Chapter Twenty-Nine-The Healing Begins

"We may define therapy as a search for value."~ Abraham Maslow

As Spencer was playing with fire, Lila felt as if she were in a frying pan herself. She was sitting in the waiting room of Dr. Blackhope's office and she was incredibly nervous. Despite all the issues she had, she had never sought psychological treatment. In fact, as far as she was aware, no one in her family had ever sought professional help. She nervously smoothed the skirt of her dress, her anxiety building as she waited for her name to be called.

It was at that moment she wished Spencer was with her. She looked at her cellphone, wondering what he was doing. She had called him when she arrived at the office and they spoke for a few minutes. He hadn't said anything more than he planned to have dinner with a friend. Lila had a sneaking suspicision who that "friend" was, but she hoped she was wrong.

Although she trusted Spencer, she didn't trust Austin at all. There was something about her that sent a chill down her spine. It was at moment she heard her name called and she looked up, curious, anxious, and terrified, having no idea what to expect.

Standing a few feet away from her was a woman of Mexican descent in a navy blue tailored suit. She appeared to be 5'2 with wavy brown hair, which she had pulled into a bun. She had a narrow waist, ample bust, and generous rear end. Lila could feel her nerves mounting, but some of them dissipated when the woman smiled at her. The smile was warm and inviting and made her brown eyes sparkle.

"Hello, there. You must be Lila," the woman said. Her voice had a low, husky, yet feminine voice.

"Y...yes. You must be Dr. Blackhope," Lila replied, placing her cellphone in her purse as she stood up.

"Please, call me Soshi: everyone does," she replied, extending her hand to Lila as Lila walked over to her.

"Soshi, that is an interesting name," Lila commented.

"My birthname is Xochitl, but everyone just calls me Soshi: it's rolls off the tongue easier."

"S-oh-cheel: that's an Aztec name, isn't? It means...flower?"

"Yes, Lila, you are correct. Most people don't know that unless they are of Mexican or Aztec descent," Soshi replied, looking impressed.

"I may not have an ounce of Mexican or Aztec blood in my veins, but other cultures fascinate me. I'm also a bit of a holticulture fanatic, so anything having to do with flowers catches my attention."

"I am remiss in saying that I have something of a black thumb, as are my parents. They just liked the name."

Lila nodded and Soshi led her into her office. Soshi's office was painted a calming light blue and the furniture was made of lightly colored wood. The entire off had a calming feel to it, almost as if they were being enveloped into a cluster of clouds. Soshi observed Lila looking around the office and smiled.

"I may not have a couch, but those chairs are pretty comfortable," Soshi replied, gesturing towards the overstuffed arm chairs.

"I was actually admiring your bookshelf. You have exquisite taste," Lila replied, sitting in a chair that was positioned in front of the desk.

"Thank you," Soshi replied, walking around her desk and sitting down. She noticed Lila still looked ill at ease, so she decided to set her at ease.

"I'm guessing this is your first time in a psychiatrist's office," Soshi stated more than asked.

"This is the first time anyone in my family has visited a psychiatrist," Lila replied, looking around, her eyes focused on the framed degrees and awards proudly displayed on the walls.

"Lila, I want you to know that you are safe here. Everything you say will remain between us, so please feel free to speak freely. Despite common sterotypes, seeking professional help does not make you 'weak' or 'crazy', or in any way inferior. Plenty of normal, sane people seek professional help evveryday, so you are not alone."

Lila said nothing, so Soshi continued. "I understand that this is difficult for you and it will take time for you to feel comfortable around me. I know you have some issues to overcome and the only way you can do that is if learn to trust me. I was thinking perhaps I could tell you a little bit about myself so can see I'm more than just a 'shrink.'"

Lila's mouth twitched slightly with amusement, so Soshi continued. "I am originally from Anaheim, California, and the youngest of two children. I have an older brother, David Daniels, from my mother's first marriage. He's turning fifty next month, so we are almost eighteen years apart. My birthday is January 11 and yes, all of the Capricorn traits apply to me."

Soshi also told Lila about her education and professional background. After earning her bachelor's degree in Psychology from Stanford University, she moved to England and earned her master's degree from Oxford University. Upon her return to the states, she earned her Ph.D from Harvard University at the age of twenty-six.

Then she moved to Washington D.C. and worked in an office with other psychiatrists before striking out on her own two years ago. She was extremely close to Andrew, Laura, Maxwell, Marilyn, so many of her patients were referrals from them. Not only was Soshi an excellent psychiatrist, but she also had expertise in the treatment of eating disorders.

Ordinarily sessions with Soshi only lasted an hour, but in Lila's case she decided to schedule her for two hours, at least for a while. She knew Lila had severe trust issues and it would take a considerable amount of time for her to open up. Soshi watched as Lila lovingly caressed her belly and decided that could be a safe topic for them to discuss.

"How do you feel about first time motherhood?" Soshi asked.

"Over the moon; Spence and I are both so thrilled at the prospect of becoming parents," Lila replied, beaming as she continued rubbing her belly.

"That's wonderful to hear. I'm sure it hasn't been easy having the glare of the media focused on the two of you."

"The media focus has been difficult," Lila admitted. "but Spence has been amazing. He is so sweet and so supportive. In fact, he is the one who really encouraged me to see you."

"It must feel very comforting to have a such a solid support system," Soshi replied.

"It is. You know, most people run for the hills when they catch even a glimmer of how messed up I am, but Spencer knows me inside and out and he's still here and still loves me," Lila said, almost mystified by this.

"Of course your husband is still here. You are a lovely person with many wonderful, likable qualities."

"My husband certainly thinks so," Lila replied neutrally, not quite getting her allure, but not wanting to say that.

"I'm pleased to hear that, but more importantly, you need to think that. Lila, I think it's wonderful that your husband is so sweet and so supportive, but you need to be here for yourself. The only way you will be able to conquer your demons is if you have resolved to conquer them."

"I do want to conquer my demons. Seeking professional help has been on my mind for many years, but I just never had the...courage?, I guess, to follow through. Spencer may have encouraged this decision, but it was still mine. Dr. Blackhope, I want, I need, to be here. I am starting a new life, so I want to rid myself of the demons of my past."

"I'm pleased to hear that and please, call me Soshi."

"Alright...Soshi."

The rest of the session past quickly and it wasn't long until it was time to leave. Soshi and Lila rose from their seats and Soshi escorted her out of her office. Lila looked around and realized they were the only two left in the building.

"Am I your last patient?" Lila asked.

Soshi nodded before continuing. "The patient before you left at five. I wanted to make sure you left undistured before and after your appointment: I know all the media and public attention can sometimes make you feel less than human and I don't want you to feel that way here. I want your focus to remain solely on getting well."

"Thank you, Soshi, I appreciate that. I do hope I'm not too much of an inconvenience for you. I hate to think that I am the reason you are keeping later hours to which you are accustomed, or causing you to fall behind on other things."

"Lila, you are the furthest possible thing from an inconvenience and you're not even on my top ten list of most difficult patients. The only things you are keeping me from are laundry and housework and believe me, it is not your fault I am behind."

Lila laughed and Soshi continued. "As a matter of fact, Lila, how would you feel about home visits? I sometimes do them for patients and they really seem to feel more comfortable and more at ease. We would have to utmost privacy and the paparazzi wouldn't be able to hound you."

"I do like the sound of that," Lila admitted. "as long as that is convenient for you."

"What is convenient for my patients is convenient for me," Soshi assured her. "If possible, I would like to see you again on Monday. Are evening appointment preferrable for you or would you prefer mornings?"

"It honestly doesn't make a difference to me. When are you free?" Lila asked.

"I'm free when you want me to be," Soshi replied, wanting Lila to put her needs and desires first and make a decision without worrying about pleasing someone else.

"Hmm, well..." Lila said, considering her options for a moment. "I like mornings."

"I have openings at eight and nine o'clock," Soshi replied. On Mondays she didn't start seeing patients until ten so she could use the early morning to finish paperwork and other errends.

"I'll take the nine o'clock," Lila said. Since she and Spencer were going away for the weekend, she wanted to give them time to sleep in and rest after their long weekend. Besides, Spencer was especially randy in the morning, so she wanted to reserve the early morning for newlywed fun.

"Perfect," Soshi replied.

Since they were the only ones left in the building, Soshi decided to walk Lila to her car. As they walked, Lila suddenly remembered something.

"Soshi," she said. "Spence and I have purchased a home in Quantico and we will be moving as soon as the decorating process is complete. Will that be too great of a distance for you to drive?"

"Not at all, Lila: just make certain to give me the address when you have moved."

"I will do that," Lila promised.

The two women said their goodbyes and after climbing into their respective vehicles, drove off in opposite directions.