Hi!
At last, I'm uploading on time which is a miracle to say I have weeks until my exams - which certainly need much more time investing in. Definitely in the next few week either expect a slight delay in uploads, or an increase if the procrastination sets in! Thank you for everyone who has read and enjoyed this; it means so much to me!
I would like to make a special thanks to ClaireBear1982, who has been and simply is very kind and has given me a lot of support! Not only that, she has recently started an amazing Dan and Phil FanFiction herself named 'The Adventures of Anabel Edwards' Go check it out!
Enjoy!
Dan P.O.V
The next few days were enough for me to realise that things wouldn't go as well as expected. First of all was my room. Even though I couldn't remember it at all, there was something about it that gave me shivers. I wasn't frightened at all about the items, nor was they in any way dangerous. But in some way they were very unnerving. I would even have feelings of Deja Vu, feeling like I had seen them before, but I knew that I couldn't remember them, not one bit.
Even if that didn't scare me, I knew one thing certainly did, and it was the white pills that were on the bedside table when I first arrived. Not only did they give me the chills knowing that at some point I dropped them and never picked them up again, I read the label that was heavily scratched, making out the name Phencyclidine but I didn't know what it was for – there was no name, no instructions, nothing. But something about that bottle gave me such unease that I couldn't stand to look at it for much longer, so I gathered up the remains of the pills, and stored them back in the bottle, which I stuffed into my pillow case. Even though I couldn't look at them, I was certainly curious as to what they were.
The worst thing about coming back was Phil. Even though he was caring for me and making sure I was okay and happy, I couldn't help but notice the decreasing condition he was in. I hadn't noticed this as much when we were come back (I was too occupied with the fear in me to realise) but now it was clear. Because even though Phil would help me and make sure I would eat even when I said I couldn't, I never remembered him eating. And the third night we were back, I woke to get a glass of water, and found him sat in the foetal position on the kitchen floor at 5 in the morning, his eyes dark and eyes staring straight ahead, face damp with a mixture of sweat and tears. It took me to shake him for him to come back to his senses, and I had to guide him back to his bed, even though I was never really sure he went there in the first place. And worst of all was just seeing him, sitting there motionless and lifeless.
Even though it wasn't all the time – only when he was on his own – I couldn't shake the feeling that this wasn't Phil. I don't really remember the old Phil. Not the one without scars are bruises still wearing down from an accident I can't even remember. I don't know a Phil that was full of life and rearing to go and sprightly. I can't remember that anymore. All I see is this version of a person who's not really who he used to be, and I can really help but blame that on myself. It sounds stupid, but I felt like I was the one that caused all this.
The bottles, the pills – I'm not stupid, It was something I was doing, something that happened cause me to change and turn to the bottles, once containing alcohol, or the bottle of pills that were quite obviously delved into on may previous occasions, as the bottle only come to being half full, even though I kept find the odd one rolling around in the covers of the bed I had now changed.
Really, I couldn't quite believe that anyone could have their life go so bad as to turn to all of this, and it was that that made me so curious to find out what really happened… but how? How on earth could I find out the truth of something that no one knew. No one but… Phil. I shook my head. He wouldn't know, an even if he did, he probably wouldn't tell me, in order to protect me, and I was grateful, truly grateful for that. But I still wondered. Not even for my own sake, but for the sake of Phil who's personality (I'd never remember) was going away from him all because of some stupid mistakes and silly decisions that I made. Some decision I made that I can't even remember.
Picking my head up from the desk, I brought myself back to sense and glanced around the room sleepily, realising that I wasn't on my own. Phil had just sat down with the house phone pressed to his ear. His face was contorted into a look of fear and nervousness, as if he was ill with the flu and sweats. Not wanting to interrupt, I laid my head back down onto the dining table I nearly fell asleep on, but secretly woke myself up, wondering who he could be talking to.
"… Yeah ummm I've got a lot of work to do… no not that type of work, I mean like umm… bills and stuff" Phil's facial features definitely matched the situation he was in.
He had done this before, avoided going out, but on that occasion yet again I was nearly asleep and the last time I wasn't as intrigued as I was now, as I was sure that this wasn't the second time he had done this. I had done a lot of sleeping, and couldn't help but have to sleep to keep my energy up, or I would completely drop of energy and go faint. he began speaking again, and I closed my eyes tightly and breathed deeply, as in a heavy sleep.
"Well I know I was doing last week but I couldn't complete them, so I have to do them… yeah okay, but another time, really, yeah, bye" I heard the bleep as the call was cut off, and then silence for a few moments, before he shuffled out of the room and I was left in total silence.
Was that the same number as last time? Was Phil just ignoring people, or did he just not want to socialise? I was wide awake now, and I was beginning to tense as I realised that he was a lot worse than I had imagined. Not eating, not sleeping, avoiding friends, it was so obvious that I just hadn't realised. And now I felt so guilty.
But no matter how guilty I felt, I had to relax as I heard the muffled footsteps returning to the room, and I wouldn't have wanted Phil to think I was creeping on him – it was unfair, after all that he had gone through in the last few months with me, and then himself and his health to worry about. the door moved open behind me and I felt a gust of cool air on my slightly exposed back, and a couple of moments passed again in silence, when I felt his hand touch my shoulder and my hair was brushed away, to reveal the top part of my face, which was damp with a slight sweat – something that the tablets prescribed to me would do, according to Phil even though it wasn't listed on as a side effect. My shoulder was shaken gently as he called my name, now sounding more relaxed than before.
"You can't sleep here, it's not very comfortable I assure you on that. If you're still tired, I can take you to bed?" I stirred like I normally did when I fell asleep in random places and opened my eyes. They weren't so heavy anymore, feeling the panic rise as I had realised what was really happening to Phil, but I kept a normal face and tried to act as normal as I could.
This time I could see it. The deepening shade of blue like black eyes, and the shallowing of his face, I was more concerned for Phil than before. Even in the hospital, when he wouldn't leave my side, even the day we got home, where he couldn't really find his way around me, feeling as nervous as I did creeping around what felt like a stranger's house.
"Dan…Are you okay? You're as white as the walls behind you…?" his face contorted into a worried frown, the wrinkles forming at the top of his head like they did when he laughed or cried or…anything. Not wanting to worrying about the growing head ache, I lifted myself up and tried to push myself up.
"Yeah, I'm okay" I answered finally, smiling a little. "I'm just really tired, I err… didn't sleep too well last night, so I'm just tired." Wanting to leave the room as quickly as I could, I pushed up on the table.
But the walls started spinning and black dots were appearing everywhere. I blinked hard as I reached out for the chair, or the table, or Phil.
I found his arm, but it wasn't enough to keep me going. His warmth and the room went black as I fell forward.
Phil P.O.V
"I… can't remember…" Dan's eyes shut an opened as he grabbed my arm and swayed heavily. Before I had even realised what was happening, he stumbled onto me, and we both fell to the floor with a thud, both hitting the table.
I scrambled up, pulling myself from under Dan.
Like they had told me at the hospital, we would have to expect complications like this, and as I looked at Dan, feeling helpless as everything they told me to do when the fitting happened vanished from my mind.
In panic I looked around, and pulled a cushion from the sofa, and carefully placed it under his head, which was quivering in the most frightening way, as his lips went blue and his body convulsed more by the second.
And then, it was over.
I shook his shoulder again, but this time more forcefully and called his name, but he didn't respond. Feeling the panic rise like sick, I ran to the phone, and dialled the first number I thought would help.
"Hello? Phil? I thought you said you were busy?" Answered PJ, sounding concerned.
"It's Dan, he just- "
"I'm on my way, Don't worry" the line cut dead.
I hope no one is affected by this - everything from this chapter has come directly from experience, but epilepsy and seizures can come in all different shapes and forms and people can experience and react differently. I must stress that this must not be used as a reference point; although I know what to do, it is incredibly important that you seek medical attention in a situation like this.
It is not a pleasant disorder to experience or to have, and if anybody has been affected by this they need only to message me and I will point them in the right direction for support.
Thanks!
