Back to Black
Deidara sat idly, his tongue toying with the straw in his mouth. The Dr. Pepper he was sipping on was terribly flat, and his mind couldn't seem to drift away from the conversation that had commenced between Tobi and himself the previous night.
It was hell, thinking about how much shit he put Tobi through, but how could he not?
Get a hold of yourself Deidara. Everything is fine. You are going to eat with Tobi, and then you can go home and sleep it all away. No worries.
Deidara heard the faint hum of Adele over the rabble of the restaurant and sighed. Of course they would play her. Like she didn't get enough attention already. She is insanely talented… but all her music sounds the same. Deidara sighed again and glanced absentmindedly at his watch, the iridescent blue 3:30 shining back at him. Where is Tobi…? He went to the bathroom ten minutes ago. Deidara's eyes scanned across the occupants of the restaurant. No one here looks of any importance really… Stop! Tobi wanted you to stop judging people. You need to work on that for him. It's the least you can do.
Deidara closed his eyes and leaned back against the booth. Suddenly, a faint voice floated into Deidara's ears, the voice vaguely familiar. He opened his eyes and scanned the room. At the door, speaking to the escort at the podium, Kakashi stood with Kisame. What the hell… why are they here… together?
Using every ounce of sheer will to suppress the urge to spy further, Deidara slipped in his headphones, the ear buds instantly stifling the din of the restaurant. Deidara focused intensely on his IPod, scrolling through his playlists, shuffling through songs, skipping around; anything to hold his attention away from the two men in the restaurant. Finally, settling on Amy Winehouse, Deidara turned the volume all the way up—ignoring the feeling of eminent deafness. The music was painfully loud, but the intensity of the volume was able to block out the emotional pain. We could get away from it all… But I can't leave her all alone.
"He left no time to regret, Kept his **** wet
With his same old safe bet…"
Deidara felt tears involuntarily well up in his eyes, but he bit his tongue with as much force as he could in order to prevent them from being shed. It wasn't like he had wanted anything to transpire between himself and Kisame; it wasn't like he had wanted Kakashi to force himself on him… His life just had a sick, twisted way of always taking turns for the bitter worst. Where the hell is Tobi…
"We only say goodbye with words
I've died a hundred times
You go back to her,
And I go back to us…"
"Deidara?" Kisame's voice pierced right through his headphone's thunderous volume, and Deidara felt his heart sink. He pretended not to hear him, suddenly finding his Dr. Pepper the most captivating thing on the earth.
"Deidara? Can you… oh. You have headphones in." Kisame took the liberty of removing the headphone from Deidara's left ear. "Can you hear me now?"
"Kisame?" Deidara said through grit teeth, acting surprised. "What are you doing here Shark Face?"
"Shark Face…?" Kisame asked, "That's a new one. Anyway, Kakashi and I came here to see if we couldn't find some sexy guys… but they might as well go home now that you are in here." Despite his hatred for Kisame, Deidara gave a genuine smile. Kisame always did know how to brighten up things. "So, what are you doing here? Oh! Check out my new shoes."
"Grabbing something to eat with Tobi…" Deidara trailed off noticing the only things on the table were his Dr. Pepper and Tobi's water.
"I see… well… they say empty plates are the latest food craze…" Kisame attempted to amend with the lame joke.
"Oh, we are going to eat. I'm just waiting on him to get back from the bathroom so we can order." Deidara decided to humor Kisame. He glanced down and looked at his shoes. Black converse with neon blue lacing. "Oh, by the way, nice shoes. Where did you get them?"
"Hot Topic," Deidara answered just as Kisame said the same words.
"I figured."
"Thank you for complimenting them though… Anyway, why are you waiting for Tobi?"
"I didn't want to order without him. It wouldn't seem right…" Deidara sighed. He didn't expect Kisame to understand. He didn't know what it was like between them.
"Oh, I can go check and see if he is in the bathroom… but, I warn you, if I do, Kakashi will probably come over here and talk to you. He has his heart set on you still. I keep telling him to give it up, but he is hell-bent on winning you over."
"Please go check," Deidara pleaded.
"What about—"
"—I am more than capable of handling myself," Deidara interjected. "Besides, if Kakashi genuinely loves me, I need to set him straight."
"Alrighty then," Kisame laughed, "I will be right back." Deidara's eyes never left Kisame as he quickly made his way to the bathroom. However, just as Kisame predicted, no sooner had Kisame closed the bathroom door behind him, Kakashi smoothly slid into the seat opposite Deidara.
"Ah, and may I ask why the hell you think you have the right to sit there?" Deidara said curtly.
"Look, I just want to talk—"
"If you are here to talk, you might as well get right back up and go back to where you were sitting. I have nothing to say to you."
"Deidara, please…"
"I don't care if you want me. I don't care if you love me. Hell, I don't care if you fucking need me to survive. The only feeling I have for you anymore is pity. That's it. Now, be a man for once in your life and walk away."
Kakashi stood up wordlessly, both his ice-blue and scarlet eye trained on Deidara.
"You won't even give me a chance." Kakashi began.
"I gave you a chance, and you stabbed me in the back. There is nothing between us." With that, Deidara slipped his other headphone into his ear.
"He loves blow and I love puff
And life, is like a pipe
And I'm a tiny penny rolling up the walls inside.
We only say goodbye with words
I've died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to black…"
Deidara saw a waiter, his warm smile a bit too over-zealous, approaching, and he quickly took his headphones out of his ears and shoved them into his pocket.
"Are you ready to order?" The man asked with a smile.
"No, my boyfriend isn't back from the bathroom," Deidara said bluntly.
"Boyfriend isn't here huh? Well, if you ever get lonely, I can always spend a little quality time with you." The waiter winked.
"Oh, now that you mention it, I might need something? Would you be willing to give me a refill?"
The waiter glanced at Deidara's drink which was still almost completely full.
"But you have…" Deidara dumped the contents of his glass onto the waiter's head. The entire restaurant fell silent.
"What part of boyfriend didn't register in your brain? Leave me alone."
The waiter flashed Deidara an angry looked, but, composing himself the best one can with Dr. Pepper soaked clothing, he leaned in close next to Deidara.
"It's fine. I don't mind. I love it when they try to fight back. It makes it just that much more interesting. I—"
Deidara punched the waiter square in the jaw, and he fell to the ground, his hand clutching his injured face.
"Get out of my sight." Deidara hissed. He knew he would regret it. You can't just get away with publicly displaying violence like that. But Deidara was the farthest thing from caring. And besides, the waiter had really pissed him off. He had enough trouble keeping people he knew away from him, but, a total stranger. That was the end of the line.
Where the hell is Kisame or more importantly, where is Tobi…? Deidara looked around. There was no sign of either Tobi or Kisame. If you want something done, you have to do it yourself… Funny, I always thought that was just something old people rambled on about when they went senile.
Deidara stood up, throwing down a 10 dollar bill for the two drinks—even though they didn't cost near that much, Deidara decided the change would serve as some sort of apology for the ass of a waiter.
Ignoring all the pairs of eyes trained on him, he casually made his way to the bathroom. He opened the door. The bathroom was empty…
What… that doesn't make sense… I saw Kisame walk in here… and Tobi went through the door like fifteen minutes ago…
He thought he heard a faint sound coming from one of the stalls, but he dismissed it. Deidara walked in front of the mirror and examined his reflection. He didn't wear makeup anymore—well, except for eyeliner and the occasional concealer—and his nails were polish free.
Heh, Tobi has changed me more than I realized I guess. Although, I really should paint my nails black. Deidara wore a slim-fitting black V-neck that hugged his body's naturally slim figure, and a pair of black skinny jeans. He was dressed to the utmost simplicity, and, to his surprise, he loved it.
"This isn't so bad, really." Deidara laughed aloud to himself. Two tight gasps came from the stall behind him. Deidara whirled around in shock. So someone is in here… I wonder who.
"Hello… Umm… Seeing as a must have missed them, have you by any chance seen a tall guy with black hair, red eyes, and pale skin… or, if you haven't seen him, have you seen a really tall guy with black hair, black eyes, and bluish skin…? Hello?"
No response.
Okay… no big deal. They haven't seen them… Wait… why the hell are two people in a stall…?
"Well…" Deidara eyes flickered down. He saw two pairs of feet. One of them wearing black converse with neon blue lacing…
"Dammit Kisame!" Deidara moaned. I ask you to go check and see if Tobi is in here, and you make out with some random person. You could have at least told me…"
Deidara threw open the stall door and stopped, his beating heart suddenly frozen in a cloak of permafrost. His mind clouded over, went fuzzy, and then went completely blank. His body felt like shaking—trembling actually—but Deidara knew it wouldn't betray him even if he wanted it to. His hands felt cold; no, the world felt cold. The breath was sucked from his brittle lungs, but he didn't need to breathe. He didn't need anything anymore. It was so painful, leaps and bounds past unbearable. He felt every single shred of light in his body, every last iota in his entire being, shatter and crumble to dust. The clarity of it all is what hurt the most; the fact that he couldn't tear his eyes from the scene before him.
Tobi and Kisame were in the stall, their bodies forced against each other due to the close confines. Deidara didn't even have to second guess what they had been doing.
He tried to form words, but his thoughts died before they could take flight from his tongue. He tried to think of something; a profound reason for this to happen, a reason that justified everything. But, despite every last figment and dream of his imagination, he couldn't even begin to create a false reality that could hide away the truth. And that was because the truth was before him, as plain as day. Tobi's scarlet eyes shone with remorse and something more, and Kisame's black eyes held only shame.
Deidara wanted to scream. He really did. But he knew better than to cause a scene. After all, he couldn't tarnish any of their reputations. That would be childish.
"I should have known better…" The words slipped out of Deidara's mouth. He couldn't stop them… though, in truth, he didn't want too.
"Deidara. Let me explain."
"Okay." Deidara said simply. Tobi was clearly surprised by his response.
"You… you will listen?" Tobi said slowly, as if this were all a dream.
"I didn't listen to you once… and look where that got me. I trust you Tobi, dangerously so. I am willing to hear what you have to say… But Kisame… get the fuck out of here. Now!"
Kisame quickly exited the stall and left the bathroom. In a moment, Tobi and Deidara were alone.
"I understand…" Tobi said, clearing his throat. "Okay, you remember during the truth or dare game, I had to sit on Kisame's lap…"
"Yes…" Deidara replied, his voice laden with exhaustion. I already don't like where this is going…
"Okay, after your breakdown three days ago, I went to Hot Topic. I wanted to get you something to… I don't know, make you smile. I saw Kisame working there, and I figured he would know what you liked, seeing as he works there with you. He gave me a few shirts, but he told me I should try them on the be safe… So he took me back to the dressing rooms."
"I see…" Deidara sighed deeply. "Continue." He was already fragmented… it didn't matter what Tobi said anymore. After all, you can't shatter a broken mirror; there is nothing left but millions of ugly reflections.
"Look, I know this seems bad. And it is. I betrayed you. I—"
"It's nothing I haven't done to you before." Deidara said bluntly. "Keep talking."
"Okay, after I took off my shirt to try one of them on, I sat down, and I jokingly asked Kisame to give me a lap dance. He winked at me and said 'Okay, I will repay the favor.' It seemed so meaningless at the time… The next day, you were still asleep, so I went back to the mall. This time, Kisame and I met during his lunch break. And… we kissed… I don't know why. I don't fucking know why. Suddenly, I felt so attracted to Kisame. Look, I'm sorry. I really am. I told him to meet me here because I am trying to get it out of my system. Deidara, I don't expect you to forgive me…"
"Forget it. You are forgiven." Deidara breathed. "Drive me home please."
"Deidara, you can't forgive me. I—"
"I've put you through more than enough shit; the least I can do is forget and forgive the one time you slipped up. Now take me home."
"To my house or…?"
"Your house. Where do you think?"
"I don't understand you… why are you—"
"I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF ALL THE SHIT THAT HAPPENS; I'M TIRED OF ALL THE SHIT THAT COMES BETWEEN YOU AND I." Deidara screamed, his emotions finally betraying him. "I WANT EVERYTHING TO BE FUCKING PICTURE PERFECT, AND I AM DONE DEALING WITH SHIT THAT RUINS WHAT WE HAVE. YOU AND I ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER, AND I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE THAT UP… not for anyone or anything… I love you Tobi… and, at least I think, you love me… Let's forget about the world…"
"We only say goodbye with words
I've died a hundred times
You go back to her,
And I go back to us…"
Emptiness. Oh yes, Deidara was accustomed to emptiness. Complete and utter emptiness. There isn't a thing left in the world to fight for, and, even if there was, you long ago lost the will. You merely accept it as inevitability. This darkness, void of any and all thought, had become a friend of Deidara's; no, more than a friend—practically a second nature. It was in the darkness, this profane half-existence, that Deidara finally found what is was he had been looking for. Coldness. Detachment. Numbness. Emotionlessness. The place in life where dreams died, and hope was swallowed up. But he wasn't afraid; in fact he welcomed it. The fathomless waters of oblivion swallowed Deidara in a sea of night, eternal blackness. His body, mind, and soul sank deep beneath the murk and gloom, and, when his lungs could no longer fight the darkness, the fluid night filled his heart as well…
Darkness… it's always so dark. Deidara winced as he felt a pain—or more accurately put, warmth—blossom in his chest. A heartbeat…Heh, I can't get away from him though… I can never get away. My heart will always come crawling back… Deidara closed his eyes, not that it changed a thing. This darkness was depthless… the infinite night. Tobi will save me… But what if I don't want to be saved… What if I want to be swallowed up…Forevermore…
Deidara awoke with a start, a cold sweat running down his face. He quickly pressed his hands to his face and wiped away the droplets of perspiration slowly trickling down his cheek.
Sitting up, he glanced to his side. Tobi was but a shapeless mass underneath the multitude of blankets. For some reason, it was always below 50 degrees in Tobi's apartment—Deidara had this theory that he kept it that cold so that he would be forced to cling to Tobi for warmth. He smiled, seeing Tobi's raven hair sprouting from beneath the blanket. It was almost peaceful…
The pain came back like a knife to the heart.
"Deidara, don't do this." Tobi pleaded. "Look, I understand the fact that I know next to nothing about you, the real you, but I am willing to go to hell and back to be there for you, whether you want me or not. And you want to know why? Because I fucking love you. More than anything on this entire earth. I would die trying before I let anything or anyone hurt you again… I hate to see you hurting like this. I hate to feel powerless—to watch you fall to pieces when I have no idea what is wrong. Do you know how that makes me feel, Deidara? It feels like shit. All I want to do is be there for you, but how can I do that if you keep pushing me away? I need you to realize that I am here, and I love only you… Deidara… I love you…"
A lie… that was all it was… a sweet, beautiful, twisted lie… Deidara doubled over, his teeth buried fiercely in his tongue the only thing preventing him from screaming. He had known about heartbreak. He was perfectly aware of the feeling. But this… this was different.
No one had ever told him it would manifest itself as physical pain.
Deidara leaped out of bed, silently hoping that his outburst of motion hadn't disturbed Tobi, but that was only a slight remorse lingering in his mind. He ran to the bathroom, not trusting himself to keep his grip on his composure. Tears blurred his vision, and his mouth felt dry and cracked. Throwing the door open, Deidara quickly closed and locked it before slumping to his knees in front of the toilet.
The vomit scorched his throat as it forced its way up from his stomach and rushed out of his mouth in a jet. Deidara blinked away more tears, trying to retain some modicum of vision, but it was pointless. He hadn't even accepted it until now, really; the words that were branded into his mind, lingering in his thoughts like an unwelcome stranger.
Tobi had cheated on him with Kisame…
It still felt like a dream. A sick, twisted, unimaginable dream. But Deidara was all too aware of his reality. And that was what hurt the most.
He knew that Tobi didn't slip up; he knew that there wasn't an accident. Tobi had meant to do what he did. And the worst part of it all, Deidara couldn't blame him.
Deidara's thoughts melted away as more vomit surged out from his throat. He arms were shaking, and he didn't trust his legs to support him should he try to stand up. He knew he looked awful—his eyes undoubtedly red and swollen from crying himself to sleep.
But his vanity overpowered his sorrow.
Forcing himself to stand, Deidara dragged himself over to the mirror, bracing himself for the utmost despair. He brushed a stray lock of hair from his face, tucking it behind his ear, and, inhaling deeply, Deidara opened his eyes to gaze into the mirror.
Scarlet veins threaded his eyes, which were black and bruised colored underneath, and his normally ice-blue irises seemed dull and glazed. His pupils were dilated, giving him a wild and crazed expression, which wasn't softened in any way by the gauntness of his face. His already pallid skin had a shadowed appearance, from lack of sleep and food no doubt. His hair was slightly greasy, and his full lips were torn and bleeding from being bitten. The remainder of his eyeliner, which he hadn't washed off the night before, was smudged under his eyelids, giving his already bruised complexion and even darker look.
Deidara couldn't help but laugh.
He had always made it a point to look his best no matter what he did. But, frankly, that didn't mean a fucking thing to him in this moment.
His stomach twisted in pain—the hunger finally sinking in—but Deidara knew if he even tried to eat anything he would just vomit it right back up. He knew his body couldn't go on like this. He hadn't eaten anything since his breakdown four days ago, and he was running himself into the ground trying to keep going on as if nothing had happened.
Coffee and a shower. That was the only thing Deidara could think to do. It wasn't much, but it was something; he needed something, anything to take his mind off of this razor-edged reality.
One step at a time. That was all he could do. The question was which she he do first. If he showered first, he risked waking up Tobi, and then he would have no choice but to talk to him as he made coffee. Alternately, he could make the coffee first, and, if the smell of it didn't rouse Tobi from his slumber, he could quickly shower, feign a headache, and go back to sleep, where the numbness would once again sink in.
Coffee it is then. Deidara quickly brushed his teeth to remove the sour taste of bile from his mouth before walking into the kitchen. He heard the faint chirping of birds outside the windows. The sound would ordinarily be bright and cheerful, but now it just sounded of darkness and despair. He poured the coffee grinds into the coffee maker, the warm, comforting scent of coffee almost instantly percolating into the atmosphere of the room, and, while the coffee was being made, Deidara took out the ponytail holder in his hair, and let it fall past his shoulders. He sat down on a small barstool by the counter, and closed his eyes; everything finally dulling down.
His heart froze when he heard a yawn come from the bedroom. He couldn't face Tobi; he wasn't ready for it. But what choice did he have? He couldn't just avoid the man he lived with.
Everything in his body hurt all over again, as if all the emotional stitches he had made to mend all of his wounds had just been torn open. He held back tears, his mind searching for something that could occupy his attention—an excuse as to why he couldn't face Tobi.
There was nothing.
"Good morning Deidara," Tobi said, his voice lazy and tired, as he rubbed his eyes with the back of his palms.
Silence. Deidara didn't breathe. He couldn't think of anything to say. There was nothing in the world that he could say to Tobi right now… nothing that would change what had transpired.
"Oh, you are making coffee," Tobi said quickly to fill the void, obviously sensing the rift between them. Deidara nodded. Say something. Anything.
"Yeah," Deidara said his voice detached and distant, "I just needed a little boost."
"I understand," Tobi said with a half-smile. He walked over, pulled up a chair, and sat beside Deidara, gently running his fingers through Deidara's hair.
A single tear slipped from his eye; the tiny globule of water managing to escape the mental dam he had so carefully constructed.
This simple gesture had destroyed Deidara's composure. His love for Tobi ran him through like a double-edged sword—a part of him longing to embrace and be embraced by the radiant warmth that sat not even a foot away, but the other side of him would shrivel and die in such an embrace… this realization was painful beyond all thought.
"Tobi…" Deidara whispered softly, his hands curled uselessly in his lap like dead slugs, "I… I-I am going to shower. Come get me when the coffee is ready."
"Okay," Tobi smiled, though Deidara saw behind the warm expression; he saw the lines of defeat and despair etched deeply into Tobi's face.
It was hell, seeing Tobi so broken, but Deidara wasn't about to apologize. He had his dignity, and, despite his promise that he would forgive Tobi, he wasn't about to let go of every last shred of his self-respect.
"Be out in a minute," Deidara called out as he shut the door behind him. Deidara sighed, his shoulders slumping down; his entire body heavy with sudden exhaustion. Those few words exchanged with Tobi had drained him more than a seven mile run.
"We only say goodbye with words, I've died a hundred times…" Deidara breathed softly.
He plugged his phone into the IHome, selecting the playlist titled "Shower" and, quickly stripping off his clothes, he stepped into the shower, turning the water tap labeled Hot all the way up. He closed his eyes bracing himself for what he knew was going to happen.
The freezing chill pierced through him like a razor, but it was a welcome change; the icy water made the pain subside.
The music from his IPod floated above the roaring water of gushing from the showerhead, and the heat from the water finally got to Deidara. He quickly turned the Cold water knob to about halfway, and the heat of the water lessened.
"Don't be sacred, I've done this before
Show me your teeth
Show me your teeth…"
Deidara jumped, hearing the tell-tale click of the door shutting. Shit, I forgot to lock it…
He knew Tobi was in the room now, but there was nothing he could do but pretend he was oblivious.
"Don't want no money (Want your money)
That shit's ugly
Just want your sex (Want your sex)"
Deidara could see the shadow of Tobi through the curtains now, and his heartbeat began to quicken. Despite the heat of the shower, Deidara suddenly felt cold. Through the corner of his eye, he saw a hand slip through the curtain.
Just as he opened his mouth to scream; just as Deidara was finally ready to unleash all of his pent up anguish, a large, white hand covered his mouth. Deidara bit down hard into the flesh of the hand in order to keep himself from panicking.
In an instant, Tobi was behind him, his naked form pressed against Deidara, and Deidara's mind began to race, his heartbeat accelerating at an alarming rate.
"So," Tobi whispered, his breath hot even amidst the steam from the shower. "I am going to tell you something that has always worked for me whenever an ex of mine and I had a falling out." One of Tobi's hands snaked around Deidara's waist, the other still pressed firmly against his mouth.
"Take a bite of my bad girl meat
(Take a bite of me boy)
Show me your teeth"
Tobi pulled Deidara in, even closer than before, and Deidara shivered, his entire body threatening to tremble at any moment. Deidara was now vividly aware of Tobi's member pressing against his back, but even the intensity of this moment didn't block out Deidara's emotional sorrow.
"I have nothing say to you," Deidara murmured sulkily as Tobi finally removed his hand and uncovered Deidara's mouth.
"That is fine." Tobi's other hand slithered down until both hands were wrapped firmly around Deidara's waist; Deidara suppressed a gasp of surprise as Tobi's member throbbed against his back. "But you are going to listen to what I have to say. I'm not giving you an option there."
As if to emphasize his point, Tobi bucked up into Deidara, and Deidara bit his tongue to hold back a moan. Suddenly, Deidara was aware that his own hands had crept down and were resting on both of Tobi's thighs.
Control yourself. Deidara quickly jerked his hands up, and he began trying to pry Tobi's arms from his waist.
"You won't get away that easily, Blondie," Tobi laughed darkly.
Blondie? The nickname was a surprise to Deidara, but, he wasn't going to pretend like he didn't love it.
"Just say what you have to say and let's be done with it." Deidara said impatiently. He wanted Tobi to let him go already; he didn't trust his body to obey his mind much longer…
"Alright." Tobi laughed. He quickly ran his tongue along Deidara's ear. "but only because you asked for it. As I was saying, whenever one of my previous boyfriends' and I had a falling out, there was one thing that, no matter what the problem was, always seemed to fix everything."
Obviously that isn't true, because you broke up with them… "And? What is this miraculous 'thing?'"
"Makeup sex," Tobi whispered, his breath fanning across the nape of Deidara's neck.
Deidara felt his heart beat once. Twice. Three times. He counted each and every heartbeat that happened after Tobi had said those two words. Time seemed to come to a standstill, and Deidara suddenly felt a chill run across his spine despite the warmth radiating around him from the shower's steam.
Did he just say sex… as in he wants to have sex now… with me…?
"Makeup sex…" Deidara repeated, the whole thing still feeling like a dream.
"Yep," Tobi said simply. "Makeup sex. You, me, an intense period where both of our bodies are joined. Makeup sex."
This had to be a dream. People don't go from having a huge rift develop in a relationship to having sex… It just didn't make sense.
"So what do you say?" Tobi whispered seductively, his voice dropping almost an octave. The deepness and roughness of Tobi's voice sent another shiver through his body.
"I won't take no for an answer," Tobi said in the same voice, another bout of uncontrollable shivers wracking Deidara's body.
"Tobi I…" Tobi, removing his hands from Deidara's waist and placing both of them on his shoulders, forced Deidara to his knees and spun him around. Deidara felt his body tremble—with anticipation or fear, he wasn't sure—as he found himself staring directly at Tobi's member. Deidara let out a small gasp as Tobi pressed his member against Deidara's face.
It was hot, extremely hot, and it seemed to keep getting bigger every moment. Deidara found himself breathing rapidly, each increasingly faster and shallower, and he realized that he hand subconsciously placed his hand on Tobi's back, pulling him closer.
"Now then, we understand each other don't we?" Tobi smirked. Deidara forced himself to glare up at him, his eyes not able to avoid looking at Tobi's perfect body. The muscles in is arms were flexed as they held Deidara's shoulders down, and Tobi's abs were pronounced due to the glistening caused by the water. Tobi crimson eyes regarded Deidara with a passionate look; Deidara could see the primordial hunger, the animal instinct, lurking just beneath the surface. Deidara knew he was not going to be able to resist the temptation much longer.
"Tell me something that will save me
I need a man that makes me all right.
Tell me something that will change me
I'm gonna love you with my hands tied"
Tobi bucked up again, his member almost forcing Deidara's lips, which were shut so tightly the blood seemed to be drained from them, and Deidara bit down on his tongue to suppress another moan.
"You don't have to fight it Deidara," Tobi smirked again. One of his hands left Deidara's shoulder and moved to the back of his neck. Tobi gave Deidara a slight pinch, a small pressure exerted against his spine, and Deidara yelped, his mouth finally flashing open.
Tobi reacted in an instant. His member found its way past Deidara's lips and into his mouth. Deidara's tongue, as if by instinct, snaked around the head of Tobi's member, and Tobi let out a small groan of pleasure.
Deidara took one of his hands and wrapped it around the base of Tobi's member, his hand slowly pumping back and forth as Tobi began to slide his member in and out of Deidara's mouth. Tobi's other hand left Deidara's shoulder and placed itself on top of his head, and Tobi began to push down, forcing his way deeper inside Deidara's mouth.
It felt wrong, horribly wrong, to shift emotional states so rapidly, but Deidara frankly didn't give a fuck. He had never felt closer to Tobi than he did in this moment. And this wasn't even sex. His mind began to flicker through images, through fantasies that made Deidara's head spin. He began to focus his attention on Tobi's member with newfound fervor; the fantasies he had always dreamed of with Tobi finally seeming to materialize into actual possibilities.
Tobi suddenly bucked up again, this time his member forcing itself all the way to the back of Deidara's throat, and Tobi's hands pressed down hard on the back of Deidara's head.
Deidara gagged, his entire body wracked with sudden spasms. Tobi quickly removed his member from Deidara's mouth and crouch down so that he was eye level with Deidara.
"Are you okay?" He asked, his voice laced with concern.
Deidara brought his lips against Tobi's in response. Tobi's brought his hand against Deidara's cheek, and Deidara placed his hand against Tobi's chest.
"Let's take this to the bedroom, shall we?" Tobi breathed huskily in Deidara's ear.
"Take me." Deidara whispered back. Tobi turned off the shower and picked Deidara up with both arms. The walk to the bedroom was short, mere seconds, but Deidara hardly noticed the passage of time at all really. Everything was so intense, so in the moment, each gesture so passionate and meaningful; Deidara hardly acknowledged anything other than Tobi's presence.
Tobi placed Deidara on the bed, both of them still soaked in the water from the shower, and Tobi went over to his bedside drawer, and, after a few moments, produced a condom.
"Now Deidara," Tobi said, his fingers expertly removing the wrapper from the condom. Deidara felt a small ping of both disgust and jealousy run through him—there was only one way he got that good at doing that, and it wasn't from practicing alone… "I understand that you are a virgin, and, admittedly, I am probably not the best person for you to have to experience sex with for the first time…"
"And why is that?" Deidara asked, puzzled. Wouldn't you want to be my first…?
"I know what you are thinking," Tobi laughed, rubbing his shoulder in and awkward and embarrassed manner. "Why wouldn't I want to be your first right?"
Deidara nodded slowly, only half surprised that Tobi had read his mind.
"Well, I love that fact that I get to be your first; it really means a lot to me, more than you know… but, the thing is, this is going to hurt… a lot."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, it isn't easy to have to handle… well, nine inches your first time. It just isn't something that your body is going to like… but, I am asking you to bear with me. At a certain point, after the initial pain is over—and, I warn you, it is going to be practically unbearable—the pain will flip inside out and the agony will be warped into pleasure… you just have to trust me."
"I do." The words were true, Deidara realized with a shock. If Tobi had asked him to take a bullet at this moment, Deidara would have acquiesced immediately.
"Okay," Tobi sighed, pulling a small black bottle from his drawer. He popped open the cap and a clear fluid streamed out, pooling in Tobi's hands. He quickly rubbed the fluid along the length of his shaft, and pouring more fluid into his hand, he sat down beside Deidara.
"Bend over," Tobi instructed, "Get on your knees, face the headboard, and bend over."
Deidara obliged with hardly a second thought.
"Good," Tobi smiled, "Now I am going to have to prepare you for this; unfortunately, I can be rather… rough. However, I need to at least make sure you are ready."
Deidara gasped as Tobi began to rub the cold gel against his entrance. His body shivered in pleasure however, and Deidara wondered why Tobi said this was going to hurt. So far, the whole thing had been nothing but pleasure.
"Okay, here I go." Deidara bit down on his tongue, hard, as Tobi slid a single finger into his entrance. There wasn't any pain really, just a slight burning sensation, as Tobi's finger wriggled around inside him.
"Second one." This time, there was pain. Deidara whimpered as Tobi inserted a second finger, the two fingers spreading out, forcing his entrance to become wider.
"Are you okay?" Tobi asked, his words etched with worry.
Deidara could only nod; he didn't trust himself to speak. The pain was lessening now, but he still felt as if he would cry out should he try open his mouth.
"Okay." Tobi said, "Last one." Deidara felt tears burn in his eyes, and he bit down on his tongue forcefully, the iron tang of blood instantly surfacing. This wasn't ordinary pain. Any ordinary pain, you could usually suppress through sheer will and resolution. No, this was different. How could you suppress a pain when it only intensified every second?
Tobi's fingers snaked around inside Deidara, wriggling and moving like some vile spider dancing across its web, and Deidara began to imagine just how painful it would be to have Tobi's member inside of him.
If three fingers were bad, how was he supposed to handle Tobi's entire member?
"I warn you, it is going to be practically unbearable—the pain will flip inside out and the agony will be warped into pleasure… you just have to trust me."
Deidara repeated Tobi's words in his mind over and over. Everything will be fine… you just have to trust him…
"Alright," Tobi said, "That should be good. Are you ready?"
Fuck no! "Yes." Deidara said meekly.
"Okay, I will start off slow."
Deidara closed his eyes. He didn't want to see it coming; bracing himself for the pain would do nothing. His only goal was not to scream; he didn't want to cry out. Then, Tobi would probably stop; he cared too much about Deidara to hurt him.
No, this was something that Deidara had to bear through.
Deidara gasped as he felt the tip of Tobi's member press against his entrance. It began to slide inside Deidara with almost no resistance, no pain, and Deidara felt himself brightening up.
That's it… I can handle this… I—
The pain was indescribable; there was nothing on this entire earth that could have hurt more. And, due to the razor clarity given to him due to the passionate emotions flaring up in his heart, Deidara was completely aware of each screaming nerve ending.
Like he had promised, Tobi slid his member into Deidara slowly, but that didn't help in the slightest. In fact, it seemed to draw out the pain; Deidara felt the tears leak from his eyes, and he couldn't stop them. He felt light-headed, and black spots danced across his vision. He doubted he could suppress his screaming much longer.
Tobi moaned in pleasure. Oh, how lucky you must be; your asshole isn't in hellfire. "Damn…" Tobi groaned, his hands coiling around Deidara's ribs, "You are so fucking tight…"
Gee? Really? I wouldn't have fucking guessed. I—AHH, FUCK—some of us just have all the luck…
The pain seemed to slightly lessen, becoming almost bearable, and Deidara's light-headedness seemed to evanesce.
Tobi suddenly bucked up, forcing the rest of his member inside Deidara.
The scream forced its way past his lips in an unstoppable surge. Deidara momentarily blacked out; the new waves of pain forcing him back into consciousness like a cruel, unwanted friend. He knew he couldn't take much more of this; it was only a matter of time before he passed out.
Tobi began to slide his member in and out of Deidara; each motion of Tobi's hips sending fresh waves of agony coursing through Deidara.
I… I-I can't do it anymore… I can't handle this pain. This is a nightmare—no, worse than a nightmare. This is a living hell.
"Alright, your body is getting used to it. Just give me a little more time."
You have a second. You have a fucking second Tobi. If something doesn't change within the span of a second, I am going to pass out, and you will have to fuck a motionless body. Is that what you want? Huh? You want to fuck a corpse? Go for it… by all means…
Tobi began to thrust deeper, his member forcing itself all the way inside Deidara again and again; waves of blackness threaded through Deidara's vision every time Tobi was all the way inside him. The iron tang of blood once again coated his tongue, and Deidara felt his entire body shaking with both terror and exhaustion; every single instinct telling him that his body wasn't going to last much longer…
Tobi thrust up inside Deidara again, more powerfully and deeper than ever before.
This was it. The pain had reached an entirely new level; it had gone above and beyond anything Deidara had ever felt, and probably ever would feel. His vision darkened, tears streamed down his face, and a blood-curdling screamed pierced the air.
And then just as the pain had come, it left, morphing and distorting into the most pleasurable and wonderful thing Deidara had felt in his entire life. A man involuntarily slipped from Deidara's tongue, and Tobi sighed in satisfaction. He had finally found the little bunch of nerves he was looking for.
Tobi thrust again, but this time Deidara groaned in pleasure; his body trembling and arching back into Tobi's thrust. The feeling of pleasure intensified, and Deidara felt drool leak from his lips.
How something so dark and twisted could ever morph into something so mind-numbingly fantastic was beyond him, but he wasn't about to question it.
Deidara sat up so that his back was pressed against Tobi's chest; Tobi's member seemed to force its way deeper inside of him, but he didn't care. Tobi's arms wrapped around Deidara, pulling him in, and Deidara's own arms were resting on Tobi's back, pushing his body forward.
Tobi picked up speed, each and every thrust managing to strike the little bundle of nerves that sent fresh waves of ecstasy roiling through Deidara's entire body.
Deidara began to breathe heavily as Tobi thrust even faster. Tobi was panting now, and Deidara's own member began to scream for attention.
Tobi stopped suddenly, pulling out of Deidara, and he rolled Deidara onto his side, placing one of his legs on his shoulder.
The change of position only further magnified the swells of pleasure that now blossomed from every single cell in Deidara's body. One of Deidara's hands found its way to his own member, and Deidara began to pump his hand in sync with the rhythm of Tobi's thrusting.
Deidara didn't even try to hold back his moans, sighs, and occasional screams of pleasure; all of this was new to him, and he didn't give a fuck who heard him.
Tobi picked Deidara up and slammed him back first against the headboard, his member driving itself up inside of Deidara.
Deidara let another small scream lip out; he knew he wasn't going to be able to contain himself much longer.
"T-Tobi…" Deidara panted, "I a-am going t-to…" Tobi ignored him, bucking up fiercely and driving his member even deeper inside Deidara.
Tobi slammed Deidara down onto the bed, his legs on either shoulder, and Tobi pounded inside Deidara with newfound fervor.
He couldn't hold it in a second longer; the feelings of pleasure blurred together, Deidara was no longer able to see his surroundings. The pleasure balled together, all of it spiraling down into his own member, and, just as his vision blurred completely and his slender body trembled as Tobi forced himself the deepest inside him that Deidara was sure was possible, Deidara lost his hold on both his reality and emotions and came; his body tightening and coiling up.
"FUCK!" Tobi screamed as Deidara's body tightened around his member. Tobi slammed Deidara down onto the bed, his legs Tobi thrust up one more time, his hands pressing down so hard on Deidara's hips that Deidara knew he would have bruises. Deidara screamed again as Tobi's member manifested itself inside his very core, and, as Tobi came inside him, they both collapsed; both the slender blonde and muscled raven panting heavily.
After a few moments, Tobi pulled himself out of Deidara, trashed the condom, and slumped down on the bed. Deidara coiled up into a ball, his body still shaking from the immense pleasure and pain it had just experienced. Tobi's arm wrapped around Deidara and pulled him in, and Tobi planted a quick kiss on Deidara's lip.
"Well," Tobi said between gasps, "What did you think?"
Deidara gave a weak chuckle in response. His body had never felt so heavy, so tired. He would go back to sleep, but it was still so early in the morning.
"I bet I was better than Kisame…" Deidara finally managed to choke out.
"Kisame who?" Tobi breathed. He embraced Deidara, and Deidara felt his problems dissolve into nothingness.
"So," Tobi said with a smirk as he sat up. "You ready for round two?"
A/N: Woohoo. I updated in like two days... *dances, screams, twerks* ;) Did you enjoy the surprise lemon. Yes... yes I'm sure you did... You dirty, dirty people... Kidding though. Merp. It's early as fuck, and I am tired. So... I will keep this author's note short and sweet. I hope this chapter makes up for the previous word vomit I submitted, and I hope that some of you will stick with me. Also, as this was my first lemon, please tell me how I did, and, if you have suggestions, leave a review! Oh, and tell your friends to tell their friends to read my story .-. I lost a lot of followers :( Because I took forever to update. But that it's important now :D R&R. I love you all :3
SoleixDeidara
And since I've come home
Well my body's been a mess
And I miss your ginger hair
And the way you like to dress
Why don't you come on over
Stop making a fool outta me
Why do you come on over, Valerie.
