And then you bite your lip whisper and say , "we're going all the way."
I see that sexy look in your eyes and I know we ain't friends anymore. If we walk down this road we'll be lovers for sure. So kiss me like its do or die.
The drive home was silent, tense, and awkward. The heat swirling around in the car absolutely intoxicating. They're still getting use to one another but it's like they're tiptoeing around what they really want, causing the tension to strengthen and the heat to rise. They chance glances in the others direction hoping the other isn't watching but failing at keeping it a secret.
She keeps staring and staring at him, biting her lower lip and breathing heavily. He's trying not to notice but she's making it difficult for him with every flick of her eyes or rise and fall of her chest. And when'd they start holding hands? When they get home he helps her out his truck and they walk together in silence. She tries to keep the smile off her face but it hasn't gone away since he first asked her out and she doesn't think it will anytime soon.
"So Kate," he started not exactly sure how to proceed. "I had a really nice time tonight."
She ducked her head down before replying, "me too." And it takes everything in her not to stare at his mouth even though she knows he knows what she's thinking, what she wants. "We should, uh-do it again. Sometime."
"I'd like that."
She bit down on her lip, still failing to hide her smile. "Good."
Once inside Kate instantly felt warmer, more relaxed. Then when she felt hands on her shoulders she went rigid.
"Relax I don't bite," he chuckled.
"That's too bad. Would've been fun." It came out before she even thought about what she was saying. She wants to bash her head against the wall.
Castle touched his forehead to the back of her head and groaned loudly causing Kate to laugh. She slipped out of her coat, gave Castle a quick kiss, then winked at him before retreating into her room. The space between them both a blessing and curse.
When she closed the door she leaned against it and screamed at herself silently. Fists tight at her sides and eyes clenched in embarrassment.
What the hell is wrong with her? Why did she say that? Why did she do that? Is she trying to torture herself too?
She shook her head at herself and sat down on her bed. Still smiling slightly. She's so not going to be able to sleep tonight without telling someone ab-
Her thoughts are interrupted by her bedroom door swinging open and Rick striding in. Not stopping until he stood directly in front of her.
"You know Kate," he said, his sultry voice fanning her face. "You can't tease people like that and get away with it."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah," he said grabbing her arm and bringing her closer so he could kiss her the way he wanted. But before Kate could allow herself to enjoy it he pulled away, a devious glint in his eyes. "'Night." And then he was gone.
Rick lies on his bed that night unable to sleep because every time he closes his eyes he sees her. And she's making these loud noises that's stopping him from sleeping and suddenly going to check on her seems like the best thing to do to calm his hard on, or it might make it worse but he doesn't care because he just needs to see her. Now.
He climbs out his bed and starts toward the guest room down the hall. Maybe he's being totally creepy but he puts his ear up to her door and listens intently but hears nothing. He knocks without thinking but gets no response. Huh.
He knocks again, harder this time in case she didn't hear it the first time. But still gets no answer. He opens the door, worry in his heart at finding it empty. He looks around and notices that certain things are missing. He checks the hall closet sees that her coat is missing and his worry turns to frantic breathing.
Where did she go?
If she went for a walk this late at night she couldn't have gone that far. It's dark and cold and he knows she must regret her decision about coming out here.
Castle throws on some clothes and his coat and tries to find Kate. If something was wrong he needs her to know that she can come to him no matter what. Day or night.
She isn't running away is she? No, she left her stuff. Emotionally Rick. Duh. If she is trying not to like him does that mean he was pushing her too much? Was kissing her a step too far? No, no he needs to stop worrying so much. He sees the way she looks at him, she feels it too. And even though to her it may not be love it's close to it at least. She never looked at Paul from the time that she was here the way she looks at him now. Even when she claimed she "hated" him there was always something in her eyes that said otherwise. Especially in the moments where they almost kissed. He just needs to find her and ask what's going on.
He walks for at least twenty minutes looking for her but to no such luck until he stumbles upon a cemetery and catches her walking towards the entrance with her hands in her pockets and head down. If it wasn't Kate he would've never stepped back into this specific cemetery again.
"Kate?" He yells to her. When she looks up he jogs over to her. "Hey, is everything alright?"
"Yeah yeah. I just...," she trailed off too cold to talk, to explain. "Come on."
She lead him to two gravestones side by side about a ten minute walk away then looked at him expectantly.
"Are these..." He trailed off not believing what he's seeing. "Kate."
"I haven't visited here since the funeral."
"Why tonight?"
"I-I wanted to tell them that I was happy. That I," she swallowed thickly before continuing. "Found someone that fills the emptiness that came with their death. I wanted to know if they'd be mad at me."
"Oh Kate."
"I think they're happy for me," she smiled nervously.
"Of course they are." He pulled her into a side hug. "I'm happy you're happy," he said kissing the top of her head.
She looked up at him then, something like resignation in her eyes and he can tell that he did something right with the smile she's giving him now.
"What's with the glum expression?" She asked after a few moments.
"I buried Alexis here. Or rather her coffin here. The one thing my mother and I agreed on was cremating her since her burns were so bad. If we buried her it would've been closed Caskett."
"Show me."
Castle led Kate closer to the entrance where he buried Alexis' empty coffin. When they stopped in front of the tombstone Castle struggled to hold his emotions in check. It was too painful to think about. His little girl.
"It's okay Rick."
"God Kate, she was so young." Fighting for control he turned away from her not wanting Kate to see him cry like this.
"I know. I understand." She pulled him into a hug and didn't let go, never let up her death grip on him.
"It seems so wrong now," he whispered to himself.
"What?"
"Cremating her. After what happened to her. Oh God I'm a terrible person for doing that."
"No you're not. You did what you thought was best."
"By finishing her off?" He snapped.
"Oh Rick, I was I knew what to say. To make you feel better," she said wiping the tears from his face with her cold fingers.
"It's okay-I'm okay."
"No you're not. Neither of us are. Losing children is something no one should have to go through."
"She was my angel. My little girl. My world and I still haven't quite found my way back and it's been years."
"That's something, unfortunately, that stays with you you're whole life. Trust me I know. And I've done my fair share of searching for myself that all I've done is dig myself deeper into this hole. Don't you do it Rick. It'll always hurt but don't force yourself to move on. It has to happen gradually," Kate explained tenderly.
"What helped you?"
"Honestly? Nothing really helped until you came along. You make me happy Rick. I wish there was something I could do for you."
He smiled his best smile because that's what she deserved. This beautiful woman in front of him, whom he is absolutely in love with deserves nothing but the best. "Okay," he said taking a deep breath. "Now that that's out of the way, why don't you have a coat on?"
" I didn't think I was going to be out here this long."
"Wow you must be freezing. Here." Castle gave her his coat and wouldn't accept her protests.
"Please tell me you drove here."
"I drove here."
"Please tell me that's the truth."
"It's the truth."
She eyed him suspiciously. "Are you telling the truth?"
"No."
"Ugh! Castle!"
"Sorry. But we'll walk fast. Be home in no time. I'll put on a fire, make you some hot chocolate. You'll be fine."
"Sounds wonderful."
Kate is shaking more now as they walk into the house. She's trying to control it but the coldness has settled into her bones. Huh. She remembered when she use to like it but being home has thawed her out, warmed her up and now she's addicted to it.
"Here," Rick said sitting her in front of the fire he started. He took her hands in his to help her down and when he tried to pull away she held tighter to him.
"Your hands are warm. How are your hands this warm?"
"I had gloves on. And my hands are always warm."
"I'm happy one of us was smart then."
He held her hands in his and blew on hers, trying to get them warm and rubbed them between his. Kate couldn't help but notice the crease in his brow showing how focused he was trying to warm her. She watched him as he blew and rubbed her hands in his repeatedly. It was a beautiful sight.
The fire light set his blue eyes aglow and she couldn't look away.
What would she do without this man? How did she ever hate him? She's in love with him. It's clear as day now. How did she not know all this time that thats what this feeling has been since they met; love. And since then it's only gotten stronger, deeper until it could no longer be denied. It's filling every inch of her, flooding, drowning her in it now that it's been accepted and it's overwhelming.
It's such a deep prurient need that's flourished in her that she feels the urge to run. A strong urge to run but at the same time a stronger more fervent desire to stay and allow herself the chance to try at happiness even though she doesn't deserve it. She wants this, she wants this more than anything.
She hasn't stopped staring at him and when he finally meets her eyes he must see something that shocks him because he stops trying to warm her hands and holds her gaze. Kate bites her lip and slides closer to him.
He's like a magnet, drawing her in, closer and closer until there's no space between them.
She kisses him then and it takes less then a second for him to respond. Her arms snake around his neck and she pulls herself closer, sitting in his lap.
"Kate," he mumbles against her lips. He rests his hands on either side of her face and pushes her away. He can see the desire in her eyes, the pure wanton need buzzing through her body. "If we do this," he whispered. "There's no going back."
"No going back," she repeated, smacking her lips back onto his with such force he fell backwards.
