I don't own Criminal Minds! Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 29
It had been a week, seven days filled with silences. It had been a week of JJ not being able to be in a room by herself, it had been a week of Emily trying to comfort the broken woman.
The awkwardness of showers had worn off; the shame of cleaning her wounds was almost gone. Jennifer Jareau had learned to depend on Emily for even the smallest of tasks and Emily took that responsibility very seriously. It wasn't necessary for the younger agent to be clad in just a towel when Emily changed her dressings nor was it necessary for Emily to kiss every mark on the blonde's body. It wasn't necessary medically, but it was important to them. The tender kisses and touches grounded them, reassured them that they still had each other.
It was under the cover of night that their relationship blossomed, after the nightmares had passed, it was in the hushed conversations and the odd hand slipping under a shirt that they began to grow even closer. Only when the sun came up did JJ retreat into herself.
During the day it was only Garcia's daily phone call that managed to coax a smile or laugh out of the blonde. Emily had no idea that they were talking about her, or that Garcia was asking JJ if they'd done "it" yet. She was just grateful that she was talking to someone.
While JJ dealt with her demons Emily's focus was on catching the two men that go away. Her previous occupation had blessed her with a long list of contacts that could accomplish pretty much anything. She didn't want the two fugitives dead; no she'd take care of inflicting pain herself. All she needed was to know where they were.
Her feelings were mixed about going against a direct order from Hotch, she's worth it, she reassured herself, knowing that anything she did to keep JJ safe was the right thing.
It was with that last thought that she finished her morning coffee. A small smile grazed her features at JJ's slow arrival. The young agent still had a long ways to recover, but they'd gotten to the point that she could walk by herself.
"Morning, Jay," she said placing a soft a kiss on a bruised cheek.
"Hey," replied JJ, grasping Emily's hand as the brunette pulled away.
The touches were second nature now, neither of them caring that the other needed the reassurance. It hasn't been all that bad, thought the brunette. Yeah, there were the nightmares every night, and the moments when the pain was so overwhelming JJ couldn't even move. But they after those times came peace. They woke up in each other arms every day and slowly JJ was beginning to heal. That thought, brought another smile to her face.
"Jen, we have to leave soon, your appointment is in an hour."
Strauss had allowed JJ to recover a bit before forcing her into mandatory therapy, her first appointment being that morning, "I don't want to go," she confessed allowing Emily to help her with her jacket.
"I know that but maybe it'll help? And I'll be nearby if you want to leave," said the brunette locking the door.
She knew that the therapy was part of procedure in cases like hers, she needed to talk to somebody if she ever hoped of getting back to work, I wish I could just talk to the team, but that wasn't possible. Taking a deep breath she grabbed to cool handle on the door and walked in.
"Agent Jareau," greeted a short woman, stretching a welcoming hand, "I'm doctor Sarah Brook, Agent Strauss mentioned you'd be stopping by today."
The blonde agent shook the stretch out hand, as a formality. She didn't feel comfortable with this woman, you just met her, give her a chance, she thought taking a seat on the furthest spot away from Dr Brook. "It's nice to meet you," she said just to be polite. Human relations were engrained in her, being a media liaison had it's perks. At least she could hide behind pleasantries and formalities.
"let's get started shall we?" said the doctor taking the seat directly in front of her, "I know you've just been through a very traumatic experience…"
The rest of what the woman had been saying was lost on JJ, her mind wandered back to Will and the pain he meant, cut to the chase, no 'how are you' or 'tell me a little about yourself.'
"Agent?" her thoughts were interrupted, apparently she'd been longer than she thought.
"Sorry, what?" asked JJ.
"I asked you if you were ready?" that was a loaded question; the blonde agent had been toying with it for a few days now. Am I ready? She knew the answer, it wasn't a simple yes or no, it was so much more. While in the basement in New Orleans se hadn't let herself think about what would happen if she survived, she was sure she was going to die. But Emily found me, she couldn't say that, she didn't know how to answer; she didn't know what it was that the doctor wanted to hear.
JJ heard the woman clearing her throat, pulling her away from her thoughts, "I know you probably don't want to be here, but you're going to have to talk eventually. We have another," she looked down at her watch, "fifty minutes, you can sit here or we can talk."
The younger agent was a little upset now, "I don't know what you want me to say, it was only ten days ago that I was locked in a basement being tortured," replied JJ, "how am I supposed to feel?"
"There's no right or wrong answer."
"I lost it all. I let him take everything away," continued JJ not listening to the doctor, "he fucking murdered a woman in my bed!"
The older woman wrote something down, "are you not comfortable with your current living arrangements?"
"What? If it hadn't been for Emily I'd lost my mind long ago," answered the blonde incredulously, "she's been through it all with me, the nightmares, the crying, the pain…"
"Emily? Are you referring to agent Prentiss?" asked the doctor already knowing the answer.
"Yes!"
"It is very common for victims in your situation to misinterpret feelings of gratitude as something else," she said cautiously, "some patients even call it love."
"What are you trying to say? That what I feel for Emily is not real?" she asked hotly, she was getting tired of this doctor, I love Emily, it just wasn't possible for her feelings to merely be confusion.
"It's very possible that you are just confused, Agent Strauss mentioned that you had been acting a bit 'friendlier' towards agent Prentiss," the therapist said bluntly, "she also mentioned something about a promotion you declined very recently."
"Ok, doctor, let me make this very clear to you, William LaMontagne messed many things in my life, he took a lot from me, but that doesn't make me confused about what I feel. Emily Prentiss is the reason I've been able to keep my sanity, she is the only thing I'm sure about. And as far as the promotion goes, I didn't want it, I love my job, I love the BAU and I have no intention of leaving my position as media liaison. I declined the job well before all of this began!" said JJ, getting ready to walk out of her appointment.
"I didn't mean to imply anything Agent, I'm just here to facilitate your life and that involves your new relationship with a woman," she spat the last word, "what would your parents think? Have you thought of that? Your team probably doesn't know yet. Jennifer you are not gay!"
Finally the truth comes out, she thought to herself, of course out of the hundreds of shrinks in the bureau I get the one that has a problem with women dating women, "I don't think we can work together doctor, I'll put in a request for a different therapist. I won't let your narrow mindedness prevent me from going getting back to my job. I've spent a great deal of time hiding and lying to the people I love, I'm not going to do that anymore. Before I leave Dr Brook, let me tell you one last thing .gay," with that JJ let the door slam behind her.
She needed Emily right now; she needed the comfort only she could offer. They'd agree to meet upstairs immediately after her appointment, checking her watch she noticed she was 35 minutes early. Not liking the idea of having to wait she preferred it to the alternative.
JJ strode pass the glass doors to the BAU, "JayJe, I thought you had an appointment?" asked Reid pulling her into a patented awkward Reid hug, "plus you shouldn't be on your feet." She was grateful he was the only one in the bullpen.
"Yeah about that… Have you seen Emily?" asked JJ avoiding the initial question.
Reid pointed to the closed door of her own office, "she had to take a call, she'd in your office. Want me to get her?"
JJ shook her head and dragged her aching body up the few stairs to her little office. Not bothering to knock she opened the door and found the older woman on the phone having a heated discussion.
"I need you to this for me Ollie," ordered the brunette.
"Em?" JJ interrupted watching the other woman tense up at the sound of her voice.
"Just try, I have to go," she hung up turning around to face the blonde, "Jay what are you doing here? Your appointment went until 11," she said, concern suddenly filling her mind, "are you ok?"
"Can we just go home?" asked JJ, her body and mind were tired. She wanted to go back to the safety of the little world they'd created.
"Sure, let's go," said Emily picking up her purse and following JJ out. She wanted to know what had happened but she knew that right now was neither the time nor the place to push the blonde.
The car was full of tension as the drove to Emily's condo, JJ wouldn't volunteer any information and the older agent didn't want to ask just yet. Several times during the thirty minute trip Emily noticed JJ's face grimace in pain.. Her ribs are still healing, and these damn speed bumps aren't helping, but it seemed more than just pain, at least the physical kind, The woman next to her seemed exhausted, she seemed drained.
Putting the car in park Emily watch the blonde struggle a bit trying to sit up, "just wait for me, I'll help you," she called out quickly making her way to the passenger door.
"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Emily settling her on the couch.
"I'm gay Emily," said the blonde.
"We'll I kinda figured or at least I hoped," said the brunette with a small smile.
"My therapist didn't like that, I'm done hiding, and I'm done lying. I love you and I'm not confused!" she finished wincing at a shooting pain from her ribs.
Emily couldn't understand what JJ had meant by that last statement; she didn't know what had brought this on but she was going to find out, "Wait a sec. I know that Jen, what the hell happened?"
The younger agent shook her head, "the doctor told me that I was just confused about my feelings for you and that is very typical of victims in my situation, God Em I wanted to walk out! She asked me what my parents would think about me having a relationship with a woman? After everything that's happened that would be the least of their concerns! I thought I was going there to talk about what happened in New Orleans but all she could focus on was my relationship with you and how wrong everything was, I can't do this right now. I just want to get in bed and forget her and Strauss and everything else."
The older agent felt a very familiar anger rising, "I know you're not confused sweetheart, I know that. She had no right to say those things to you!" she said pulling JJ closer, "we'll find a different doctor and both her and Strauss will get a piece of my mind."
JJ nodded into Emily's shoulder, basking in the presence of the other woman, she was like a balm soothing all her pain.
"Who were you talking to in my office?" she changed the topic.
Emily had hoped JJ wouldn't ask, she didn't want to tell her about Will's accomplices on the loose or the fact that she had contacted a friend to help her track them down. But she couldn't hide it anymore, the woman in her arms deserved to know.
"Jen, we need to talk about something's," said Emily pressing her lips on the blonde's head, "two of them got away."
The older agent didn't have to elaborate any further, JJ knew exactly what she was talking about, "who?" asked JJ, her world once again spinning into the fear and uncertainty she had been so accustomed with.
"Will's contacts here in Quantico, our main concern is his half brother, he was the one feeding him all the Intel on the team," she ran a soothing hand up and down JJ's arm.
Silence proceeded the conversation, both women lost in their thoughts, Emily searching for a way to tell her about her plan and JJ reliving her captivity with William LaMontagne.
Pleaseeeee R&R!
