For the first time since Guru Pathik helped Azula regain control of her bending nearly a year before, Azula wakes up screaming. It is her first night in the beach house since she was fourteen, and she is gasping and panting on the verge of a panic attack. In an instant, Ty Lee is sitting up beside her, hands rubbing soothingly up and down her sides.

"Azula?" she asks, her voice soft, probably to avoid scaring her, Azula thinks with disdain. "Are you okay?"

"Obviously I'm not," Azula snaps between deep breaths. The shadows lurk all through the giant master bedroom, but they are not her father, Azula reminds herself. They are not her father.

"Was it a nightmare?" Ty Lee probes gently. "It's been a long time since you've had one this bad."

"Don't tell me what my nightmares are like," the Princess scolds, and beside her, Ty Lee sighs. She knocks the other girl's hands away and throws her legs over the side of the bed. "I can't sleep in here. You can stay."

"Where are you going?" Ty Lee asks, climbing out of bed anyway. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine," Azula lies. "I said you can stay here." Ty Lee freezes, looks back and forth between Azula and the bed. Then after a moment, she frowns and nods, and gets back in bed.

"Come get me if you need anything, okay?" she calls after the Princess. She sounds completely dismayed, but Azula does not turn around. Ty Lee was the one who wanted to sleep in this stupid room in the first place. Azula had argued, but the acrobat had gone on and on about how nice it would be to wake up and go out on the balcony to greet the sun, and eventually Azula had convinced herself she would be okay and given in.

"I won't."

She closes the door to the master bedroom and climbs down the stairs to the hallway where the other rooms are. Her childhood bedroom is the third on the right, right beside Zuko's. When they were children, they used to run between the two rooms pretending to be soldiers and sending small puffs of fire at each other until Lu Ten came out of his own bedroom across the hall and asked them to be quiet so he could finish his school work.

The room looks exactly the same as it did the last time she was here, when she was sorting through her forgotten belongings, trying to decide what she was willing to burn. Zuko had been much less sparing.

She climbs into her bed and buries herself under the blankets, even though she is back in the Fire Nation, where it is sweltering all the time. She marvels in the ability to stretch her legs out and not hit someone else's, but her comfort does not last. A certain cold settles over the other half of the bed and Azula realizes that the room is completely silent without the steady sound of Ty Lee's breathing. The shadows seem to move, and suddenly, she feels constricted in the giant bed, like she is waiting for someone to come for her at any moment.

When did you become so dependent on her? Are you really so weak, Azula? Do you really need the circus freak to be able to sleep at night? Perhaps you are your mother's child after all.

She buries her head under her pillow and screams into the mattress.

Hours later, after several bouts of fitful sleep, Azula makes her way back up the staircase to the master bedroom. An old but familiar feeling of walking to her own funeral settles over her, but when she opens the door, it is only Ty Lee sprawled across the bed, looking as unthreatening as is possible.

Azula approaches the side of the bed and takes her hand, tugs on her arm to wake her up. "Azula?" Ty Lee mumbles, rubbing her eyes. "Is everything okay?"

Without speaking Azula pulls her very confused girlfriend from the bed, out of the room, down the stairs, and into her own bedroom. She lets go of Ty Lee at the foot of the bed and reclaims her own side of the mattress. Hesitantly, Ty Lee climbs into bed beside her, eyes flitting to Azula's face to gauge her reaction.

She does not cuddle up to the Princess the way she used to, but she scoots close enough to cover Azula's bicep with her hand. A single point of contact. Azula brings her girlfriend's hand to her lips before replacing it and covering it with her own. Ty Lee smiles cautiously up at her.

Azula sighs. She feels the need to explain herself, but she does not have the words. Persuading a king to hand her his greatest city would be easier than this. "I do love you," she begins. "I just… I…"

"I know," Ty Lee cuts her off when she begins to struggle. "You're having a hard time. It's okay. We can sleep here from now on, if you want."

Azula bites her lip and tries to decide how much to reveal, but as hard as she tries, she cannot think of a reason to hide anything. "It's just that the last time I stayed here, I slept in that bed with my father."

Ty Lee's hand tightens on her arm. "Why didn't you tell me? I never would have made us sleep there."

Azula shrugs. "I didn't think it would matter. It's been years."

Ty Lee inches closer to her, as if she is not sure if she should. "When was it?" Her voice is almost fearful, and Azula realizes with a pang of guilt that she is probably worried Azula will snap at her. Their relationship was never like this before her fire turned blue.

"Just before the Avatar came back." She rolls away, allowing Ty Lee's hand to slip from her arm. "We're done talking about this."

"Okay," Ty Lee whispers. "Just… I'm sorry." A careful kiss is pressed to the back of her neck, and then she hears the sheets rustle as Ty Lee retreats back to her side of the bed. Her breaths even out as she slips back into sleep. Azula lays awake listening to it until the sun comes up.


The next morning, Azula is gone when Ty Lee wakes up. It makes sense. The sun is out. She is probably training.

They are trying to fall back into the routine of sleeping when it is dark outside. Since they cannot have flames near the windows and the mansion is full of them, it seems safer, and Ty Lee is certain that Azula does not want to waste any of her precious firebending hours asleep anyway.

She makes her way to the kitchen. The cabinets and drawers are torn open like Azula was looking for food and did not find any. Ty Lee will have to go into town this afternoon. Perhaps this evening she can cook something nice, something better than Azula has had since she left the asylum. They can finally afford ingredients. Even if Ty Lee cannot find any gold lying around, there are plenty of expensive trinkets here that do not bear the Royal Family's crest and will probably not be missed. She will be able to sell something.

She navigates her way to the large patio in the back of the house, and, sure enough, Azula is executing a complicated kick flip on the beach. She lands almost on balance and Ty Lee hears a string of curses leave her mouth.

"That looked really good," she calls in the way of a greeting as she walks across the sand. Azula barely glances at her.

"It was disgraceful. I'm never going to bend lightning again if I can't focus on a simple set," the Princess snarls. "There's no food."

"I saw that," Ty Lee answers. "How long do you think it's been since your brother's been here?"

"How should I know?" Azula replies. "It's not like I've been invited on any family vacations recently."

"Well, we're here now," Ty Lee crosses her arms in determination, "and we're going to have fun. Come on, take a break. Let's go play in the waves."

Azula shakes her head. "I have months of training to catch up on. I can't just take a break to go jump around in the ocean like some child." She gestures down at her body. "Look at me. I haven't been this weak since we left Ba Sing Se."

"So you're not going to do anything but train the entire time we're here?" Ty Lee pouts. "That's not any fun."

"We're not here to have fun," Azula insists. "We're here so I can get better. Firebending will make me better, just like it did the first time. Isn't that what you wanted, Ty Lee?"

The acrobat drops her eyes. "I wanted you to be happy."

"And I will be," Azula answers firmly. "Once my forms are as steady and my fire is as hot as it was before, and once I can bend lightning again."

"Oh," Ty Lee answers. She glances out at the water as she tries to mask her disappointment before meeting Azula's eye again. "I'm going to go into town to get groceries, and then I'm going to make us a really nice dinner. Okay?"

Azula raises an eyebrow. "I didn't know you knew how to cook."

"Well…" Ty Lee grimaces and scratches the back of her neck. "I don't. Not really. My older sisters always cooked. But I've watched them do it and it doesn't look that hard. All you have to do is throw some vegetables in a pot and put them in the stove for a while. No problem."

Azula does not look convinced. "Are you certain? If it's that easy, why do we have servants to do it for us?"

"Azula," Ty Lee rolls her eyes, "you had servants to put on your slippers for you."

Azula tips her chin up so that she is looking down her nose at her girlfriend. "Royalty is not supposed to touch feet," she explains curtly. "It's undignified."

Ty Lee giggles. "Well, considering you've had my toes in your mouth, what does that make you now?"

"Completely humiliated." Azula turns away and begins to walk down the beach. Her hair is tied back in a top knot, a little messier than Ty Lee was used to seeing it during the war because she did it herself. It reminds Ty Lee forcefully of the way Azula walked away from her when she told her she was running away to join the circus or the way she looked when she was carried away as Mai and Ty Lee were arrested at the Boiling Rock. The Princess does not look back.

"Azula wait!" Ty Lee calls after her. "I'm sure you're not the only royal in the Fire Nation's history who's ever touched a foot. You can't seriously think Zuko's never licked Mai's toes before—"

"If you ever want me to do it again, you will not associate it with my brother," Azula interrupts.

"Oh, sorry," Ty Lee replies hastily, a habit more than anything. "But, Azula, don't walk away from me. What's really going on? I know this isn't really about my feet. They're not that dirty."

Finally, Azula stops and takes a breath, but she does not turn around. "I'm not the same person I was, Ty Lee."

The acrobat comes to a stop a step behind her and studies what she can see of Azula's face over her shoulder. "I thought you didn't want to be."

"I put my hair up this morning, and I expected to look exactly the same. I thought I would look strong. But I didn't even recognize myself. All I could think about was how weak I've become. It's just like it was after the comet."

"Do you mean…" Ty Lee trails off, afraid to ask. Afraid of the answer. When she speaks again, her voice is lower, more pointed. "Are you saying you're hallucinating again?"

"Of course not," Azula snaps. "I said that I was weak, not that I was crazy."

"You're not weak," Ty Lee assures her. "You're human. No one can be perfect for as long as you were, Azula. No one. You're putting too much pressure on yourself. You're bending isn't going to be where it was today or tomorrow or a week from now, and there's nothing wrong with that." She lays her hand hesitantly on the Princess' shoulder, and she feels her stiffen, but to her relief, Azula does not jerk away. "We're not fighting a war anymore, Azula. You've got time."


At the end of the second full day of their stay on Ember Island, Azula executes her advanced set perfectly. She still is not where she wants to be—she learned the advanced set when she was twelve, after all—but it is progress. It means she can move on to her master set and to lightning, and it makes her feel more alive than she has felt since she had to stop bending in Republic City. Like energy is buzzing over the surface of her skin, waiting to be directed at something. Azula does not remember how to not be numb.

Electricity seems to pulse through her veins as she makes her way up the stairs to her bedroom. The sun is nearly passed the horizon. Ty Lee is already there fastening her robe, her pale, smooth chest awash in twilight, and Azula knows what to do with the energy she no longer remembers how to contain.

She pushes the robe back down Ty Lee's shoulders and the acrobat looks up at her in surprise. "Azula, what are you doing?" she gasps as Azula pushes her toward the bed. The acrobat's lips are softer than Azula remembers them feeling, her breath sweet in Azula's mouth.

"I want you," she mumbles as she breaks the kiss, and Ty Lee falls onto the mattress with one final shove. "Now."

"Are you sure?" Ty Lee asks, crawling farther onto the bed as Azula begins to strip her own clothes off.

"I never act unless I'm sure," Azula answers. "Don't you want this? Isn't this was you've been waiting for?" Ty Lee looks like she is about to say something else, but when the Princess climbs on top of her, she falls silent, and when Azula presses a passionate kiss deep into her mouth, she cedes control entirely.

Azula ravishes Ty Lee's body, tearing into her like this is the last chance she will ever get. She is not gentle, and the acrobat squirms beneath her as her hands and mouth move over skin that has not been touched so thoroughly in months. She giggles when Azula pops a toe into her mouth and then moans when she skims her teeth up the inside of her leg. By the time Azula is finished, Ty Lee is flushed and panting, her body covered in sweat and hickeys and bite marks.

"Azula…" Ty Lee breaths as she brushes away the hair that is plastered to her forehead. "Where did that come from?"

The Princess merely shrugs and prepares to crawl under the blankets, the energy she was feeling depleted, but then Ty Lee is on her. There are teeth tugging on her earlobe and hands working their way to her chest. Ty Lee is rougher than she usually is, grabbing harder and sucking with more force, but she still handles Azula with care, still too afraid to scare her. It is completely embarrassing, even if, deep down, Azula is grateful.

She kisses Azula's stomach hesitantly before she goes down on her. The tenderness is jarring after the way her fingers pressed into Azula's sides or how her teeth scrapped against her collar bone. "I've missed you."

Azula scoffs. "You've missed my body."

Ty Lee shakes her head. Her hands burn on Azula's hips. "I've missed your spirit." Azula reaches down and runs her fingers fondly through the acrobat's hair. She is not entirely sure she has had her spirit since the comet, and she certainly does not think it is present now, but those thoughts vanish from her head as her girlfriend sinks between her legs and does something with her tongue that makes Azula cry out and dig her heels into the mattress.

Azula rolls away when they are finished, but Ty Lee molds herself against the Princess's back and tucks an arm around her waist. She feels a kiss being pressed to the back of her neck and then Ty Lee nuzzling her head against her with a whisper of "I love you."

As her girlfriend's breaths even out, the familiar dead feeling sinks back into Azula's stomach. She is aware that Ty Lee probably thinks things are better now. Azula desperately wants that to be true, but she does not know how to lift the weight that is pressing down on her. Last time, Guru Pathik did it with wise words that forced her to confront her feelings and assumptions. Ty Lee did it with her patience and encouragement as she relearned how to firebend and how to love. This time, Azula feels hopelessly alone.

Of course, you're alone, she hears with a chuckle. You don't need anyone else. Can't you see how others have made you weak? First your mother took your bending from you. Now this one is preventing you from regaining your power. The weight of a heavy hand on her shoulder, even though Azula knows there is none. I told you this would happen if you didn't learn. People are unpredictable. The only one you can truly trust is yourself, Azula. It's your fault you're in this mess.

Biting words from a smooth, deep voice that seems to come from inside of her and outside of her at the same time. A mantra telling her how much better she is than everyone else, but at the same time, telling her how disappointing she is, how she is not realizing her full potential. Words telling her that she cannot trust anyone, but that she should trust him implicitly. At fourteen, Azula took those words at face value. She created a world where she was the best, but still not good enough, we're she trusted no one except for herself but followed someone else's orders without question.

Now the mantra that she built her life around only confuses her. She finds Ty Lee's hand where it is resting against her stomach and slips her own hand into it, looking for the familiar warm wash of comfort that once came from having the other girl so close. Ty Lee used to make her feel warm and safe and loved. Now she finds no reprieve in the body against her back. The only thing she needs to be protected from is inside her. Perhaps she will always be a monster deep down, no matter how many people love her or how hard Ty Lee kisses her.

Azula has never felt so naked in her girlfriend's arms.


"Good morning!"

When Azula pulls herself out of her form and looks up, Ty Lee is walking across the beach, smiling cheerfully. She is wearing a bathing suit that she obviously pulled out of Azula's closet. It is not one the Princess recognizes, and it is not as small on Ty Lee as Azula would expect from something that was bought for her when she was fourteen. She realizes that Zuko must have restocked her closet, and she wonders whether it was done secretly, in preparation for her stay, or whether the clothes have been there for years, evidence of her brother's hopes that he would one day bring her home from the asylum and she would really be a part of the family again.

Ty Lee wraps her arms around Azula's neck, pressing their bodies together, and kisses her, long and soft. Azula is unsure how to respond, but her hand finds the small of Ty Lee's back. She realizes that the acrobat probably thinks she is better now, that things will go back to normal because they had sex. Azula does not regret it, despite the deception, despite the guilt she felt when she woke up this morning with Ty Lee still wrapped tightly around her body looking so peaceful and innocent and content in sleep, because it made her feel alive, if only for an hour.

"Are you making any progress?" Ty Lee asks, cautious but hopeful, as she retreats from the hug, and Azula proudly nods.

"I mastered my advanced set yesterday," she announces, placing her hands on her hips. "Now I'm working on the set that I learned to become a firebending master, and I'm going to start working on lightning."

"Azula, that's great!" Ty Lee exclaims a little louder than either of them would like, even though there is no one else in sight. "So you're almost up to where you were before… you know, everything happened."

"If you're talking about everything that happened in Republic City a couple of months ago then yes, I'm close," the Princess clarifies. "But if you're talking about everything that happened during the comet then I'm nowhere near it. I first bent lightning when I was eleven, remember?"

"That's what I meant, that's what I meant," Ty Lee assures her, unconcerned, with a wave of her hand. "Does that mean the sex we had last night was celebratory sex?" She folds her arms in mock anger. "You could have told me. I would have been a little bit more enthusiastic."

Azula raises an eyebrow. "If you're telling me that the sex I experienced last night was lackluster…"

"Well," Ty Lee sighs. Her cheeks flush. "It was the first time in almost two months. I guess maybe I was kind of excited already."

Azula scoffs. "Kind of?"

The marks that Azula left all over Ty Lee's body are still visible. A dark red bruise on her neck, bright red teeth marks on her hip, peeking out from beneath her bathing suit, like the games of connect the dots that she and Zuko used to play with sticks in the sand on this very beach when they were children. See them only makes her want Ty Lee again. No, Azula does not regret the sex at all. In fact, she craves it. It is the only time since she had to stop bending that she remembers being genuinely happy.

Ty Lee shrugs and smiles up at her. "So, how long have you been training?" she asks. "You're all sweaty."

"Since the sun came up," Azula answers, as if it should be obvious. Really it should be.

"Do you want to take a break for a while?" she asks, and then she rushes to add, "Just because you're doing so good and I think you deserve it." She gestures out to the water. "We could go swimming or something."

Azula considers the idea. She knows that Ty Lee will stay out here regardless, with her adorable smile, and her high pitched laugh, and her hickeys, and that probably means Azula will be unable to concentrate anyway. "Alright," she hesitantly agrees. Even though she has been attracted to Ty Lee since before she learned what attraction was, the acrobat never used to distract her. Today, all Azula can think about when she looks at her is sex. "I'll go change."

She starts to turn, but Ty Lee grabs her hand. "You don't have to." She reaches behind her neck, and before Azula has time to reach, her top falls into the sand and her bottoms follow. "We can skinny dip. It'll be fun!" she exclaims, just the way she did when she used to come up to the apartment from the tavern in Ba Sing Se and announced that they were going on some outing the next day.

Azula must look completely shocked, because then Ty Lee is taking her hand and saying, "It's okay if you don't want to. I guess you've probably never done it before and I shoulnd't have assumed… I just thought… since there's no one else here…"

"I want to," Azula interrupts, her voice choked. Her eyes are stuck on an especially dark mark just under Ty Lee's left breast that she remembers leaving as the acrobat's hands clenched in her hair.

"Oh, good!" The acrobat claps her hands. "Hurry up!"

Ty Lee is already knee deep in water, kicking at the waves by the time Azula finishes peeling her clothes off and goes to meet her. She wades out until the water laps at her stomach and falls to a squat to watch. Ty Lee's laugh is musical, her smile is cheerful, and Azula envies her, how easy it is for her.

Ty Lee throws herself into the ocean with a splash and comes up, spitting a stream of water out of her mouth, in front of Azula. "See? Isn't this so much more fun than training?"

Azula smirks. "I'm not sure I see the entertainment value myself," she drawls. "Is it the fun of knowing we could drown or that a tiger shark could eat us whole at any moment?"

"Stop being so grumpy all the time!" Ty Lee laughs as Azula reaches for her and pulls her onto her lap. "You can have fun too if you try."

"I am trying," Azula murmurs as she drags her girlfriend's face down to meet hers and nudges her tongue into her mouth. Ty Lee sighs into the kiss and winds her arms around the Princess' neck as Azula's hands slip over and finally down her body. When Ty Lee climaxes, she clings to Azula's shoulders more tightly than Azula imagined she would ever be held, but she still feels a lifetime away. Her muscles are sore from holding them upright against the waves when she stands up to go put her clothes back on and finish training, and leaves Ty Lee crouching in the surf. The feeling of guilt, slightly stronger than the night before, settles over her before she is even out of the water.


Sex in the ocean was a terrible idea, Azula realizes that night. She is still sore and she has sand in most of her orifices. Ty Lee is sleeping, attached to her side. They have just slept together for the third time in the past day and Azula is finally beginning to admit to herself that she is using her girlfriend for sex.

Azula loves Ty Lee, she knows she does, but she cannot seem to feel it. Or to feel anything for that matter. The sex is fun and it gives her a momentary high, but it is without meaning on Azula's end, and for that, she is pitted with guilt, because she knows that Ty Lee pours all of her emotions into it every time. Azula wants so badly to feel close to Ty Lee again, but no matter what they do, she always seems to be worlds away. Ty Lee's arms are around her, their legs are tangled, and Azula can feel her breath on her neck, but she feels completely alone, like she could hold Ty Lee so tightly that she was literally pushing her into her body and that would still not be enough.

She extricates herself from the bed and slips out onto the balcony. It connects to her room to her brother's and to the room her parents once shares, on the next floor, the balcony off the master bedroom looms. She remembers walking out here the last time she stayed at this house and seeing her father above her. She had known that they were both waiting for the same thing, and she had stood beneath him where he could not see her until she heard him go back inside. Then she had listened, with perked ears as the hair on the back of her neck stood on end, for the sound of his feet on the stairs.

She glances down the balcony to her left. For the first time, she wishes that Zuko was here. Maybe he does not associate this house with the terror that Azula does, but it holds meaning to him all the same. It is not simply just another place to live for him, the way it is for Ty Lee. He would understand, and he would know what to say, even if he could not get it out without sounding like a complete moron. The stars are bright tonight, and she imagines the same ones shining over the palace, reflected on the bay.

"Those are water fairies, Azula," her mother tells her when she is three years old, as they look over the caldera from the promenade. "Long ago, the moon spirits were lonely, so the water fairies sent some of their own up to keep them company. The moon spirits thanked them by granting them a little bit of the power of the moon themselves. That's why we can only see them when everything is dark."

Azula believes her until she is six years old. "The only legends that matter are the ones people will one day tell about you," her father tells her. "Fairies to not exist. The sooner you start focusing on the real world, the sooner you will control it."

Azula jumps, too her own humiliation, when she hears the door open behind her.

"It's beautiful tonight," Ty Lee whispers. She wraps her arms around Azula's waist and rests her head against her shoulder, and with a stab of pain, Azula realizes that Ty Lee probably feels closer to her than she has in months. "What are you doing out here? Couldn't you sleep?"

"I never sleep," Azula echoes. She has the vague memory of telling her brother something similar years ago, but it is such as distant memory that she cannot be sure it is even real.

"Azula…" Ty Lee hesitates and Azula braces herself for a question she will not want to answer. "Should I be worried about you?"

"Of course not," Azula replies with an artificial bark of laughter. "Do you think I'm going crazy again, Ty Lee?"

"That's not what I…" the acrobat begins before redirecting her response. "I just want you to be happy, Azula, and if you're not, we'll figure something else out. Remember how happy we were once? We can have that again. We just need to find the right place."

"We have found the right place," Azula assures her, though she is not certain it is true. "We have a mansion, we have a private beach, what more could we want?"

Ty Lee shrugs. "Just because you have everything you want doesn't mean you're happy."

Azula looks down at her girlfriend. Her brow is furrowed and she is staring out across the water with a troubled expression. "Don't you trust me, Ty Lee?"

"I do," she answers without hesitation. "With my life. But I also know you, Azula. I know if you were hurting, it would be like pulling teeth to get you to tell me. But you can, you know. It's okay. It doesn't mean you're weak or anything."

"I'm fine," Azula insists. "I was just up going over my forms in my head."

Ty Lee retreats from her shoulder and leans up to press a kiss to her cheek. "Stop working so hard. It's not good for you. Come back to bed. You'll do better tomorrow if you're feeling refreshed. Maybe you should try meditating again. I haven't seen you do it in a while, and it seemed like it helped."

"Maybe," Azula agrees distantly as Ty Lee takes her by the hand and drags her off the balcony, away from the same stars that look down on her brother and her mother.


A/N: So we're off schedule now. Like I said, I'll try to update at least every ten days. That doesn't seem like it will be a problem.

Please, please, please drop a review if you have time. They really are fantastic motivators.