Please let me know if you've had any problems viewing my last chapter. I was having some issues when posting it. Please make sure you have read it, though, as it's important for the story.

Also, I have started uploading this fic to my Ao3 account under the name "SaranraptheElvenking."

And now, the state many of you have been waiting for.

A Girl Named "Tex"

"And, remember, she's not to be left alone near Mexico. It's difficult enough with them living next door to each other."

"Yes, Father," Delaware said in her normal, even tone. "I know. What 'bout the aunts and uncles?"

America gave a tired sigh.

"This is so much more complicated than I thought," he said. "And I wasn't very hopeful in the first place. Who knows what'll happen when they meet the nations? I think we should be prepared for knife fights, gun battles, possibly even some explosions. No, scratch that. Definitely be prepared for explosions."

"Va~ It's gonnuh be an all-out war," Rhode Island said, chuckling to himself. "This'll be fun."

"Benjamin Canonicus Jones, that's not the Thanksgiving spirit."

Rhode Island winced at the use of his middle name. The only reason he wasn't completely embarrassed by it was because of who it was he was named for. At least Connecticut's and Massachusetts's middle names were much worse.

"Hey, anyone seen Iowa?" said Ohio.

"She's talkin' with her friends on FaceTime," Utah said.

"Iowa actually has friends?" Illinois said with a look of amazement. "Who's thaht desperate?"

"Come on, Alphonse, be nice. Iowa has lots of friends."

"Unlike Illinois," Indiana muttered to herself.

"What did you just say?" Illinois said sharply.

"Everyone, chillax," said America. "Now isn't the time to get into a fight."

"Shit fuck," said a familiar grey extraterrestrial.

"No, Tony, I'm afraid it's not as simple as using a mind-altering laser beam. No matter how tempting the thought is."

"Hey, Dad," Idaho said, popping his head into the room. "Jus' had a call from the Deep South. Havin' some trouble gettin' in. 'parently, the border patrol thinks 'Bama's an illegal immigrant."

"Wait, how'd the border patrol get them when they're in the country?"

"Dad, it's Texas," Nebraska said patiently. "She thinks anyone who isn't hers is an illegal immigrant or up to something. Remember that time Maine and Louisiana started talking in French in front of her and she had them arrested for using a 'made up language to plot a conspiracy'?"

"How 'bout the time she tried to get me deported?" said New Mexico.

"Or when she, like, totally tried to sell me on the internet!" said California. "And for only, like, five bucks. I'm worth way more than that!"

"Fine, fine," America said. "I'll take care of this."

"What about your meeting, Dad?" said Indiana. "Those nation guys are probably turning up as we speak."

"Tex is at the conference center. I guess I'll have to ask her to greet them."

"Wow, Dad," said Ohio. "You must really hate the other nations."

"Texas isn't that ba-" He was cut off by a sea of identical, incredulous expressions. "I suppose I can send someone to make sure she doesn't do anything too traumatizing."

"Oh, leave it to me, Father," Connecticut said with a cold smile. "You just go on and help the others. I'll take care of everything."

America smiled and thanked his eldest son for being so thoughtful before heading out on his rescue mission. As soon as America was gone, Connecticut's smile became predatory and he steepled his fingers together.

"Excellent," he said quietly. "It's all falling into place." He turned to Vermont, who had been silently hovering nearby. "Ethan, tell Arkansas I have a little job for him."


Germany led the group of weary nations into the conference building. They had finally made it to Houston by train after that very irate Native American man had dropped them off at the train station. It did not strike Germany until now how odd it was that both that man, Galegenoh, and his brother the mechanic, Nashoba, had been able to understand them, as England was the only one in the group who spoke English. Unless the two men knew Nation-speak, it was strange that they had been able to understand all of the nations in the group…but that was surely impossible.

Still, he put it from his mind as they all approached the conference room. Many of the other nations had also arrived, some of them in similar states of exhaustion and stress.

The nations were just outside the room when the doors flew open as Arkansas was flung out of them. France nearly shrieked as he saw his little lookalike, but Arkansas was too distracted and angry to notice him. Arkansas stood up, brushed himself off, and then turned back towards the room.

"Oh, that's real classy," he shouted at someone in the room. "You really had me fooled. For a minute, there, I was thinkin' you was a lady!"

A gunshot was fired and Arkansas and the nations just managed to duck.

"Oh, so that's how it's gonna be, huh?" he said. "Morally-speaking, I would not ever hit a girl. But seein' as you're more like some kind of laser-guided, napalm shark, I can make an exception."

He let forth a war-cry and charged back into the room. There was a series of punching sounds and he came flying right back out.

"Damn it!" he yelled. He stood back up again. "You won't stop me! An Arkansan never surrenders! And today is a good day to die!"

He gave another cry and charged in. There were even more furious fight sounds, including objects crashing and breaking, and Arkansas was thrown clear across the hallway to crash headfirst against a wall and slump to the ground unconscious.

The nations stared at him for a moment before nervously turning to look inside the room at what lurked within.

Sitting at the far end of the conference room with her feet propped up on the table, a large window behind her chair causing a lighting effect that partially concealed her in shadow, was a teenage girl. She had a tan complexion, long brown hair that was pulled back in a messy braid, and blue eyes that would have been prettier if they didn't have such a frightening glint in them. She was wearing black, Western style clothes and black cowboy boots. She also had on a black cowboy hat, which was decorated with designs of yellow roses on the upturned edges (a similar pattern was sewn into the black vest she was wearing). Around her neck, she wore a little pendant shaped like a star.

Seeing the nations, she gave a sharp grin.

"Well, Buenos días, cockbites."


America hurried into the conference building, checking his watch and silently groaning that he was running late. He honestly hated being late, which was why he often made it a point to show up early. However, it wasn't as though he could just leave his Deep South kids to deal with Texas's law enforcement on their own just to make it to a meeting. Especially when America found out that Alabama was in a pretty rough way, what with his seasonal Iron Bowl fever, and was clearly in so much discomfort from the internal rivalry that he wasn't certain he'd be able to make through Saturday.

Finally coming to a stop in front of the doors, America let out a sigh of relief that he'd made it. He was just about to go in when Russia, of all people, tried to make a mad dash out, only to be caught around the waist by a lasso and dragged back in, clawing frantically at the ground as he went.

"Uh-oh," was all America could say.

He winced as he pushed open the doors and stepped inside. His attention was immediately caught by the number of nations cowering around the room or tending to some rather nasty injuries. Above it all was the triumphant form of Texas, who had just finished hog-tying Russia.

"Tex, for goodness' sake, I wanted you to greet the nations, not maim them," he said.

"My way's better," Texas replied cheekily. "And this? Really, Daddy, this is just a bit of innocent rasslin'. Not my fault your friends are such pansy-asses. Besides, if they can't handle me at my worst, they don't deserve me at my best."

"I thought Connecticut said he was going to send someone over here to help you?"

"Yeah, Ark' showed up and started mouthin' off, but I showed him."

Damn it, Connecticut, America thought to himself. You sent Arkansas to calm Texas down? Why not just mix ammonia and bleach and tell people it's a safe, new cleaning product, while you're at it? At least Oklahoma hasn't arrived yet. That would've been ten times worse.

"Tex, you can't just go around picking fights with everyone you meet," America continued.

"Everythin' I did was non-lethal," Texas said, completely unrepentant.

A chorus of groans came from the nations around the room. Several of the male nations had icepacks pressed to their crotches where Texas had punched them.

"Texas," America said in a warning tone. "If you don't dial it back, I'm gonna have to suspend your Blue Bell ice cream privileges."

"You wouldn't dare," said Texas, narrowing her eyes.

"Are you prepared to take that chance?"

"I only just got Blue Bell back from the listeria outbreak! You can't take it away from me again!"

America just continued to look at her with a stony expression as he waited for her to make her choice. Finally, after a serious internal struggle and a battle of wills, Texas conceded by grumbling about her "Damn controlling, Yankee, Liberal father." She then reached into her cleavage and withdrew a tub of buttered pecan ice cream and a spoon; how she managed to conceal them in such a manner is, again, another of those little secrets known only to personifications.

As if to prove that Fate hated America, Mexico chose that moment to arrive. She took in the sight of all the injured nations and then turned her stern gaze on Texas.

"You do things like this just to anger me, don't you?" she said.

"No," Texas said, her smirk returning. "I do it because it's fun. And, yeah, because I know it pisses you off, Madre." There was a distinctly sarcastic quality to how she said that last word, as if it almost had no real meaning to her, and Mexico clearly noticed.

Mexico silently counted down from ten as she fought the urge to lose it. Her eldest child had always brought out the worst parts of her temper and seemed to take a kind of sadistic pleasure in doing so. Even when Texas had been a little girl and still under Mexico's care, she had been incredibly disobedient and had delighted in provoking people. Mexico then turned her glare on America.

"If I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times, America," she said. "If you had just let me raise Valentina, she wouldn't be such a troublemaker."

"Hey!" Texas shouted, her own temper flaring suddenly. "My name is not 'Valentina,' anymore. Goddamn it, I am Bonnie Jones and I am a goddamn Texan…and an American, but that's as such."

"I had you baptized as 'Valentina,' so that is your name."

"My real momma let me change it. She said my new name suited me better."

Mexico clenched her fists by her sides and gritted her teeth. Unnoticed by either Mexico or Texas, America was frantically waving his hands to try and indicate that they should stop before the argument devolved any further.

"I am your mother," Mexico said with a considerable amount of suppressed anger in her voice. "I brought you into this world. Not that bruja."

Before Texas could launch into a furious tirade in defense of her stepmother, America managed to intervene by quickly steering Texas out of the room and quickly suggesting that she head back over to the ranch to make sure the others were setting things up right for the party. Already, America knew that the whole thing was a terrible idea and that someone may very well end up going home in pieces. America slammed the door shut as soon as Texas was outside and gave a very forced smile as he tried to act as though nothing was wrong.

"So, dudes, let's get this conference started," he said weakly.

Everyone just stared at him in disbelief.


Texas stormed through the front door once she was home. She was so angry that heatwaves were radiating from her head.

"Stupid Mexico," she muttered. "Who does she think she is? Always tryin' to tell me what to do. Even Daddy ain't that bossy. And she had the nerve to stand there and insult-"

"Salut, Bonnie," Louisiana said as she stepped into the hall to greet Texas. "Ça fait longtemps, dis donc."

"Enough with the made-up language, Lou. How did your drive go?"

"C'était terrible! Your brutish police tried to arrest poor 'Bama. And him bein' sick as a dog, too."

"Roll Tide!" Alabama's voice called out from the next room. "No, wait. Wait, I say, War Eagle! No, wait! I don't, I say, I don't know!"

"Iron Bowl?" asked Texas.

"Iron Bowl," said Louisiana with a nod.

"Ugh, why can't he just make up his mind and pick a goddamn team, already?"

"What about you and your Cowboys and Texans?"

"Now, now, let's not go there, Lou. I'd hate to have to do somethin' we'd both regret."

Suddenly, there was a loud crash and a stream of swears.

"Sounds like Ohio and Michigan are at it, themselves," said Texas. "Can't even wait a few days, can they?"

Texas and Louisiana followed the sounds of profanity and insults about teams, cities, and universities to find Ohio and Michigan being physically restrained by North and South Dakota, respectively.

"North, have you got a firm grip on him, North?" South Dakota said worriedly as he struggled to hold Michigan. "Remember, we don't wanna hurt 'em, North, we just wanna keep 'em from fighting."

North Dakota just gave a noncommittal grunt in reply as he kept Ohio in a headlock.

"Let me go!" Ohio shouted. "I'm gonna rip his stupid face off and feed it to that pet rat of his."

"Mrs. Mittens is a wolverine," Michigan said, his tone frosty. "And yuh'd better pray I don' hide her in yur room, tonight. She's trained t'attack Fuckeyes."

"What are all ya'll idiots doin'?" said Texas.

North Dakota turned to look at her, his face not giving away even a hint of what he was thinking, and blinked twice.

"ND, speak clearly, you know I can't understand your weird accent," said Texas.

"Ohio and Michigan were fighting," South Dakota said in a fast-paced and concerned voice. "So I says to North, 'North,' I says, 'We can't let them go and fight,' and North agrees with me that the fighting was stupid, right, North? Anyway, Ohio and Michigan started throwing punches, so North and I get in there and we try to talk 'em down, but they won't listen to us. Isn't that right, North? They wouldn't back off, even after we said 'please' and everything, didn't they, North?"

North Dakota just looked at his twin blankly.

"North, I'm surprised at you! Using that kind of language. What kind of example does that set? So, anyway, North and I were trying to stop the problem before it got out of hand. Of course, North wanted to beat them over their heads with a baseball bat just to get 'em to stop, but I said to him, 'North,' I says, 'That's no way to deal with conflict. I know we did things differently, back in the day, but that's no reason to go beating our brothers over the head.' So North and I just tried to hold 'em off by getting a good grip on 'em so they can't hurt each other, because, like Daddy told us, 'Dudes,' he said, 'I don't want any more sports-related violence until after Thanksgiving.' So, I-"

"I get the picture," said Texas testily. "To be honest, I like ND's original idea of beatin' 'em over the head. Much less hassle."

"Fuck off, Tex," said Ohio. "And fuck off, SD. This is strictly between me and Bitch-igan."

"Not if you're both goin' to mess up my livin' room when we have guests comin' over. Speakin' of which, have any of the aunts, uncles, and cousins shown up, yet?"

"A couple," said Louisiana. "I believe dey said dey was goin' to have dere own meetin' at de conference center, seein' as we're all goin' to be right here."

"Wait, how many are comin' to the party this year?"

"Uh…all of dem."

Texas paused for a moment in thought as she made the mental calculations. Then, slowly, a mischievous grin spread over her face.

"This is goin' to be good," she said.

Suddenly, something bumped against her foot and Texas glanced down to see it was her pet armadillo, who had rolled over in his ball form to greet her. Texas chuckled to herself as she picked up her pet, turning away from her confused siblings.

"Come along, now, Clyde," she said quietly. "We've got some video cameras to set up."


Author's Note: Texas. How do I even begin to describe Texas? Basically, she's the badass lovechild of America and Mexico that they fought a furious custody battle over. Everyone hates her, but they'd die without her because she's so incredibly amazing.

And I'm not just saying that because she threatened to rip out my skull and beat me to death with it if I didn't.

Blue Bell ice cream is kind of a state treasure of Texas. In 2015, however, the company had to do a massive product recall after an outbreak of listeriosis had contaminated the product. Dark days for ice cream lovers.

Also, why have I made almost all of America's daughters crazy? The boys are actually the calmest and most stable (well, mostly). And most of his punishments for misbehavior involve food, for some reason.

After Texas was brought into the U.S., she changed her original name of "Valentina" to "Bluebonnet" (or "Bonnie," as she prefers to be called), after her state flower, in order to prove a point that she was no longer part of Mexico.

Texas refuses to acknowledge Mexico as her mother ever since the Texas Revolution (or, if she does, it's done in a sarcastic way).

Ça fait longtemps, dis donc – French, basically means "long time, no see."

C'était terrible – "It was terrible."

Also, if I have any Red vs Blue fans out there, I'm sure you caught my references.