When Blaine reaches the room he heads straight into the washroom, having not been aware of his desperation until he considers it. He can't remember when the last time he was allowed to use the toilet, for once thankful he isn't fed much solid food.
With that need dealt with, he next heads into one of the showers, taking his time despite the cold spray. He washes his hair twice through, his unruly curls making him miss the gel and expensive shampoo he used to own.
He has been fairly lucky so far – if you could call it that – as he hasn't really been missing his home until now. His mind being too preoccupied with making it through the next hour unharmed, even when his mind had the time to wonder it never strayed far from thoughts of what's to come. His chest tightens, making breathing harder. Unable to see clearly through the tears starting to cloud his eyes, he fumbles in turning off the shower. Leaning back against the wall he slowly slides down, crouching on the floor; standing requiring more energy than he has to spare.
He wonders what his family is doing right now. He reckons it must be around 7pm, so they would likely all be sat in the dining room eating Mom's home cooked meal. He can almost smell her famous apple pie. Hunter let slip this morning that it was a Friday, meaning his older brother would also be home for their family meal. No one (from his immediate family) had ever missed their Friday night dinner until he was marked a sub. Blaine's insides curl up, feeling guilty. He wonders if they are sombre over the absence of him, or acting as though he never existed in the first place – after all, that is what the OSO advises family to do. Blaine and his father did not always have the best of relationships, especially not after Blaine had come out as gay, but his Dad wasn't outright horrid towards him. Cooper may be a self-absorbed ass at times, but Blaine would trade anything to hear another sarcastic comment or inappropriate innuendo. Blaine would often have bruises for days after these Friday meals, Cooper having been kicking and pinching him the whole time. Rubbing his arms, he misses those bruises.
As for his Mom, it could be one of two things. She liked to take the simple path, so she could have easily decided to forget about him, or she would have turned to alcohol to force herself to forget, drowning her worries. Blaine hopes it's the former, it would be much better for the others. He misses his mother's cooking. Nothing would ever compare to her home cooked meals. His stomach growls at the thought.
Blaine slumps the rest of the way down to the floor, defeated.
His grandparents have probably erased all evidence of him. They were traditional Christians, believing Blaine to be sinful due to his sexuality. Was sinful, he corrects. They wouldn't be talking about Blaine in present tense – even Blaine shouldn't be, he is no longer Blaine, now he is 5226. His grandparents may have kept up a good charade while Blaine's Mom was about, but their hate towards him was still as clear as day. As strange as it sounds, he still misses them. He could cope with their torment much easier than the guards.
They would no doubt think his new position in society is exactly what he deserves.
Blaine looks up, eyes tracing patterns through the ceiling tiles and fingers dancing with each other to prevent them balling into fists. He wonders what has happened to all his stuff. He misses his bow ties. His navy letterman jacket. Playing sports. His old boxy TV. Even the seven O'clock news, simply knowing what is happening in the outside world. It feels as though all that really exists to him is the dull compound walls, and temporarily Hunter's house. He misses the feel of a breeze, the smell of freshly cut grass. It's been a while since he just stopped to watch the clouds. Or the amazing colours of a sun set. He would often stay up, sitting on his window ledge and watching the sun dip below the horizon.
Someone he loved could have died, and he has no way of ever knowing. The guards have total control of his life, they get to decide what he knows and what is kept from him. And he knows they wouldn't tell him something unless they could use it as manipulation.
He wonders what all his friends are doing; probably practicing singing for the Warblers. Blaine misses singing whenever he feels like it. They would be texting each other with new songs to try out, be it for competition or simply fun, seeing how well it fit their voices and style. Blaine never did manage to get the council to agree to a second Katy Perry number.
So much for Blaine's dreams of performing on the big Broadway stage. His dreaming has been rerouted to belonging to a Master who is kind, doesn't rape him – or at least is gentle during it – and lets him have a little bit of personal free time. It seems more unlikely than becoming the biggest Broadway star.
He wonders if the staff at the small café near his home know what happened. His parents wouldn't have told them. Heck, they probably still don't know that he spent hours down there, chatting to all the staff and even helping the manager's daughter with her homework. His heart aches, he will miss that girl considerably. The family probably thinks he must have just disappeared off the face of the earth. What he would give to be able to go back in time and say good bye to everyone.
It was a mistake to go without a farewell, or at least an explanation. He sighs. It is by far his biggest regret so far.
He wonders if he will even survive the year. He drops his head into his hands, too heavy to hold up on his own. A sinking feeling comes over Blaine as he thinks of… what would happen if he doesn't make it?
He rapidly tries to blink back the tears; he can't let anyone see how weak he feels.
Eventually he stands up straight, shaking it off, getting back some composure. How he wished he could've boxed to help control his emotions quicker; it has always worked before.
He heads to the sinks, splashing cold water on his face, wishing there was a mirror in the room - that way he would know if his eyes are still red or if he is fine to exit out into the cage room. Shivering from the cold shower, having sat unmoving in the left over water, he bounces on the balls of his feet getting the blood flowing again. He was lucky no one came in while he was having his minor breakdown, but he is starting to push his luck.
Waiting a couple of minutes longer, he hopes it is enough to be able to pass as 'fine', before leaving the wash room and heading to sit with his temporary friendship group.
"You alright dude?" Nick asks before Blaine can even properly seat himself.
"Yeah," he replies with a shrug of his shoulders. Thankfully, Nick doesn't push further. He sits silently, trying to catch up with the topic of conversation. It doesn't take too long to realize that in fact they are brainstorming lyrics, inspired by him.
"Puppy Blaine? Ready to listen to my-our song?" Brittany asks. "It's not yet a chart topper, but it's my first go!" She announces. Tina starts clapping out a beat, Brittany singing lead and Nick singing harmonizing back up.
You're the only one, who gets special care
My cock, my cock
Sayin', "What's up?"
To my cock, my cock
More of a friend than a silly pup
My cock
You know what it is
Sayin', "What's up?" To my cock (ahh)
I'm sayin' "What's up?" To my cock (ahh)
I'm sayin' "What's up?" To my cock (ahhhh)
Blaine doesn't know how to react. Part of him is shocked at simply how bad the song is, but a bigger part of him wants to laugh at the absurdity, and thank his friends for attempting to cheer him up. He claps.
"Umm. That's a lot of cock?" He jokes. Nick laughs as though that comment is the most hilarious thing he has ever heard. The sub house appears to be draining any sense of normality out of them all. Brittany however looks seriously insulted.
"It was only a first run. And I bet you can't come up with any other words!" Blaine takes this as a challenge, completely distracting himself from his earlier meltdown.
"Okay. Umm, Penis. Dick Umm." Ok, that's harder than he thought.
"Schlong." Tina inputs. "Trouser snake. Knob. Johnson."
"Tina is much better Blainey boy!" Nick laughs. Blaine sends him a glare.
"Love rod. Your turn." Blaine challenges.
"Ok. Prick. Brittany?"
"Rod of pleasure." Blaine gives a confused glance at the girl, but doesn't question it further.
"Shaft." Tina states.
"Wand."
"Always a Harry Potter reference with you isn't there!" Nick chuckle. "Umm, Tallywacker."
"Ding dang doodle," Brittany announces. The group sets into a rhythm, each in turn giving a word. Private eye, sausage, weenie, junk, manhood, dragon, beaver basher, baby-maker.
"Umm," Tina thinks. "I'm out, I can't come up with any more." She frowns.
"Oh? Is this a competition?" Brittany askes curiously.
"It can be. Blaine?" They continue, no longer waiting for an answer from Tina. Cum gun, candle, dickie, disco stick. Nick runs out of ideas, leaving only Brittany and Blaine left competing for the title of 'knows most words for dick'. Flesh tower, groin, little bob, old fellow, meter long king kong dong, piston, mayo shooting hot dog gun.
"How on earth can I better that?" Blaine objects, laughing. "I give up."
"Does that mean I win?" Brittany asks. Blaine nods. "YAY!" She starts doing a little bum wiggle in celebration. Tina leaves with a chuckle, heading into the washroom with Brittany not far behind.
"Seriously Blaine, what's wrong?" Nick asks in a hushed whisper. Blaine must have not made himself as presentable as he hoped. At least not enough that his best friend couldn't tell.
"Nothing."
"What's he been making you do?" Nick persists.
"Just stuff. It's mainly been sitting in the corner of his office not doing anything," Blaine shrugs.
"I don't believe you," Nick counters.
"Honestly," Blaine turns to look at Nick, "It's been sitting around while Hunter does stuff, and then occasionally fetching things."
"So why do you look so dead? Like you have given up already?" He accuses. Blaine sighs, realizing Nick is not about to drop it.
"It's. It's Sophia."
"Sophia? Who on earth is that?" Nick snapped.
"She's Hunter's personal sub. She is, well, she is a bitch. She doesn't like me. I thought you know, there would have been some solidarity between all us subs, but there really isn't. Her biggest concern is that Hunter likes me more, which means he will get rid of her, making me the enemy."
"She likes being with Hunter?" Nick asks confused. Blaine shakes his head.
"Supposedly the unknown is worse. I guess I agree. At least you know exactly what that person expects from you, but if you get sold on then your new Master could be ten times worse, you can't know." Nick doesn't look convinced. "And I don't like being fed-"
"What's wrong with eating? Surely the food is better!" Interrupts Nick.
"Well, kind of. But Hunter always makes me eat out of his hand, like a pet." To Nick's credit, he looks appalled.
"Well you should stand up to him! I don't care what anyone says, we are all still human!" Blaine shakes his head, remembering Sophia's punishment for not waking Hunter up on time. "What?" Nick asks, having been able to recognize Blaine's expression.
"It's different with Hunter than it is here. The sub house seems to have its limits, albeit not huge ones. Hunter wouldn't think twice about beating a sub within an inch of their life. I don't think he would hit me, but probably use you or Sophia to punish me."
"What's going on Blaine?" Nick demands, sensing the boy is hiding something.
"Yesterday, Sophia didn't hear Hunter's alarm so wasn't ready to service him in the morning. When we got back last night." Blaine shakes his head, unable to say it out loud. "The things he did, the things he said," he pauses, deciding to skip over exactly what happened. "I can't believe she was still alive. And for the last twenty-four hours she has been locked in a cage in the dungeon." Blaine watches a visible shudder travel through Nick. "And he made me put her there. And I don't know if she will still be alive when we go back. And there is absolutely nothing I can do other than try and be the perfect sub. But in doing that it will only make it worse for her. And I don't know what to do!" He almost shouts.
"Blaine," Nick whispers, leaning forwards and taking him into a comforting hug. Blaine falls into the embrace, needing the support.
"It's… it's," he stutters. "I knew it would be bad, being a sub. But… I-I was not exp-expecting this!" He says between gasps. "I miss home. I miss fre-freedom. I m-miss simply be-being a teenager. This, this isn't living! What is the point of me even being alive right now!"
"Shh," Nick calms. Blaine didn't realize how loud he had gotten, everyone in the room now listening to his words. Blaine snuggles further into his friend's arms, exactly the same as how he used to as a child with Cooper.
"I, I don't want this anymore Nick." Blaine stays like that in Nick's arms for a considerable amount of time. He is very surprised Hunter has not yet come to collect him. Tina and Brittany re-joined them, not mentioning anything about Blaine's position and instead the three friends having a conversation as though Blaine isn't even present.
"Blaine?" Brittany calls. "You look like an adorable poodle." At first Blaine is insulted, but when he looks around and sees the sincere look on the girls face he realizes she is simply trying to cheer him up. He smiles. Brittany takes this as an invitation and starts patting his hair. Blaine's first instinct is to shout at her, wasn't he just talking about wanting to not feel like some pet? But he holds his tongue, not wanting to upset the naive girl.
"It's like having good old snuggly Blaine back," Nick comments. It's true, he used to be the most cuddly and affectionate of the Warblers, always snuggling up to one of them during their late night movie marathons, even the straight guys.
"I want a Blaine cuddle!" Tina announces to the room, diving across their little circle – triangle – and tackling the two boys in a huge. Brittany seems to feel left out, as she joins in, announcing "Group hugs!" Blaine laughs from among the mass of naked limbs, surprisingly feeling comfortable despite the close proximity to boobs.
"Everyone needs Blaine cuddles sometimes," Nick shares once everyone breaks apart, "It makes everyone feel better."
"Thanks guys," Blaine smiles, feeling a little better than before.
"You need to remember, don't give in. It won't stop things from getting worse, but prevents them from getting better. Another, what, two or three more days with Hunter?" Blaine shrugs, not exactly knowing how long he has. "And then you will be back with us, and things will be easier. Don't give up, remember why you want to keep going. Then there is another forty-eight or so weeks and we will be with Jeff and Trent. It's hard to keep track of passing time…" Blaine shrugs.
"Forty-eight weeks is a long time," he complains.
"Survive forty-eight, live to see forty-nine." Tina inputs.
"Very true. It may be a long time, but you can still see the end. Then we will be back with our friends and families, I will be back with my boyfriend. It will be worth it. Yes, it won't be the same as before, but we will probably be fairly safe. You won't have to worry about those homophobes who attacked you. If they did that now they would be given a huge sentence. Doms don't touch subs that are not theirs, not without permission from their owner." Blaine doesn't feel convinced.
"Put your hand over your heart," instructs Brittany. Blaine obeys, albeit warily. "Can you feel your heart?" He nods. "That's called purpose. You are alive for a reason. You shouldn't ever give up."
Author's note: thanks everyone for sticking with me for this long! it means so much!
i would really appreciate it if you could please drop me a comment letting me know what you think about the story, and this chapter in particular. This is the first chapter i have been trying to get a bit of a deeper emotional reaction, and there are some I have planned in the future where (to me) it is even more important that you - the reader - feels the emotion of the characters. therefore, it would mean the world to me if you could let me know what you think so future chapters can be better. almost a like this was a trial run. Thanks again for reading, leaving comments + kudos, bookmarking and subscribing, and generally being a wonderful audience(/reader)!
