Sorry about the wait, I have had so much on and once I wrote this chapter I didn't have internet access. Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter, would love to see some more. I would especially love feedback on this chapter, just to know how I did on this subject. The next chapter is almost finished and should be up in a few days. Enjoy and let me know what you think :D

February, 1993

Booth was torn. Torn between duty and what his guilt was telling him was right.

He had been in active duty for about six months and all through those six months he had been faced with more destruction and despair than he had seen in his entire life. He knew as soon as he had signed up that it wasn't all going to be fun times and sunshine, but he had completely underestimated the severity of the situation that he was being thrown into. He had to follow the most excruciating orders and then was faced with the heart-wrenching guilt that followed his actions.

He was almost at his breaking point. A point that, surprisingly, he hadn't reached as of yet in his already harrowing life.

Every time he received a new order from the big bosses he always felt resentment and regret for the path he had chosen, the guilt would build up to an almost an uncontrollable level. It almost got to the point where he chickened out and didn't go through with it. But then he felt gutless and like a coward and his patriotic duty overwhelmed his morals and his hand forced him to pull the trigger. Each time he hit his target it was another number in his head, the current tally was 24.

...

"Hey Booth," Teddy came up behind Booth and sat next to him.

"Teddy, what's up?" Teddy Parker was one of the younger recruits, like Booth, and the two had formed a 'brother'-like bond since they arrived.

"Ahh, you know, the usual," Teddy gave Booth a cheeky grin, "I noticed you were down in the dumps. Your girl dump you or something?"

"Come on Parker, who would give up any of this," Booth said grinning. He had told Teddy all about Brennan, finding it to be cathartic in the hellhole. "Nah, just today was rough man. I just don't know how much more I can take." There was a long pause before Teddy spoke up.

"Look, the way I see it, we are doing things that out in the 'real' world would be the worst thing imaginable. But, here we are doing our jobs and yes it is horrible but in the long run we are saving more lives than we take, we are saving innocent people's lives. And all we can do is remember that we wouldn't do this out in the real world and that it's our country and innocent people we are protecting."

Booth sat silent processing what Teddy had said, he made it a 'mantra' each time he was sent out and then at times the guilt drifted away.


August, 1992

Sweat drenched his forehead. He could feel his usually dry palms begin to moisten and his eyes began to water. He dropped his weapon and wiped his forearm across his face, trying to clear his vision. His hands were slightly shaky, but given the situation that was expected.

He had only arrived two days earlier and immediately he had been thrown into the deep end. Booth had received his first orders and was moved off the base to a confidential location.

Nerves, fear, anxiety and about twenty other emotions were affecting him at that moment. He was miles away from home and while he knew this was the only place he could be, the only place he wanted to be was back home. He now felt the overwhelming urge to run, go AWOL and just disappear, he knew that was stupid but, in his current frame of mind it seemed like the only logical thing to do.

Booth shook his head of all his thoughts and focused on his current task. He could see his target in perfect view, but there were too many people. He had to wait, there was a moment when there would be the perfect window of opportunity, he had to aim and wait out that time until he would be able to strike.

It felt like hours that he was crouched there waiting, but in reality it was only a few minutes. He recognised the moment and was ready to pull the trigger. Booth only felt a slight hesitation before his finger moved and fired the trigger... He had done it; he knew well enough not to stick around for the aftermath. That would make his hiding redundant. He felt the first pile of guilt pack itself on to his shoulders and his mind began its invisible tally.

Current Tally: 1