I hope you all enjoy this chapter, but I will warn you of impending feels! I know you're all expecting Emma and Regina to meet again for the first time since the attack, but you'll have to wait just a liiiiittle longer! It's coming! I promise! Thank you all so much for the amazing reviews and follows! I have the best readership ever, and I want to give all of you a GIANT hug! 3
"Daniel..." Regina whispered, feeling the air grow slightly warmer.
"Of course, darling. I am right here."
The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end, a sign that the man she longed to touch was standing right behind her. She didn't turn to face him, instead standing in the dimly-lit foyer, staring at the door that Ruby had disappeared behind moments before.
"I missed you," she whispered softly.
"I never left you." His voice was always warm, but she detected the hint of sadness in his words.
"Then why only show yourself occasionally? Why not stay in my sights forever? Like it was supposed to be... Like we should have been..." She stared despondently ahead of her, still keeping her gaze on that white door.
"Doing so would be cruel, Regina. You could never have me truly in this state. You could never touch me, and I could never hold you as you need. I could never be anything but a talking shadow. A desperate reminder of what you had, and what you lost. I can no more fill the hole in your heart than I can touch the living. It would only serve to harm you more."
"And taunting me with your ghost of a presence is somehow less painful?" she snapped, finally whipping around to face him. She always loved how tall he was, but right now she despised the fact that she could see through his translucent form.
"Even the dead can be selfish. One never completely stops being human. Seeing you-"
"Broken," Regina interjected.
"Lost on this new path that you're treading. There are times when I cannot bear to let you alone. Not while I can help guide you to where you need to go." A sad smile touched his handsome face, and Regina felt her untouched cheek tingle as his hand stretched out toward it.
"Why can't you come back to me, Daniel?" Regina's lip wobbled dangerously, and she was starting to feel the emotional toll of her confrontation with Ruby stack up against her resilience. The ache in her chest from talking to her lost love was more exhausting than she remembered, and her brain rebelliously contemplated just crashing on the ground below. She simply had no strength.
Daniel must have seen, and his brow furrowed with concern. "Follow me, love."
"Where?"
"You need air," he stated tenderly, walking away from her. She helplessly followed him through to the back of the house. He stepped through the glass of the sliding door that led to the back yard. Trembling hands unlocked it, slid it open and she slipped through.
Daniel was sitting on a bench, overlooking the whole back area, all neatly groomed, but the plants and trees were showing signs of winter's fast approach - as was the sharp bite in the cold evening air. She moved to sit on his right, both of them staring out in silence.
"Feeling a little better out here?" he said in little more than a whisper.
"Yes," she answered just as softly.
"You were never meant to be caged, trapped under a veil of shame and hurt. You were always happiest out where the air moved, because you were able to feel freedom in the open, Regina. Somehow, I knew that never changed about you." She could hear the hint of a smile on his face, knowing that he was thinking of days when that would have mattered for them both.
The brunette moved her hand to rest on his thigh, but it slipped through empty air, fingers coming to stop against the cold planks of the bench. They tingled in his presence. "Why couldn't you come back to me? Why did all of our past have to happen?" Regina tilted her head slightly in his direction, but kept her gaze fixed on a patch of grass not too far in front of them. She knew that if she looked, her eyes would only linger on the bloody hole that was ever-present in Daniel's chest.
"It was not our destiny."
"I don't want destiny," she spat bitterly. "I want you. I want our love. I want the future that was stolen from us." Regina sighed heavily. "Destiny has destroyed the happiness of far too many."
"If it was our future, Regina, we would be somewhere else. I have no idea where, and I don't care where we would be, but it would be somewhere where we are together. That wasn't the course of our love. I mourn that every day. I wish for nothing more than to be reunited with you...
"If it was our future... Well, I could go on for eternity with all of the ifs in my heart, but that will never be. Our love wasn't fated to last. It wasn't written that we endure like all of the fabled loves of our world, our history."
Regina let out a choked sob. "Why are you saying these things?"
"Haven't you ever wondered, love?"
"What our future would have been like? Gods know, I've dreamt of it every night of my existence."
"That's not what I was referring to," he stated simply. Regina chanced a glace up at his face, and it continued to hold that sorrowful smile. But his eyes...they still looked right into Regina, and disarmed her to the soul the way they always did since the moment they met.
"Tell me, then, Daniel. What have I never wondered about?" The question felt like it should have been on the offensive, but it came out with gentle curiosity instead.
"You remember what the Dark One told you in the hospital? How being cut off from your True Love causes madness? How it is a slow process in our land?"
"I was Evil, Daniel. Not mad." Her words were clipped, lips pinched in annoyance.
"Ever wondered why you never went mad?"
Regina's heart skipped a beat - or three. "N-No... I never did."
"It was your destiny, Regina. Another was already destined to be in your future. Rumplestiltskin knew that long before you ever cast the Curse. He saw her in your future. In some ways, twisted ones, but still, he helped bring her to you."
"How can you, or anyone, trust a thing that snake says? As for my destiny, are you trying to remind me of what you told me before? That you were only my first love and nothing more?" she snapped viciously.
A warm smile crossed his features, never thrown or bothered by her temper. "Even a first love can be a True Love, Regina. Ours wasn't meant to endure in this plane, this time, or this universe. But that doesn't mean that you're supposed to forsake love forever. There's another for you."
"If you're talking about..."
"It's okay," he assured with ease. "You can say her name."
"I...don't want to," Regina whispered weakly. She shivered in the cold that had seeped through her thin clothing.
"Running from those two words will only give them power over you. Saying them, owning them, gives you the power."
"I never wanted power, Daniel."
"This is a different kind of power. This is strength. And the ability to face your demons. Don't let them keep you forever, darling." His voice, though quiet, was strong and emboldening, and they soaked right into her heart.
Regina huffed out a sigh, biting the inside of her lip, glaring in frustration. "How can you be okay with...E-Emma..Swan? Sh-she hurt me! Badly... And now I'm nothing but my fear and my pain! And I just want to hurt her back. Not only because she hurt me, but...by doing so, she hurt Henry too."
"I will never try to justify her actions, Regina. However, she was scared, and thought that you had tried to murder her. You know better than most what fear and anger does when you're backed into a corner."
"I... I know. And part of me cannot blame her for exactly that reason. I did that to her. I wasn't..."
"You weren't honest with her. You weren't honest, because you were afraid."
"Daniel? I...felt like I was disloyal to you, when I kissed her. I felt as though I was tossing you away." Regina wiped away fresh tears that were trekking down her cheeks.
"You felt guilty. There was no reason to, my love. You did what I wanted you to do."
"How can you say that?! Is nothing ever my own choice? My own doing?" The brunette looked fiercely into his eyes, challenging him, her hands clenched into tight fists.
"Seeing you anguish over my death every day has been nothing but torture for me. You know that I desire nothing more than that your happiness was born of our love...but it's not. If you want me to truly rest in peace, Regina, I need to see you happy. Even if it's with another."
"How could Emma Swan be my True Love? I'm the Evil Queen! We're supposed to wage war with one another. That is our destiny! Not kisses, and affection, and...anything that was supposed to be ours, Daniel."
"Emma was cold, while she was cursed," he started pensively, redirecting the conversation purposefully. "Except-"
"Except when I kissed her," Regina finished softly.
"She's still cold, Regina," he told her with soft but firm words.
"Why?" She couldn't prevent the concern that managed to bleed into her voice. Daniel smiled at that.
"You couldn't give Emma True Love's Kiss. You two don't have that yet. So you were able to wake her, but not banish the curse completely from her flesh. It will always linger in her skin. Unless..."
"I know what you're saying, Daniel. But...why her? Why me? I'm-"
"Afraid. That's okay. Fear is human, Regina. You're the strongest woman I know. You will find your strength when you need it. You always do. I'm not asking for you to be ready for anything right now. Just...just remember the way you felt when you saw her eyes open."
Emma was sitting on her butt near the fire, legs stretched out in front of her, bottoms of her feet pressed together. She was leaning back on her palms, trying to resist scratching at the rough, itchy scabs streaking her face. For a few superficial claw marks, they were really taking their sweet time to heal.
She shivered violently again with cold, and a small part of her brain joked that all of the shuddering was going to give her muscles extra definition from all of the involuntary flexing. The almost empty bottle of Jack stood near her right hand. Ruby left it, seeing that there was only a minute amount remaining. Emma had been torn between finishing it off or just dumping the rest of it. A fresh wave of shame bubbled uncomfortably in her stomach at the fact that she still kept the stuff. At that moment, though, 'just in case' didn't seem like a good enough reason to hang on to the last few drops.
The blonde thudded heavily onto her back, pinching her eyes shut against the throbbing headache pounding behind her eyes. Why couldn't Ruby have brought a bottle of Ibuprofen with her? Maybe something even stronger... She huffed out a frustrated breath at her weakness, covering her eyes with shaky fingers. Was she really so incapable of dealing with this torrent of...whatever she was feeling when she was sober? It had been far too many years since she'd had to drown herself in alcohol and self-medication to escape the demons lurking in her shadow. Why then, did it come to her as a surprise when she learned that this attempt to do the same yielded identically poor results?
The air felt slightly warmer, and Emma knew it wasn't from the fire. "You're really bad at listening to when a woman doesn't want you," she grumbled, not taking her hand from her eyes.
"I'm dead, Emma. I don't have to listen. And right now, as much as you hate accepting help from others, you need it." Graham's voice was strong, and she could hear the conviction in his tone.
"Help? With what? How can you help? You're dead, like you said. I'm about as screwed as I can be right now. I'm a fucking fugitive. I'm still covered in puke. I can't get my head to focus on anything, which means I'm probably going crazy. Henry hates me. And...I abused Ruby's trust. So tell, how the hell do I make it through this shitstorm?" Something in her chest loosened slightly after the tumble of admissions.
"Getting it out is good, isn't it? If I let you be-"
"Are you dead because of me," Emma asked abruptly, sitting up on her elbows. Graham was crouching near her on her left, and the deep, flickering glow of the fire passed right through him.
His brow furrowed with a look of contemplative sadness. "No, Emma. You're not responsible for my death. Choices were made that night, but none of them rest on your shoulders."
"It doesn't feel that way," she mumbled softly.
"It's the past now. And there's nothing we can change about it. We can only change how we look at it."
"You're still dead..."
"You're still blunt."
"You weren't that much more subtle than me." For the first time in days, a small, fleeting smile tugged at her mouth, allowing herself to enjoy their childish banter. Graham rewarded her with one of his own.
"How long are you going to be here, Emma?" And just that quickly her mood blackened again.
"I don't know!" she snapped. "Why does everyone need answers? Why does everyone expect crap from me? My life was easier when nothing was permanent. When people wanted too much from me, I could just leave." Emma said bitterly, tossing a glare at the small fire.
"Look me right in the eyes, and tell me that you were happier that way. Because I don't think you can."
"Oh yeah, how could I also forget how everyone thinks they know me better than I do? And that they know what's best for me, or what I should be doing better or different. And you know what? It only serves to remind me of my failures and shortcomings."
"I knew you couldn't do it."
"Oh fuck off. Now you're just being an asshole," Emma said frostily.
"And you're just the picture of politeness." he calmly pointed out.
"I don't remember you being this much of a jerk when you were alive."
"Death has a way of shifting around the lines you can and can't cross. I've seen your punches. Being without a true body means I'll never have to feel them."
"Sometimes not feeling is better than..." she drifted off, her eyes focused on something in the distance. She blinked once, then turned to face him. "Why are you back here? Haven't I been through enough? Now I'm literally being haunted?" Emma's tone was weary, and she flopped back onto the floor, her messy locks fanning out in a tangled halo around her head.
"And I've died. I think I've got a little more on you," he said with an easy chuckle.
"I wish you weren't..." she whispered more to herself than to her companion. "Can I ask about something you said? It's been bugging me for days now."
"I'm amazed you can remember anything I said. I thought you would've blacked out after all of that." He gestured lightly to the lone bottle of whiskey nearby.
"I've had the blessing and the curse of never blacking out, no matter how drunk I am."
"Not sure if I should call you lucky or not. What did you want to ask?"
"You...you said 'What if Regina can't kill you?' What does that even mean?"
"Do you really think she tried to kill you, Emma?" His question was steady, but Emma knew she was about embark on a conversation that she would much rather run from.
"I ate a stupid pastry she gave me, just as I was trying to leave town! And then I went into a fucking coma! I mean, Henry even warned me that it was poisoned. Sounds an awful lot like murder to me." Emma was back up on her elbows again, giving Graham a challenging glare.
"How did you feel when you got your memory back? And I mean really feel...deep down under the layers of yourself that you're afraid to confront."
"I felt..." She swallowed, her tongue thick and dry. She chewed on her lip for a minute, trying to delay answering, but she could feel Graham's eyes on her. "Afraid...I felt afraid. F-for myself and for Henry."
"Ever thought that Regina felt a similar fear?"
"Regina? Afraid? That's bullshit."
"You love Henry, yes?"
"More than I ever thought I could love the kid."
"Regina loves him too, Emma. Deeply."
"Are you trying to say that she loves him more? That I-" But Graham stopped her angry tirade before it got going.
"Not at all. But...Regina was Henry's mother for ten years. Then you show up on the heels of the son she'd spent a decade cultivating love and life for, and you threaten the future she made. Put yourself in her shoes, Emma. Wouldn't you be scared? Wouldn't you be willing to fight and take as many risks as you could to keep your son?"
"Are you fucking defending her? SHE TRIED TO KILL ME! WHICH, IN TURN HURTS HENRY! HOW IS THAT OKAY?!" Emma staggered to her feet, stumbling to support herself against the wall near the hearth. Graham seemed completely unmoved and unsurprised by the blonde's outburst.
"I will never condone Regina's actions. But you cannot stand by and pretend that you're an innocent victim in this whole story either."
"She deserved it!" Emma retorted acidly.
"Doesn't mean she deserved to get it."
"But...!"
"You just said that Regina's attempted murder hurts Henry. How are your actions exempted from that? Did I not just tell you that Regina was Henry's mother for ten years?"
"And he loathed her!"
"Loathing doesn't mean he'd be okay with his mother dying. Loathing doesn't mean hate, Emma. He loves her too; he just didn't know how to interpret how he viewed her. Listen to what you're saying! Are you trying to justify the harm you caused Regina?"
"Now we're even!"
"It's not about getting even, Emma! It's about doing what's right!" Graham's voice hardened, and the temperature in the room spiked briefly.
"There we go again," Emma said, flailing her arm out. "Someone's telling me what I've got to do! What I've got to be, and how I've fucked up AGAIN! You don't think I don't know that? I did something HORRIBLE! I caused another human being genuine physical, and probably mental harm! I laid my hands on that woman, and I fucking sunk to her level! Worse, actually! I WAS AN ANIMAL BACK THERE!" Emma slid down the wall, hot tears splashing down her face, irritating some of the scabs.
"H-How do I ever...at-tone for th-that?" She peered bleary-eyed up at Graham, begging him for answers. He responded with a warm, full smile, and her breath hitched, caught off-guard by its presence.
"Welcome back, Emma."
"W-What? I d-don't under-stand."
"You've shown your true feelings, instead of veiling them with crass insults, booze and deflection. You've owned up to a truth you've been avoiding."
The blonde's skin prickled, and she felt Graham squat in front of her, less than a foot from her teary face. "Still feel like shit..." she sniffled, wiping her nose along her wrist.
"Emma? What do you remember seeing when you woke up?" He asked the question slowly, as if voicing those words might set her off like a rabid beast.
She scrunched her face up in concentration, shivering slightly. She shrugged in a non-committal way. "I think I remember Regina trying to smother me with a pillow or something. Once she saw I was awake, she turned tail and booked it like her ass was on fire."
"I don't have your super power, Emma, but I was sheriff for a lot longer than you, and I know you're lying. Tell me what you really saw."
She glowered darkly at him, her face souring like a child's when caught in a lie. "Fine," she huffed out. "I saw...Regina. I saw Regina Mills. Over me..."
"And...?"
"And..." Emma crossed her arms, ever the stubborn woman she was reputed to be. "And she was...smiling, I think. Her hands were...I felt warm." A deep frown settled across her face. "Then she left, and the cold set in..."
Graham took in the confused look on the woman's face. Oddly enough, that confusion gave him hope. That confusion gave him hope, because it wasn't anger, or contempt, or hatred, or any emotion carrying ill intent. It was surprisingly human; a refreshing thing after seeing the blonde reduced to something less than that.
"Good, Emma. You've done great today."
"I'm not some dog you can pat on the head for good behavior," came the petulant response.
"Act like a dog, get treated like a dog."
"Fuck you, I'm not a dog, jackass. Besides, weren't you the one chasing after wolves?"
"Chasing one doesn't make me one," he teased. "I think I've pestered you enough for the day..."
"If that's pestering, I don't want to know what comes after that. Your bark is just about as bad as your bite..."
"You need rest, and time to think. Try not to procrastinate too long, Emma. Facing the truth is a powerful thing, and your time to do so is dwindling rapidly."
The blonde didn't get a chance to respond to that because he vanished, leaving the air colder again. She groaned, scrubbing her fists into her eyes. She was definitely going crazy. That much was certain. Emma's stomach twisted tightly at the implication of Graham's parting words. Things would be a lot easier if people - or ghosts - would just be straight with her. But then...wasn't that all that Graham was asking of her?
I know the Emma/Graham half of this chapter was kind of a rough read, and I apologize for that. I had a difficult time getting it out, but I promise the next chapter will flow better! Again, feel free to find me on Tumblr at writers-dilemma. tumblr. com And another HUGE shout out to my best beta, Jasmine! You can find her fantastic self at obligatory-regal-name. tumblr. com
