Thank you to my loyal readers/reviewers…No one really responded to my last chapter, so I didn't really have motivation to update…If you like this in anyway, please, just let me know, so I know if I'm wasting my time or if I should continue. Thank you guys for everything!
I hope you like this. I wrote it about a month ago and didn't post it. I have loads of places to go with this, but suggestions are welcome. Enjoy!
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If you got worries, then you're like me.
Don't worry now, I won't hurt you.
And, if you got worries, then you're like me.
Don't worry now, I won't desert you.
- Worries, by Langhorne Slim -
I went into my room and found my unmade bed, posters from the Dark Knight, a framed painting from the beach, and a closet full of clothes. I opened it up and thought over what I'd need. There were a few things I absolutely loved that I needed to have, just because I missed them. Band shirts, jeans that were rare, and a hoodie from school. There was a trunk in the bottom with all of my winter clothes in it too, but I couldn't even think about winter right now. It was August!
"What the hell is this?" Logan half growled, half shouted, stomping into the room.
He thrust a photo into my hands and I laughed. I looked at his face, his eyebrows were raised and he was trying not to smile. It was a photo of prom from senior year. I went with a random guy in my grade, just as friends who weren't actually friends. Awkward.
"Oh yeah, senior prom, that's real love." I held it to my chest and twirled back and forth. "You should be so jealous, Greg was quite the date, if you get what I mean." I raised my eyebrows at him.
"Not funny, Piper." He attempted saying, but he couldn't help smiling, "I don't take that lightly." He grabbed me at the waist.
"What're you gonna do about it?" And then he squeezed in reply, ticking me. "Don't do tha-ahahaha-at!" I cried, falling back onto my bed.
He fell with me and continued, "I can't believe you went to prom with another man! I wanted to go with you so badly! I wrote "PROM?" in huge letters on your car after school!"
"Yeah, well, Greg wrote "PROM?" in flowers! On the lawn! By school! Everyone saw!" He stopped then and asked, "Wait, really?"
I was about to say "Mm-HM!" But he grabbed me again and I shouted, "No! Not really," through tears of laughter, "Stop! He didn't really do that – he asked me over IM and we were just friends!"
He stopped what he was doing but continued to straddle me, "Oh, good. I was worried I'd have to claw a guy up; isn't that how they do it in Philadelphia?"
"Shut up." I teased, "You better kiss me before I start looking for Greg's screen name."
"Oh no you don't." He bent over and kissed me, while I wrapped my arms around him.
The moment started to get pretty intense and he stopped for a second, in fact, the second after his shirt was off. At this point, we were both shirtless. "Is this…ok?" He asked.
"I think it fits, considering the circumstances." By that, I mean, this was a good thing and I wanted to take something good away from being here, "But not while Jenna watches!" I grabbed the heart shaped pillow from my bed and threw it at the wall. "There."
"There." He laughed, leaning over to capture my lips in a kiss once again. (And yes, I name my pillows…sue me!)
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Later on, I walked over to Asa's room while Logan went to explore the computer room. I told him he could go through whatever he wanted on my side of the room, hoping I didn't have any secrets that he shouldn't see. I did have word documents but he wouldn't go through that stuff.
As I stood in front of the closed door, I felt like I had to knock. Unless her door was open, I always knocked. I tapped it lightly, as if she was going to yell "come in!" or "Just a minute!" from the afterlife. Without waiting to actually see if I could tempt the dead, I pushed the door open.
This room was hard, just as I thought it would be. Her bed, purple and gold striped sheets, was made perfectly. The dresser was completely clean, closet doors shut, bathroom door slightly ajar. I sat on her bed and stared at the photos on the wall, my reflection in the mirror, and the cleanliness of everything. Eventually I lay back down. Was she really gone? Or was she going to come in the room suddenly, back from her shift at work?
This was how she lived, so clean; it was impossible to say the last time she had been here. I wished the cleaning lady never came so that I could at least remember what she smelled like.
I reached behind me and pulled a pillow free from the sheets. I laid on it and breathed deeply. There it was, the lavender perfume and dove soap, the cover up that smelled every time I'd hug her. Was she really gone?
I guess the day took a toll on me, one I hadn't realized. I had been thinking about how she couldn't be gone, how she couldn't be gone – it wasn't her time – and crying silent tears, when I must've fallen asleep.
Someone was gently shaking me, and I felt the weight shift in the bed. "I'm up, Asa, I just…am looking for something behind my eyes." I mumbled, clutching the pillow closer to me. Slowly, it was dawning on me that there was no Asa to shake me awake anymore.
"Hey." The male voice whispered, "Piper, Piper…"
Slowly I opened my eyes and stared ahead of me at the red blinking lights of her clock – midnight. "Logan?" I croaked, turning towards him.
"I'm here." He said, rubbing my back gently.
"I'm not really awake." I said, feeling torn between shutting my eyes again or running out of this place as fast as I could. He sat there for a few minutes, and I wondered what he was thinking. Was he looking at her photos and remembering how he burned her body? I was. I kept thinking of the burning building. But I didn't want him to start suffering from those types of memories. Logan was infamous for nightmares around the school; everyone knew about them, mainly Rogue. And I didn't want to add to that.
"It's ok." I said, finally sitting up and leaning on him, "It really is. This is like closure…and…Logan its ok about what happened."
He didn't say anything; he just waited for me to speak. "What you did…I understand it. I know you did it for a good reason."
"Ok." He said, getting up from the bed. "I'm going to sit on the porch…howl at the moon and all that…whenever you're ready, I'll be there." He was suddenly full of attitude, which I ignored as I finished scoping out the house. I grabbed my pile of clothes and my piece of technology and looked around one last time.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement then. "Logan?" I called, searching down the hall. I went back to my room and looked inside…I guess it was in my head. After I switched off the light I headed outside to find Logan smoking a cigar. I shoved everything in my backpack and sat on the brick wall. Upstairs, Jay-Z could be overheard.
"Don't try to save me from myself, ok?"
Startled, I looked towards Logan who was staring at the moon. "You're mad at me now? I think we have the most bipolar relationship ever." I shook my head as I said this last part.
"I'm not mad. But don't try to save me from myself. That's all I'm saying." He took a puff of his cigar.
"And what does that mean, exactly?" I asked, amazed at the turn the night was taking.
"KEG STAND!" Someone shouted from above. Was I back in college?
"It means, I don't need you to lie to me about things being ok when they aren't. I know what happened with Asa and that house was horrible. You don't have to lie for my well being."
"I don't want you to feel guilty on my behalf-" But he wasn't hearing me as I tried to explain.
"I'm not!" He yelled, angrier than I realized.
"Don't shout…just…fine. Sorry I said that then." I threw the bag on the ground, crossed my arms, and looked away. "Can't do anything right." I mumbled to myself.
"I've got pretty good hearin', kid."
"What's with the kid bullshit now? You're moodier than an 8th grade girl." I snapped.
He sighed, angrily, and kicked at the brick wall next to me, moving it a little bit.
"Sheesh."
"Well I just…I'm not going to forget what happened just because you tell me its ok."
"I know that! I'm not dumb. I just didn't want you to be so upset over something because, huh maybe you'd think I was upset over it. Shewas my mother after all."
"Yeah," He waved at the house, "I'm aware. And I'm glad that you're not going to hold me accountable for that, but it still happened."
He sat down beside me after a few minutes.
"Why do it then? Why be and X-men member? Why work for the professor if you're so unhappy with your job?" I wanted to ask "Why pressure me into joining too?" But didn't. Now wasn't the time. Still, he was sounding like a hypocrite.
"There are reasons. There used to be none. Now there are a few. It's a good thing to be apart of…" He rubbed the back of his neck, "I'm sorry for being so angry about this. I just…well, as you put it, can't do anything right."
"Why on earth do you think that?"
"You're the greatest thing I've got to say for myself right now. Even the past I do have is terrible. I can brag about you though, I can talk about how I have you in my life. But I don't think that it's enough."
"I don't…"
"I'm the same person I was before we were dating. I'll continue to do terrible things, even though we're together. Even if I don't want to."
We already had this conversation, about being the same person before and after you start dating someone.
"Yeah but…look there are a lot of reasons why you're good for me. And I don't like to brag about myself, but maybe that's why you have me – to help you not to do horrible things. We fight a lot, yeah, but that's you and I fighting because something terrible might potentially happen. Some people don't fight, but then the terrible things end up happening. Logan, you make yourself out to be this horrible monster…and you're really not. You need a little perspective."
We sat in silence, I rubbed his back and he pulled me in towards him. We sat like that for a while, listening to the angry party coming from above, staring at the starless city sky, and just sat with each other.
I believed every word that I said to him, despite the fact that this was hard. All the fighting…but it was worth it, in the end, to not be so alone. I'm fighting for a love that is completely worth it. And maybe we are discussing the "L" word a bit too soon into the relationship, but it is moments like this that make me wonder why I hadn't said it sooner.
"I wonder what Di-oh-gee sees in Scott anyways." I said finally.
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