Two chapters in two days. The cliffhanger wouldn't have been that hard to deal with, right? I mostly want to thank you all because this fanfiction has reached over 10 000 views, over 100 reviews and last chapter was the reviews' record with 10. Thank you! :D
Riomi-senpai : Don't die! I need you to survive until teh end of the fanfic! Also - it was last chapter's cliffhanger's purpose! ;)
GeekatHeart21 : The next chapter is here so I hope it'll please you! ;)
chibi-no-baka : If I can surprise people then that's great! :D
CocoaFirefly : AND YES I CAN DO THAT! :D
ThePinkyNinja : Uncool, yeah, but the cliffhanger was great for your nerves, wasn't it? Also... can you really say uncool when I post the next chapter in less than 24h? :3 I'm glad you still like this story and I hope it will keep being the case for many more chapters! ;)
thefrozenstrawberry : Akaashi always has the best reactions to Bokuto's foolishness. Ushijima and Ayaka, for the moment, wouldn't be a good match - but the story isn't over. As for Bokuto's reaction... read? ;)
Areil408 : I am so glad you liked last chapter! :D Hope you'll like this one as well! ;)
ghostvu : Don't die as well! I didn't mean to make a cliffhanger that would kill so many of you!
curlystruggle : I don't think anyone was ready for Ayaka confessing - not me, not you, not her and definitely not Bokuto! x)
SoulXHunter : Your reviews always make me laugh so much! x) I love your reactions! XD I personally don't think Bokuto turn dumbfuck mode in this chapter - but you tell me? ;)
FANFICTION
HAIKYUU! : SOWLMATES
CHAPTER XXIX : Broken Hearts
"What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for and to do it so unconsciously."
— Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood
"Yes, I understand why things had to happen this way. I understand his reason for causing me pain. But mere understanding does not chase away the hurt. It does not call upon the sun when dark clouds have loomed over me. Let the rain come then if it must come! And let it wash away the dust that hurt my eyes!"
― Jocelyn Soriano, Mend My Broken Heart
"I-it's you I like… Bokuto Koutarou…" Ayaka whispered, her voice breaking and her stomach tight.
Hearing the words destined to him, and only him, erasing all possible doubt that he had heard wrong, Koutarou's eyes widened and his lips fell open in shock. His heartbeat went crazy and he felt his hands tremble slightly.
When the silence grew longer, Ayaka glanced back at the boy, trying to figure out how he felt… He was frozen in shock, like a statue, his eyes shining in panic, fear and… something else she couldn't understand.
The light hope she had held that perhaps Koutarou could like, would like her or at the very least, was attracted to her and had seen her as more than a friend… disappeared. The hope was turned off like a flame breathed away from a candle.
Ayaka's hands dropped at her sides, swallowing hard and trying to find words to take it all away. To erase what she had said but mostly, to save the friendship she had ruined.
She took a shaky breath in, and opened her lips, lowering her head as to not face the young man.
"I-I'm sorry…" She murmured, "I-I shouldn't… I shouldn't have said… anything…"
Her voice broke and she forced her legs to move, she wanted to go away from Koutarou. To wipe away her tears and be sad for a few minutes on her own. She didn't want him to see her like that. But when she walked past him, he finally moved from his frozen state. Bokuto whipped around and grabbed her wrist. The girl stopped in her tracks and lifted up her head in shock.
"I–" He hesitated, cheeks flushing, "I'm sorry…" He murmured, letting go of her hand but the confused look on Ayaka's face made him continue, "I'm sorry I didn't realize before… I-I wouldn't– I shouldn't have…"
Panicking even more from his stammering, Koutarou looked away, unable to look at the broken-hearted girl. He rubbed the back of his neck, the only sound he could hear being his heart trying to break his ribcage.
"I… I should go…" Ayaka breathed, trying once again to leave.
"Wait!" Bokuto exclaimed, wanting to grab her but unable to move.
Ayaka stopped, trying to find the strength to turn around just as he hesitated, not knowing what to do or what to say.
"L-let me answer… to you…" He murmured.
Ayaka hesitated. She didn't want to hear him say it outloud. She didn't want him to voice the fact that he didn't like her the way she did. But in the same time, she had said her feelings out loud wanting to be honest until the end… it would be just cruel to not let Koutarou be just as honest with his own feelings.
Ayaka slowly turned around to listen to him, eyes cast on the ground.
Bokuto opened his lips, but he had no idea what to say. He had already rejected girls before, but never girls who were his friends. Never girls he felt… so much about. He couldn't even tell how he felt about Ayaka… He definitely had a bit of a crush on her – he wouldn't have tried to kiss her otherwise… but did he like her? Every time he asked himself this question, there was only one thing he could think of: his Sowlmate, Fukui Sachiko.
Koutarou looked away, cursing himself for feeling so conflicted when he shouldn't. He shouldn't like different persons. He shouldn't feel like he was betraying Ayaka by thinking of Sachiko, he shouldn't feel like he was betraying Sachiko by thinking of Ayaka, and he shouldn't feel like he was betraying himself by thinking of Ayaka and Sachiko.
"I… your feelings… made me very happy, shocked but… happy…" He started, feeling like an idiot for being at a loss of words, "But…"
"I know," Ayaka cut him.
Koutarou looked at the girl in shock as she smiled sadly, but her gaze stayed away from his. He could tell that from the way her eyes were shining, the way she was holding her shaking hands… she was trying hard not to cry.
"I know that you like… Fukui-san… and your Sowlmate…" She said, her voice breaking and tears rolling down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry…" Was the only thing he could say.
Ayaka gave a quick, short nod to acknowledge his words then turned around and left.
"I'm sorry I don't know… how I feel…" Koutarou finished to himself, lowering his head.
He looked at the grass a moment before passing his hands on his face, feeling sad, lost and confused about his feelings. In this sort of situation, people usually said to listen to your heart, but Koutarou had no idea what his heart was telling him.
Suddenly angry at himself for making Ayaka, one of his best friend, cry, Koutarou kicked the ground. He turned around, hands going into his hair before he punched the nearest wall. He leaned against it and sighed deeply, trying not to run after Ayaka. He had hurt her enough already.
After a few more minutes cursing himself and his heart, Bokuto went back to the bus. Almost everyone was here already and without a word, head kept low, Bokuto advanced towards the nearest empty seat.
"Bokuto-san," Akaashi said, standing up so the boy would sit on the window side next to him, "Kanemoto-san went after you, do you know where she is?"
"No."
Akaashi, and everyone around, stared with big eyes at Bokuto. He had never spoken so harshly before, even after a hard defeat. They couldn't say how he felt or what had happened because he kept his head turned away from everyone, not looking at anyone.
What surprised even more Akaashi was that despite always sitting next to someone (usually him) and window-side, Bokuto decided to sit in an empty seat and put his bag to the other seat, silently telling everyone that no one should sit next to him.
"Bokuto-san, are you all rig…"
"Akaashi-kun, I'd like to be alone for a while, if you don't mind…" Bokuto answered, looking away from the setter.
Akaashi's lips fell open, Konoha and Komi throwing him worried glances. It took a long moment for Akaashi to answer – the fact that Bokuto had cut him, that he had called his name without ruining it, had added 'kun' and seemed so… locked away from everyone… was truly disturbing…
"A-all right… I'm… right here if you need anything…" Akaashi answered, sitting back to his previous seat, glancing around anxiously, his hands showing his sudden discomfort.
A few minutes later, Ayaka climbed into the bus, apologizing for being late and at once, it started to go back to Tokyo. At first, no one dared speaking up after seeing their Ace so shaken up but soon enough, everyone was asleep.
"Bokuto-san… wake up…"
Feeling someone nudging him on the shoulder, Bokuto opened his eyes and glanced around, seeing the half-empty bus and the few remaining there gathering their stuff and yawning. He looked by the window and realized they were at Fukurodani Academy and that night had fallen.
Groggy, not even remembering when he had fallen asleep, Bokuto took his bags and got up, throwing a quick look at the front of the bus. But there was no manager there.
"Sorry for earlier, Akaashi…" Bokuto said, not looking at his friend.
Akaashi was surprised that Bokuto seemed less angry and closed up, but now he looked really depressed. Not for the first time since his friend has climbed the bus, the setter wondered if something had happened between Ayaka and him. Probably.
"It's all right, Bokuto-san." He answered as they exited the bus.
Pretty much everyone was texting their parents so they'd be taken home while entering the gymnasium. Mostly because they were too tired to wait for a bus, or walk all the way to their homes. Coach Yamiji talked about the match and what they would practice by next week, but Bokuto didn't listen to anything he said. His mind was too messed up.
Everyone exited the gymnasium, finding cars waiting for them.
"Komi, I'll take you back to your place if your parents haven't answered yet," Konoha said.
"Thanks man, they're busy with my sisters, they probably didn't see my text…"
"See you Monday!" Konoha exclaimed as the two boys entered the car of the Konoha family.
Akaashi saw from the corner of his eye Ayaka entering her usual car. The young setter had to wait for his mother but he noticed Bokuto coming out of the Academy gates. He glanced quickly at the Kanemoto car driving off then at the few people waiting for their parents.
"See you Monday…" The Ace said as he turned around to walk.
"Are you walking home, Bokuto? Do you need a ride home?" Matsuoka asked, surprised.
"No thanks, I'm not far…" The Ace answered as he waved at the others.
Akaashi knew it was a lie. Even if the Ace didn't live very far away, it wasn't the closest place either.
When Bokuto arrived at his home, he took off his shoes and announced his arrival.
"Koutarou? Is that you? You're back?" His mother called from the living-room, "Why didn't you call? I would have come to get you at school!"
"I felt like walking…" He answered, already turning towards the stairs to climb into his bedroom.
His mother smiled to him, a little sadly.
"You lost then… Your father isn't home yet, but I can prepare something for you. Your favorite, yakiniku?"
"I'm not hungry…" He answered, starting to slowly climb the stairs.
His mother watched him, a little surprised. Even if he felt down after losing a match, he always ate to "fix exhausted muscles" ashe always said…
"Are you sure? It's important to eat for your muscles, Koutarou…" She said before he could disappear.
"I just want to sleep… I'll eat tomorrow," he said.
"Did something happen?" She asked in a loud voice when he turned around and disappeared.
He feigned not hearing it. He entered his bedroom, realizing how much he had missed the safety and comfort of his own room then dropped the bags and fell face first on his bed. Before he could fall asleep though, his phone vibrated in his pocket. Without moving, he tugged at it with one arm and opened the message sent by Akaashi.
Did something happen between Kanemoto-san and you?
Bokuto growled and threw the phone at the other side of his bed, hiding his face once again.
"Stop asking me that, everyone…" He grumbled against his pillow.
When Ayaka arrived home, there was a short pause between the moment she announced her arrival and Momoko's answer. The lady had probably not expected the young girl to come home this day.
"Shall I make you a dinner, Miss Ayaka?" The old lady asked with a smile.
"No thanks, I'll… I'll take a bath before going to bed…" She answered, avoiding looking in the woman's eyes.
Ayaka had fought back tears for hours, after managing to stop the flow, hidden in Chiba's gymnasium restrooms. As soon as she had entered the apartment, she had felt the tears coming back and it was only in her bath that she allowed herself to cry, as silently as possible.
She had expected the rejection, she had known all along that Koutarou didn't like her the way she liked him. She knew that his heart was beating only for his 'Sowlmate', Fukui-san… She knew that even if they had had a chance, her father would have not approved of it and would have not let anything happen. She knew it but… it still hurt so much. Being rejected. Knowing that the person she liked didn't like her back, that he only saw her as a friend… That his heart was beating for another, that his smile would brighten someone else's day, that he would hold and kiss someone who wasn't her… Ayaka's heart stung, it felt way too heavy and no matter how much she cried, she couldn't lighten it. She wanted to rip it out of her chest so it'd stop hurting so much…
She exited the bath, thinking that a good night sleep would help her feel better. But not long after she had sit on her bed, someone knocked at her door.
"I-I'm about to go to sleep, Momoko…" She said with a weak voice.
"I-it's not Momoko…"
Masaru opened the door hesitantly, throwing a sad glance at his little sister. Instantly, she felt tears invading her eyes once again.
"I… I can tell you're not feeling down because of Fukurodani's loss… right…?" He asked hesitantly.
Ayaka had no idea how to talk right now but when her brother showed how concerned he was, she couldn't help it. She needed her big brother, she needed the comfort. Ayaka shook lightly her head, wiping away tears as Masaru sat next to her awkwardly.
"Did… did someone hurt you? A boy?" He asked hesitantly, not knowing how to start on the subject.
Ayaka swallowed hard, sniffing before answering.
"I-it's not his fault… He didn't mean to…" She whispered with a broken voice.
"Oh…"
"He likes another…" Ayaka continued, a sob strangling her, "I… I didn't think it'd hurt so much…! If it makes me feel like that… I-I don't want to be in love, I don't want of my heart…!" She sobbed, trying desperately to wipe away the tears but they kept rolling down her cheeks.
Masaru watched with sad eyes his little sister breaking down because she had fallen in love with the wrong boy. Slowly, he reached for her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Ayaka leaned against him, sobbing and crying against his chest while holding onto her brother.
"I-I know… how it feels to get broken-hearted… Cry all you want, Ayaka… You'll get better, I promise…" He murmured as she sobbed freely, crying for the love that couldn't be.
At some point, Momoko brought them teas, not saying a thing as the young girl kept crying and crying into the night until she fell asleep, exhausted from all the tears she had cried. From all the hurt she had felt in so little time. Masaru put her to bed, pulling the covers to her shoulders and left her bedroom with the trail of untouched tea.
"Is Miss Ayaka asleep?" Momoko asked, sitting at the table in the kitchen.
"Yes… She's exhausted…" Masaru answered, looking down at the cold cups of tea.
"Was she rejected or did Master Kanemoto forbid her to see the young man?" She asked curiously.
"He rejected her. Damn it!" He exclaimed, bringing down the trail against the table angrily, "We shouldn't have to be forbidden of anything! Even if Ayaka can't help being broken-hearted because that guy is in love with another, she shouldn't have to face the fear of our father! We shouldn't have to feel like he will forbid us to see the person we love!" He growled before realizing that the cups had fallen and the tea was spilling, "S-sorry…" He murmured.
"Do not apologize, Master Masaru. I believe you are right. But unfortunately, no one can change the way things are among the Kanemoto…" Momoko said, gently taking the trail away from him and washing off the tea.
"Momoko, do you know who that is? The boy Ayaka likes?" Masaru asked curiously, calming down.
"Miss Ayaka never told me anything, but I have a good guess of who it might be. Bokuto Koutarou – the volleyball team's Ace. She always talks about him, smiling and starry-eyed." Momoko answered with a smile.
"The one who looks like an idiot with strange, dyed hair?" Masaru asked, frowning lightly.
"I do believe it is the description Miss Ayaka had given me."
"Oh."
"Do not be too hasty to judge on appearances, Master Masaru…" Momoko said.
The young man didn't answer.
On Sunday, Bokuto family house…
Koutarou was sitting on the sofa, eating crisps while watching the tv. He was watching the finals and ceremony of the InterHigh with the victors and of course, all the people who had participated into making this competition possible. And among them, the Kanemoto. It was strange for him that the first time he saw Ayaka after rejecting her was on tv when she was being the perfect Kanemoto heiress. She looked as perfect as usual, and just as usual, her eyes didn't sparkle. Still, there was something missing even in her professional smile and it seemed that she couldn't quite bring herself to fully smile.
Koutarou knew perfectly why.
"Don't eat that before lunch, Koutarou!" His mother scolded while walking in front of the tv, "Also, don't watch this, it'll get you depressed again… What's the point of watching it when you're not the victor?"
"If I were the victor, I wouldn't be watching it, I'd receiving flowers and medals," he answered, eyes still fixed on the screen.
The victorious team's members were all receiving flowers from Ayaka. How ironic with her name.
Bokuto Yoshi sighed at her son just as the door rang.
"I'll go get–"
"I'll get it! You stay here getting depressed with your crisps, honey-bun!" Yoshi exclaimed.
Koutarou didn't answer, focusing on eating his crisps as silently as possible to hear what was being said on tv.
"Oh, Keiji-chan! I didn't know you'd come!" Yoshi exclaimed.
Koutarou choked on his crisps and started coughing, listening to his mother and Akaashi while trying to breathe.
"Hello, Bokuto-san, I apologize for coming unannounced but is Bokuto-san – I mean, your son – here?"
"How many times have I told you to call me Yoshi-san? And yes, Koutarou is here, why? Koutarou! Keiji-chan is here to see you!"
Koutarou hesitated, not having expected Akaashi to come. He heard Akaashi and his mother coming into the living-room. He looked up at his friend and froze when he saw the murderous gaze that the setter was giving him.
"Will you stay for lunch, Keiji-chan? I have cooked for way too many, so stay!" She decided for him, "I'll go get some tea for you, boys~" Yoshi announced before going into the kitchen.
"Umm… Hi, Keij– I mean, Akaashi? What are you doing here, if I may ask?" Koutarou asked hesitantly.
"Bokuto Koutarou-san. The whole team is starting to think you have committed suicide because you are not answering to your phone and I find you eating junk food while watching – is that the InterHigh finals? Did you seriously watch the InterHigh finals?!" Akaashi exclaimed, a very annoyed expression on his face.
"I don't see what's wrong in watching the InterHigh finals?"
"That's not the point! Why didn't you answer anyone the whole weekend?" Akaashi continued, muting the tv sound, "Especially after rejecting Kanemoto-san!"
Bokuto gasped and blushed but the setter continued, unphased:
"You should have told someone, anyone about Kanemoto-san telling you her feelings – it explained why you looked so gloomy and almost slapped me when I–"
"Bokuto Koutarou!" Yoshi exclaimed from the kitchen, "Did I hear right?! Did you reject a girl who likes you?! Who is this girl?! Why didn't you tell me anything?!"
Koutarou jumped on Akaashi, covering his mouth with his hand, not wanting his parents – and especially not his mother – to find out about any of this.
"N-nothing! Akaashi said nothing! It was nothing, mom!" He shouted.
"Keiji-chan! Come tell me everything! My son never says anything about his love life! I want to know how well my honey-bun does with girls!"
"NOPE! LATER MOM!" Koutarou shouted while pulling Akaashi.
They literally ran up the stairs while Yoshi glanced from the kitchen door at them. She smirked then ran into the living-room, turning on one of the two baby-monitors she had hid in the house. One was always for her, the other hidden in her son's bedroom to spy on him – solely to ensure her job as a mother being done properly, of course.
Koutarou threw Akaashi in the room before slamming the door and falling against it, his heart beating faster than after his morning run…
"If this is your revenge for telling in front of your mother that Ami-chan is your girlfriend, then that was very low Akeeagshi!" Bokuto hissed, glaring at his friend who was smiling smugly, "You did it on purpose!"
"Why would I do that?"
"You DEFINITELY did it on purpose!"
"Consider it more a revenge for not answering your phone for the entire week-end. Also – 'honey-bun'?"
Koutarou blushed, remembering the embarrassing nick-name his mother was giving him since he was a child – and had a bad habit of calling him that when his friends were coming over at the house.
"Don't judge Keiji-chan!" Koutarou mocked, making the setter stiffen when it was Bokuto Koutarou who was calling him that.
Quickly, the setter went back to his usual serious-self, frowning at Koutarou.
"Why didn't you answer all weekend?" He asked.
Koutarou blinked.
"Answer what?"
"Your phone, dammit!" Akaashi shrieked before remembering that he should lower his voice in someone else's house, "Why didn't you answer your phone at all? We're all worried about you!"
"Uuuh… my phone… But I didn't receive any- oh. Oh…"
"What is this 'oh', Bokuto-san?"
Akaashi could already feel his hands tingling from wanting to slap the Ace. Bokuto looked over at his bed, climbed over it and after looking around the pillows, leaned down to look under the bed. When he straightened up, he had his phone in his hand.
"I have forgotten to pick it up from Friday's night after throwing it off the bed…" He explained apologetically.
While Akaashi was breathing in and out to not strangle the Wing-spiker, the young man unlocked his phone screen. And saw about thirty calls and new messages – all from the volleyball team. Somehow, while Koutarou had been sleeping, eating junk food and brooding all week-end, all of his teammates had thought him dead or gone. Somehow they had learned about him rejecting Ayaka.
Now that the initial shock and embarrassment of Keiji – and the whole club, if not school – knowing about him rejecting Ayaka… Koutarou was mostly confused.
"How did you all learn about… uh…"
"You rejecting Kanemoto-san's feelings? She told Ami, who told me. Then, when I tried to find out how you felt but didn't answer, I tried to contact the others. Who couldn't contact you. Who in turn, learned from me the truth because we were all worried for you. Turns out that the airhead that you are had forgotten his phone under his bed!" Akaashi hissed, grabbing the nearest object to throw at the Ace.
It was a book. Bokuto received it in the face and fell back on his bed.
"AkeaASGHI!" He exclaimed, straightening up, his nose red, "Why would you do that?!"
"Because I don't have any volleyball to throw at your face right now! That was so stupid of you to ignore your phone! Not only we were all depressed after losing, but we worried about you! Then we learned about Kanemoto-san and we ended up worrying EVEN more!"
"I-I'm sorry… I… didn't think of my phone at all…" Koutarou muttered, looking down.
After having setting free his anxiousness and annoyance, Akaashi sighed and sat on the bed next to his friend.
"So… Bokuto-san, may I ask why you rejected Kanemoto-san?" He asked hesitantly, even if he had an idea of why.
Koutarou hesitated a moment before taking a deep breath and answering:
"I couldn't tell her anything. I did say a few words, but… I couldn't do anything else but apologize. I couldn't… find out how I felt…"
"Don't you like her?"
"I like her! I just… I don't like her…" He hesitated, looking at his joined hands, "I don't like her the way I should. I mean… I'm not sure I like her the way she likes me, I'm not sure I like her to… uh… date her… I don't think that dating her would be the right thing to do when I'm unsure of my feelings…"
"I know how that feels…" Akaashi sighed, "But Kanemoto-san and you are very close."
"We're close but… Hold on. Did you know she liked m-me?!" Bokuto exclaimed, whipping towards him, "Was this me you were talking about the other night?! And I thought it was you! Damn, I was so stupid!"
"Yes, you were."
"And everyone else knows as well?! BAARRGH, AAArrrgh! I was such an idiot!"
"You still are."
After Bokuto stopped trying to pull at his hair and stopped his dramatic screams, he frowned lightly, thinking back to the way Ayaka had behaved these last few months. He had had plenty of time to think about it during the weekend and Koutarou had realized that he couldn't figure out what was the moment that had changed between Ayaka and him, when she had started seeing him… differently. It did explain Akaashi, Komi and Konoha's glances at him when they had talked about Ayaka's feelings for a certain someone.
"Akaashi, the other day, you said that Ayaka's arranged marriage was explaining why she didn't try to tell her feelings. To someone – this someone is… me, I know that now but… what do you mean by not trying?" Bokuto asked.
Akaashi hesitated, wondering how much he could tell. But after having the whole team knowing about Ayaka's rejection… there wasn't much he could hide – especially not to the one who was the most concerned by this situation.
"When Kanemoto-san told us – to Ami and I – about her feelings for you… she knew that you had Koizumi-san pining after you, that you focused only about your Sowlmate and that you think it's Fukui-san. I was surprised that Kanemoto-san never really tried to fight for you, in some way, but… she didn't. I think that part of it is mostly because of her father and the influence he has on her – she knew she'd have an arrange marriage at some point, so she didn't let herself have any hope of you two dating."
"So… even if I were to like her… it wouldn't work out…" Bokuto concluded with a defeated expression on his face.
Akaashi was surprised by his way of thinking and after hesitating, Bokuto spoke up once again:
"When we went to Koizumi-san's house… when Kanemoto-san started crying…"
Koutarou looked down, remembering how Honoka had been flirting with him – right in front of Ayaka. Once again, he felt incredibly guilty and his shoulders fell.
"She cried because of me… And Honoka-chan being so close…" He concluded, frowning at himself for being so clueless for so long, "And when she went to the bathroom, I followed her even though I probably was the last person she wanted to see…" He murmured darkly.
"I don't think she didn't want to see you. I think she was very happy you went after her for comfort." Akaashi said before standing up, "But when I took her home, Kanemoto-san said something I think you should know."
Koutarou glanced up at the setter hesitantly as he continued with a little smile:
"She said that she didn't want to lose her friendship with you. She said that if she were to tell you her feelings, things would get awkward between you two because you'd feel guilty about it. She also said that… she wanted you to be happy, even if it's with someone else…"
Koutarou felt his heart tighten and he clenched his fists. It was clear that Ayaka hadn't wanted to tell him anything about her feelings from the beginning and that the only reason why she did in the end was because he thought she liked someone else. She didn't want him to feel guilty and even though she was the one with her heart broken, she wished him happiness…
"S-she's so… so kind… So thoughtful about everyone around… I-I wish I could like her back…" He admitted, the guilt he felt about making her cry haunting him.
Akaashi hesitated before putting a hand on his friend's shoulder for comfort.
"She knows you better than anyone. She gets you like no one else does. Be honest, Bokuto-san, do you like her? Or are you in denial because of your Sowlmate?" Keiji asked.
The Ace couldn't help but glance at his desk where there was a pile of letters hidden between notebooks. The letters from his Sowlmate – from Fukui Sachiko.
"I… I think if there wasn't… I don't know. I really don't know, Akeeashi…" He admitted, unable to find any answer to these questions, "I don't know how I feel at all… But I don't want my friendship with Kanemoto-san ruined because of… me… Do you think I should talk to her? To tell her I want us to remain friends anyway?"
"If you don't tell her that you want to remain friends, I will personally punch you in the dick."
Bokuto glanced back at the very serious setter and realized that he wouldn't hesitate to do it if he were to break Ayaka's heart another time. He couldn't help it and chuckled, Akaashi smiling despite himself.
"Boys~"
They jumped when Yoshi opened the door with an innocent smile – she had heard everything, obviously and Koutarou could tell it from the way her eyes looked at him. He couldn't figure out how his mother always knew everything about him – and what he talked about with his friends in the privacy of his bedroom. He was considering the possibility that she was a witch of some sort (and kinda hoped he'd have inherited her powers but to this day, nothing).
"Lunch is ready, also daddy's home from his run, Koutarou~"
"Uh… we're coming…" He answered.
They followed his mother but she spoke up once again – Koutarou tried to ignore the embarrassment when a confused Akaashi glanced at the bathroom in which Koutarou's father was happily singing.
"You should ask your father about not knowing how to figure out how you feel. He's an expert at that!"
"What do you mean? Wait – you listened once again, didn't you?!" He exclaimed, trying to glare at his mother but he was too embarrassed.
"What I mean by that is… well, ask him." She shrugged with a smile.
Koutarou felt like hitting his head against a wall and knowing his personality, he wondered if it was the way his teammates and friends felt like every time he was talking nonsense – considering the way Akaashi was smirking smugly, it was probably the case.
"As long as you don't ruin your chances with every girl who takes a liking in you, Koutarou…" She sighed.
"Good luck with that," Keiji remarked, glancing at the Ace who flushed.
"I don't see how that's your concern, mom…" He muttered in a low voice.
"That's my concern because I want grandchildren!" She exclaimed with a pout, putting her hands on her hips, "And I won't have any as long as you keep messing around, young man!" She added, pointing an accusing finger at him.
"I don't like it when you call me that…" He murmured, shoulders dropping.
"I call you however I like – I made you!" She exclaimed, going into the kitchen.
"With my help!" Koutarou's father added loudly while exiting the bathroom, "Good day to you, Kei-kun!"
"Good day, Bokuto-san," the setter answered with an amused smile.
"I want to die…" Koutarou sighed, suddenly wanting to hide from his embarrassing parents.
"Don't say such things, honey-bun…" Akaashi said as the different dishes were brought by Yoshi who laughed happily.
Koutarou felt like he would never stop blushing from embarrassment if all three of them were riling against him.
On Monday, before morning practice…
Bokuto yawned after watching way too many owls and cats videos on youtube last night. Going back to volleyball after two days of doing nothing other than running would be hard. At least, his muscles had rested – despite the amount of junk food and sugar he had swallowed.
He froze when he saw Ayaka walking right in front of him to go to the changing-room. Everything that had happened the last few days came back to him. Ayaka telling him that she liked him, him rejecting her… Akaashi finding out that he was not, in fact, dead. And everything they had talked about the previous day… Bokuto hadn't found the courage to talk with his father the way his mother had advised.
"Kanemoto-san!" He called, running to her.
The girl had stopped and turned around, surprise to see him. She looked tired but it might have been because she had come back from Chiba last night and had gotten up very early for the morning practice.
"Bokuto-san?" She hesitated, her heart tightening despite her when he ran to her.
"I… I… uh… good morning…" He hesitated as they stood awkwardly in front of one another.
"Good morning…"
There came an embarrassing silence, broken by Ayaka after a moment.
"Do you… need anything?" She asked.
"No! I mean, yes, I mean… can we talk?" He asked, cheeks flushed as he waited anxiously for her answer.
She opened her lips as if saying no before forcing a smile.
"Of course, what is it Bokuto-san?" She asked, avoiding his eyes.
"I… I wanted to apologize for… last Friday…" He muttered, looking down.
"I told you, you don't have to apologize for feeling the way you do. I'm just glad… I told you before anyone could tell you. I wouldn't have liked it if someone else had told you about… my feelings instead of me…" She said with a soft voice.
He glanced at her hesitantly, trying to find words to say everything he needed to say but as usual, when he needed his tongue to work, his mind couldn't keep up and he only confused himself more.
"I wish… things would be different…" He hesitated, thinking about Fukui-san, his Sowlmate – he had to keep his heart for his one and only, right…? It should feel right, wasn't it?
"Me too…" Ayaka answered with a sad smile.
"I!" He hesitated when he saw her turn around, "I… I hope we can still be… friends… I… I don't want to lose you…" He whispered with a broken voice, the fear of not having Ayaka as a friend haunting him.
Ayaka stared at him, and into his sparkling, golden eyes, shining under the morning sun. He was so honest and he looked so distraught at the very idea that they wouldn't be friend anymore. Ayaka didn't want to lose his friendship either, but right now was too hard to look at him without feeling her heart hurt abominably.
"Of course…" She answered with a forced smile, "We're still friends."
Koutarou should have felt reassured but as she walked away, he couldn't help but think that the way she had spoken and smiled was the way she acted around her father's associates. Professional. The proper behavior from a young lady. The behavior that was expected from her. The answer that had been expected when Koutarou had asked.
None of them had wanted anything to get awkward between them. But it was too late already…
I'll leave that here and go back to writing chapter 34 ; also, little spoiler from it: "He started leaning towards her lips, their breaths mixing deliciously while their heartbeats went mad."
ANYWAY! I want to thank you all again for everything! :D
Yours Truly,
May
