Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN!!!
Interview 25: Perverted Eyes
BT: welcome to another perfectly mad episode of Interview Hell, I'm your regular host BT
Yunno: BT can you explain why are we all dressed as nurses and doctors?
True to Yunno's words everyone in Interview Hell, minus the absent Ginga and Cameraman, are all dressed up in nurses and doctor uniforms… why is it I'm also dressed as a doctor?
BT: beats me, when the episode started I found myself wearing a doctor uniform, and before you even ask it wasn't Vivio's idea
Vivio: wish these skirts were a little longer…
Alicia: you could say that twice!
Arisa: darn it, whose idea was it to have such low cut skirts?
Suzaka: my, my, these skirts would cause a few problems with the patients.
On cue at two elderly patients goes flat line with heavenly looks, blood is spurting out of their noses… at least they had a nice view before they departed to the great perverted cloud in the sky…
Alicia: I'm afraid you can't leave just yet
Much to everyone's horror Alicia grab the floating away souls, next she shoves them back into their bodies via their throat, then tells them nicely not to do that again or else she might have to make a written note for them to remember…
BT: …OK let's go and interview today's guest
Zafira: when is the Cameraman going to return with Ginga from their honeymoon?
BT: Erio will explain for us
Erio: I've been hired as BT pager for this kind of news; I'm looking forward to working with all of you
Yunno: like wise
Zafira: so when are those two love birds returning?
Erio: they'll be returning next episode when we Interview Carim, so until then Zafira will man the Camera, like he did back in Interview 19 when we Interviewed Shari
Alicia: oh well, I'm sure I'll get some juicy information from Ginga when I next see her! BWHAHAHAHAH!!!
Everyone feels a little worried from the way Alicia is laughing, they all had wild thoughts of what might happen to Ginga should Alicia get her hands on her… Someone who can lose their way a light year from where they were and the Grim Reapers Apprentice… what a mix!
BT: enough of the small details, we're finally here!
The door they stood in front off is reinforced steel door with the state of the art turrets manning it, it even came with a small battalion of Gadgets that will defend the door… makes you wonder are they trying to keep people out OR keeping them in???
BT: this could be problematic…
Arf: didn't you arrange a meeting?
Reinforce: it was denied straight away on the grounds that BT will skewer Vice with his chair
BT: I'm not that kind of person, I'll probably break every single bone in his body, then rupture every single one of his internal organs and then maybe removes certain 'manly' parts from him with a tooth pick, nothing major than that.
Yunno:… I think that's what they're afraid of...
Marine: heh, my invincibility will get me through no matter what!!!! CHARGE!!!
The others stood back as unholy hell is unleashed upon the Marine who screams pain and pleas of mercy while the turrets blaze away for exactly ten seconds, when the camera finally focus on the door we find the Marine facing them, unscratched, and the defences + door are no where in sight... then what was all that screaming for?
Arf: wow, I didn't know he was that tough
BT: let's go in then, the Marine will man the door
Everyone walks in and the Marine cross his arms in show of manliness to his feat of surviving the defences, unfortunately he fell face flat into the floor, his entire back armour is totally trashed and the tell tale marks of something whipping him isn't reassuring... BT wanted to preserve the Marine's dignity...
Marine: pain...ouch...need...medic...
Vivi: ENGERY DRINK!!!!
Vivi pops out of nowhere with pixe wings and bearing the sacred jug of her personal energy drink, the Marine runs through the far wall, despite it been the fifth floor, and plummet into the awaiting truck filled with BT hater mob... the life of a cameraman is a harsh one... especially if you're working for BT!
Yunno: did anyone hear that awful scream of pain and anguish?
Zafira: nope, unless you're counting the audiences whose following us
Behind them the nurses and doctors are wheeling last weeks guest to where Vice is...
BT: today's guest has been shot down more times than this shows been running, he's got a long list of "admirers" that want to pin him to a table and extract his manly part very, very slowly and painfully and not to mention that I want to beat the guy to a pulp for spying on the girls working for me at my place, ladies and gentlemen, nurses and doctors please give a loud applause to the sniper cameraman of the century, Vice!
Arf pulls back the curtain to show Vice staring at some "adult" magazine looking perfectly fine, Vice quickly cleared up his bed when he notice the remaining cameramen grabbing anything they use to whack Vice... the guy had it coming!
Vice: what... I thought the interview was cancelled?
BT: who said that?
Vice: Reinforce did when I try to ask her out for dinner then maybe a walk in the park followed with a quick stay at a h...
Reinforce grabs Vice by the feet and slams him into the wall leaving a DEEP imprint, then tosses him back to the bed... should I mention that there is at least four inches of lead walls between this room and the outside wall!
Arf: refrain from trying to use any pick up line or else...
Vice: or else what loli Arf?
Ninja: the hounds of hell are now baying at the door to this room waiting to devour your flesh and soul will be unleashed
Vice look to the door to see the Pirate and Samurai trying to calm down a severely angry mod of girls... how in hecks name are those two are not blasted when Nanoha, Fate, Subaru, Caro, Lue and Tia are there screaming for Vice's blood!
Vice: I always thought his words were not literal...
BT: that don't matter anymore, right now you're going to be interviewed one way or another!
Vice: and if I refuse?
Alicia: did someone want to die early today while I slowly extract your soul from your throat?
Arisa: I'm hungry for some steak,... maybe I'll cook my steak over a nice hot fire very, very slowly.
Suzaka: I'll freeze the steak for you to use later Suzaka-chan... bit by bit
Arf: hmmm I wonder how good his that "bone" of his to bite if I was to take a bite out of over three weeks?
Pirate: aye, me muskets need some cleaning, I'll require the use of a man's "tool" for this when I discharge the gunpowder
Yunno: I wonder are what those things written in the book of pain true... only one way to find out
Vivio: I've been meaning to test out my new bombardment spell called Solar Crusher; it's as powerful as aunty Hayate's Ragnarok.
Reinforce: I've yet to unleash my full wrath upon someone as of late
Zafira: I require someone to tell me how good is my punches after I use them as a punching bag for twenty days straight
Ninja: my skills in the art of pain needs exercising
Samurai: my blade has become dull with no use, I shall amend that with my new target doll... human target doll
Erio: I heard from Fate-san about a new nifty speed spell I've been meaning to ask, it involves someone and Strada at maximum speed
BT: but since you don't agree I'll simply leave you to them while I go and...
Vice: I'LL DO IT!!!
Yunno: excellent, BT begin the interview
BT: righty Mr Scrya!
The others look at the two and wonder why all of a sudden their skin colour has turn yellow and their shape changed into cartoon style, a moment later they revert back to normal... did we just did a cartoon family show rip off moment???
BT: right, now then let's begin with the first question, how many of the MGLN girls have you manage to anger?
Vice: hmmm let see.... I've took a picture of Nanoha-san while she's taking her bikini off, Fate-san during her barrier jacket setup, Caro when she jumped Erio in the bath rooms, Tia when she was spying on Subaru in the hot spring, Shamal-san while she was changing into a shrine maiden outfit with nothing beneath, Vita when she was changing into a cute bunny rabbit suit by Hayate, Signum-san was going to take a bath and Hayate grabbed her loose shirt behind and pulled it down and.... pretty much all of them
BT: that's nice to know
Behind BT the girls that work for him are been restrained by Yunno and his unlimited binds, the others males try to hold the girls back but the promise of been turned into a woman, painfully, meant that they had to step back and leave Yunno to hold them back... Vice really wants to become a cream pie doesn't he???
Zafira: BT, do something!!!
BT: fine, girls if you're good I'll buy you something nice
This got an instance reaction with all the girls returning back to their place, the other guys wonder how BT could control them so well... BT pay cheque is probably one and probably the fact no one wants BT to go into "rage" mode is another...
Vice: I'll treat you to some nice picture of Vi…
BT: complete that sentence and I'll simply have to remind you what will happen to perverts…
Behind BT is the very image of the four horsemen of the apocalypse all wielding their deadly chairs… wouldn't it better to call them the four interviews of the apocalypse instead??
Arf: if you try bribing him with any more pictures I'm going to eat you bit by bit!
Vice: then would it be a bad time to say I got pictures of Zafira taking a shower?
Zafira: WHAT!!!!
Yunno: please Zafira if you don't calm down I'll…
Vice: I do have a picture of Yunno wearing some G-strings and then I have…
BT: why in hecks name do you even have men photos?
Vice: because some of the women asked me to, in exchange for sparing my life
Some of the girls look a little guilty, BT felt a little suspicious about this and wonder should he even ask whose photo they got… I wonder do any of them have a picture of me.
BT: moving on, is it true that you take photos of Tia whenever she's unaware?
Vice: it's to train her to use her sixth sense in detecting snipers!
Zafira: Tia isn't going to buy that poor excuse for even a second
BT: OK guys let's not go off topic too much, did you know you have an outstanding bounty on your head?
Vice: do I?
BT: yes, according to the wanted poster, the one who brings your head receives a staggering twenty billion, not to mention the gratitude of Hayate and her Knights in whatever way you like…
Samurai: prepare yourself!!!
Marine: you take the head I'll take the legs!
Ninja: if I was joking, "I require a hand or two"
The three Cameramen were ready to tear apart Vice, they notice BT shaking his head, the three of them instantly backed down, for fear BT might go on a rampage again… we're still paying for the hospital bill from last time they got wasted by BT!
BT: anyway, moving on, from that shameless plug of advertising….
Zafira: which you did on purpose, ensuring Vice gets ambushed, by thousands of raving fans of Hayate and her knights!
BT: anyway RF has a few questions for you Vice
Vice: they couldn't, by any chance, be threats of tearing me limb from limb?
BT: quite the reverse actually, the first one, "how dangerous was your job in trying to take pictures of the MGLN girls?"
Vice: if I was to rate it on a scale to ten, it would be probably twenty
Yunno: care to explain?
Vice: I have to lay in wait at a position which is dead uncomfortable, as well as been worst place you could hide in, just so I can take a picture of them unaware, I recall trying to take Nanoha-san picture. I had to hide in the sea for six hours straight for three weeks just off from the training island. Then I watch her train the forwards and finally manage to get the prized panty shot. It was probably the hardest shot I've ever had to take, even while sniping, but it's well worth it!
BT: thank you Vice for telling me that, Nanoha is currently listening behind the wall on your side.
Zafira: won't we need to take cover if that happens?
Yunno: no worries, Nanoha and BT have come to agreement on this matter.
Arf: it's amazing how cooperative Nanoha is when you offer her pictures of Young Fate in a Nurse uniform.
Alicia: how did BT manage to take the pictures without been fried by YF?
Yunno: simple, BT simply asked YF nicely while Arf took the photos.
Vice: LET ME SEE!!!
Vice has turned rabid mad at the news, he jumps at BT begging to see those pictures of YF in a nurse uniform… BT has my full permission to give the pervert hell!
BT: Vice-kun…
Vice: ye…
The interviewer is smiling nicely while holding onto his black chair with one hand, the image of the interviews of the apocalypse has returned with their chairs drawn out, Vice quickly returns to his seat before BT finally lose it and kills Vice… damn it, only a second longer and Vice would be mince meat by now!
Zafira: damn, looks like I lost the bet!
Yunno: I told you so, BT isn't going to simply lose his "cool" that quickly
BT: could you two shut it or I might shut them for you!
Zafira & Yunno: YES SIR!!!!!
BT: good, now onto the next question from RF, "I'll pay you any amount of money just to buy those pictures from you, and save the best for me."
Vice: if you want a picture of a particular MGLN girl or guy, then watch the advertisement
BT: when in hecks name did you get an advertisement slot in this program?
Vice: I manage to bribe Suzaka and Arisa
BT glance to the two girls, who are whistling away quietly in the corner trying to look innocent, BT marches towards them to have a little word with them… Mr P will probably make Vice pay for screwing up his story now…
Vice standing in the middle of a white screen wearing a Hawaiian shirt and shorts with a camera in his hand waves to the audience… how cheesy can this get?
Vice: do you have someone you want to get close to but can't
Screen switches to a helpless fan been blasted by Nanoha, they all try to declare their undying love for Fate.
Vice: or maybe you want a photo of someone who inspires you?
Shows Subaru trying to worship Nanoha, but finds herself facing fifty Plasma Lancers
Vice: then I can answer your prays for you, for I Vice Granscenic, will take those pictures of those you admire/desire!
Photos of Vice taking snap shots of the MGLN girls in daring moves, which range from diving through a barrage of magical bullets, using a Sniper Rifle Camera and finally taking a strike by Signum just to take the cleavage shot at close range
Vice: call me at the number that will be posted at the end of the interview, I'll quote you base on who it is and how difficult of a shot it might be, all in affordable prices, remember I'm your friendly neighbourhood Sniper photographer!
The wall behind Vice caves in allowing the White Devil through, Vice gives a wave to the audience before making a quick dash to the left, Nanoha shoots a Diving Buster which is followed by Vice screaming in agonising pain off screen…
Returning to the Interview we find five more dents in the wall, as well as three more chairs that's been destroyed, Arisa is crying on Suzaka's shoulder for some unknown reason… should I ask what happened or should I simply not say a word for my own personal health?
BT: since we concluded that question let's move to the final question by RF, "if you can't sell me the pictures, then just let me join you in taking those exclusive pictures. XD"
Vice: I would love to, I can show you how the take difficult angle pictures and how to time it, also I can tell you where to get the latest camera equipment, as well as basic survival training and…
Vice looks to the left to find BT and Yunno are trying to stop the girls, working for Interview Hell, are been retrained from strangling Vice, the other guys are staying well away from them, in case the girls might change the men's into women's… then why in hecks name is BT fine???
Alicia: slaughter the pervert!!!
Arf: I'm going to chew his damn arm off!
Suzaka: I'm going to deep freeze his fingers and break them one by one
Arisa: I'm going to roast his sorry butt on a platter!!
Vivio: BT been teaching me the finer arts of using a chair to peels someone skin off
Reinforce: I will pass women judgement with bloody daggers
Zafira: how many
Reinforce: over nine thousand!
Yunno: CALM DOWN!!!!
BT: EASY SAID THAN FREAKING DONE!!!
Vice: if you girls calm down I'll give you a picture of whoever you want…
Instantly Vice is forgiven, Vice quickly hands out pictures to all the girls who begins to drool… damn, he knows how to calm the girls down alright!
Yunno: should I release RF information?
BT: HELL NO! if you do that then I'll be sued so much that not even ten shots from the Asura's Arc-en-ceil cannon could solve it!
Vice: that bad?
BT: you don't even know the meaning of signing until you seen the mountain of documents I had to write… like trying to get in here for instance, it took me five freaking days of signing and counter signing to get it right!!!
Zafira: even with the help of Reinforce "convincing" the officials we still had that much of paper work to go through!
BT: don't remind me! Anyway the final question for today is from a new comer CrystalBoya, "Vice is his camera actually Stormraider or how it was called again?"
Vice: yes it is, Stormraider has been my irreplaceable partner when it comes down to sniping people's head and their panties!
Vivio: is that so???
Vivio has prepared a Solar Crusher, everyone else has taken cover except BT and Vice… BT can't do anything to stop Vivio bringing the undying wrath of Vivio's fans and her mamas!
BT: calm down!
Vivio: but I'am calm
BT: I'll do anything for you, so please don't shoot that in here!!!
Vivio: OK!!!
Before anyone could say another word Vivio grabs BT by the collar of his neck and drags him away back to his mansion, everyone wonder what's going to happen, but the scary laughter Vivio is making made them wonder will BT return alive… one word, Cosplay.
Yunno: well since that the end of the episode we'll call it a day, so tune in next week as we head out and interview the one who introduce cosplay to Hayate, yes you guess it we'll be interviewing Carim Gracia.
Arf: until then folks
Vice: are you guys leaving now?
Alicia: yes we are
Zafira: we got to fill out all those documents for repairs and insurance fees
Reinforce: BT asked me to talk with Hayate about borrowing a few of her cosplay stuff for important matters in the near future
Vice: too bad, here I thought I might have a nice "chat" with you girls and my camera, oh well
Alicia: don't worry, you won't be left alone
Standing at the door is Fate, Nanoha, Subaru, Tia, the Numbers and a host of others, the staff of interview Hell leave and the other girls in before putting the door back and welding it shut… chances are we'll see Vice back in action in about three interviews later…
Somewhere inside the mad bedroom of Mr P, we find the author doing something strange, electric cables are been fed to his bed which is covering something and he's even dressed up in the mad scientist outfit even…
Mr P: rise my creation, rise for me, RISE!!!
Ramster: Mr P, why are you doing all that "rise" stuff for a cup of noodles??
Mr P: because I wanted my cup of noodle to grow bigger that's why!
Ramster: then are you going to neglect your other new creation?
Woman: are you referring to me?
Standing at the door is a woman, her long black hair is tied back into a nice pony tail, she gave a jaw dropping amused smile with two sapphire eyes that could melt concrete, and of course she's sporting a nice bust size as well
Mr P: ah yes, I see you're up already TB, now then why not change into those clothes I got for you
TB: OK
TB was wearing a large green night shirt rushes off and returns wearing a black suit top complete with a tie, a short black mini skirt and a pair of smart looking work shoes for offices
Mr P: now then excuse me a cup noodle is calling me…
Ramster: for those wondering TB will introduce herself next episode as the interviewer
TB: I'll do my best, and ensure that no one dares screw up my first interview
TB held up a coffee table in one hand and a fridge door, Ramster didn't know which is worse, BT chair weapon or TB Fridge door and Coffee table… I think Interview Hell is never going to be the same ever again!
