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Moving On?

-Six weeks after the attack on the Normandy-

She was counting on him. He made sure that Dr. Chakwas was in the escape pod. He hit the switch and watched the pod eject safely with everyone inside. He turned to follow Shepard up to the bridge. He walked through CIC and noticed the quiet fog floating all around. He walked up the walkway to the cockpit as he saw Shepard helping Joker into an escape pod and then he saw a flash of light and she was flying into space and he is running to catch her. She is just beyond his reach he is straining to get her yelling her name over and over. He reached out using his biotics to pull her back to him. Kaidan wakes up as he is hit in the head with his omni tool which has answered the pull that sent in his sleep.

He puts his omni back on his arm, at least it wasn't the chair that hit him like the other day, it was a good thing he had removed almost everything from the room. This was the third time this week he had that dream. The thought that if he had stayed he could save her kept going through his mind. The knowing that if he had stayed behind, he might have been able to get her into the pod. He knows he could have! If only he stayed.

They couldn't find her body. The amount of pain that caused him was unbelievable. If they had her body he would know where she was. Silly because it was just a body, she was no longer inside. But her body would be something he could focus on. Something that would mean something. A part of her that he could be close to. Right now he had nothing. All their things went down on the Normandy. He didn't have anything of her, not even a shirt or a pillow. Nothing.

He got out of bed knowing that sleep was not going to find him again this morning. He went by rote over his morning routine not even thinking about what he was doing. Anderson was going to be in meetings all morning but he wanted to see Kaidan the first thing in the afternoon.

There was a call from a lawyer asking him to come down to his office for a reading of her will. He wasn't going to go, and then he thought she wanted him to go, that's why she had added him to her will.


Entering the office he saw that the lawyer was there with an older couple sitting at the desk.

"Lieutenant Alenko, I was afraid you wouldn't come. This is Mr. and Mrs. Shepard," the lawyer had not used their ranks. Kaidan stopped as the female in the chair stood and turned and he was face to face with Shepard's nose and mouth. He looked at the male who also stood, he had Shepard's eyes, her beautiful blue eyes. Hannah Shepard walked over to him and took him in her arms and hugged him tight. He could feel the tears starting in his eyes. She pulled back and looked into his eyes,

"Zin was right, you have the most beautiful brown eyes." She wiped a tear from his cheek "Now come on, none of that young man, she wouldn't want you to waste tears on her. You know that. She wrote me about you, did you know that?"

"I thought she had Ma'am." he said.

"Yes well, she loved you. She never said it of course, but I know my daughter, and she loved you or she would never have written me about you."

He couldn't stop the tears "I love her too." he choked.

"Come on son, sit down." Her father snapped at him "Mama, make the boy sit already." he told his wife.

She nudged Kaidan to a chair and sat him down, she sat down next to her husband. Kaidan watched as her husband grabbed her hand and squeezed it, just like Shepard would do to him. He looked up into her father's eyes, so like hers and saw understanding there.

"Oh, I have something for you Lieutenant." she said.

"Kaidan, you can call me Kaidan."

Alright, Kaidan. I have a holo of Zin for you. I know that everything you had was destroyed with the Normandy. I took it on our last vacation together" and she held out a picture frame to him. He took it and when he got it in his hand it activated, and there she was. She had her sly smile on and was dressed in a simple blue top. She had a glass of milk in her hand and it looked like she was bringing it to her lips.

"She sure did love her milk." he said quietly.

"Yes, she did. That's why I picked that one for the frame, this OSD has several others of her that I thought you might like." she handed it to him.

"Thank you Ma'am. You don't know what this means to me." he told her.

"Yes son," Shepard's father told him."She does."


"Two million credits?" Kaidan asked in shock. "She left me two million credits, Twinglyn Cabin and mineral rights. Why would she do that?"

The lawyer just looked at him, he didn't have an explanation for him.

"To show you she cared for you, that's why." Shepard's father said.

"My dear, what the heck are we going to do with six million credits." Hannah Shepard asked her husband.

"Well Mama, I guess we will worry about that when you're ready for us to retire." Kaidan saw a twinkle in Shepards father's eye that was just like hers.

"She also left two million dollars to be split up between some of her other crew members, and of course mineral rights for you, her parents, too. That's about it. I asked you to come down her because the two bequests for you and Lieutenant Alenko are the bulk of the estate." The lawyer told them. "Since you and your wife are her closest living relatives I need to find out if you have a problem with the bequests your daughter made for her estate, if you're going to object, you must do it now."

"Fool, no one questions Zinya Shepard. If that is what she wanted you to do, then do it!" her father snapped at him, and Kaidan heard Shepard in every word.

"So you have no objection to Kaidan Alenko's bequest." the lawyer asked.

"No, he's family." her mother said.

"No he isn't Mrs. Shepard."

"That's Commander Shepard mister" Mr. Shepard said. "If my wife says he is family, then he is family. So no we have no objections to his bequest or to any of the crews'. Is that clear enough for your records?"

The lawyer hit a few buttons on his omni tool and Kaidan realized this was a formality that needed to be accomplished. "Yes it is. Thank you everybody, the credits will be sent to your Alliance accounts by morning and the paperwork for the mineral rights and cabin will be forwarded to the Alliance attorney that is assigned to each of you" and he got up and left the room.

"The cabin, she left me the cabin, but it was her grandmother's. Don't you want it?" Kaidan asked her parents.

"Oh no, sir, she was the only one that was ever happy there. The rule of Twinglyn Cabin is that whom ever owns it had to have truly happy moments there. I didn't really like the place. Secluded, could only get there by boat. Yeah, I never liked it there, but Zin loved it. She loved the fishing, the forest and the quiet. If she left it to you she must have felt you would be happy there." The Commander told him.

"I was, we spent shore leave there before..." Kaidan couldn't finish.

"Than, again, I am going to say she knew what she was doing." She told him.

"We have one more thing we would like to give to you son." Mr. Shepard told him and he realized he didn't even know her fathers rank.

He handed Kaidan a small case. "When someone is awarded a Star of Terra their family is given the metal if they have died. I think she would have wanted you to have it. I know you have your own, but we have her one from the Blitz. You should keep this one."

Kaidan took a deep breath and opened the case. There was a small placard that listed her name, the date and the words 'Savior of the Citadel' on it. And next to that was her Star of Terra. His hands were shaking. They didn't know that Shepard didn't care about the metal, that's why they had her medal from the Blitz. Although her Star of Terra didn't mean that much to Shepard, it did to him. "Thank..." his voice broke, he tried again "Thank you so much. I don't know what to say."

"That is all you needed to say Kaidan, Zin would have wanted you to have something to remember her by. I couldn't think of anything that would have as much meaning for you as it did for her, except that."

"Yes, she wasn't really into things," her father said, "but we love her and we're proud of her."

"I did need something. Thank you, I will treasure it always."

"We know you will, son. We know you will." Mr. Shepard said.


Promoted? He had gone to Anderson's office straight from the Lawyers office. He wondered how long before he stopped looking for her every time someone called him Commander. As he returned to his room he realized this had be one hell of a day.

He should be happy, he should be celebrating. What was wrong with him. Walking back to his room he saw Garrus walking towards C-Sec, and he had avoided him. Dr. Chakwas had called several times, but he never returned the calls. This morning with Shepard's parents was the most he had talked about her since her death.

Her death, that was the problem. He could feel the headache starting, he could see the aura's around lights that told him it was going to be a bad one. He took her metal out of his pocket and put it away next to his. He put her picture on the table next to the bed. He didn't know if he would leave it there but for tonight he just wanted to see her. He took his medicine and changed his clothes and layed down just as the nausea and intense pain hit. Willing the medication to take effect quickly he lay in the bed trying not to think of anything. Hoping that the medication would stop the pain.

Hoping it would stop the dreams.