Shepard could smell the Gardenia House Coffee brewing as she got out of bed and crept quietly to the bathroom wearing nothing but her birthday suit. Her roommate, Ted, had been keeping an ear towards her bedroom and caught the slight creak on a floorboard sending him out of the kitchen, "Can I have what you brought home?"

Shepard halfway in the bathroom looked back at him with a smile, "No."

Ted peeked in her bedroom, spied the naked male lying on top of the covers asleep, shook his head and then followed her in. "Why must you always be so stingy? All I want is a taste."

Shepard laughed as she stepped into the shower and began singing 'Tu Solo Tu' in an exaggerated crying manner. The steam quickly filled the bathroom and Ted reached into the shower and turned the hot water down, "Girl, you are going to scald yourself with the shower being that hot."

Shepard slapped his hand playfully and popped her head out, "Teddy! How many times do I have to tell you not to put your hand in the shower unless you plan on using it?"

Ted put one hand on his hip, pursed his lips, stood back and began wagging a finger, "You cannot handle this bag of mess! Don't you ever forget it! Now keep that shower away from the scald level."

"I like my showers hot." Shepard responded as she put her head back in.

"But look at your skin! You come out of the shower red like a tomato every time!" He answered.

Shepard shook her head as he left and turned the hot water back up, "I like tomatoes."

Shepard had been living with Ted Silverstein for the past year and in fact had been living in San Antonio, Texas for just over a year.


After Mindoir had been released by the batarians, Lieutenant Ernesto Zabaleta had been the first to her and demanded immediate medical treatment. He had seen her "daring act of bravery" fighting the enemy on the roof but was completely unaware that it had started with the mercy killing of her own father. As the Alliance questioned her about that "act of bravery" her father came to mind. The rape in the grocers came to mind. Too many things came to mind. Shepard did not want to think of the shooting, of the events … or of her Aunt B who had been found dead not far from her.

The Sheriff had followed after her and when she saw Shepard fall off the roof she quickly found a way down to her. As she landed on the ground she felt pain in her side and realized that she had been shot. She tried to keep moving towards Shepard, fuck it B … you gotta protect Hannah's … Another bullet tore into her neck. Oh, God … Butterfly. As her legs gave out she tried to keep moving … just a few more feet. Keep movi … B's body gave out and her eyes fell on Shepard just two feet away. Pierce, I failed... was her last thought as she exhaled.

Shepard did not want to think of Tait or of her two friends, Ricky and Tyler. Tyler had been found curled up dead next to a deputy while Ricky went MIA. He had also raced towards his friend when she fell and as he slid down the backside of the building, he had slid right into the arms of the enemies. What happened to Ricky Parks no one knew so she was told by her grandparents that he had died as well just to help give her "closure" … God how she would learn to hate that stupid and very empty word. There was more, so much more horror, more loss that it tore at her as dark thoughts filled her head. While everyone had wanted her to talk about the events, some just for the entertainment of it, to tell them what she knew, she had built a wall to protect her, to guard her soul and she gave nothing away, using amnesia as her way out. Yes, the Alliance had taken care of her medically but they also had held a debriefing headed by one of their psychiatrists who she felt was trying to probe her mind, to get his rocks off. That was probably an unfair assessment on her part and she knew it, but it was how she felt. She was angry and here he had kept trying to push her, to make her remember and she just wanted him to shut up. To just leave her alone. She hated the questions, the looks and she told anyone who asked that she couldn't remember. One too many questions later, one too many pushes emotionally by the psychiatrist and she had thrown a chair, breaking his nose in the process and slammed her own head against the two-way mirror. That was the end of her debriefing.

Once released into the care of her grandparents it only got worse for her. She could see the pain in their faces. She could see how they were trying so hard to take care of her. To say the right things to her. Everyone it seemed in their community knew about the awful event and Shepard could feel the stares, hear the whispering and hated it. She saw everyone's concern and so she spent the next two years giving the appearance of being okay. She stayed on the honor roll, participated in sports where she even captained the female rugby team and dated the football quarterback, Terry Wishart. To all outsiders Shepard appeared to be recovering quickly, taking her mother's lesson of "focus outside of you, Elizabeth. Think of others first." Shepard thought of how she had put her desire, her wants first, asking Tait to not go on vacation and in the end it was her selfishness that killed him … It was your fault. You were selfish. Momma was right ... Always put others first. I'll try to not hurt others again. I'll be strong. So Shepard buried her pain, buried all the shadow people … what she called everyone that she lost on Mindoir. So instead of grieving, crying and reaching out to her family in Georgia for help … Elizabeth Whisper crawled deep inside herself while Shepard aced tests, played sports, made out at the local lookout point, got drunk with her cousins and built models with her grandfather.

As she got closer to graduation her grandparents began talking about what Universities she would apply to. She could have attended any University based on her grades and with the life insurance left by her mother, father, Aunt B and even her Uncle Stu the funds were also there. Birgit had also left her home to her Butterfly and Grandpa Jack had contacted a rental agency to handle leasing both places out. He then had the Shepard's and Birgit's personal items placed in a storage unit on Mindoir and told his wife that when Shepard was ready she could decide on both the real estate and the storage … but only when she was ready.

What no one knew was that Shepard just wanted to get away. To go where no one knew her, where no one knew about her past and where she could just be normal. So the day after graduation, she sat down and wrote her grandparents a letter, trying to explain her need to get away, to start over, and to forget. Then she put some clothes in a backpack and before her grandparents woke up she was on the road. She had taken nothing of her past, no photos, no mementos. She rode her BMW motorcycle all the way to San Antonio where she found herself stopping right in front of the Alamo.

It had been 3 days since she had left her grandparents and she found herself looking at the mission all lit up in the night. She felt a connection with that place but didn't know why. She had never heard of the place in her high school history lessons, it wasn't taught, but the building called out to her. This place will work. At least to start. Shepard had thought and within a week she was bussing tables at a café and staying at a weekly motel. While working at the café, Shepard met Ted who worked at the beauty salon next door to her job and he quickly took her under his wing. Through a contact, and Teddy had many in San Antonio, Shepard had started working in a warehouse that required her to drive a forklift and haul crates all day long. More times than not, Shepard pulled overtime and she didn't care, staying busy kept her mind off things that hurt. Work and sports was her ways of escaping the shadow people. Shepard stayed away from playing music though because touching a guitar she felt her father and playing the piano she felt her mother. She had not sat down with a musical instrument since her mother's funeral.


Ted was painting his nails when Shepard, wearing a towel, came into the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee. "Show tonight?" She asked as she sat down.

"Of course, it's Friday," he answered as he tapped her arm with a nail file, "Tomatoes!"

"Bossy!" Shepard responded as she tapped his arm with her finger.

"Do you want to come and see my absolutely amazing performance tonight?" Ted performed drag at the local gay bar, Rumourz, as Margarita La Cha Cha and was constantly trying to get Shepard to come back to the club.

Shepard smiled then took a sip of her coffee. The one and only time that she had come with Ted, she had felt uncomfortable. There had been a woman there that had reminded her so much of her Aunt B that she preferred to not go again. "I thought I would stay in tonight and do a little reading."

"What about your beautiful man?" Shepard had met Manny when she had taken her bike in to his garage to get it fixed just four months after landing at the Alamo's doorstep. He was ten years her senior with dark wavy hair, skin the color of caramel and a boxer's body. Shepard found him attractive at the start and his 'attractiveness' went up times ten when he quickly fixed her bike. Once she stopped looking at his biceps she saw his name on his shirt and quickly felt uncomfortable. Jesus. That will not do. So she asked him as they talked what his middle name was. Emmanuel. Yep the other paddle fell in too, she thought. "Has anyone ever called you Manny?" Shepard asked. And Manny he was christened. It had been just over ten months since they had been together and he had just proposed to her not three nights before.

"I'm hoping for a night alone."

"You know I am beginning to think that you do not like my kind," Ted said as he continued working on his nail.

"Teddy, you know that's not true!" Shepard responded as Teddy put down the nail polish, raised a brow and looked at her.

"Really?" he said accusingly. "Then why won't you come see me?"

"I just … well … I … Fine. What time?"

"It starts at 10:00 drag time." He answered as he went back to working on his nails.

Shepard looked at Ted as she began to towel dry her hair, "What does that mean?"

"11:30 tonight." Ted smiled.

"You know that this is emotional blackmail, right?" Shepard pouted as she stood up.

Ted looked up, "Honey, I like to call it guilt from this amazing Jewish mother. Next week we work on sharing your boys … I mean toys."

Shepard laughed as she headed back into her bedroom.

Manny had been awake since Shepard had crawled out of bed and headed to a shower. He would have gladly joined her but couldn't take how hot she liked it. He had begged her to turn the hot water down once when he had tried a little shower play but she had shook her head, handed him the soap and directed him to wash her back. Never again he thought after losing two layers of skin that day. Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration, but it felt like that ... and he had never had red skin before that day. He was lying on his stomach as she came in and she gently slid on top of him, pressing her body against him. She smelled like soap and as she began kissing his shoulder he felt himself start to stir. He carefully turned over, keeping her on top of him and once he was on his back he felt her hand start to coax him.

As she was kissing playfully on his lips, her hand stroking him, it was leaving him feeling powerless against her. Manny knew that he wasn't brilliant, reflective or deep, hell he could rebuild an engine but give him a book or a crossword puzzle; they might as well have been in Greek. He was not a word man and rarely read anything but the Hot Rod mags but she didn't care. She also didn't care that he wasn't good at pillow talk; she loved what his hands could do on both an engine and on her. What he lacked verbally he all but made up for in his body. He did not require Shepard to talk about where she came from, who her people were or what her life had been like before he met her. He just lived day to day without stopping to reflect on the past. It never crossed his mind to ask where she came from. All he knew or cared was that she was with him now. It was his "live in the present" personality that she liked most about him and was the real reason that their relationship worked.

At this moment Manny wanted to be inside her but she rolled off and jumped out of bed, "I've got to finish getting ready." Manny covered himself with his hand and Shepard smiled. As she slid on a pair of jeans she looked over at him sitting on the edge of the bed looking up at her. "In pain?" Shepard asked. Manny nodded his head as she walked over in jeans and a bra, got down in front of him on her knees and removed his hand. "I know what you need." She whispered as she kissed him on his lips and pushed his legs farther apart. Manny closed his eyes as he felt Shepard's hand wrap around him, "Are you sure you want me to do this?" Manny without opening his eyes, feeling her hand stroking him, nodded again. "Okay then … Teddy! Manny needs some help!" Shepard yelled, then giggled and quickly got up as Manny opened his eyes.

"Help?" Teddy could be heard as he ran from the kitchen and popped his head into the bedroom.

"No." Manny answered as he covered himself and grabbed his boxers off the floor, giving Teddy an ass shot. "No help needed."

Shepard was laughing as Ted fanned himself after seeing Manny's ass. She put on her black work shirt with the white and orange logo K and said to her heated roommate, "Sorry Teddy, guess I was wrong ... I think that Manny can do it alone."

"Do it alone?" Teddy looked at her with pursed lips. "You are a wicked girl Shepard!" He then looked at Manny who had his face in his hands. "Manny you need to date a nice girl."

"I am just trying to share," Shepard smiled innocently as Teddy shook his head and left the two alone. Manny was glaring at her as he put on his pants. "I'm sorry, Manny. But you must admit that it was funny."

Manny sat back down on the edge of the bed and she walked over to him. "You not only drive me crazy but you shouldn't tease me like this. It could cause some kind of damage to my ..." He pulled her closer to him by her hips as he left himself exposed.

Shepard slapped his hands as he tried to undo her pants, "No, Manny. I have work."

"Tonight?" He asked as she pulled away.

"No." Shepard walked over to her dresser and picked up her brush, "I promised Teddy that I would go to his club tonight. Do you want to go with me?"

"No." Manny quickly answered.

Shepard brushed her hair and looked back at him in the mirror. He was still holding himself and looking at her, "Why don't you ease your tension? I can do this and watch at the same time. You know I like to watch."

Manny looked at her reflection, "Do you love me, Shepard?"

Shepard grew serious as she looked at him in the mirror. Manny had told her he loved her when he had proposed and it had scared her. She didn't know how she felt about him. Cared? Yes. Desired? Yes. Needed? Yes. Loved? She turned around and looked into his eyes where she saw the pleading. Love me Shepard. Please. She stepped towards him and once between his legs, ran her hands through his dark wavy hair. She semi-rough pulled his head back to look at her, "Manny … I ... I don't know what I feel. I know that I care about you. That being with you feels … feels" safe "good."

"Marry me." Manny said as he put his forehead against her stomach. Shepard bent over and kissed the top of his head. Silence filled the room as they stayed in that spot for a few minutes then Shepard pulled away, kissed him on the lips and left for work.


Shepard was parking her forklift as the 5 o'clock bell went off in the Kerberos warehouse. She was about to head to her locker when her boss waved her and three other co-workers over. "Shepard! Mondale! Sanchez! Moreno!" Carlton shouted from his office that overlooked the main floor. The four employees looked at each other and then headed up to his office. As they stepped in he was reading a datapad, "I need you four to come in tomorrow. Full day plus 5."

"Shit Boss!" Sanchez complained, "Fourteen hour shift tomorrow? I had plans!"

"Sorry!" Carlton chomped down on his cigar. "But I have orders from the top that we have a very important shipment coming in. We have to get them checked in and shipped out asap."

"Where they going that this is such a big deal?" Mondale asked.

"Somewhere off-world," Carlton looked at the datapad. "Mintoir."

"Mindoir," Shepard corrected without even thinking. The word just came out and it left a bitter taste in her mouth.

"Right. Right. Mindoir" Carlton shook his head.

"Off-world living," Moreno whistled. "Those people are crazy to go out there with limited protection. I heard that three space shuttles went missing last week."

"They are fools!" Carlton opinioned. "You ask me, they get what they deserve."

Sanchez grabbed his cross hanging from his neck, "No one deserves any of that …"

"Especially what happened to Mindoir in 70' … that was just horrible." Moreno cut in.

"Are you kiddin' me?" Carlton chomped. "I heard that the government told them to evacuate but the people refused. Got everyone killed. Serves em' right."

Shepard was hearing the same lies that were reported by the media shortly after the attack, that the colonists had been forewarned by the government but refused to leave. When an independent political party, Terra Firma, provided proof that the colonists were completely unaware and that the government may have known pre-attack, they were ridiculed by the main political powers and media. The proof regarding the colonists however was acknowledged as correct by the Alliance but still the media chose to not give it the same attention they had the lie. It didn't "sell papers" or "fit their narrative." So here it was three years later and the average Joe on earth would tell you how those people chose to not leave. The media said so … politicians said so … it had to be true. Shepard focused on the grey ash that was growing on her boss' cigar, tuning out the words, the lies, the accusations being thrown about.

"But there were thousands of children." Mondale said as he began to get angry. "You cannot believe that those children deserved what happened to them. Children!"

Carlton dropped the datapad as ash from his cigar finally fell, "Well no, the kids should have been taken away from those dumbfucks! Every last one of them should have just been shot in the head if you ask me."

"How can you say that?" Mondale asked as his face got redder.

"Because it's true!" Carlton responded as he sat back in his chair. "Anyone leaving Earth is a complete moron that deserves what they get. It's a shame that our tax money goes to protect them. If they go out there ... it should be at their own risk!"

Mondale looked at Shepard who was looking at the ash on the floor. "Shepard, can you believe this?"

Shepard looked at Mondale, "They got what they deserved."

Mondale's mouth dropped as Shepard turned around and walked out numb. It had been over a year since she had thought of Mindoir. She could feel the people, her friends, her parents coming awfully close to her and so she had pushed them back. They got what they deserved. She didn't mean it. But those words pushed them back. Made them run from her. There were times that she wanted to call her grandparents and tell them she was okay. But the shadow people they were waiting to rush in. To cause her pain. To ask her why she lived while they died or worse. Why did she survive? What made her so special? So worthy? While others died, were tortured, were enslaved? The shadow people were too close.

As she got on her bike Mondale came running out at her, "Shepard! Please tell me that you didn't mean that."

Shepard holding her helmet looked over at him, "Didn't mean what?"

"That those people deserved what they got."

"Why do you care about those people?" Shepard asked as she put her helmet on and raised her visor. "Those people are long gone, so who really cares?"

"Shepard, I care." Mondale said with tears in his eyes. "I may not have known them, but dear God. What they must have went through. And to think that some are still alive and being … I can't even imagine. I can't believe that you would feel like that idiot boss of ours."

Shepard looked down feeling the shadow people getting closer. "Mondale, I'm sure that no one is alive still. So let it go …" Mondale stepped away from her as she started her bike. "Speaking of go." Shepard reached over and patted his arm, brought her visor down and headed out of the parking lot. As she stopped to let oncoming traffic pass she thought, I need a drink.