Eve threw herself into the farm.
It wasn't her grandmother's farm. It was now hers.
That took some getting used to.
It was grueling work. Now that it was just her and Marcus, they both got up before dawn to feed the horses and a few cattle, sheep and goats. Then, it was off to take care of the foals, then begin some of the colts on their training regimen. There were meetings with prospective buyers, equipment to repair, fences to mend.
But, she made the mortgage payment each month and even had enough left over to squirrel away. It kept the wolves at bay for a little longer, and she took pride in the fact that she was doing it. With Marcus's help, of course.
He was often quiet as they worked side-by-side, and he never brought up Gran. She wanted to ask him about their relationship, but never quite got up the nerve. The older, steely-faced man of her youth now seemed a little older and a little tougher. And just as intimidating. So, she kept her comments to herself.
As if she were not busy enough, the townsfolk treated her as a replacement for her bustling Gran. She found herself on the historical committee, the building committee at church, the horticultural society and anything else her grandmother had allotted time for. She even subbed from time to time for the court reporter for the same aging judge she started working with years ago. The money helped.
She actually enjoyed herself. Always content to sit on the sidelines before Gran died, she now found herself an active member in Bourbon County life.
Surprisingly enough, she became quite popular with the single guys. Ricky, the funeral home director, and Robert, the baby-faced policeman, were her most persistent suitors, but she didn't have time to date, let alone nurture a relationship. So, she gently declined their requests for dates, dancing the fine line between polite rejection and out-and-out rudeness.
But, when she collapsed into bed long after dark, the loneliness she had kept at bay with her farm and her community service would wash over her. No matter what accomplishments she upheld or accolades received, at the end of the day, she had no one to share it with. Sure, Ricky and Robert were nice enough, but she couldn't see herself settling down with either one.
She missed Dan. There were times when she could have used his sly humor to get her through a rough day, or just needed shoulder to lean on or someone to snuggle up against at night.
But, who was she kidding? That wasn't the Dan she remembered. She lost him the day she told him she was coming home. And, that was his problem that he couldn't deal with it, that he had to lash out at her with such animosity. She was just fine without him.
At least, that's what she told herself.
It was more tiring than he thought. There was murder and robbery and rape and burglary and too many other untold acts human to do other humans. Of course, it was all in a day's work. But that didn't make it any less depressing.
But, still Dan wondered how Harry did it and managed to stay sane. He understood the magic now. An escape.
Oh sure, he had someone to come home to at night, but that always sounded like a cop-out to Dan. Harry and Christine had been married some weeks before, and if he had to listen to either one of them go on and on about how cute the other was doing this or that, he would walk out in front of an eighteen wheeler. It was disgusting. He was happy for them, but it was disgusting just the same.
He wondered if he and Eve were that disgusting.
He saw the old gang occasionally, but now that he had gone his separate way, it wasn't very often. Mainly, they crossed paths in the large courthouse from time to time, often enough to catch up on each other's lives for a moment or two.
He really did miss them, but he'd never admit it to their faces.
Even Bull, although he was seeing the cute little blonde from Kentucky and never failed to mention them or pull out a picture of her and her daughter. Sometimes, Dan wondered if he wanted to rub his face in it, sort of saying, 'ha, ha, you refuse to be with the woman you love, but I would give this all up for the woman I loved.' But, he really didn't think Bull was bright enough for that.
The life of a judge wasn't all it was cracked up to be. There were demands on his time, and on his soul, for that matter that took up more than he was willing to give. For some reason, he thought when he made it to this point in his life, it would be as if all the planets had lined up and infinite happiness would be his.
Not even close.
Sure, there were moments. But, they were few and far between.
He tried to make his own happiness, but falling into strange women's beds did not give him the thrill it once did. He found himself comparing them to Eve, and none of them measured up.
If he wasn't so busy being revolted with himself, he might have admitted that he missed her.
His last night with the old gang, they threw him a party, too. No one mentioned her. That was good. It was too raw in his mind.
Still was. It never failed to amaze him that something would remind him of her, and the wound seemed to open itself up again, almost physically knocking the breath out of him.
But, what good was it? He heard Bull's round-a-bout way of telling him what she was doing. She had gone on with her life. He had gone on with his. Time to pick himself up by his boot straps, put the nose to the grindstone and discover life is what you make of it.
And yeah, when he stopped talking to himself in samplers, he knew he was lying to himself.
And, it sucked.
"This is so neat!"
Eve had to smile at Bull's enthusiasm. "Only you would think mucking stalls is neat."
"But, it's so refreshing! To be outside, one with nature, working with your muscles, the fresh air on your face."
Eve leaned on her shovel. "You know, if you keep talking like that, I might hire you on. Could use the extra muscle around here," she teased. Now that she wasn't so far behind in her bills, she and Marcus had discussed hiring part-time help. But, she really didn't think Bull would leave New York. To her, he was just as much a part of New York as anyone she knew.
Bull managed to look thoughtful. "I might just take you up on that."
She stared at him for a moment. "You're serious. Aren't you?"
"Smile!" Cindy clicked the camera before she had a chance to protest.
Eve held her hands up in front of her face. "Cynthia Faust, you get away from me with that thing!"
"Oh, c'mon. I need some people interacting with nature shots for class, and this is about as close to nature as you'll get," Cindy protested, motioning to the pile of manure. She had started taking photography classes and found she was actually very good at it. "Hey, sweetie." She stood on tip-toe and kissed Bull on the cheek.
"Hey, snookums."
"Oh, gross," Eve complained good-naturedly as she returned to the task at hand.
"Old sensible Eve. Never one to call someone a pet name," Cindy smiled at her friend and shook her head.
"I don't know. She and Dan got pretty good at making googly-eyes at each other."
Eve put a little too much effort into tossing the shovel-full of pungent manure into the wheel barrel. Some of it went over the other side. Just hearing his name stabbed at her heart. Just when she thought she was doing so well . . .
Bull didn't notice her discomfort. But, Cindy did. She changed the subject for her. "Hey, Eve! Who're you bringing to the party?"
"No one. It's my party, and I'll go stag if I want to." That sounded harsher than she intended it to. "I thought you had enough date to share with me." She hoped that made up for it. "What do you think, Bull? Escort two lovely ladies?"
"Hey, good idea! I've never been to a real hoedown before."
"Eve's grandmother threw one every fall. For her birthday, she claimed, but I always figured she liked to have a good time."
Eve wiped her forehead on her sleeve. "Everyone always looked forward to it, and it seems like a good tribute. They'll be a bluegrass band and food and beer . . ."
"Sounds like a plan to me!" Bull said enthusiastically.
"Well, none of us will be going if I don't get these chores done. I've got to help Marcus set up the stage and the lanterns, and find time to take stock of the new stallion he bought to introduce new blood into our herd. Oh, and Cindy, don't forget to bring your camera!"
Cindy held it up, her blue eyes excited. "Oh, I won't. Ever since I won those awards at the fair, it's almost like an extension of my body. You never know when something will come along that warrants a picture."
"Everyone havin' a good time tonight?" Eve normally hated public speaking, but the sea of faces in the crowd were all family. Rather drunk family, but family nonetheless.
There were a lot of 'yeahs!' and several 'hell, yeahs!' in reply. Eve motioned towards the band. "What do ya think of our little group here?"
More whistles and stomps while the band took a bow, sweeping their cowboy hats low.
"I just wanted to thank each of for coming tonight. There's more beer out back, and plenty of food for everyone!"
The band hit the first few notes of "Kicken' Mule," and Eve found herself swept off the stage and into a fast-paced two-step. Even after a long day of work and even longer prep time, she was having a blast.
She and Ricky, who she didn't even know could dance, let alone two-step, twirled past Cindy, who snapped a picture of her in mid-step.
Eve didn't care. She felt pretty tonight, wearing a thigh-length red dress she and Cindy had shopped for. It was cut low and just a tad short of scandalous, but she didn't care. Although it was October, it was still muggy, so she didn't have a problem with being cold. Especially after all the dancing! Her feet ached in her snug cowboy boots, but she didn't care about that either, throwing her head back and laughing when Ricky twirled her around. It had been a long time since she felt pretty. Usually she just felt tired and grungy after toiling away all day long. But, not today.
Cindy snapped another picture.
Eve still didn't care.
It was close to 2 a.m. before the crowd trickled away. Marcus had gone straight to bed, muttering something about being too old for this shit. Eve was sitting on the front porch step looking at the mess on the front lawn, Starla's head in her lap. And smiling.
She was glad the newlywed couple renting the cabin had moved to Lexington a couple of weeks ago. The noise would have kept them awake all night. So far, no one had answered her ad to rent it out again, and Marcus was hinting at moving back out there. So far, she hadn't missed the extra income, so she wondered if that was the thing to do.
Honestly, she didn't want to rattle around in this big house alone.
But, she wouldn't think about that now. She was way too happy from throwing a successful party. One her Gran would have been proud of.
The front door opened and the floor creaked and popped.
"Hey, Bull. Thought you were in bed."
"Couldn't sleep. I could probably dance some more, if you're up to it."
Eve motioned to her discarded boots. "I think I'm all danced out. You and Cindy sure seemed to hit it off, though."
"She's great, isn't she?" Even in the dark, Eve could see the dreamy look on his face.
She had to smile. "I'm glad she's found someone like you, Bull. It's been rough on her since Callie was born, and I think y'all are good for each other. I hope I find someone like that. "
Bull managed to look sheepish. "Aww, thanks." He paused for a moment, but plowed ahead. "And, you had found someone like that. Dan."
And just like that, her mood plummeted. She stared out into the yard again. "Bull, you know I don't want to talk about that," she warned.
"It just all seems so . . . so wrong!" Bull lamented.
"Just because it seems wrong to you doesn't mean it's wrong to the parties involved." Eve used her sensibilities to fight the wave of pain. It helped. A little.
"He misses you, Eve."
She ran a hand through her hair, tangled from dancing. "Bull, I'll let you in on a little secret. The last time he saw me, he told me to go to hell. Does that sound like a man who's in love?"
"He said that to you?"
Eve realized her mistake too late. "Don't go throwing him down the trash shoot. He's a judge now, so I'm sure that's breaking some sort of federal law or something."
Bull cracked his knuckles. "Just one trip into the trash?"
"Nope. None."
"You're no fun! I bet Roz will let me throw him down the trash shoot."
"No. No trash shoot."
They sat in silence for a little while longer, Eve finally growing sleepy.
"Can I ask you something, Eve?"
"Sure."
"Did you ask him to come here?"
Her tired mind was confused. "Huh?"
"Dan. Did you ever ask Dan to leave New York and come to Kentucky with you?"
"I . . . don't see . . ." Her brain was tripping all over itself trying to figure this out.
"If you never asked him to come with you, maybe he never realized that was an option. Maybe he would have come with you if you'd only asked. If you just told him it was over and that was it, maybe that's what had him so upset." Bull was gaining steam with this theory, and Eve didn't like it one bit.
She shook her head in exasperation. "Can you honestly see Dan on a farm shoveling manure and liking it?"
Bull actually seemed to think about her question. "I think he'd be happier here with you than he is as a judge in New York."
He broke into a huge stretch and yawn. Even Starla jumped, raising her head from Eve's lap. "Time for beddie-by. G'night, Eve."
"G'night, Bull."
Why, oh why, did he have to do that to her? Now, she was wide awake again, staring in the yard, but not seeing the mess she was to clean tomorrow.
