- At home -
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They spent that afternoon in med bay, discussing everything there was to discuss about Kepral while Mordin administrated an ointment for a light rash on Kasumi. He told her she could also use it to prevent some of the discomfort. Mordin as well as Dr Chakwas tried their best to answer all of Kasumis and Thanes questions. Towards the evening, the squad returned from helping Samara with some personal matters. Sarah had a couple of cuts and bruises but none of them were seriously hurt. As per Chakwas recommendations, however, she always visited med bay after every mission. Kasumi was not surprised at Shepards composure, not even twiching at the sight of Thane and Kasumi sitting in med bay together. She just gave them a quick nod and sat down on a chair, rolling up her sleeve to ready herself for some tests.
Chakwas excused herself and tended to Sarah. Kasumi stood up and started walking towards the door. Thane was quick to his feet and placed his hand on her lower back as they were about to leave med bay. Sarah took notice and gave Thane a honest and happy smile when he turned to face her, inclining his head.
They made their way to Thanes quarters. Kasumi walked in and sat down on the bed, her head still spinning from all this new information.
"Excuse me, I'll be with you in a moment"
Thane left the room for a moment and returned with leftovers from dinner and two cups of tea. They hadn't eaten all day and he figured she must be hungry. She smiled at him as he set the table, inviting her to sit down. It was the first privat meal they'd shared in many years.
She sat down across from him, feeling exhaused after the day. She opened the box of food infront of her and moved it around a bit before helping herself to a small bite. It was enough to trigger her hunger and she took a couple of large spoons.
"I figured you'd be hungry" Thane said, smiling at her.
Kasumi just nodded and took another bite. Thane opened his box and stirred the content around a bit as well before eating. He'd never really been one to share his meals with someone else. Sarah had the crew eat together as often as possible and he'd started to enjoy the company, however. But it couldn't beat the feeling of sharing a meal in private with someone. The entire time he watched her eat, memory after memory of them together came rushing over him. He had never payed them much mind before but reciting them to Kolyat, had him see them in a different light. Their conversation as of late had mostly been about Kasumi. Kolyat last message contained only one line he could not get out of his head. 'Tu-fira, father. Open your eyes'.
He reached across the table and let his fingers brush over hers. Her body stiffened before she allowed him to turn her hand over, letting his fingertips trace the lines of her palm.
"This feels so strange.." she commented.
"My fingers on your palm?"
"No.. just you touching me.." Thane raised a brow at the comment. "Not in a bad way! It's just.."
She stood up and started pacing back and forth.
"I.. I've been fighting myself.. denying myself.." she began, stopped for a second to gather herself and started pacing again. "I saw you with Sarah and thought 'hey, great for them'. And.. I felt so jealous. I couldn't help it, I tried to tell myself not to feel that way. As late as this morning, I told myself I won't be your... second choice.. I knew you guys had been fighting when you confronted her about Garrus maybe liking her.."
She stopped and sat back down.
"I know, the moment she snaps her fingers, you guys will be back together. I've seen the way you looked at each other and I gotta tell you. I don't feel like being anyones next best thing. That's not who I am"
She stared him down, feeling confident in confronting him. He looked at her with a serious expression, seemingly gathering his thoughts and carefully choosing his words.
"I need to explain" he began, placing his joined hands on the table. "Sarah woke me up from my battle sleep. This you know. She will always be special for that. She's special to us all, gathering a seemingly strange bunch of people to join her on this suicide mission. I had been ready to die for a long time. And then she made me realise I have things and people worth living for. But we are very different people. I don't have what she needs and she does not have what I need. I confused the feelings of gratitude with emotions of the heart. She's my commander but in no way my lover"
Kasumi could feel her resolve slowly melt away. She looked down at his hands, stable and calm as always, her gaze flickering and dancing all over the table unable to focus.
"She did come to me last night. We got a chance to talk things through. Whatever we both first thought we had, was a mere short exchange of excitment. A fling, I believe humans call it. Nothing happened but passing emotions"
Kasumi turned away and sighed.
"So you went for the next best thing then, huh"
It sounded even more bitter than she had intended. She shook her head, standing up about to take leave. Thane stayed in his chair when a memory suddenly surfaced.
"She can't see me.. unaware I've been looking for her, unaware I found her.. A woman now.. Unknow to my eyes, a man by her side.. Kisses her as she whispers.. words travel.. 'I love you'.. not whispering to me. She is not whispering to me.."
Kasumi turned around, wide eyes staring at Thane. He stared at his joined hands, hugging them, looking uneasy.
"Keiji..." she whispered.
"Yes. I'd been looking for you for months, close to a year. When I found you, you were.. happy. And then you came to find me"
He stood up and came to her, mindfully taking her hand, caressing it between his.
"You were never my second choice. I just could not admit or realise you'd always been my true choice" He paused, almost unwilling to continue. "Sarah.. she told me long ago what had happened to Keiji. She only told me because I asked specifically. I didn't dare ask you directly. I know he made you happy" he paused again and let go of her hand. "I thought that I could not live up to that, nor should I try with my condition.. In fact, I never even considered it to be a possibility. And I never intended to try either"
"It just kind of happened?"
He turned his back at her, staring down at the floor, letting another memory surface.
"She pulls me closer, embracing me with all her strength.. 'Please don't die', she pleads.. Tears, streaking her face.. 'Please don't leave me again'"
Kasumi reached her hand out and placed it on his shoulder. She walked up closer and leaned her forehead at his back, letting her other hand find its way around his chest.
"It broke my heart.."
"I'm sorry.." she whispered.
Thane turned around into her embrace and placed his arms around her.
"No, I'm sorry. I should never have left to begin with. And here I was outlining my own mortaily as if it would justify me leaving you one last time. It didn't 'just happen', it was meant to"
They ended up talking all evening, stopped only to refill their tea. Both admitted denying emotions evolve and even their mere existence, fighting themselves to make sense of things. The evening slowly turned to night when the mood turned lighter. They shared stories, laughing at silly things.
At some point Thane had excused himself as he wanted to take a quick shower before sleep. Kasumi found herself alone in his room, twisting the cup between her hands. She smiled to herself, feeling warm and happy. The emotion was almost unknown to her, had she not been with Keiji.
AI Thane materialized next to her, hands behind his back.
"You're smiling"
She looked up at him and then opened his code on her omnitool. She quickly coded current events and closed the panel. AI Thane smiled at her.
"I'm happy for you"
He started walking around the room and found a datapad on the bed. He leaned down and touched it. Kasumi turned around and was about to protest but rolled her eyes and sighed.
"Is it proper for me to address you by Siha now?" he asked, sitting down on the chair across from her.
She snorted at him. "You can call me what you want"
AI Thane smiled and Kasumi could almost see the range of options flash behind his eyes before he gave a quick nod. "Siha it is" He suddenly disappeared as Thane entered the room, wearing sweat pants and a towel across his shoulders. He was carrying some books.
Kasumi had to avert her eyes not to blush, her heart jumping up to her throat at the sight.
"Did you need to freshen up?" he asked casually, walking over to the bed.
He dragged out the box under it, placing the datapad inside and a few of the books. The rest he tossed on the bed.
"Ehm, yes, I'll do that.."
She left the room, sneaking a peak at him from behind as she left. Her stomach fluttered. She had never seen his bare skin before. She went to her own room and picked up her pyjamas and went to the showers. The whole time she couldn't get todays event out of her head. She closed her eyes and dragged her thumb across her lips, remembering their kiss. She shivered at the thought, longing for more.
She couldn't help but to recall Thanes bare upper body. She could feel her cheeks burning at the idea to see him like that again.
She finished her shower and got dressed. She had never before felt the need to criticize her own pyjamas. Now she felt silly. She couldn't possibly just casually walk back to Thanes quarters! The idea seemed absolutely ridicolous. She cloaked and went back to her own quarters, feeling the need to hide. Before she had a chance to lock the door, it hissed open. Thane stopped in the door opening holding two books, staring at her. She turned around, feeling slightly uneasy when he caught her gaze. She felt naked standing there infront of him in nothing but her tanktop and cotton shorts. Moments later he smiled. "You look beautiful". He closed the door behind him and dimmed the light. He casually walked passed her, giving her a small kiss on the forehead.
"I figured you wouldn't come back to my quarters. Do you mind me staying here with you?"
Kasumi eyed him up and down.
"You're being pushy"
"Knowing you, you'll run away or hide the first chance you get when backed into a corner. I do not intend to let that happen"
He made his way to her bed. He looked so natural laying there, his book in his lap.
Kasumi blushed. She turned around to hide her embarrassment as she couldn't stop her mind from racing.
She turned around and Thane put his book down on his chest, watching her. She didn't dare meet his gaze while making her way to the bed, hugging herself with one arm. As she sat down on the bed, she took out the ointment she had been given earlier and covered her arms. She didn't want him to think she was planning anything but she figured it might still be better to be safe than sorry. When she was just about done with her exposed areas, Thane stroke her along her back and handed her his other book.
"I got you this one at the book fair yesterday"
She looked down at the book.
"Lost Empire by Clive Cussler?"
"Fiction. It's not exactly what you'd usually read but I think you might just still enjoy it"
She smiled with her teeth and threw her feet up on the bed, tossing the blanket across her legs and snuggled down on the pillow, opening the book with excitement. Out of old habbit, she started biting the nail on her thumb softly as she let herself emerge into the story. Thane smiled at her, stealing some of the blanket back to place across his own legs. He put his book to the side and offered her his shoulder and she leaned in without hesitation. He put his arm around her and leaned down to smell her hair. He closed his eyes and relished the moment as he observed her flip through page after page. Not before long, he felt himself drift away into sleep, overwashed by the sensation of feeling at home.
Kasumi noticed his arm relaxing around her. She carefully looked up at him and saw his eyes were closed. She marked the page in the book and put it to the side. She snuggled up next to him, hugging his bare upper body, breathing him in. Her heart fluttered as he placed his arm around her anew, pulling her closer. He leaned down and kissed her on her hair.
"Sleep well" he whispered.
And for the first time in years, she did.
