Amy was overcome with shock as she felt Ricky's lips onto hers. She let his lips explore hers for a few seconds, then her memory took over and she was suddenly transported to the girl she was in high school, and she allowed herself to kiss Ricky back.

Ricky began to lose himself in the kiss. Leaning forward, he placed one hand behind her head, and the other was on the blanket to keep himself from falling forward into her. He deepened the kiss, almost forgetting that they were in a public place and there was a crowd around them.

Amy's self-consciousness however, took over and instantly she was back in the present - to what was real. And what was real now is that Ricky and her had broken up. The love they felt for each other all those years ago wasn't real. The last big fight they had where she left for four years right after – that was very real. So that could only mean that whatever feelings she had going on inside her right now, this kiss they shared because they allowed themselves to get lost in the moment - was not.

"Ricky…don't" she whispered using her hands, pushing at his chest a little.

Ricky stopped right away, and pulled back, immediately releasing her.

"Sorry…" he said looking frazzled and a little out of breath "I…I'm not sure what got into me"

The rest of the night was spent almost in silence. Such few words were exchanged between them, it was as if they had to pay for every word they spoke out loud. The whole time, Ricky wondered if he what he did was wrong while Amy contemplated how she could have been so stupid to fall into this trap all over again.

It wasn't until they got back to Amy's apartment that Ricky had finally spoke about the incident.

"Listen about tonight…" He started, after following Amy through the door of her apartment.

"Ricky, it's nothing. It was a mistake" She said turning around

Ricky felt as though someone had just punched him in the stomach. A mistake?

"Yeah right. One that won't happen again" he gave a nervous chuckle, hoping his face didn't reveal how he really felt at the moment.

"Okay good" Amy whispered, looking down at her feet.

"So…um well I guess I better go get John then"

"Oh right…well, let him know I said goodnight" She said, tracing some invisible pattern on the floor with her feet.

Ricky turned around and was about to put his hand on the door knob before spinning back around to face Amy, now with flustered look on his face.

"Do you really believe that Amy?" he asked, sounding a bit frustrated

She stopped moving her foot and looked up frowning in confusion.

"That it was a mistake? Do you really believe that this day had been a mistake? Because if you were to ask me I don't think there was anything wrong with it at all."

"I'm not saying this day was a mistake Ricky. I told you, I was having fun. I just…well I just don't think it should have ended the way it did. I want to be friends with you Ricky"

Ricky's jaw dropped "Are you seriously putting me in the friend zone?" he asked incredulous. How could he have read this night all wrong? She had wanted to kiss him too right? He was pretty sure he felt a moment between them, which was the only reason he decided to go for it in the first place.

"What's wrong with being friends?"

"Nothing, there is nothing wrong with being friends. Friends are great!" His said, his voice rising.

"So then what are you upset about?"

"I…actually never mind, you know what you're right forget it. It was a mistake"

"No tell me Ricky, you were going to say something else. What were you going to say?"

"I just" Heck what else did he have to lose? After getting rejected and being put in the friend zone, there's no point of holding back "You know… I don't think I've ever gotten over you. I've tried to move on, I've tried to ignore it and eventually I think I may have succeeded in pushing my feelings away. With you being away, it was – easier. But then you had to come back, what with that new hair and those new clothes…"

"My hair?" She asked incredulously, she lowered herself so she was half sat, half stood against the top of the arm of the couch in the living room. Now she was officially confused. What did her hair and clothes have to do with anything? She heard Ricky continue so she didn't say anything.

"…after that day with John at the circus, I just – I couldn't ignore it anymore. I just thought, god this is so stupid, I don't know I just thought that after tonight that you felt something too"

Amy was about to say something but then she was suddenly overcome with emotions. Instead, tears started to fill her eyes and she looked up trying to hold them back.

Ricky noticed tears had form on Amy's face. Instead of concern, he felt frustrated. What the hell was she upset about? Here he was making himself completely vulnerable, making himself look like a fool after she had clearly rejected him, and she has the audacity to be the one upset?

"God Ricky…I can't do this again with you" She said almost screaming.

"Right. I know that now Amy. You've made that very clear" He replied, his tone flat.

"I tried you know" she said quietly, "I thought I could try and just accept and understand, but I just can't be that girl anymore"

Okay, now Ricky was confused. What the heck was Amy talking about?

"What girl Amy? What are you talking about?"

"Ricky, I tried to understand you, I did. When I found out about your past and why it was so hard for you to be committed, I thought okay, maybe I could accept that. I knew how hard it was to just be with me and only me, when I agreed to be with you. I tried giving you space. I tried to not take it personally every time you walked away in the middle of an argument. I tried not to worry when you didn't come back for hours, never telling me where you went. I told myself that that was who you are and that even though it killed me each time, as long as you came back then we would be okay"

Ricky's body sank forcing him to lean again the wall as he absorbed what Amy was telling him.

Amy's voice wavered as she continued to speak. Almost a bit embarrassed about admitting what she was about to say.

"I don't know Ricky" she signed "I just want to be with somebody, who wanted me just as desperately as I wanted them. I know this is probably going to sound stupid and girly, but I want to feel like I'm with someone who was crazy about me, not like they had to keep their side of some verbal contract. I was tired of feeling like I could never compete with girls like Adrian, or Clementine or whatever other hot girl who threw themselves at you. And then I finally realize that I didn't' want to spend my whole life feeling threatened by those girls. I don't want to feel sick to my stomach every time you got a text message or a phone call. I was tired of wondering if you might be running off to some other girl every time we got into a fight. And I hated myself, for being so jealous and insecure and not being able to trust you. I love you Ricky, you have to know that, that I love you, and the hardest part was letting you go. So that you finally didn't' feel burden to stay with the girl who was stupid enough to get herself pregnant at 15"

Ricky, who had been just listening to Amy's confession almost felt sick to his stomach.

"That's how I made you feel?"

Amy said nothing, just buried her face into her hands not able to look at Ricky

Ricky moved in front of Amy and knelt down in front of her, placing his hands beside each knee.

"Amy if there was anyone who should have felt threatened it was me"

He took a minute to gather his thoughts before he spoke again.

"I was so young Amy, and stupid and immature. I felt like I didn't deserve you and I didn't know how to deal with it. You were so smart and beautiful, and innocent and I was this scum bug who slept around because it was the one thing that made feel in control of my life."

"Ricky you were hardly a scum bug" Amy said, dropping her hands to her side and looking to face Ricky.

"I was just so starved for love and attention I thought I could get by going after all these girls. And getting them was so easy. It made me feel like I had power over my life. I sought out what I wanted and always got what I want"

"Ricky, I know. I told you I get it, but like I said…"

"Amy I have never felt vulnerable with any girl until I met you. You scared me."

Amy wasn't expecting that. She looked at Ricky with a curious expression.

"You were scared of me?"

"I knew I was already in deep when I first met you. But then after I had gotten to know you and when I found out you were having my child, I just started thinking about the kind of life we could have together. And that scared the shit out of me"

"Why?"

"Because maybe you wouldn't want that. You started dating Ben and you didn't exactly made me feel like you wanted me. And Ben was this guy who came from a family with money. I'm sure whatever you needed, whatever you wanted – he could get for you. I couldn't do that. And - If I remember correctly, I'm pretty sure you made it clear you wanted nothing to do with me"

"I didn't choose Ben over you because of who he is or who his family is. You only wanted girls for sex. And you also didn't make it a secret that you wanted to be with Adrian"

Ricky sighed and ran a hand through his face. "I'm not going to lie Amy, Adrian was exactly the type of girls I went for. She made it very well known that she was into me - she was a sure thing. You, you were different. So different Amy. I never knew what you were really thinking. I was never sure about how you really felt about me. Even when we were together, I was scared that one day you would just realize you made a mistake by choosing me or that something better will come along and then you would be gone. Every time we fought, I thought – what if she left? What if she never came back? What if she realize I'm not worth it?" Ricky paused before continuing "I left because I had to feel like I was the one who could walk away from the relationship. I was afraid of being the one who got left behind…or worst – that you would stay with me and then end of up regretting your life down the road because of it. I didn't want you to resent me for not being able to live out the life you'd wanted for yourself"

"Ricky…I – I had no idea, I wish you could have told me."

"It doesn't matter" he said, shaking his head. "The point is, I should have never walked away, it was such a coward thing to do." This time he took hold of one of her hand and held it. He stared at it while he spoke. "I knew what you had to go through with your parents, seeing them fight all the time. I hate myself for putting you through it too. I should have held you and told you how much you meant to me. I should have been the one to apologize every time. I'm so sorry Amy. A hundred times over, I'm sorry"

He got up to stand in front of her. He reached down and swept part of her bangs away from her face with a finger, tucking the longer strands behind her ear.

Amy shut her eyes. God he needs to stop doing that to her.

"I'm sorry, maybe I pushed you away. I'm sorry I left" She whispered, her eyes closed.

"Amy, you didn't do anything. And don't you dare apologize for Hudson"

"I was angry I thought maybe secretly you didn't want to be with me. That you were just forcing yourself…" She opened her eyes and looked up at him.

"This guy?" He whispered chuckling a little to ease the tension. "No one can force this guy into anything"

Amy couldn't find the humor in the situation. She continued on just as solemnly" I guess I was trying to test you. I picked fights to see if you would stay and choose me or…maybe I was a little irrational sometimes" She looked away from him.

"What? You irrational? If you're talking about the Fourth of July themed wedding – I mean who doesn't want that? The whole June wedding is so over rated" Though he attempted to bring light to the situation, his tone was still hushed. Almost as though he was afraid to breathe. He was afraid Amy would tell him to leave – that she didn't want this as bad as he did. He wanted her. He wanted her so bad. A thought occurred to him then as he suddenly realized something. He realized how good it felt to finally admit to himself how much he really wanted Amy. To not hold it in any longer. It felt, freeing. Fear of rejection be damned.

"Ricky stop, it's not funny"

Ricky sighed. He cupped her cheek with one hand and brushed his thumb over the fresh tears running down her face. "I know I just… don't ever think any of it was your fault. You have nothing to be sorry for. I was so stupid, and immature. I didn't like who I was. Then I met you and I thought maybe I can I don't know – be better. I wanted to change, I wanted to be better…for you. Then there you were, cheering me on. Challenging me to do things I never thought I could do. You were the only person who actually believed in me…and then something would happen and I would just let you down. It made me like I didn't deserve your trust. That I wasn't good enough for you"

Amy looked at him, almost aghast. She couldn't believe what she was hearing "Ricky, you really don't give yourself enough credit"

"I'm working on it" He said giving her a sad smile. He knew that was part of his problem. That he didn't believe in himself enough. But he couldn't use that as an excuse anymore to keep screwing up. Eventually you had to do something about all your mistakes, otherwise, well where's the growth in that? – His therapist would say.

For a few moments neither of them said anything.

"I don't know what to say" she whispered, overcome with emotion and what this all meant, her eyes again filling up with fresh tears. So many things unspoken between them. All these misunderstandings, that led them away from each other.

Ricky pulled her in for a hug, wrapping his arms around her he held her against his chest. He pressed a kiss to the side of her head. He had only meant to comfort her. But, then it was as if he was magnetized to her, he needed to hold her closer. He tightened his hold on her, and shifted his head, burying his face into her neck. "God I missed you" he whispered into her skin. And then, he couldn't hold himself back any longer. He started placing small kisses on her neck over and over. He heard Amy sigh as he trailed his kisses upwards until his lips found hers.

Amy couldn't help herself then, she placed her hands behind his neck pulling him in to kiss him back. It took Ricky a second to respond at first, but then, as though it was even possible he tightened his hold around her even more and deepened the kiss. A few minutes later they had finally came up for air.

"Give me another chance. I know I don't deserve it but give me a chance to prove myself to you" He whispered, gasping, still out of breath, his nose brushing against hers. "I promise I will never walk away from you ever again"

She pulled him in for another kiss, until they were gasping for air yet again.

"I missed you so much Amy" He said as he looked at her and made a move to kiss her forehead.

She leaned forward so that her head was now touching his. "I missed you too Ricky. I tried to fight it, god knows I did…" She said as she closed her eyes.

He wouldn't let her finish because his mouth had found hers again.

*END*

I'd love to hear your thoughts about this story/chapter. I know there are some unanswered issues. I will be adding an epilogue (or two) which is currently being written. Thanks for reading :)