All she saw was fire. Fire, green and blazing, with an intensity that threatened to consume Clarke whole. She couldn't move, with her hands in position on the stranger's wrists and the girl holding fast to her collar. She couldn't move, because she didn't want to, locked in place by the vibrancy of the stranger's eyes and the press of those curious ink black hands against her neck. The whorling colours were magnetic.
There was panic there, in the fire, and in the grip; a desperate clutching that choked Clarke uncomfortably, causing her to lean in even further. Beneath that panic there was pain, and not purely physical if the anguished expression on Katja's face were anything to go by. Clarke wanted to reassure the girl but found her lips unwilling to obey her. The longer she looked, the stronger the feeling that she was being enveloped; that the fire saw through her, burned into her and yet the sensation was neither particularly unpleasant nor unwelcome.
Katja, for her part, felt as though she were being pulled sharply from deep underwater into the freedom of air. Her lungs burned and her breath came in small sporadic gulps. There was a pinched, needling pain at her ribs that the weight of the body on top of her was dulling into a regular stabbing ache. The body on top of her….The body..on-..?
She finally blinked, swallowing her terror and refocusing from the nightmares she had left to the reality she had entered. She could feel the heat from the fireplace and the frantic beat of the Skaifisa's pulse against the back of her fingers. The blonde looked as petrified as Katja herself felt. Terrified and magnificent, lit from behind by the fire so that her golden hair wreathed her head like a halo. Proud features, strong and confident, clashed with the uncertainty she saw in the Skaikru's brilliant blue gaze.
Lewan's face appeared in the periphery, blurred and unreadable. She felt his fingers curl around her forearms and Clarke release her wrists. Her grip on Clarke's shirt, however, remained vice-like.
"Amin." He leaned further over, his beard inches from her face. "Amin let the fisa go. Yu ste klir."
Still she clung to the girl's shirt, though her features softened and she appeared to relax, using the opportunity of Clark's closeness to study the Fallen leader further. Clarke's apprehension was clear to her, but the sky blue that stared back was more curious now than fearful. Katja loosened her grip, allowing her fingers to flex against the blonde girl's neck and watching as Clarke reddened slightly in response.
It was tempting to use the contact to read Clarke's intentions. How much information could she gain? How valuable would it be to the Coalition? As she allowed the prickles of energy to gather along her fingers, Clarke shifted slightly and Katja saw Heda's dark outline behind her.
Katja tensed, slowly dropping her hands to the sheets and turning her head away, remembering the Commander's reaction to her similar attempt, and more jarringly, the injury she had inflicted on Ontari. Uninvited and unpleasant, two things she never thought her gifts would be. She had no desire for Clarke to despise her; to have to repeat the painfully slow process of winning back some measure of trust. Her faith in her abilities to control her own gifts was minimal. It was crushing.
"Mounin hou." Lexa spoke, eager to cut the tension. Her choice of words was no coincidence, mirroring the first conversation they'd ever had one-on-one. The barest ghost of a smile appeared briefly.
Katja just stared, brow furrowed. She scanned the Commander's face anxiously and struggled as though to sit. Both Clarke and Lewan simultaneously put a hand on her shoulder to prevent her from overexerting herself. She ignored them but lay still, focussed on Heda with an odd expression reminiscent of…pity?
"Amin," Lewan now, "how do you feel? Amin?"
Lexa barely managed to keep from squirming beneath the scrutiny, the burning emerald boring into her. She frowned and crossed her arms uncomfortably.
"A little rough Lewan, truth be told." Katja gave her head a small shake and chose to finally answer his question, giving as reassuring a smile as she could. "What happened? How long-"
"Rest, Amin, there will be time enough for explanation." The massive priest smoothed the dark hair from her face with surprising tenderness as a short fit of coughing interrupted her question. Each cough tightened the muscles of her abdomen, pulling at her stitches in a way that made her grimace. "Azgeda's treachery has been dealt with."
"And the girl? Ontari?"
The Commander flicked a quick look at Lewan that was not hard to interpret and Katja's heart sank. Only she knew fully what she had done to save herself in the arena, though she assumed Lewan had likely guessed. She didn't know how she would have made amends, if Ontari had still been alive when she woke, but she would have spent the rest of her life trying to erase the guilt that shackled her soul like a deadweight. Her hands burned at the memory and she squeezed her eyes closed. The images continued unabated.
"Center."
The kepa's quietly spoken command was like fresh balm on an ugly burn. He was as perceptive as she gave him credit for. She pushed away the images of Ontari's upbringing, her eagerness to please a brutal maternal figure, and her bitterness and jealousy. The beatings, the scars, all of it faded into the background as she levelled her breathing and focused on the sounds of the room around her. A sharp crackle from the blazing hearth, the creak of someone's leather armor, and the quiet rustle of the sheets as Clarke straightened the collar of her shirt.
"Klark kom Skaikru." She reopened her eyes and shifted to regard Clarke, who had been sitting quietly on the edge of the bed. "At last we are properly introduced. My apologies for startling you just now."
Properly introduced? Clarke took a moment to connect the oddly familiar voice with her encounter outside the Grounder camp before Mount Weather. The blonde let out a low chuckle.
"Nice to finally see your face, deserter."
Katja couldn't help but laugh, clutching her side and shaking despite her best efforts to lay still. She hadn't expected a sense of humour. The room had the atmosphere of a mortuary.
"Is it you I have to thank for this then?"
"No, everyone in this room has played a part," Clarke shook her head emphatically. "And without Lexa who knows how long you would have been out."
Katja snapped her attention back to the Commander, who barely suppressed a shiver. There was something different in the way the girl looked at her now, an emotion she couldn't quite identify but wasn't sure that she liked.
"We all did what needed to be done," was all Heda said about the matter. "There is much to discuss. But first you must rest. I will leave you in capable hands and return this evening, I have some other matters to attend to."
"Commander!" Katja extended a hand quickly towards the departing figure, but when Lexa turned with a frown of concern, all Katja could do was open and close her mouth like a fish out of water. There were so many thoughts, so many words that she wanted to say that they all froze uselessly in her throat. Only a name echoed repeatedly in her head but she knew well enough that now was not the time to utter it. Katja's hesitation caused Heda's frown to deepen as she turned and left the room.
The panic returned, sourced from a different well. The Commander needed to know. Lexa needed to know. Needed to know that she knew, before it came out in a setting that she couldn't control. What had happened? Why did she feel these things? Know these things?
"We have much to discuss Amin." Lewan now, his deep voice cutting through her spiralling thoughts.
She glanced at him and although his face was it's usual stoic mask, the flash of worry that she caught in his eyes before he buried it was concerning. Smoothing a hand through her tangled curls, Katja inhaled deeply.
"Tell me everything."
—
Later that day, when the sun was long set, the Commander returned to the room to check in. To Heda's relief there was more colour in the girl's cheeks, to her lips, and more energy to her movements as she beckoned Lewan to the bedside to help her sit.
"How are you feeling?"
"Like I've been bludgeoned to a pulp. Which is still a vast improvement over this morning." Katja attempted a smile, but every time she met the Commander's eyes a disconcerting combination of nausea and anxiety struck. She'd had all day to think about how to approach this, and still had no better idea other than being direct.
"I'll take that as a positive then."
"I have filled the Amin in as much as I could on the happenings since the Trial, Heda." Lewan bowed his head and clasped his hands in front of him. "I assume there are things to discuss that are pressing, particularly in the next few days."
"She's just regained consciousness after being run through with a sword!" Clarke's tone was incredulous. "Surely to god this can wait until at least morning…"
"Every minute lost at this point is precious Klark." Lexa shook her head. "The Skaikru delegation is due to arrive in a week's time, and there are internal matters that need to be addressed before then. She must be ready. She must be fit, and most importantly she must be seen. If we lose this momentum we may never regain it."
Nyko stepped up beside Clarke, looking as though he was ready to protest, but a large hand on his shoulder stayed his tongue. Lewan merely shook his head.
"Enough, please. My patience has recovered even less that my wounds." Katja raised a hand briefly to silence the impending argument over her own wellbeing. "I am well enough for conversation my friends, and would speak to the Commander alone. Please all of you go and seek rest, you have been attentive to my every sneeze and shudder for days and I fear you look more worse for wear than I do."
Clarke frowned deeply, clearly against the suggestion. At the soft touch of the girl's hand coming to rest lightly on top of her own, the blonde looked down, watching those inky fingers curl gently into her palm and give a reassuring squeeze.
"You have done all you can Klark. I swear if I experience any new discomfort I will send for you immediately. Rest now, and come to visit me tomorrow if you wish, I'm sure you have many fascinating stories to save me from the boredom of being bedridden." Katja offered a small smile, and was happy to see if returned.
"Tomorrow then. Twenty questions." Clarke was exhausted, bone-tired, and somehow the permission of the injured girl in her care was the final push she needed to acknowledge that her body needed a proper night's sleep. "Commander do not keep her up too late."
The Skaifisa did not even cast a glance at Heda as she spoke, instead gathering her things and with a look to Lewan and Nyko, the three left the room as a group.
Katja was somewhat relieved when Lexa took a seat in the chair, rather than hovering protectively over the bed. The distance made the awkwardness of the upcoming conversation feel less acute. She watched as the Commander settled, crossing one long leg smoothly over the other and leaning back into the cushioning.
"Heda."
"Amin."
"I…" Katja's thoughts froze, unable to pinpoint a comfortable entry into what she needed to say. The urge to blurt it out in one long stream of confession was incredibly strong and yet a part of her knew the damage that that approach would cause. Instead she cleared her throat and waded into safer territory. "Lewan tells me that the Clanless have become more brazen?"
The Commander blinked. Whatever she had expected Katja to say it certainly hadn't been that. Uneasiness and hesitation had flickered across the girl's features in a way that told Lexa the Clanless was not the topic that was top of mind.
"Yes, they have been quite daring. News of Nia's death spread quickly from the capital and the North, perceived as weak, has been raided and harried relentlessly for the past week. Thankfully they do not seem equipped to deal with the bitter cold of Azgeda, and so they do not remain long. Once Roan returns and asserts his rule I expect things to quiet down."
"Still, my understanding is that they've always stayed somewhat on the fringe. To attack a member of the Kongeda seems out of character."
"Perhaps, but my scouts have brought news that they appear to have a new leader, more bold and charismatic than the last. They have also found evidence that it was the Clanless that caused the explosion in our camp on the way back to Polis."
Katja quirked a brow in surprise. "As an organized group they would seem to pose more of a threat."
"The power void at the head of Azgeda, even for the days it took to bring Roan to the capital, gave them opportunity to further resource themselves. They will, however, be dealt with." Heda's confident statement came despite the fact that she was idly tracing the grooves in the wooden arm of the chair, a nervous tick that Katja had noticed even in their brief interactions. "I-…I do not think I ever properly thanked you. For killing the Azplana…for saving my life. It almost cost you your own."
"And now you have saved mine. Whatever debt there may have been is now more than repayed."
"I did very little, it was Cl-…"
"I know what you did. The risk you took." Katja lowered her eyes, the shifting green of her irises still visible beneath her lashes. "You should not have, but I am thankful that you did."
"The choice was a simple one to make." There it was again, that nervous pause in the girl's normally silken speech. Lexa narrowed her eyes and gestured towards Katja. "Speak your mind."
"I beg your pardon Heda?"
"There was no need to clear the room in order to discuss commonly known politics." A wry smile spread across the Commander's lips. "If you have something to say to me, say it."
Katja swallowed heavily and drew herself into a more upright sitting position. Her stomach churned from a combination of the movement and the new topic of conversation. "You are a…" She licked her lips and took a quick sip from the glass of water at her bedside. "You are a strong person Heda, stronger, I believe than anyone will even know."
"I had put you above idle flattery Amin." Lexa narrowed her eyes again, unsure of the direction this was headed.
"The path to the command is brutal, unforgiving, and cruel for all who seek it." Katja plowed forward as though the Commander had not even spoken, knowing that if she paused now, she may would not regain the courage to resume her train of thought. "The honour, the duty, it is a heavy weight to be borne and it is not done without suffering. Few would have even the slightest concept of what that has meant for you. But I know. I know things that I should not."
"What do you know of it?" Lexa felt her toes curls unconsciously in her boots. Nothing good could come from this. She fought to keep the snarl out of her voice at the stranger's presumptuousness. "What could you know?"
"I know," Katja closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "that you can no longer remember your parents' faces, only the fear and confusion of being ripped away from them and sent here to Polis."
"I know that although successful at the Conclave, you still see them, the natblida that you killed, in your nightmares. They wake you regularly, their black-smeared faces rotted and accusing."
"And I know of the sorrow inflicted upon you by the Ice Nation…" She lifted her head to meet the Commander's startled glare, "…of…Costia."
Heda was on her in a second, the razor sharp blade of her dagger pressed against the pale skin of Katja's throat. "How dare you speak that name to me! You know nothing. Nothing!"
Katja winced but did not flinch. "I know only portions, perhaps the strongest memories. I can see them, I can feel them." Her features twisted into a tormented grimace and she could no longer hold eye contact, instead looking to the wall behind the Commander. "The delivery, that day…I…she was…"
With the infusion of Lexa's blood, along had come the less tangible fabric that made up the young woman before her. Heda's past, her victories, her failures, her heartaches, they had all flooded in unbidden like a river overflowing its banks. Among the successes and the joys there was a constant underlying thread of monumental sadness and sifting through the feelings again now, Katja struggled not to reach out and embrace the Commander. Instead she twisted her hands into knotted fists in the sheets.
It was all Lexa could do not to thrust the dagger into that vulnerable neck. Anything to stop the words, which were an assault she had little defense against. How could this girl know these things? Personal, dangerous things, some of which she had never shared with another living soul. Things that if shared could be used against her by her enemies. She found herself at a disadvantage and a low growl sounded her displeasure.
"She was beautiful, even in death."
"Stop."
"Diamonds you could have given her, rich and glittering, but she preferred the dull reddish-brown of garnet, so common to the hills around Polis that you can scoop it up by the handful in some areas. On her they looked anything but common—"
"I said stop." What was meant to be a command whispered from between Lexa's lips like a plea. She fought the flood of emotion as best she could, gritting her teeth against the tears she could feel pooling along her eyelids. "Enough."
"Do you think that I wanted this?!" Katja's voice was choked. "Do you not think, if I could, that I would unsee it? Her face has been haunting me since I woke. I did not ask for this. I did not, but it has happened and I could not keep it from you." She took a moment to breathe, her voice returning to its normal measured calm. "I would not keep it from you Heda. Please, if I had intended to harm you with this knowledge I would have kept silent, kept it secret."
Lexa's nostrils flared but she said nothing, her mind whirling far too fast for a single thought to coalesce into something useful. Who had she spoken to? Who could she have told? Who was she working for? "I have killed for far less than this."
"You are, as I said, stronger than most give you credit for. I did not need your blood to know this Heda. I felt it far from here, months ago. I have watched and listened and I see the hope that you have brought to your people. This changes nothing."
Lexa arched a brow as though she strongly disagreed. There was a wariness that had returned to her features that Katja wished desperately to erase. Slowly, deliberately, a hand reached up to wrap around the Commander's wrist, steadying the blade. The other rose further, and with the soft pad of a thumb, gently wiped at a tear that had gathered along Heda's lower lashes.
"Not everything is strength or weakness Commander. Not everything can be so easily labelled as black or white." Katja's thumb smoothed across Lexa's cheek, lingering briefly along her jaw. "Some things just are, and have been, since the beginning of memory. To know them is to be human. To fear them is akin to fearing the wind."
She couldn't breathe. Heda had fought tremendously hard to push these things deep beneath the surface. To drown them in duty and honour and expectation. The vice squeezed tighter around her chest and Lexa could do nothing other than to stare into the flickering green, and to watch those maddeningly beautiful lips softly voice her innermost turmoils.
It was too much. This girl was too much, with her words and her touch and her beliefs. Costa was too much. Her parents, whom she hadn't thought of in years…too much. The panic translated into a sort of paralysis and the warrior that prided herself on her ability to act confidently and decisively remained frozen, pinned beneath the weight of feelings she hadn't allowed herself to feel in some time.
"It would be a shame to forget," Katja continued, pushing the dagger down and away from her throat, "that beneath the figure of the Commander there is also Lexa. Just like, as I said when first introducing myself, beneath the titles and trappings of the 'Kovakeryon there is also just me. Lexa and Katja have as much, if not more to bring to the table in the times to come as their formal counterparts. Their experiences make us stronger."
"Emotions are weakness. They cloud judgment."
"Funny. I hear the Fleimkepa's words, but your voice." Katja shook her head, her fingers still clasped around Heda's wrist. "Repression is weakness. Repression is the denial of a truth, be it pleasant or not, and it will kill a part of you as surely as any disease."
Lexa merely blinked, unable to look away. Her heart was racing, out of sync and speed with its surroundings and yet there was little she could do to slow it. There was a knot working its way into her stomach, warm and insistent, the meaning of which was beyond Lexa's current capacity for understanding. Her grip on the dagger was so firm that her knuckles were white and she felt Katja's hand slide to cover them.
"Sheathe the blade Commander. Let us talk." Katja gave Heda's hand a gentle squeeze and dropped her eyes, fully aware of their effect on people. The way that Lexa was looking at her, picking apart her expressions and intentions, was uncomfortable.
To Katja's relief, the Commander relented, twisting her wrist out of Katja's hand and returned the blade to its sheath. The girl kept her eyes down, hearing, rather than seeing, Heda return to the nearby chair.
"How much did you see….do you know?"
"It is like the dreams: patchy, quick glimpses, phantom feelings." Katja's cheeks burned. "So more than I should have, but perhaps not as much as you think. Certainly not as clearly or thoroughly as you might be imagining Heda."
The pink of Katja's face made Lexa's eyes widen. It hadn't even occurred to her to consider what might have been picked up outside of confidential politics and plans. She wet her lips nervously and swallowed, focussing on a single tile on the floor. "I see."
"I…there…hmm," Katja struggled to piece together a sentence that would not further embarrass either of them and failed miserably. There was no need to make this any more awkward than it already was, particularly given some of the more recent emotions she had picked up. The Commander would be mortified. "I wish that you had shared some of these things with me willingly. It was not particularly enjoyable to learn them this way."
"And it would have been enjoyable if I had told you?" Lexa's brow quirked.
"That would depend on exactly what we were discussing, I'm afraid." Katja was lost in thought, staring steadily at an imagined spot on the bedsheets. "Some I could do without knowing at all, others…well, they remain to be seen."
Heda gave an exasperated sigh at the vagueness of the response, snapping Katja out of whatever train of thought she had been immersed in. When the Amin finally met her questioning stare, Lexa felt her insides twist abruptly. There was something dangerous in the look she received, the irises once light and sparkling now deep, dark, and brooding.
"Do you ever simply just answer a question?"
"Not if I can avoid it Heda." A flash of perfect teeth.
"Mm."
And with that they reached an uneasy sort of truce, neither willing to discuss the matter further but neither making move to end the conversation for the evening. After several minutes of quiet, it was the Commander that broke the silence.
"May I ask you something?" Lexa rested her elbows on her knees, her hands dangling loose between them. It had the effect of making her look at ease, which was the exact opposite of how she felt at the moment.
"Of course Commander."
"It has been a mystery to me how, during all that time outside the city, you managed to avoid my scouts, remain unseen and yet know my army's every move."
The subject change was obvious and somewhat abrupt but Katja, grateful for the segue, clumsy though it was, let it pass. "We all have our secrets Heda."
"A secret for a secret," Lexa straightened her shoulders. "I think that is only fair."
Katja bit at her lower lip, uncertain. A moment passed, and then two. She could feel Lexa's eyes burning into her, challenging her to refuse. "Revelations have not been kind to me in the capital Commander. I pray you'll forgive my hesitance."
There was no break in Lexa's stone-faced stare; no pity, no care, no weakness. Katja shifted awkwardly to rest higher against the pillows, tucking the blankets down about her waist. Slowly, her inked fingers worked at the knotted tie that closed the neck of her tunic, loosening and spreading the fabric so that both shoulders were nearly entirely exposed. In the firelight, the silvery outlines of the two ravens danced and shifted as though they were alive.
Lexa found herself leaning unintentionally forward, her eyes tracing the arch of one bird's wing along the absurdly delicate curve of a collarbone. As the girl breathed, slowly and steadily, the lines shimmered and burned.
"It is these that allowed me to observe you unseen Heda." Katja crossed her hands and let her fingertips fall against the ravens, left hand to right bird, right hand to left bird. "They are my eyes and ears when I cannot risk being spotted myself."
"I do not understand."
"Please open the doors," Katja gestured to the balcony doors with a nod, "and it will become clear."
Lexa hesitated, equal parts curious and cautious. "The air is very chill, Amin. I do not think that your Kepa would much appreciate me risking you catching your death of cold." Truthfully her concern was less for the girl's wellbeing and more about her own unease.
"Do not tell him Commander, and he will not know." A grin appeared unexpectedly, curling the corners of Katja's mouth mischievously.
There was an excitement in Katja's voice that made the Commander wary and yet still she found herself turning to move towards the balcony. She kept one hand on her sheathed sword while the other turned the knob and flung open the right hand door.
There was nothing.
Lexa counted to ten.
"Was that some kind of jo—," she started, but was quickly cut off by the sounds of a quickly approaching racket.
A great flapping of wings signalled the arrival of the ravens, their dark forms flitting smoothly in through the open door to alight on Katja's shoulders. The Commander was forced to duck frantically to avoid being clipped as they careened by her head, a raucous caw her only warning.
One bird sat on each shoulder, each clearly thrilled to see their caller again as they preened and head butted her in excitement. Katja laughed, the warm, contented sound appearing to soothe her feathered companions.
"May I present the ravens, Commander. Insufferably clever, and exceedingly good at getting both into, and out of, trouble." She scratched the left bird under the chin and was rewarded with a clacking of its beak. "I have missed you too my friend."
"I have had them since I was very young. They had fallen out of their nest, tiny and helpless. The other children were poking at them with a stick, laughing at the pathetic noises they made." As though it understood what was being said, one of the birds ruffled its feathers and let out a caw. "I took them home and did the best I could. Everyone thought I was mad, until the first lines of the natshana markings began to appear."
"You call them? They listen to your commands?"
Katja shook her head, the black waves of her hair blending with the feathers of the ravens. "The bond is very strong, but I do not command them, they do not belong to me. It is not my right. They are more like — willing companions. They do come if I call, but I suppose there could come a day that they do not."
"Are they…real?" For Heda, the appearance of the ravens out of thin air at the Amin's call suggested perhaps a more mystical origin. "Do they exist outside of your presence?"
"They are quite real Commander. I imagine they spend the majority of their time doing whatever it is that ravens do. I am unfortunately not an expert on birds." The grin returned.
"Do they speak to you?" Lexa kept her distance, leaning as casually as she could against the far wall.
"Not so much in words no. Images, sounds. They communicate what they see or have seen."
"How?"
"If I focus," Katja closed her eyes as she spoke, "I can see and feel through them. They become my eyes and allow me to observe freely without placing myself in danger. No one pays any mind to ravens. I can also read them by touch, much like the images and memories I have gotten from you Heda."
The left bird hopped from her shoulder to the bed, spreading its wings and flying to perch on one of the large metal wall sconces. Katja chuckled and reopened her eyes. "They do not like you."
"Like me?"
"Mhmm…you must remember, they witnessed what happened on the road to Polis. They are loyal to me."
"I supposed there is much to dislike." The Commander stared back at the raven, looking somewhat chagrined. Even the wildlife had seen her act a coward and were holding her accountable for it.
"And much more to admire," Katja's smile was genuine. "They will come around in time."
"You have a lot of faith in me."
Katja shrugged, petting the head of the second raven. "I would not be here if I did not Heda."
"Why? Why ignore how you were treated, why this blind belief in the ability of the Coalition to bring peace?"
"No belief is ever really blind Commander. We may not know its source but it does have one. How do you know that you are the true leader of the Clans?"
"That is different, the Flame chose me, as it does every Commander."
"It did. After you completed your training and won victory at the Conclave. The Flame does not influence those events, it selects what is presented to it: the strongest of the clan natblidas. The most capable."
"The Flame did not pursue the creation of the Coalition. It did not inspire a mass of lawless, troubled people to come together in the hopes of something better…you did that. Not it. You give yourself far too little credit, Lexa kom Trikru. It is as endearing as it is frustrating."
Lexa shifted uncomfortably, straightening from the wall and clasping her hands behind her back. "You do not believe in the power of the Flame then? I find that very odd given your position."
"Oh no Heda, I believe very strongly in its power. But that power is fuelled by the potential of its bearer. In you it has a near limitless supply. That is not flattery, that is the truth that I see."
A small shiver travelled its way up Katja's spine as a particularly cold gust of air swept through the room. She patted the raven on her shoulder and motioned for the other to return to her side so that she could do the same. Nothing was said but after a moment both birds gave one last caw and hopped from the bed across the floor to the balcony. In the blink of an eye they were gone, their dark forms fading quickly into the night sky.
The Commander, just as happy to have the unsettling creatures gone, moved immediately to close the doors, double-checking the latches against further visitors.
"A secret for a secret Commander. As agreed."
Lexa gave a barely perceptible nod.
"I am sorry, as I said, for what has happened." Katja looked down at her hands settled in her lap. "It seems I have very poor control over my abilities where you are concerned. I doubt this could have been predicted even if I had been conscious. Everything with you is magnified, greater somehow, and it is like nothing I've felt before. It is overwhelming, intoxicating and, if I'm honest, more than a little terrifying."
"I am overwhelming?" Heda snorted derisively as she paced slowly in the direction of the door. "I who have neither special gifts or nor exceptional abilities…am overwhelming. I could not even save you from a traitor's blade."
"Ah, but you most certainly did. Perhaps not in the arena but afterwards, with a gift more precious than most." Katja's next look was probing. "You were concerned for me."
"I was." Lexa hesitated before approaching the edge of the bed. "Of course. I knew the Azplana to be capable of many things but I never foresaw that level of viciousness and cunning. I could only imagine being written into history as the Commander who, after meeting the first 'Kovakeryon in generations, got her killed within a week in the capital."
Katja made a noncommittal noise in response. Titles and duties, never names and people. The glimpses of the girl behind the command were frustratingly brief. Every time she felt she had made progress, Heda slammed the door closed, returning to a professional sort of neutrality that made Katja's head ache.
"Tomorrow I have matters outside the city to attend to but I will return as soon as possible to discuss the feast in your honour, and the Skaikru arrival."
"Feast in my honour?"
"As victor in The Trial of Three you have earned your seat on the Council, and as my advisor. The people were most impressed with your skill in the arena." I was most impressed. Lexa's cheek burned where Katja had soothed it earlier. She shoved the unbidden thought from her mind. "They are eager to toast their champion."
"You need me visible."
"Times have been challenging, there has been little enough to celebrate. A bit of positivity might do a great deal of good."
"I will throw the Skaikru off balance."
Heda allowed herself a chuckle. "Remind me never to underestimate you in any sort of arena, political included. Yes, I imagine you will be quite the distraction. I hope too that you will be able to offer an unbiased perspective on the proceedings."
"I will endeavour to be at my most distracting Commander." Katja flashed a grin, a playfulness flickering back in the swirling green. "And I encourage you to continue to underestimate me, your surprise has become a bit of a guilty pleasure."
She was rewarded with an open-mouthed stare from Heda, and barely contained her smirk. The Commander caught herself quickly, clearing her throat and smoothing the red sash over her shoulder.
"It is late. I shall leave you to rest." Lexa herself was beyond tired. The complexities of the capital itself were taxing at the best of times. This whole debacle drove it to bone deep exhaustion.
"Of course Heda. You must also be weary. Safe travels tomorrow, wherever your business takes you. I will await your return." The door to Lexa slammed closed once more. Katja gave up.
"Thank you. For the talk and the company Commander." Katja bowed her head briefly. "I feel that my secret, these ravens, pales in comparison to the unwelcome intrusion I have made into your private thoughts. Your secrets are, however, safe with me. I swear it. You will not regret your decision to save me."
The Commander paused mid-step towards the door, glancing back over her shoulder with an unreadable expression. "Let us hope that I do not."
