It was Monday
and he was in a really bad mood
and sore all over.
Saturday night, father had come home angry
some trouble with his friends
and he thanked God that he had his hoodie
if not
he was too lazy to think of something
for the blue on the upper arm
big spot.
Sunday morning, it had been fine
had been fine until evening
when father had come home drunk
and had found his mistakes
like always
the bluish purple spots on his knees
and on his sides
and maybe on his back
and new cuts on his left palm
ugly
he used to feel sick whenever he looked
but now he was not
had gotten used to.
Matthew could read his face
could read his short lazy replies
and didn't press
never being the one to
and he was grateful
even though sometimes he wished
that he would be asked
it hurts / I'm fine.
it hurts all over, everywhere / I can manage, I can bear it
please say that / Don't
"Are you okay?" / Don't ask
"What happened?" / Please
"Who did this to you?" / Please don't ask
I won't lie / I wouldn't want to lie, but I have to
help me / I'm fine, really.
"Are you okay?"
And he looked up
his heart sank / leaped
scowling
"Of course I am
Why wouldn't I?"
I'm not, it hurts it still hurts it always hurts
Matthew smiled nervously in return.
"Sorry. You're right.
Wanna go have lunch?"
Please please please
He shrugged and rose from his seat
hands inside his pockets
following his friend to the cafeteria
Make a crack
a crack so you can see inside me
so you can help me
please please please
Matthew was silent
he knew how to act around the grumpy him
crack me, crack inside of me, see me
truly see me
don't ask too much
don't talk too much
he was perfectly capable of that
no, don't. Don't don't
stop it stop stop stop
don't look don't see
leave me like this
I'm fine, I'll be fine
Matthew was such a good friend, he was grateful to have him
grateful
please don't stop
don't stop
