You're welcome," Jenna said in return. "You should get some sleep now," she continued after a moment or two. "We've got a big day ahead of us tomorrow."
"You should sleep, too," Chloe insisted.
Jenna thought about arguing, but decided Chloe was right. So without putting up a fuss, Jenna moved from her sitting position and stretched out next to Chloe, making herself comfortable. Chloe wasted no time in snuggling right up next to Jenna and wrapping her arms around her waist as she got settled in to go back to sleep. Jenna smiled as she looked down at the top of Chloe's head and toyed with the girl's dark hair for a moment, before she too wrapped her arms around Chloe's thin shoulders and got comfortable. It was only a few more minutes before she heard Chloe's breathing even out as she fell back to sleep. Lulled by the girl's quite breathing, Jenna felt her eyelids grow heavier and heavier until she could no longer hold them open and she too fell asleep, her last thoughts before sleep being of Daryl and the farm and the journey she and Chloe would be embarking on come the next morning.
So it's official – Jenna and Chloe are going back to the group! But will they make it to the farm? And if yes, what will happen when they find it burned to the ground? Stay tuned to find out!
P.S. What do we think of Jenna and Chloe together? Are we liking the comradery?
The song in the chapter was "Smile", original song and lyrics by Charlie Chaplin, performed by a gazillion other people since. The version I heard in my head while writing it was the "My Girl 2" version. Youtube it, it's very pretty!
