Chapter Twenty Eight
Life's decisions are never white or black. One can hardly ever decide anything without breaking some moral principle or the other. Sometimes the wrong people get pissed off and thus your decisions have huge consequences. Sometimes, you are the only one who gets hurt during your decision-making process. In this case, you satisfy yourself by saying that "it's for the best".
After Catherine saw Sara leave with Nick, she went straight home. She knew Sara was stubborn, combine that with her fury and you get a volatile blend of irrationality. But this time, Sara's decision to not spill the truth to Grissom has saved Catherine from dire repercussions. Now apart from Greg, no one would know of the real reason why Sara had stormed off all alone. She should be relieved. And yet, peace eluded her by a wide mile as she kept thinking of what Sara had done.
Clearing her mind of any thoughts and therefore doubts, Catherine slipped into her jacket and went straight to her car. She kept her focus away from what she was about to do, lest she developed cold feet. In a matter of minutes, she found herself in front of Sara's apartment.
Catherine took a moment to collect herself, smooth her hair with her fingers and then knocked on the door.
The door opened after the second knock. Sara's hair was tousled and her eyes were almost bloodshot. Catherine caught a faint hum of smooth jazz playing in the background.
"What part of 'We are done discussing' don't you understand?" Sara snarled when she recovered from her shock at finding Catherine at her door.
"Can I come in?" Catherine braced herself for the barbed jabs she knew she would be receiving that night.
"Suit yourself." Sara left the door ajar and ambled inside.
"Sara, I'm sorry." Catherine began from there.
"I don't need your sorry. Anything else?" She crossed her arms.
"Would you at least hear what I have to say?"
"I already know what you want to say, so I'm going to save both of us the trouble and tell you, I bear no grudges." She snorted.
Catherine swallowed hard. She wished her throat didn't feel as dry as sandpaper. "I know what I did to you was wrong."
"It was what you didn't do that was wrong."
"Yes, I should have listened to Greg. I should have followed up on your lead and not dismissed it so easily." Catherine admitted. "But you just made me so angry."
"Oh, so it's now my fault."
"No! I don't mean that!" Catherine lowered her voice. "I was just saying that because we had argued earlier, I thought you were trying to get back at me for interfering."
"So you confess that you were interfering. I bow down to your humility" Sara gave a hard smile.
"Sara, I'm trying to apologize out here!" Catherine was really making an effort to grasp her anger before it slipped out of control.
"And I already said I don't need them. Therefore, I don't get what you are still doing here."
"You are right, I shouldn't be here. This was a huge mistake. I thought we were friends…" Catherine muttered sourly.
"Friends?" Sara let out a bitter laugh. "We were never friends, Catherine. The whole reason why you took me into your house and cared for me was because you wanted to assuage your guilt. You wanted to feel better. This isn't about me, it's about you. Don't call our association by the name of friendship, because it never was. It was like some kind of transaction you had to make. A little loss for the profit of your peace of mind."
"You call what we had, a transaction?" Catherine wouldn't have been more stricken if Sara had spit on her. "You think that when my daughter started adoring you, it was a transaction? You think when we exchanged our life's sorrows together, it was a transaction? You think that every moment of laughter and joy we shared was just a mere transaction?"
"A by-product, definitely." Sara looked away from Catherine.
"How can you say that?"
Sara's body seemed to slacken in weariness. "Catherine, you should just go. We have nothing to tell each other anymore. So, instead of standing here and throwing accusations all night, I would really like to get some sleep."
"But…"
"If, on the other hand, you're here to account for all the troubles I've caused you during those two weeks, then you can send me a bill charging me."
Catherine didn't realize what she had done until she saw the red hand mark on Sara's cheek and the sting in her palm. Time froze to a halt and she stared at her own hands in disbelief. She tried to say something, anything, but her brain and the rest of her body appeared to have dissociated themselves.
Sara's eyes were rabid. She breathed through furiously low tones, "Get out of my house."
"Sara, I didn't…"
"Out. Now. Else, I swear to God, I won't be responsible for what I do next." Sara warned.
Catherine debate lasted only a second. Sara was obviously in no condition for a peaceful talk and she was incapable of dealing with that much anger. Whatever she had to say needed to wait.
Max admitted to the charges of assaulting Sara. He told his interrogators he was paid by an anonymous source. Brass had his men tracing the transfer of money in his account.
The next night, Catherine went to Grissom's office. He was staring at the walls when she entered.
"No paperwork? If you want, I could send over some of mine." She tried to joke. He faintly smiled.
"Did you want something, Cath?"
She played with the hem of her sleeve while answering, "It's about what Sara told us yesterday."
He had perceptibly ashened. "What about it?"
"She lied."
He blinked. "Which part?"
"The part where she said she couldn't find me and Greg and therefore she went to the motel all alone."
He waited for her to continue, his grey eyes stormy with intensity.
And then the truth came tumbling out. Grissom's gaze was unflinching throughout her entire confession. When she was finally done, Catherine couldn't bear to look at him and for once found some of his books highly fascinating.
"I'm so tired, Catherine. I'm tired of playing referee between the both of you. And now, you let things escalate to such a degree that you actually endanger her life?" He really looked hurt.
"I didn't think she was in danger." Catherine gulped back her tears. "I wasn't doing much thinking then."
"And Sara almost got killed, not to mention lost her memory and is still limping, all because you weren't doing much thinking." He accused vehemently.
"I'm sorry! If there was a way I could go back and redo everything, I would have. If there was a way none of these would have happened to Sara, I would have leapt at it. Grissom, I never meant to hurt her." She cried.
"Unfortunately you have."
That night, Sara couldn't sleep. It was partly because the previous night, she had slept past the 10 hour mark and had woken up with a killer headache. Popping some aspirins, she had become, much to her annoyance, drowsy again.
And not being able to sleep brought back thoughts of Catherine and their intense fight. She could still feel the sharpness of Catherine's palm against her cheek. For a long many hours, Sara had been frothing with hatred. The image of Catherine boiled her blood. The memory of happier days spent with the woman filled her with shame. She was angry at her own naiveté and foolishness. Sensing that her elevated blood pressure would do her nothing else but harm, she finally got out of bed and thought of doing something to preoccupy herself.
There was nothing on TV except the usual marathon of crime shows. Then there were sitcoms which Sara didn't particularly favor either. There was some old black-and-white movie but the sound quality was too bad for her to understand.
Sara tried to concentrate on reading a book but the words couldn't steal her away from distraction. She then decided to work. She took out a sheet of paper and wrote down every detail she remembered from the eclipse killer case. She tried to shut out the sneering voice that said Grissom won't accept her notes anyways.
The one thing about the briefed notes in her book that always troubled her were the footnotes she had included in them. Major portions of her memory did return but there were still a few stray holes that caused a sense of disconnection. For example, she did not remember the precise moment when she had become a CSI Level 3 nor did she remember the exact clues that had led her to Jordan Burke's motel. Hours later, her forensic texts piled on the coffee table along with maps, Vegas tourist guides and her physics book opened to the chapter on Occultation, the correct term for the phenomena known as Solar Eclipse, Sara was frenetically writing on a notepad. Her notebook was on her lap and Sara worked on it with as much fervor as she experienced while cracking a mathematical problem.
She did not hear the doorbell at first, dismissing every outward stimuli into the background. Sara finally realized someone was at her front door. On impulse, she glanced at her watch. It was 3 in the morning. People did not visit her home at 3 in the morning. If she was honest with herself, people did not visit her apartment at all.
She rushed to her bedroom and retrieved her Glock. She tucked it beneath her shirt, with one hand secured around its trigger. Sara opened the door a crack, the chain still fastened. She was both relieved and surprised to find Grissom on the other end.
"Can I come in?" He asked.
She opened the door and stared at him. "What are you doing here at this hour?"
"I'm sorry to come by so late without calling you." He appeared edgy and a little shaken. She closed the door and laid her fingertips on his arm.
"Come on in. Would you like something to drink?"
"No, I'm still on the clock." He rubbed his neck. "I won't take long. There was something I had to talk to you about."
Sara folded her arms over each other and leant against her bookshelf, waiting for him to continue.
"It's about that the day you had your accident."
Sara sighed. "Look Grissom, I know I was wrong and I should have mentioned it to someone."
"Well, yes, you should have. But I also understand why you didn't." He moved closer to her. "Catherine told me the truth."
They stood motionless, waiting for the other to say something. Finally, Sara shrugged. "Okay."
"Why did you lie?" He searched her eyes.
"I didn't want you to be in a position where you have to choose sides. I know you value all your CSIs equally and the most that could happen to me is that I'll get suspended for a week or so. Considering I've just recovered from something this big, a week wouldn't hurt."
"I know what helps you; work." Grissom tilted his head.
She frowned. "What are you saying?"
"I want you back in the lab, Sara. The case needs you." His hand hesitated in mid-air before gently touching her shoulder. "I need you."
"As a colleague or as a friend?"
"Neither." Grissom's eyes looked darker than Sara had ever seen them. "I need you as something more."
"Grissom?" She looked at him uncertainly.
"Sara, I know I've messed up our relationship a couple of times. I thought I could run away from my emotions and maintain a purely professional attitude towards you. But contrary to what everyone thinks, I'm very much human." He gave a somber smile. "I may have thrown away my chance with you and you are free to tell me so. I just want you to know that over the years… you have… affected me."
"I admit I was… drawn towards you." Sara spoke carefully. "I just… right now…" She unsuccessfully sought words.
"I understand." Grissom quickly put in. "I'm not applying any pressure. I just wanted to tell you this."
She covered his hand with her own. "I never got to thank you for the other night. The dinner was great and I know how much you hate these fancy dates."
"I don't hate it, Sara. I just found it pointless, until I met you." He smiled.
"Thank you again."
"You sound as if I'm doing you a favor."
Sara inwardly shook – You have no idea. "I think any woman would be flattered. We should do it again, sometime."
He was taken aback. "You mean a fancy date?"
"A date. I don't care if it's fancy or not."
"I… I…" He was amazed. "I like that. How does breakfast sound for starters?"
She forced a smile. "Sounds good."
"Then get some sleep. I'll pick you up at eight." Grissom leant forward. "And remember, you are returning back to the lab tomorrow."
I see brickbats coming my way :P (looks left, right, forwards, backward)
