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Alex loved this time of year, a time when everything exploded into colour. The stifling heat of summer was gone replaced with cool winds and whipping rain and everyone crowded round the fires eating stews and puddings and things that warmed the stomach. She loved how it seemed as if the sun itself had settled on the trees and when it set the whole forest shinned like fire rippling in the breeze. She loved that the earth gave everything it had before slowly fading with such beauty that it made one smile to see it.
She reached up and plucked a tired brown leaf from a branch as they passed and crumpled it between her fingers. They had been travelling for around two weeks and had only now reached their destination. They could have gone faster but Olivia had wanted to take it slow for her sake and though normally Alex would have hated holding people back her body still wasn't fully recovered and so she was thankful for their speed. Munch and Rafael travelled with them because the Spaniard could not write and he wanted to make sure himself that Sir Walter would be able to accommodate them. Also it did not fit appearances to have two unaccompanied woman travelling alone.
It had been another two weeks before the Abbess had allowed Alex to travel and though the others had gone back to Nottingham as soon as the plan was agreed upon, Olivia, Munch and Rafael were left twiddling their thumbs while she regained the energy to sit up on her own. Liv had tried subtly to get her talk about what had happened again but since her last outburst Alex had sworn to herself that she was beyond it. If Olivia could forgive her then she would move past it, she couldn't spend every second thinking about it so she simply decided not to. It was over, she was over it.
Instead Munch had amused them all by either explaining another one of his theories or by making up stories and tales and some days Alex couldn't tell which was which. Olivia would enthral her with exerts from her time in the Holy land and Rafael would paint a picture of Madrid and Spain so well she felt as if she had actually visited herself. Nobody pressured her to talk and she was happy for that, she preferred to sit in silence and just listen to the others, letting the conversation wash over her; not needing to think too deeply. By the time they were ready to leave Rafael had managed to buy them four horses, though Munch complained that his looked so old it might not survive the two weeks travel.
The Abbess had given them enough clothes for their backs and to have some spare and so now Olivia and Alex were dressed in long tight fitting breeches and loose gowns, both brown in colour. Neither of them had really worn gowns before and Munch enjoyed teasing them every time they tripped or showed too much leg siting astride their horses. Olivia had given her back her sword, saved from the ravine, and she wasn't sure how she felt about having it again. On the one hand it was her most prised possession, it symbolised her greatest skill but on the other it had been made for her by him, killed people for him. She could feel it wrapped in cloth and strapped to her saddle behind her and had to fight the intermittent urge to either strap it to her hip or throw it to the road side.
The country had slowly changed around them as they had travelled further south and Alex watched as the steep hills and ravines, stone fences and sheep morphed into rolling hills and crops. They had added a few days to their travels by avoiding London but Alex didn't mind the extra time to miss the noise and movement of the city.
Sir Walter lived just outside Canterbury and it was around three o'clock that his manor finally came into view. It was a long and low built building, not in the usual style of the age. Alex guessed that it had maybe two floors with a yellowing thatched roof and brown timber frame. As they got closer she saw that the front contained a pond scattered with fallen dead leaves and there was a stable block to the left. The wind happened to be strong and cold that day and so she wasn't surprised to see that no one was about and the four of them were able to dismount there horses without much fuss.
'It's just like I remember it.' Rafael said with a smile on his face. Alex tried to mirror his excitement but she couldn't help but be nervous. This was the first time she had ever been outside of Nottinghamshire, ever really been around strangers without her armour and helmet. She didn't know how Sir Walter would react to their request, react to them, and it felt as if, even though all her scars were covered by clothes, that anyone could look at her and know immediately how damaged she was.
'Should we stable the horses ourselves?' Olivia asked looking round and crinkling her nose at the smell of damp straw. Rafael opened his mouth to answer but before he could the large wooden doors, which took up the whole height of the building, suddenly flew open.
'Barba!' an elderly man exclaimed his arms thrown wide. Alex could only assume that their approach hadn't been as unobserved as she first thought. The man walked forward, limping slightly on his right leg and pulled Rafael into a tight hug. The younger man's forehead only reached his collar bone, for though the man's shoulder length hair and beard were grey age had not stooped his height.
'Sir Walter,' Rafael replied heartily, patting him on the back before stepping away.
'You didn't tell me you were coming, I would have had someone clean.' Sir Walter had a booming voice that was loud not only in volume but in depth.
'No you wouldn't!'
'No, you're right I wouldn't. You still should have sent word though, I would have invited my friends; I love to see them green with envy.' The man was smiling, holding Rafael by the shoulders while Alex huddled together with Munch and Olivia waiting for Sir Walter to notice them. 'Tom!' Sir Walter shouted, 'Tom! Come and take their horses...' a young boy ran forward out from the shadow of the stables and quickly tried to lead all four horses away at once. 'No no, look you've got all the reins tangled.' Sir Walter sighed as Tom struggled to control the horses. 'Daniel! Stop your laughing and help for peats sake.' Alex watched amused as an older boy, though still only a boy, ran forward the smile still on his face and saved his younger companion. Sighing Sir Walter turned away and back to the four of them. 'So, who are your friends Barba, I didn't know you knew how to make any.'
Rafael laughed for a moment before gesturing to each of them in turn. 'Sir Walter may I present John Munch, Olivia Benson and Alexandra Cabot.' They had spent an evening in the Abbey trying to invent a new surname for Alex that wouldn't give away her origins or suggest anything about her life.
'It can't be based on a profession of an ancestor, so something like Smith or Tomson is out.' Munch said scratching his head.
'And definitely not Giffard, it can't be anything like the Sherriff's name.' Rafael added.
Alex nodded, 'I'm a bastard anyway; I wouldn't take his name.'
'What about Nun?' Munch suggested using their surroundings as inspiration.
'No, it could lead back to here.' Olivia replied shaking her head. Alex thought she was being slightly paranoid and from the look she exchanged with Munch he did too, but neither of them spoke up.
'Okay,' Rafael finally said after too many names had been tried and discarded, 'back to Nun, if it can't be related to a female Abbey what about a male Monastery? What about Abbot?'
'That's a profession.' Olivia said exasperatedly shaking her head.
'Cabot then.' Alex spoke up. She had been largely quiet, as she usually was during their conversations, but was tired of all the back and forth arguing and just wanted to sleep. She could see that Olivia wasn't entirely happy but the two men were nodding and so she lay down in her cloak, ending the discussion. In a dusty, unused chapel she became Alex Cabot.
'It's an honour to meet you.' Sir Walter said nodding to each of them in turn. 'Come in come in, I think we can find some food here somewhere; you'll all have to tell me what brings you south.'
It wasn't much too look at their new home. A rough wattle and daub structure with a thatch roof that really needed changing and small windows. There was a corpse of trees behind it, not many, but Sir Walter had agreed they could use it for firewood and any birds were free game. They could also get their water from a small stream at the other side of the corpse. It was placed just off the road, hidden from view by holy bushes that had pricked at Olivia's skin as she pushed past them. It was about a mile from the small village and Sir Walter's manor but they had set off early and though walking had arrived before the morning dew had dried from the grass.
'Do you think we have to tend to them now?' Alex asked, throwing a worried look at Olivia.
Olivia shook her head trying to look relaxed but failing, 'no he said someone came last night, let's leave them alone for now.' Before they had even seen the house they had heard the dull buzzing, a drone that never seemed to stop. Sir Walter had informed them that the elderly man that used to live here kept bees. He use to sell their honey at the local market and for the past month, since he died, a boy from the village had been tending to them but now, to the ladies dismay, he said that the job and the house could belong to them.
They had stayed two days at the manor, recuperating after their travels, before Rafael and Munch left for the north- or the forest as Alex thought- and Olivia and Alex went to their new home. Sir Walter had been happy enough to have them as long as Rafael sang every night at dinner and Olivia realised that the Spaniard had been holding back in the chapel. He had a voice that sometimes could sound as sweet as the angels and then sometimes could have an edge or a roughness that brought it crashing back down to earth and gave all the listeners goose bumps; she would never tire of listening to him and knew now how he could be welcomed in any house. He had told Sir Walter that she and Alex were widows of the Holy War who found themselves without family and without a home. He begged the Lord's mercy and asked if Sir Walter could do anything for them, could help, for he knew he was good and Godly man. He had given them the bee keeps house.
The door was stiff against Olivia's hand and she had to use her shoulder to it to open it. Alex peered around her at the room that met their eyes. An empty cold fire pit was dug in the centre of the room, a small hole cut in the thatch above it for the smoke though Olivia doubted its efficiency for the acid smell clung to everything in the room. To the left was a wooden table and chair with a window cut in the wall that overlooked the hives, about twenty paces from the house. The bedroom, to even call it that, was simply a large straw pallet and moth eaten blanket pushed to the side of the room. There was window in this wall as well, overlooking the vegetable patch, that was at that time overgrown and full of weeds. A cloth hung from one hook on the front wall and Olivia saw another hook on the far wall and assumed the cloth could be stretched to give the sleeping area some privacy. The only other objects in the room were a cooking pot, a small tub for washing and hats with long white flowing veils for tending to the bees.
'Well,' Olivia said optimistically walking in and turning round to face Alex, 'it seems okay. Just needs a bit of cleaning.' Alex didn't reply, just ran her finger through the layer of dust coating the table and tried not to breathe the musty smell in too much.
They spent most of the day cleaning, wiping away the dust, turning over their vegetable patch and collecting fire wood. Sir Walter had given them two new blankets of wool for the coming winter and a super of bread and dried pork and it was approaching evening by the time they sat together on the pallet to eat.
'So what now?' Alex asked as Olivia chewed an especially tough piece of pork.
'Now,' she said swallowing, 'we live. We get better, we keep bees; we just live.' She turned her head to look at Alex but the blonde was staring straight ahead, holding her food in her lap. 'What's wrong?'
Alex shook her head slightly though her heavy sigh betrayed she wasn't okay. 'I've never just lived before. I don't know how to do any of it.'
Olivia smiled and Alex turned to look at her, 'Don't worry, it's not too hard, I'll teach you.' Alex stared at her happy and confident face and couldn't bring herself to voice any of her other worries. She smiled and nodded and went back to eating.
They both finished at around the same time just as the sun was setting.
'I'd better see to your back while there's still light.' Olivia said, moving to reach for her pack and the bandages the Abbess had packed for them. Alex didn't say anything just pushed the dress off her shoulders till it hung round her hips and lay face down on the pallet. Her other injuries had healed well and scars were the only things left of them but her back was proving more stubborn. Olivia moved to her side and peeled off the bandage and padding. The lashes had scabbed over about a week ago but the Abbess had told her to keep applying the bandages to stop them from ripping off. She worked quickly and tried not to see the pale skin beneath the marks or the shape of Alex's ribs under her palms. She knew that Alex hated having to undress like this and she hated how she felt like she was taking advantage of the situation in having to make her. Her mind drew her back to the forest that night when she had seen Alex's chest for the first time and how beautiful and perfect it was and even then how shy and in pain she had been. Olivia sat back on her heels and rubbed her palm down the bandage trying to show with one touch just how much the blonde meant to her, how beautiful she still was to her. Leaning down she pressed a kiss to an untouched and unmarred piece of Alex's shoulder, the skin cold against her lips. She felt Alex stiffen beneath her.
There was a moment of quiet were Olivia held her breath, waiting for Alex to relax again. She didn't. 'Please don't do that.' Alex said in a clipped tense voice.
'I'm sorry,' Olivia said moving away her cheeks burning with shame, 'I didn't mean to upset you.'
Alex sat up and pulled her dress back in place before pulling the blanket over herself and lying down on one side of the pallet, missing the remorseful look Olivia gave her. She heard Olivia stand up and waited for her to lay down beside her but after some shuffling opened her eyes to see that the older woman had lain down on the dirt floor beside the table; as far away from her as she could get.
Alex felt tears sting in the back of her eyes and rapidly blinked them away. She hadn't meant for Olivia to move away she just didn't know what they were anymore, didn't know what the brunet wanted or if she wanted what Alex thought she wanted, if she could ever give it to her. Neither of them had spoken about the kiss they had shared before Alex had left. They had spoken of forgiveness yes but not of love and Alex wasn't sure what she wanted them to be anymore; if she even deserved love anymore. Before, everything had been about getting better, about coming south and finding somewhere to live; but now they'd done that everything felt flat. She was here with Olivia, safe and almost physically whole again but lying down to sleep that night she just felt empty. She wasn't sure if she wanted to be anything with Olivia, wasn't sure if she wanted to be in the south, wasn't sure if she even wanted to be.
A/N: So I plan to stay with just Olivia and Alex for a few chapters simply focusing on them and their relationship instead of major plot stuff; if people don't want that then speak now.
Also regarding the next few chapters, I want to get the pacing right so if anyone had had comments regarding that they would be appreciated.
