Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous; anyone who can consistently laugh at himself does not. - Vaclav Havel


After lunch, all the moms gather around Emma and Tiney and all the dads gather around an angry Dad. Me and Rossy sit on the couch and giggle because Rossy is trying to tickle me. Every now and then Mr. Cullen looks over in disgust. I guess he doesn't like being tickled either.

"He's so adorable!" Jasmine squeals, running her hands all over Tiney's squishiness.

"This is what you have to look forward to, son," Dad says, laying a hand on Mr. Cullen's shoulder.

"Ugh, Baby. I'm so full!" Rossy whines, laying both of his hands on his tummy.

Now Esme is squealing and holding her arms. "Oh, please, Emma dear. May I hold this most wondrous Valentine surprise?" A pause and then, "Oh, Carlisle! We should make haste and have another one!"

Carlisle groans. "What's wrong with da women in dis family?!" Followed closely by a, "Jesus, Mom!"

"Hey, Baby, look," Rossy whispers. "That's not apple juice in the dads' cups."

"Charlie and I always wanted another one after Bella…well maybe Charlie has more. I don't," Mom says, petting Tiney's head.

"For crying out loud, Renee! Not in front of sugar blossom!" Grimace.

"Your dad and Mr. Cullen are getting wasted!" Rossy laughs.

"It's all right, Nee. Men only have one thing on their minds," Jasmine says, while her arms ask for Tiney from Esme.

"Really, Jazz! Here?" Mr. Cullen's now glaring at his wife.

"This is better than TV, Baby!"

"You're right, Jasmine. This is what I've tried to protect Bella from," Mom says. Emma raises her suspicious eyebrow at her.

"Stop making a scene, Jazz! We'll talk when we get home!"

"Look at them guzzle that stuff down!"

"A scene?! You think this is making a scene?! I'll show you a scene!"

"Now, now, girly. I dink it's better to stay calm." Carlisle raises his hand and waves them around.

"Your dad looks like he's about to pass out!"

"Diapers? Car seat? Crib? Have you bought any of it yet, Edward? How many times do I have to ask?"

"We still have six months! That stuff is expensive!"

"I think your family is more fucked up than mine!"

"We could have it! We could have it all! We could have so much more than this clichéd small town life!"

"We don't need your parent's money! We're doing just fine on our own!"

"Fuck, woman! Don't squeeze my kid so tight!"

"You better get over here and hold this kid, Edward. God knows you aren't holding mine!"

"What the fuck, Jazz! That's my kid too! Stop trying to control me when it comes to my kid!"

"Mr. Cullen looks so red it's like he's about to explode. Gruesome, man!"

"Are you sure?!"

Then silence.