To The Journey
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's not mine. This is an AU story.
Chapter Twenty-Nine: Fortunes of Love
"Tasha! Hey - Tasha!"
"Jadzia!" She greeted her friend with a grin. "Bet you're glad they've got the station personnel back together!"
"What makes you say that?"
Tasha only tapped her collar bone in response. Jadzia looked down, seemed to notice what the collar of her civilian shirt covered - and more importantly, what it didn't, which was a bruise that didn't look like it had been sustained in a fight. But she only grinned. "Like you didn't do the same that first day you were back from that Dominion camp." Her eyes glittered. "Don't get me wrong. I love Worf, and I would never butt in on an established relationship, but if your fiancee was single and I was - it must really be something to be with an android."
Tasha shrugged. "It's been a long time since that really factored into our relationship."
"I don't mean the relationship. That's a personal thing. I mean the sex must be incredible."
"Jadzia!" She blushed scarlet.
"You're not denying it!"
"I notice there are things you're not denying either. Like what Julian told me about all the injuries he's healed on you recently. That must be some calisthenics program."
It was Jadzia's turn to blush, though to her credit she also laughed. "Julian needs to learn to keep his mouth shut. But actually, there was another reason I came looking for you."
"What's that?"
"Worf and I are getting married."
"You already told me that."
"I mean soon. The end of this week."
"I thought you were going to wait until the war was over."
"We were. But we decided we want to do this sooner rather than later. For one thing, Alexander's leaving the day after the wedding is now scheduled. For another -" she bit her lip, looking as serious as Tasha had ever seen her. "It'll be a miracle if all our friends make it through this war. I want to do it now, while I'm sure everyone I want there can be there. Now I know you're not due out until the day after Alexander leaves. So what do you say?"
"I wouldn't miss it."
"You're not mad, are you? That we're preempting your wedding?"
"Nah, that's not for two months yet."
"Great!" Jadzia beamed and hugged her. "There'll be a party in my quarters, 1600, day after tomorrow. You and Data are welcome. And tell Will he can come - and bring a date. And if you know anyone else who'd like a good party, bring them too. The more the merrier."
She skipped off, leaving Tasha to ponder the whirlwind that was her friend.
xxxxxxxxx
"Someone's in a good mood." Tasha teased. Julian was staring out the window as though there was something intensely fascinating in the stars.
"You heard about the wedding?"
"Yep. You owe me one."
"What for?" Finally, he turned and looked at her.
"Worf's engaging in some Klingon ritual in the holodeck with Alexander and Martok and Data and Ben. He wanted to include you and O'Brien too but I talked him out of it."
"You didn't talk him out of including Data or Captain Sisko?"
"Data's an android," she pointed out. "The only pain he's going to feel is being separated from me for four days. And Ben chose to go along with it even knowing full well what he was in for."
"Oh. Thanks for saving me."
"At your service. What's bothering you?"
"I should be happy about this, shouldn't I? I mean, they're both friends of mine. But -"
"But what?"
"But I can't be."
"Why?"
"Because part of me wishes Worf had never come to the station."
"Have two been having problems?"
"Not as far as he's concerned. He doesn't know - but he ruined my chances."
Tasha said nothing, waiting for him to explain.
"I love her," he said finally. "I love Jadzia. Maybe it's a schoolboy's crush, I don't know, but either way I can't just thrust it aside. I am in love with her. I thought I could ask her out, get to know her - I was different back in those days. I was so childish, so naive, I'm sure she never took me seriously when she first met me. I told you about the Bell Riots - what I never told you was how much it changed me, opened my eyes. I was never the same, and it was for the better, but before I'd gotten up the guts to make my move, Worf shows up. It was so clear she was attracted to him - I couldn't get between that. I didn't love her enough."
"Or maybe you loved her too much."
Tasha and Julian both jumped to see none other than the Enterprise's Chief Engineer standing a few feet away.
"I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I just happened to overhear, and, well, I know how you feel. Mind if I sit down?"
"Of course not," Tasha replied, and Julian also motioned for him to go ahead.
"As it happens, something similar happened to me. This was back when I was an Ensign. There was a girl on our ship, also an Ensign."
"Pretty?" Julian asked.
"Well, so I'm told. I don't see the same way others do, remember? But even from a distance, she seemed smart and strong and - and just everything I'd ever wanted. But I couldn't get up the courage to so much as say hello. She was on the fast track to become a Lieutenant, so it was said, and I was just a shuttle pilot. I thought I had no chance. But there was this wedding - well, it started as a wedding. It was really an excuse for a formal, basically, up to and including pairing off. Well, I thought, this was my chance, but it took me a long time to ask. Guess I'm lucky she hadn't already promised to go with someone else, but she said yes."
"Then it's not like me," Julian said sullenly.
"I'm not finished. Well, we ended up having a really good time, so I asked her for another date, and then another, and another, and long story short we dated for two years. Then I got transferred. We promised each other nothing was going to change, but really things had already changed, and we both knew it. I still loved her, but the fire wasn't there. We tried it for a year, but I was fighting the inevitable. So I decided I loved her enough to let her go." He smiled a little wistfully. "And wouldn't you know it, not a month after we broke up we ended up on the same ship. Well, I tried to act as natural as possible, pretend I didn't still have feelings for her - got the equivalent of drunk not two months in and made a fool of myself in front of her," he added with a soft laugh, thinking about what it must have looked like from her perspective. "Well, like you were saying with Jadzia, it was very clear to me soon that she was attracted to someone else, someone I considered a close friend. I cared too much about the two of them to get between them. I was sure I'd be stuck on her forever."
By this point, Tasha was staring at him, astonished, wondering if he even remembered she was sitting right there. Fortunately, Julian didn't seem to have noticed her reaction.
"So what happened?" Julian asked eagerly.
"Leah happened." His whole face lit up as it always did when he talked about her. "Of course, when I first met her she was married, but just falling in love with her - it made what I had felt for my ex feel like a child's crush. And eventually, she loved me back."
"What about her husband?"
"He died a few years ago. That's the only part that bothers me - I had hoped she'd get divorced or something, but not that. But we're together now, and I can say without a second's hesitation that it was worth everything I went through with my ex to get to where I am now. We both have people who are better for us, who we really love with a love that will last the rest of our lives, and we've stayed friends through it all. And you'll get there."
"You think so?"
"Sure." His combadge beeped. "La Forge here."
"Sir, there's a slight problem down here. We don't think it's anything serious, but could you come have a look at it?"
"On my way. La Forge out." He smiled at Julian. "You'll find her." Then he hurried off.
"I think I'd better be going too. I have a meeting with someone."
"All right." Julian looked more cheerful now. "If you happen to find someone appropriate, send her my way, won't you?"
"Anytime!" she called over her shoulder. "Yar to Troi. Are you busy right now?"
"Not for the next hour."
"Can I meet with you in your office? It's important."
"Of course. I'll be waiting for you."
xxxxxxxxx
"So. What seems to be the problem?"
"I've hurt someone," Tasha said bluntly. "At least, I think I hurt someone. A long time ago. I didn't mean to, but I did. And I never knew. Except now I know."
"Tasha, you're not helping me. I need details. Just who is it you're afraid you've hurt?"
She bit her lip, avoiding Deanna's gaze. "Geordi. I hurt Geordi."
She raised an eyebrow. As far as she could tell, they had been the best of friends, practically brother and sister, since the Enterprise-D's launch. "What happened?"
"Do you remember how just before we launched, about ten years ago now, I asked you for advice on whether to continue a relationship that had lost its spark?"
"I think so, vaguely."
"Geordi and I were dating. We'd gotten together when we were on the Victory. It was great for awhile, but it started to fade. After I talked to you, I broke up with him. I realized that while I still loved him, I loved him more as a brother than a lover. I always figured he'd felt the same way. I knew it took him awhile to get over me, but I guess I just thought that was the remnant of our passion. Now I know he was in love with me - right up until Leah. He told me he'd stopped having the same kind of feelings. Now I think he may have lied to me."
"Does that upset you?"
"Yes! But not at him, at me. I broke his heart and I never knew it. And then I went and started dating his best friend."
"Not for a year."
"That's not quite true. You never did ask what I did after I infected you with the Tsiolkovsky virus. But it's more than that. We had sex," she blurted out before she could stop herself
"You mean, you and Data?"
"Yeah. When we were under the influence of the virus. Geordi and I never - I was so gun-shy, and he wasn't pushy at all. I dated him for three years, but we never crossed that last line, and then I got the equivalent of drunk and had sex with a man who apart from the past seven weeks I hadn't seen in the better part of a decade. He was chasing me, and I was chasing Data."
"Did you love Data?"
"Yes. In a way I never loved Geordi, for all I did love him, and I did. But I never meant to hurt Geordi. I still love him like a brother."
"Then there's no shame in what you did. We all did stupid things under the influence of that virus. But Tasha, I can only help you so much. You know who you need to talk to."
"Geordi. Yes, I guess I do."
"Can I ask one thing? How did you find out about this?"
"Let's just say, he was giving advice to someone in a similar predicament."
xxxxxxxxx
Tasha paused before pressing the buzzer on Geordi's door. For a moment, she half-hoped he wouldn't be there. Of course, she knew better. She had specifically checked to make sure he would be before setting one foot outside her own quarters.
"Come in!"
"Geordi, can we talk?"
"Sure, what's up?"
She sat slowly on his couch, trying to leave a little distance between them. "It's about what you told Julian earlier."
"I'm sorry. I should have asked you before I spilled the story of our entire relationship."
"It's not that. You didn't use my name, I'm sure he doesn't know who I am. It's just - you never told me any of that. You told me you didn't feel what you had anymore."
"I didn't, but it was pretty damn close."
"Geordi," she scooted closer to take his hand. "I never wanted to hurt you. Why didn't you tell me? Why did you make me think you wanted to end it same as I did?"
"The same reason." One benefit of the ocular implants was that he could actually look her in the eyes. "I couldn't keep you trapped in a relationship you didn't want. Like I told Julian, I knew you didn't feel the same way anymore, and I wasn't going to make you choose. I care about you too much. Anyway, it wasn't entirely untrue, what I said. I could feel that we were pulling apart, forcing ourselves to stay together. And I love Leah, in a way I never loved you." He might have justified that statement, but he knew she felt the same way about Data. "You're like my sister, and that's a relationship we can keep up for a lifetime."
She hugged him. "I'm sorry all the same."
He returned the embrace warmly. "Never be sorry. You gave me three wonderful years, and the confidence I needed to get into other relationships. I wouldn't trade the way things happened between us for anything."
xxxxxxxxx
"Problem?"
"Nothing ship-related," Jenna replied, not perking up at all. "Why do I keep making these mistakes?"
"What mistakes?"
"Men," she said with a sigh. "I keep ending up with the ones who just don't care, or just don't care enough. The ones where the job comes first, and the friends come second. And I'm stuck in a distant third." She sighed. "I told myself I wouldn't keep making the same mistake. But every time, the first few dates they seem like everything I want, and then it just fades away."
"What kind of man are you looking for?" Tasha asked softly.
"Someone who cares about me, who does the little things without being asked. Someone who can laugh and have a good time but also be serious. And cute, of course." She glanced at Tasha. "What's with that look on your face?"
"What look?"
"You have an odd look on your face."
"Oh, do I? Huh." She chewed her lip. "I know something that might cheer you up a bit."
"What's that?"
"Party. Tomorrow, 1600 hours, on the station, Jadzia Dax's quarters."
"I can't just go in there! I don't even know her!"
"Listen, from what she told me it's going to be the kind of party where one more body hardly makes a difference. Come on. We'll have fun."
xxxxxxxxx
"Remind me what the point of this is?"
"To have a good time." Tasha hardly had to force any of the exasperation into her voice. Where the hell is he?
This should have worked. She had already checked with him to be sure he'd be coming, and she'd all but dragged Jenna to the party so she wouldn't have a chance to back out. Unfortunately, she might still have a chance to leave before Tasha could put her plan into motion.
Then she saw him. Over two meters tall, Julian stood higher than most of the crowd, and Tasha waved him over. He leaned into her, practically shouting to be heard. "Remind me what the point of this is?"
Tasha almost laughed. "I thought you could use a chance to relax."
"You already know how I feel about this."
"What?" She had, of course, heard him perfectly well, but that didn't mean she couldn't use the noise to her advantage. "Oh - excuse me. Julian, Jenna D'Sora. Jenna, Julian Bashir."
"Hi."
"Hi."
And Tasha decided her timing couldn't have been better. At that moment, Jadzia was headed in her direction. A quick side-step put her in her friend's path. "Jadzia!"
"Hey!" It was clear that Jadzia had already been hitting the drinks - and that it wasn't synthahol they were drinking. "Some party, huh?"
"Yeah." Tasha looked over her shoulder to see the two friends she had left behind striking up a hesitant conversation. "Some party."
This was supposed to be longer but it took me so long to write I decided to go ahead and give it to you as is. The rest will be the next chapter.
I was never really satisfied with the way I wrote Tasha and Geordi's breakup in Perfectly Logical, so I decided to give them a little more time here to hash things out and fill in some details.
This chapter references the episodes Past Tense, The Naked Now, and You Are Cordially Invited.
Please review.
