CHAPTER 29 – IDENTITY CRISIS
After a couple of emotional chapters, I think it's best if we take a deep breath and remember a time when all was good in the world. You know, before all hell breaks loose again. Soon.
2018
(MacLarens bar. Marshall, Lily and Ted are at their usual table having a drink.)
Ted: So what's new with you guys? I feel like after FunLand, you just came back home and went to sleep for a year.
Lily: You didn't go through what we went through in FunLand, Ted. It's hard taking on another person's identity.
Ted: Really?
Lily: Oh yeah. Mary-Ann sometimes just pops up without any further notice, it's kinda scary.
Marshall: Yeah, like the other day, Lily and I were making out—
(Flashback: Marshall and Lily's apartment. Marshall and Lily are making out on the couch.)
Marshall: We only have 15 minutes before the kids get home.
Lily: Then you better be fast.
Marshall: Mmm, that's my favorite kind.
(Pause)
Lily: Hey, I got an idea. Wanna take this up to the roof?!
(Back to present time: at the bar with Ted, Marshall and Lily.)
Ted: (shocked) What?! Lily?!
Lily: No, you silly! That's exactly what I was talking about. That wasn't me. It was the Mary-Ann part that still sometimes comes out of me unexpectedly.
Ted: (unconvinced) Ohh…kay?
Marshall: And also, there was this other time when Lily are I were walking Marvin and Daisy in the park—
(Flashback: The park. Marshall and Lily are walking with Daisy and Marvin.)
Marshall: It's a beautiful day, isn't it?
(Marvin drops his ice-cream on the floor)
Marshall: Aww, honey, it's okay. We'll get you another one.
Lily: Marvin! (slaps him on the forehead)
(Marshall looks at her, completely shocked.)
(Back to present time at the bar.)
Ted: LILY! That's horrible!
Lily: (sighs) It wasn't me! It was Mary-Ann!
Marshall: Or this morning, when we were taking a cab to the train station—
(Flashback: New York City streets. Marshall and Lily are waiting for a cab.)
(A cab stops for an old woman who is standing beside them, but she takes too long to get in)
Lily: (grabs Marshall's arm) C'mon, let's take this one!
Marshall: NO!
(She forces Marshall into the cab and rushes in after him, beating the old woman)
(Back to present time at the bar.)
Lily: Yeah no, sweetie, that was all me. (Ted and Marshall gasp in horror.) The bitch was too slow!
Marshall: It was an old lady!
(Pause)
Ted: Wait what were you guys doing at the train-station?
(Marshall and Lily trade looks for a mere second)
Marshall: (nervously) Uh we went to—
Lily: (nervously) –to see the guy who—
Marshall: -the President of—
Lily: -United States of—
Marshall: Ukraine!
(Pause. Ted just stares at them in confusion.)
Ted: It's a good thing I'm not an idiot.
Lily: (smiling at Ted) It was a fun trip! (has a sip of her beer)
Ted: (turns to face Marshall) Marshall, where did you guys go this morning?
Marshall: Uhhh…
Lily: Marshall, don't do it!
Marshall: The train station?
Ted: Yeaahh and where did you go after that?
(Marshall and Lily trade looks again)
Marshall: To the train.
Ted: (chuckles) Why are you guys being so secretive? Is this another FunLand mystery thing? Is there another mob coming after you two?
Marshall: (chuckles) Nooo, no.
Lily: (giggles) That would be…ridic.
Ted: (staring confusingly at Lily) Mary-Ann?
Lily: (nods) Yeaahh.
Ted: Okay so if Marshall and Lily can't tell me what they were doing at the train-station today, maybe Ross and Mary-Ann can? (pauses) That rhymed. We should talk in rhymes all day sometime and turn it into a TV episode. No, wait, that'd be stupid and a waste of time.
(Marshall sighs)
Lily: I appreciate the effort in that sentence, but Marshall and Lily still think that was a dumb attempt at breaking us. (to Marshall) Will you get the check, baby?
(Marshall signals the waiter)
Ted: Come on, what is it? I really, really wanna know and I promise I won't tell anyone if that's what you want!
Marshall: Ted, you say that every-time and you never stick to that promise.
Ted: Hey, I've kept secrets! My wife still doesn't know I have a stash of porn hidden in my office. (smiles)
Lily: (puts a hand on Ted's) No, sweetie, she knows. Don't you notice they're always brand new? It's 'cause she buys the new issues and throws out the old ones for you without noticing.
Ted: (realization hits on his face) Oh my god. (Pauses) My wife's awesome! (smiles)
(Tracy has arrived and is taking a seat next to Ted)
Tracy: Yes she is, but why is that?
Ted: (kisses her) 'Cause she just is.
Tracy: (to Marshall and Lily) I saw Marvin playing outside and he can't stop telling the other kids about what a great time he had in Washington today. You guys went to Washington?
Ted: (gasps, points a finger at Marshall and Lily) You went to Washington by train! (Pauses) Wait, I'm confused now. Did you really go see the President?
Marshall: (chuckles nervously) We didn't go to Washington! That kid is just so—
Lily: Yeah his mind is so creative and imaginative, we think he's gonna become a writer one day.
Marshall: (laughs quietly again) Washington. That's hilarious.
(Tracy looks at Ted unconvincingly.)
Ted: They've been doing that for a while.
Tracy: I don't understand, what's in Washington?
Ted: Hey, they disappeared for a while and ended up being in FunLand because they were escaping from a Russian mob! My head is now thinking terrorism.
Tracy: (to Ted) Seriously, baby, and when you think about it, we're the only people who tell everyone our every move. Even Barney and Robin disappeared for weeks in Argentina.
Ted: You're right! We are the only ones who care about this group's feelings that we feel the need to tell them everything. Well, ya know what, Elgins? (looking at Marshall and Lily) We ain't tellin' y'all nothin' no more.
Tracy: That's right, bitches.
Marshall: (smiling) Okay!
Lily: (smiling) Fine by me!
(Marshall and Lily start to leave)
Tracy: No, hey, stop!
Ted: Just tell us!
(Marshall and Lily trade looks then sit back down)
Marshall: (sighs) Fine.
Lily: We'll tell you, just stop acting like little babies.
(Pause)
Marshall: We went to D.C…. to look for a cure for Lily's disease. (Ted and Tracy look at them in shock.) We still think Mary-Ann is living inside of her and we're trying very hard to pull her out of Lily's body.
(Ted and Tracy throw peanuts at them)
Tracy: I hate you!
Ted: That's not funny!
(Marshall and Lily crack up into laughter and sprint out the door)
Lily: Bye, love ya!
Tracy: We hate you too! (to Ted) Can you believe those two?
(Marshall and Lily's apartment. Lily is opening a beer and Marshall emerges from Marvin's bedroom.)
Marshall: Everyone's asleep.
Lily: (sighs) Great.
(They sit down on the couch)
Lily: So now we can talk about this whole D.C. thing?
Marshall: Absolutely. What do you think, baby?
Lily: Well, first of all, I'm glad you didn't tell the gang about this. I feel like it's still too early and they're either gonna make a total big deal out of this, or think of it as completely…ridic. (They both chuckle at that.) And this is about you. Just you. And you need the objectivity when you're making this kind of decision.
Marshall: (nods) I agree.
Lily: But if this is something you wanna do, baby, then I support you 100%. If you want to start a career in politics, I'll stand by your side in all the press-conferences, I'll go to dinner meetings with all the snooty, stuck-up governmental wives there are, and I'll go on a million interviews if this is something you wanna pursue.
(Marshall smiles at her and grabs her hand)
Marshall: Baby, I've always dreamt about being a lawyer, and a judge. And after what happened to us in FunLand, I realized…the legal system in America is flawed. And I thought I could change that by being a part of the judicial system. But you saw how those guys followed us and our family to the other end of the country. There are fierce, violent and merciless people in the world, and if there's any way I can change that—or at least be part of the change, I feel like becoming a politician is the first step to achieving that. I feel like taking a role in politics is the first step in changing the parts of the legal system and the country that I strongly disagree in.
Lily: (smiling at him) I love you, Marshmellow.
Marshall: I love you too, Lilypad.
Lily: Now you go change the world.
(They share a passionate kiss.)
Marshall: And who knows, maybe that endorsement from the VP today won't even turn into anything.
Lily: But at least we tried and we did something.
Marshall: (smiles) Yeah. I can't believe how supportive you are of me. Of all this.
Lily: Hey…you flew halfway across the world for a year to help me achieve my dream. This is the least I can do to you, baby.
Marshall: I would fly halfway across the galaxy.
(They smile to each other and share another kiss.)
a little ways down the road. . .
(A large, official office. Someone of authority is sitting on the leather, rolling chair with its back to us, behind a large desk.)
(A well-dressed secretary walks into the office)
Secretary: Your wife is on line 2, sir.
Man in Chair: (firm voice) Tell her I'm in a meeting.
(He turns the chair around to face us, and it's of course Marshall dressed in a fancy suit and with a formal haircut.)
(He stands up and walks away from the desk)
Secretary: This is her third call this morning. Maybe you wanna take this one, sir? (Marshall just shoots her a dirty, terrorizing look) Okay, never-mind. (leaves the office and shuts the door behind her)
(Marshall walks up and stares out into the window, sighing in exhaustion and massaging his forehead)
(We zoom in on the desk where the steel name plate on it reads "SENATOR ERICKSON")
Fade to black.
Another storyline, I know. Before you sigh and think "how many storylines are happening right now?" I want to assure you I have all of them planned out and none of them will be forgotten when the story ends (not in chapter 30, for sure).
These past 3 chapters have been couple-centric, but I mostly wrote them right after "What Happened in FunLand" to reveal the effects of that whole FunLand storyline (Barney's Alzheimer's, Ted's alcoholism and now Marshall's decision to go into politics). Finally FunLand is over and we can move on to the big guns.
This one did come out of nowhere and very suddenly, for me. But I am SO excited to tell this Marshall/Lily plot slowly and gradually. It feels perfectly fit for Marshall's character who's so far been a bit pushed to the side in my story. Really can't wait to develop this, but I just wanted you to know that this whole 'shock-value' that I sometimes deliver in the endings of my chapters aren't just out-of-the-blue, and hopefully it will all pay off soon.
Thank you so much for reading and being supportive!
