It was Monday

and he was in a really bad mood

and sore all over.

Saturday night, father had come home angry

some trouble with his friends

and he thanked God that he had his hoodie

if not

he was too lazy to think of something

for the blue on the upper arm

big spot.

Sunday morning, it had been fine

had been fine until evening

when father had come home drunk

and had found his mistakes

like always

the bluish purple spots on his knees

and on his sides

and maybe on his back

and new cuts on his left palm

ugly

he used to feel sick whenever he looked

but now he was not

had gotten used to.

Matthew could read his face

could read his short lazy replies

and didn't press

never being the one to

and he was grateful

even though sometimes he wished

that he would be asked

it hurts / I'm fine.

it hurts all over, everywhere / I can manage, I can bear it

please say that / Don't

"Are you okay?" / Don't ask

"What happened?" / Please

"Who did this to you?" / Please don't ask

I won't lie / I wouldn't want to lie, but I have to

help me / I'm fine, really.

"Are you okay?"

And he looked up

his heart sank / leaped

scowling

"Of course I am

Why wouldn't I?"

I'm not, it hurts it still hurts it always hurts

Matthew smiled nervously in return.

"Sorry. You're right.

Wanna go have lunch?"

Please please please

He shrugged and rose from his seat

hands inside his pockets

following his friend to the cafeteria

Make a crack

a crack so you can see inside me

so you can help me

please please please

Matthew was silent

he knew how to act around the grumpy him

crack me, crack inside of me, see me

truly see me

don't ask too much

don't talk too much

he was perfectly capable of that

no, don't. Don't don't

stop it stop stop stop

don't look don't see

leave me like this

I'm fine, I'll be fine

Matthew was such a good friend, he was grateful to have him

grateful

please don't stop

don't stop