Chapter 29: Can We Talk?

BUSTED! Where will our group of friends go from here? Some interesting talks.

Niki gasped and took a step back, she hadn't expected him to be there, most likely he was feeling the same way, "What are you guys doing here?

Sheldon stared at Niki, surprised to see her standing in front of him with Penny and Bernadette in tow. "Maybe I should ask you the same question."

"I took Penny and Bernie here to explain something to them."

Sheldon looked at her in a curious manner and moved through the door, "May I ask what you were trying to explain?"

Niki looked at her two friends and answered him, "Sure. I brought them here to show them what we've had on our minds and why I've been worried about you."

Sheldon looked at her in confusion as he closed the door behind him, "You've been worried about me? Why on earth would you be worried about me?"

"Well, I thought that maybe you've been stressed from all of this." Niki explained as she waved her hand in a gesture meant to include the entire property.

"Stress from this? Niki, why would I feel stress from this?"

"Well, how much about our plans have you told them?" she asked him, pointing to Howard, Leonard, and Raj.

Howard interrupted the conversation long enough to say, "Enough to get me leaning towards coming here, that is, after I talk to my wife. Hi Honey." Bernie merely nodded and smiled. She was curious about what Niki and Sheldon were saying to each other.

Niki walked over to Sheldon and put her arm through his, "So I take it they know everything."

Leonard nodded, "Pretty much. Maybe more than I wanted to know about some things." He shot an exasperated look at Sheldon

Niki could no longer contain herself; she had to ask, "So…what did you guys decide?"

Howard nodded at the two of them, "If Bernie agrees, I'm coming here and will help in whatever way I can. It sounds like a great opportunity for me, for all of us."

Raj smiled and came forward to shake Sheldon's hand, "I've got nothing to lose and I think it's time I made some changes in my life. Count me in."

Sheldon looked at his best friend with almost pleading eyes, "Leonard?"

"I don't know yet, Sheldon, I'm not sure I'm ready to leave the school. It's a pretty safe job with great benefits."

Niki went over and hugged Leonard, "I understand that completely. Only you can decide what's best for you."

Sheldon looked at his friend, almost in a panic, "I don't understand. Leonard, don't you trust me? I thought we were friends."

Niki took his arm once more and warned her fiancé, "Sheldon…"

Leonard interceded, "No, Niki, he has a point. Yes, we're friends and, no, I don't think your plan will fail. I'm just happy where I'm at. Can you guys understand that?"

"Yes, of course." She told him.

"Not at all." He said.

Bernie could no longer keep quiet, "Why not, Sheldon? I thought you were the one who always hated change. This time you're the one who's handling it well. Maybe it's Leonard's turn for a little understanding in that area."

Sheldon slowly nodded, as if finally comprehending Leonard's feelings, "Okay, but this change was of my own doing, it wasn't forced upon me. I'm better with those kinds of changes. But, tell me, what do you think of Howard coming here?"

"That's Howard's decision to make not mine. It's his career, remember? If NASA gives the okay and he will still be available to them when and if they need him, why not?"

He turned to look at his best friend's wife, "Penny? You haven't said anything yet."

She looked at her husband warmly, "What can I say? I took a risk with going back to acting and Leonard supported me all the way. Whatever he decides to do is okay with me. Like you said, Bernie, it's his career, not mine."

Niki released Sheldon's arm and turned to face him, "Very good. Since everyone's weighed in, I'd like to ask Sheldon something and let him answer it for me."

He nodded, "All right. What do you want to ask me?"

"If this whole thing here," she waved her hands to encompass the entire property, "and all the work we will have to do to make it work didn't make you nervous, what did?"

Sheldon gazed at her with a quizzical look on his face, "Where did you get the idea I was nervous about anything?"

Niki tried to explain, "Well, you've certainly stepped up the physical side of our relationship, as Leonard said; we've been going at it like…" before she could finish, Leonard interrupted her with a decisive

"DON'T SAY IT!"

"Okay, let's just say our love life has been put into overdrive lately. I thought that you might be dealing with your worries or anxieties that way."

Sheldon put his arms around her and pulled her close to him, "That's preposterous. Do you really want to know why our love life has been a bit more active lately?"

Leonard interrupted them again, "Don't you dare compare it to…"

"Relax, Leonard. The reason our intimate life has become more active is that you are the lady who has agreed to become my wife. My desire for you has increased because I am excited about spending the rest of my life with you. That thought has had a most positive effect on my libido. Any other questions?"

Niki looked up at him and smiled, "I have two. Why did you bring the guys here tonight and are you free later tonight?"

"To answer your first question, I was so proud of what we are going to build together; I couldn't wait to show my friends. Yes, Howard, in spite of our occasional verbal sparring I do consider you a friend and most necessary to this endeavor. To answer your second question, I am making plans to spend the night with my beautiful fiancée. I do hope I have answered all of your questions." She nodded quickly. "I have? Good. Then I do believe we are done here for tonight. Now, if you don't mind, I am off to a special moonlight madness sale at the comic book store with these gentlemen. Niki, I will see you later. Keep the light on, as they say."

Sheldon arrived at Niki's apartment sometime after midnight with a new stack of comic books in his arms. He laid them on the kitchen counter and greeted Niki with a soft, gentle, kiss. He made his way over to the couch and patted the seat next to him, inviting her to sit there.

"May we sit and talk? I think we need to clear the air about some things. We've already told each other about our childhoods and our previous relationships. Now, I do believe it's time we told each other about how we came to our relationship and how we truly feel about each other. Are you, to use a hackneyed phrase, game?"

Niki came and sat close to him and nodded, "Of course. What do you wish to discuss? I'm all ears, to reference rabbits once more."

Sheldon gave one of his strange, hiccupping laughs and then turned serious and began to speak, "Sometimes I look at you, Niki, and you take my breath away. You are very intelligent and very beautiful, don't say anything to deny it, I think you are both of those things. It's strange and completely foreign to me how I love to touch you. For the better part of my life I detested the thought of touching anyone. I neither desired, nor initiated, any human contact beyond what was needed for work and social situations. Sex was the furthest thing from my mind."

Niki took one of his hands in hers and asked him, "You mean, you never had sex with anyone?"

Sheldon shook his head emphatically, 'No. Nor did I want to."

"Not even with yourself?" She was trying desperately to understand just how deep his aversion to touch had gone.

He answered her reluctantly, "Only when absolutely necessary. Anyway, then I met Amy and finally connected intimately with another human being besides Leonard. But did I desire touching and sex? Gradually I did, but not to any great degree. As time went on, I did hold her hand, kiss her, hug her, make love with her, but not as often as most people would consider normal. I was stunted in that area. After she died, I did what was for me unthinkable and started therapy. I found out a lot about myself, why I was the way I was.

Niki gently squeezed his hand in encouragement, "What did the therapist tell you?"

Sheldon looked directly into her eyes and began to speak in an extremely serious manner, "He came to the conclusion that my mental block concerning touch was a combination of PTSD, from observing my father's cruelty for many years, and OCD, most likely from the same source and being bullied at school. I just kept so much inside I forgot how to reach out to others. Touching meant being close to people and sharing their germs, and also their warmth if I want to be truthful. I did not trust anyone enough to do that. Mentally, I just shut out that part of living. In my mind, people hurt you. I wanted no part of them beyond what was absolutely necessary. I never even shared many of my true thoughts with others. The only person in my life I let even remotely close to me was my Meemaw. She was always loving, kind, and accepting of me the way I was. Then I met Leonard. A kinder, more patient, more trustworthy man has never existed. Slowly, we became friends and he put up with all of my annoying habits. There were way too many of them for me to mention here, we'd be up all night.

Niki smiled, "You hit the nail on the head about Leonard. Everyone likes Leonard, he just feels warm and safe, doesn't he?"

"Yes, as I have stated to you before, he is one of the finest people I have ever met in my life. But to continue with my story, he stayed my friend and because of Leonard I started to let people in a little bit. I developed friendships with Howard and Raj and life was pretty good. Amy came along and I eventually fell in love for the first time. How I loved her! She was me in a female form. I trusted her and while it took a long time for our relationship to develop, by the time we got engaged we were solid, or so I thought. I informed you previously how I took her for granted, it still pains me to remember that. She should have gotten more from me, but at that time I was too closed off and selfish. I have not always been a good person, Niki. I want you to know that." He hung his head in shame at the remembrance of his past actions.

She smiled at him and her voice held much warmth and comfort, "You've told me this before and I understood. We've all had our bad moments in the past, Sheldon. Trust me on that. I never thought you were without fault, I have always considered you a sexy genius, but never perfect. So tell me, do you still see your therapist?"

He kissed her quickly on the cheek and continued, "Only occasionally, for reinforcement when I feel overwhelmed by life. But not often anymore. And that's partly your doing, young lady. When you met me, that wonderful day when you and Raj walked into my office, I was starting to come out of the worst of my grieving. As time went by I started to fall in love with you. I loved how much fun you always had doing anything, how brave you were, your lovely laugh, your amazing eyes, I adored all of it. But I couldn't tell you. I thought for sure you would turn me down. Then, on my birthday at Disneyland, I gathered up my courage and kissed you. My life has not been the same since. You always encourage me to laugh with you, smile with you, study and research with you, eat with you, sleep with you, come with you; it has been so fulfilling just to be with you. I knew I wanted to marry you the moment you took out all those people the first time we played paintball. All the hurt and pain you had felt in your life came out through that paint ball gun. That day I wanted so badly to hold you and kiss you and tell you I loved you, but I couldn't muster up the nerve. You were so courageous and I was a coward. You reminded me very much of a brave child facing the boogie man. Silly thought, but there it was."

Niki looked away from him for a moment to compose herself and then started to talk, "Sheldon, I was far from an open person myself. My entire life has been a pursuit of science. I loved Paul, but when he cheated it didn't hurt me like it should have. It didn't affect my professional life and our marriage didn't seem to change, so I didn't protest at all. I guess I didn't have the confidence to call him out on his actions, or I didn't care enough. My work was not affected, so it was all good in my mind. Pathetic, wasn't I? My form of coping, like yours, was to bury everything inside of me. When I met you the first time, I was still very much afraid to tell you or anyone else my true feelings. You have helped me so much with that; for some time, you were the only person I felt safe enough to talk to honestly. That you saw that much of me through my actions that day tells me you are a very insightful man. That's part of why I love you. You're a much deeper person than it appears on the surface."

"I still have trouble accepting that. When we started our relationship I would sometimes pinch myself to see if what was happening to me was real."

She stood up and headed towards the kitchen, "May I get you a hot beverage? No? Okay. Now, why didn't it seem real?" She opened the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water. She made a motion to offer one to him, but he shook his head in reply.

He clasped his hands in front of him and continued, "Because I thought I wasn't worthy of you. I'm reminded of something Leonard said to me once, though I didn't understand it at the time. It was shortly after he became engaged to Penny. He told me that he felt like he was in high school once more and he, the geekiest kid in school, had won the hand of the head cheerleader. Now, I have never wanted a cheerleader, but the feeling is much the same. In other words, how did a woman like you go for geeky, strange, nerdy me?"

Niki came back into the living room and sat down next to him once more, "Gee, Sheldon, I'm a pretty big geek myself, that's a big part of it. But do you really want me to explain everything to you?"

He gave an earnest nod of his head, "If you don't mind."

"Do you think I stumbled into your office that day on pure chance? Let me tell you how Raj and I met. I was working up at Mt. Wilson and he came up there to see our big telescope. Raj is crazy for telescopes, just like me. We started talking and he told me he worked at Cal Tech. I asked him if he had ever met you and he told me you were a good friend of his. I was blown away. I had been reading and following your work for years. You might say I had a bit of a professional crush on you."

Sheldon eyes went wide in disbelief.

She touched his cheek and caressed it with her finger, "So, when a position opened up at the university to work with Raj I put in for it and got the job. I do believe he had a hand in that. I loved working with Raj, but I wanted to meet you so very badly. When he came to me with the offer to fill in for him on a research project with you, I jumped at the chance. In the beginning I stuck completely to work, I was in total awe of you and very intimidated, that's why I came off a bit snarky at first, I had my defenses up to the nth degree. After a few days I realized that we worked very well together and I started to relax. "

"That was still a long way from love, Niki."

She admitted that with a nod of her head, "I know. That day when I told you about my past in the restaurant was big for me. I was hurting so badly that day, just missing Paul I guess, and you were so kind and understanding. That's the day I do believe my feelings started to change from hero worship to love, though I wouldn't even admit that to myself, much less you. The night you introduced me to your friends was the night I started to come out of my safe, little, cocoon. I began to truly feel things, and I wanted a full life once more. Meeting and getting to know Penny and Bernadette has had a very positive impact on me as well. They are both upstanding ladies and true friends."

Sheldon nodded in agreement, "That night was a turning point for me, as well. You looked so lovely that night, and were so nice to my friends. I was afraid you would see my heart beating through my shirt, that's how hard I was falling."

She gave him just the tiniest of smirks, "You sure hid it well."

He grinned back at her, "Likewise."

Niki laid her head on his shoulder, "Let me continue. I always had so much fun with you, whether we were rollerblading, playing paintball, dancing, whatever, I just enjoyed being with you. I still do, of course."

Now it was Sheldon's turn to grab her hand and look at her with an endearing intensity, "Do you know I couldn't even admit it to myself I wanted to touch you in a romantic way or kiss you until my birthday at Disneyland? I knew I had feelings for you, but kiss or hug you? I was so scared of that I couldn't even entertain the thought of it. Until something in your actions that night told me to, as they say, go for it."

Niki gave a little chuckle, "Well, I very glad you did. By the way, that was some kiss."

His smile was wide as he asked her, "I take it you enjoyed it?"

"Best first kiss I ever had. No lie. Sheldon, I fell so in love with you that night, once we kissed, I never wanted to let you go.""

"I felt much the same way. Why do you think I booked the room for a second night? One night would have never been enough time to share my love with you. You know, I've just recalled something that happened that night."

She sipped her water and asked him, "What is it?"

"When we were leaving the dance floor, a stranger handed me a business card. My mind was solely on you at that moment, so I have never really looked at it. I took it home and put it in my wallet."

"Ooh, let's look at it now! I want to see what's on that card."

Sheldon pulled his wallet out of his pocket, opened it, and removed out the card. It had one line of writing on it. A man's name and a phone number with the words, Call me, written on it.

"Niki, do you recognize this name? I'm drawing a complete blank."

Niki took the card from his hand and read it. "Holy Shit! Yeah, I know who this is."

Sheldon stared at her in concern, she hadn't moved nor blinked in several seconds, "Well, are you going to inform me of this person's identity or are you going to sit there like a stone monument the rest of the day?"

Niki came back to the present with a shake of her head, "That's…he's…the man who handed you that card is the most powerful man in what is now known as The Binary LLC."

Sheldon gently took her shoulders and turned her to face him, "Are you informing me that they wanted me back then? "

"So it would seem, and since you didn't respond to his request, in due time they contacted me. The rest, as they say, is history."

Sheldon wrapped Niki in his arms and settled deeper into the couch. "I do believe I understand you and our relationship much better than I had. Now that I have told you all about me, do you still want to go ahead with the wedding?"

She snuggled even closer to him and sighed happily, "Absolutely. I'm glad we had a chance to talk like this, Sheldon. I've realized I should be putting forth a little more effort planning our wedding. I never wanted you to think it didn't matter to me."

He kissed the top of her head as he always did when they cuddled, "I know that. Let me start this thing off on the right foot, so to speak. When would you like to get married? Soon? Would you like a longer engagement? What do you want?"

She moved a bit and looked up at him, "Wait a minute, you're part of this, too. Let's both state what we want and then attempt to compromise where we differ. Does that sound acceptable?"

"That sounds most acceptable to me. But, like I said previously, what do you want?"

Niki stared off into space, as if looking into the past, "I had a large, society, wedding when I married Paul. I had a wedding dress that cost thousands of dollars, a guest list that was a who's who of entertainment, society and politics, a grand reception at the Beverly Hilton, and three weeks on the French Riviera as our honeymoon. I most definitely don't want anything like that again. "

He turned to her and asked, "Too, much money and bother? Amy never wanted that. We had a small, simple wedding."

Niki shook her head, "No, that wasn't it at all. I had no say whatsoever in how that wedding was put together. The only thing I got to choose was my dress and even then it had to pass the inspection of the wedding planner. That whole shebang was her masterpiece, not mine. This time, I want to plan everything myself, with you. I want this wedding, whatever we decide, to be our wedding. I want it to reflect us, not some middle aged Beverly Hills matron who fancies herself to be the next coming of Martha Stewart."

Sheldon nodded and then looked extremely thoughtful, "Then we will need to plan this together. Amy and I had a very small wedding in Howard's backyard."

"That sounds like it was nice."

Sheldon got up from the couch and went to the kitchen, where he retrieved a banana. "No, it wasn't. I wanted something a bit grander. I take marriage very seriously and I wanted more of my family there, more of her family there. As it was, the only people there were Leonard, Penny, Howard, Bernadette, Raj, Emily, and my mother and Alfred. That was it." He returned to his seat on the couch, "Can we please have something a bit bigger?"

She kissed him on the cheek to avoid the banana he was eating, "Of course. I don't want a wedding in someone's backyard, no. I also refuse to go to Vegas."

He finished his snack and deposited the peel in the nearby trash can, "Agreed, on both points."

"So what do you want, Sheldon? Let's talk."

He looked at her with a serious expression on his face, "Niki, I want a wedding that takes place somewhere special. I want the location to mean something to both of us. I want to have as many of the people who are special to us as possible in attendance. And I promise you, we will pick the music, the food, and the decorations together. We will not be using a damned wedding planner. Does that meet with your approval?"

Niki's face broke out in a wide grin, "Boy does it! Sheldon, I already have a couple of ideas."

He nodded tersely, "Okay, what are they?"

Her face was taken over by a dreamy look, "I want to be married outdoors, near the beach. Not on the beach, Sheldon, but overlooking it or something. Maybe somewhere in Santa Barbara?"

Sheldon's face became animated and he shook his head vigorously, "Not Santa Barbara. That's where Amy and I went for our honeymoon. The locale we choose has to be about us and only about us."

Niki moved away from him, "Oh, let's not do it there, then. You know, there's a lovely place on the ocean in Pacific Palisades, where a girlfriend of mine got married. The ceremony can be held indoors or outdoors and it can be large or small. It can be whatever you wish it to be. You design it and they help you carry it out. It's not horribly expensive, but it will cost more than a backyard wedding or Vegas. Then again, it will cost much less than an extravaganza at the Beverly Hilton."

Sheldon reached for her and brought her back close to him, "What is this place called?"

Niki pointed to her laptop, which was close to Sheldon. He handed it to her and she quickly booted it up, "Gladstone's. Here, I'll bring it up on the screen."

Sheldon studied the website thoroughly, reading all the pages and viewing the pictures of all their wedding venues. "Niki, that's perfect! Not too much, but not too little, either. Maybe we could go there next weekend and look at it, you know, to see if it's perfect for us."

"Great idea! I also should start shopping for a dress. I suppose I'll get Penny and Bernie to help with that."

He threw her a look of horror, "Oh yes, no dress shopping for me, please."

"Okay, now we have to pick a date."

Sheldon check his phone and asked her, "Hmm…well, it's June now, what month would you like?"

Niki got up to get another bottle of water. This time Sheldon made a motion that told her to get one for him as well. "Not June, that's for sure. The summer is way too hot for me. How about April?"

She came back and handed him his water. He looked up at her, "Is April special to you?"

"It's my favorite month of the year. The weather is wonderful and, well, my birthday is in April. See? I won't have any excuse to forget our anniversary."

Sheldon sipped his water and then pulled her close and kissed her for long while, when he released her he sighed, "Niki Horner, will you marry me in April of next year?

She cuddled closer to him and returned his hug, "I'd love to, it would be my honor."

He kissed the top of her head once more, "Niki?"

"Yes?"

"There is one more thing I want to discuss with you. I seem to never spend the night at Leonard and Penny's apartment anymore. Let's make it official and have me move in here. It seems a better idea than you moving in with me there. As it's only going to be temporary, I think it would work."

She couldn't hide her happy smile, "It would work much better, actually. Do you think my closet will hold all of your clothes?"

Sheldon remembered back to the first time they had danced together, "Well, you do have that spare room; it has a closet, does it not?"

Niki nodded thoughtfully, "Yes, I'd forgotten about that. Your things could go there. But what about all of your other personal affects?"

He replied in an almost hesitant manner, "Well…I do have a room at a storage facility; I could use that for whatever won't fit in here. Remember, we will eventually be moving into that charming home with those amazing walk in closets."

Niki drank a little more water and looked at him warmly, "Yes, and those closets are huge! That house just suits us perfectly. The entire property does. Sheldon? "

"Yes, what is it?"

She put her water bottle down and snuggled close to him, "I'd love to be a fly on the wall and hear all of the conversations that our friends are having regarding this evening."

Sheldon smile contentedly and pulled her even closer to him, "Well, we'll never know, will we? I would hope they would be positive. I also hope Leonard decides to come with us."

"I'm not a betting person, Sheldon, but I have a feeling he will come around."

He looked down at her, "How can you be sure?"

Niki got up from the couch, took his hand, and led him towards the bedroom, "You guys are best friends. I can't imagine either of you being very far from the other. You guys are kind of like Howard and Raj.

He sighed and allowed himself to be led, "Well, I do hope you are correct, if only we were flies on the wall, like you said…"

What are their friends discussing about the evening's events?