AN – oh my gosh. I am crying at the moment, because this is the last chapter of Close. I want to say a massive thank you to everyone who added me to alerts and favourites. To everyone who stuck with me while I complained about review numbers and while I wrote some pretty depressing shit. I really am grateful to everyone.
This chapter, and for that matter, entire story, is dedicated to meilzdoggg01. She understands me. I can tell her everything, and she is my best friend, and I trust her with my life.
I hope you all like this final chapter.
Alice's POV
I dug my nails into the back of my arm, sitting in the waiting area of the psychology wing, down at the hospital. I had an appointment to see the resident psychologist here, for a referral appointment. Carlisle had set it up for me after I talked to him.
When Carlisle had then suggested that this would be a good first step; I had agreed with him, purely out of desire to prove to myself that I could do this.
All it was proving at the moment was that it could make me feel more terrified than I could remember in the past few months. Digging my nails into my arm was helping to make me feel a little bit better. It probably wasn't the best method of calming myself, but at least I wasn't cutting, right?
"Alice Braddon?" A voice called out my name, and I snapped my head up, jumping a little in my seat.
A nurse looked at me apologetically before saying "Cate is ready to see you now"
I picked up my wallet, and checked that my cell phone was still in my back pocket, and stood slowly, trying to remind myself it wouldn't be horribly bad.
Breath. Alice, breath.
I walked through the door. I noticed that it had a pin code pad that the nurse entered her code on. Glancing back I saw that there was a pin code pad to get back out again. The entire place was giving off a feeling of mistrust, as if they were expecting me to run at any moment. Rationally; I know that that was entirely irrational. They probably simply wanted to stop any patients from leaving without permission.
I watched the floor, examining the vinyl flooring, and the painted lines, of different colours. Following the red line led to the emergency ward; the yellow line lead to the elevator; and the blue line led to the exit. I memorised everything I could in order to keep my mind off what I was about to do. Going to get help made me feel even weaker than I had before. I felt as if I should be able to do this myself.
I wonder what they're going to ask me.
We reached the end of the corridor, and the nurse opened a door to an office that was nothing like I had imagined. It was bright and colourful. There was a dark blue couch against a light pink wall, facing a matching armchair. At the wall adjacent to that there was a desk with just a computer and a few sheets of paper, and a picture frame of the blonde haired lady, who was now standing before me, with a couple of people around her age by the looks of it.
I let my eyes wander around the room for a few more moments before resting my eyes on the blonde haired lady that I assumed was Cate. She smiled at me, to which I couldn't help but quirk my eyebrow.
Am I supposed to smile back at her?
"You're Alice? It's nice to finally meet you, I have heard a lot."
Fan-fucking-tastic. Looks like Carlisle gave her a nice brief about me.
She must've seen my face change, because she suddenly said.
"It's not like Dr. Cullen has told me about your past. You and your sister are a hot topic at the moment"
I narrowed my eyebrows, not saying anything, but waiting for her to continue, and tell me why exactly we're a 'hot topic'.
"Well, you two are being adopted by the Cullen's. Dr. Cullen is very kind."
I rolled my eyes as I saw her eyes glaze over momentarily, no doubt thinking about Carlisle. After a couple of moments she looked at me again.
"Would you prefer to sit on the lounge or in the chair?"
I motioned toward the lounge, and walked over to it, sitting gingerly on the edge, as if I was expecting it to hurt.
Cate walked over to her desk and picked up a pad of paper, and a pencil, before sitting down in the armchair.
"Ok, Alice, before we start, I have a couple of questionnaires that I'd like you to fill out, if you wouldn't mind."
Cate looked up at me, as if she was actually giving me a choice. I shrugged my shoulders, and she held the pieces of paper out for me. Reaching out for them, Cate glanced at the back of my arm, which was now red, with a few deep nail imprints, and then looked up and me, before writing something down quickly.
I looked over the questionnaires. The first one that jumped out at me was question three. 'Have you ever thought about killing yourself?'
Well that's nice and blunt isn't it? No beating around the bush here.
I filled in the questionnaire slowly, trying to drag it out as much as I could. The session only goes for an hour.
I handed the filled in questionnaires back, and watched Cate look over them, writing her own notes from time to time on her paper, but for the most part, if anything shocked her, she was particularly good at hiding it from me. Then again, I suppose that that is a requirement for this sort of job.
"Ok, Alice. I think I'd just like to talk about a few things. I have your notes here from a previous admission to the emergency ward. I'm amazed that you weren't referred to me then."
I spoke for the first time then, "yeah, I guess"
Cate didn't look pleased with my short comment, and continued to press me about that night.
"It says here you were admitted after a suicide attempt."
I noded.
"Would you like to tell me about that?"
"Not really," I blurted out before I could think about what I was saying. I snapped my mouth shut quickly as soon as I realised what I had said, and then said "sorry..." quietly.
Jasper's POV
I missed having Alice by my side every night. I moved into the Cullen's house, into a room of my own, rather than a room with her. She and I hadn't 'broken up' so to speak. But that's the issue; we haven't spoken at all since she left that day. It had been nearly 2 weeks.
I had spoken to Bella, about it. She had told me just to give it time, wait for Alice to be ready. She and Alice had spoken about what happened apparently, but I have no idea what they were saying. Bella refused to give me any details. I saw Alice around the house when we both had to use the kitchen, or if I was in the lounge room on the same floor as our bedrooms and she didn't realise, and came in. Sometimes I would stand up, and leave, so that she could use it, other times she would turn and leave the room, almost running, before I could get a change. It was times like these that I just wanted to run after her, make it better.
I heard Alice's old beetle pull up to the house, and looked out the window to see her getting out of the car. Alice had been at her first appointment with a psychologist. She looked exhausted. Even from my position, 20 feet above her, I could see the exhaustion, and sadness etched on her face. It broke my heart as I held myself back from running down to her and holding her in my arms.
Half an hour later I could hear soft music coming from Edward's piano room. I needed to talk to him anyway, so I got up off my bed, and walked down the hallway. I pushed the door open softly, and looked in the room. I nearly gasped as I took in the site before me.
Instead of Edward in this room, I saw Alice, gently moving around the room, dancing to the music. Alice's movements slowed as a new song came on, and as she spun I could see tears rolling down her pale cheeks.
Fuck it I thought, as I saw the tears. There was no way in hell I was about to walk away as the girl I loved cried. I stepped into the room, and closed the door behind me. Alice's head snapped around, and she stopped dancing. After looking at me for a few moments, she pressed forward twice on the cd player that was placed in the corner of the room, and started dancing again.
How does it feel to know you're everything I need?
The butterflies in my stomach could bring me to my knees.
How does it feel to know you're everything I want?
I have a hard time saying this, so I'll sing it in a song.
I remember some of the moves from watching dance recitals when I was younger with my mother. Alice made a move that I believe was called a grand jeté; leaping through the air, her legs spilt, and then landing gracefully just feet away from me. She moved backwards gracefully, and then lifted one leg up, holding it against her body, and spinning on one foot, before lowering herself gently to the ground. She was sitting, her legs split, her head resting on her leg, and it was obvious to me that she was finished dancing.
Well I adore the way you carry yourself,
With the grace of a thousand angels overhead.
I love the way the galaxy starts to melt.
When we become one, when we become one.
When we become one, when we become one.
How does it feel?
I moved to sit in front of her. I lifted her head gently from her leg, cupping her cheek in my hand, wiping away the tears that were flowing heavily, and yet she remained silent. I looked into her eyes to see pain and fear. I was kicking myself for making her feel this way about me. I should have been there for her when she needed me. Instead I yelled at her, pushing her away, to the point that I was close to losing her.
Alice looked back at me, locking my eyes with hers. A thousand silent words were spoken in that moment. I love you. I miss you. I need you. I'm so amazingly sorry. Everything that should have been said 2 weeks ago.
I leaned in, and kissed her, and for the first time in 2 weeks I felt whole. I felt like I would be ok
How does it feel when we get locked into a stare?
Please don't come looking for me when I get lost in your messed up hair.
How do you feel when everything you've known get's thrown aside?
Never fear my dear, cos we've got nothing left to hide.
Well I adore the way you carry yourself,
With the grace of a thousand angels overhead.
I love the way the galaxy starts to melt.
I held onto Alice for what felt like minutes, but in reality it was hours. I held her against me and rocked gently, not ever wanting to let her go. She was everything I needed; the good and the bad. Everything that came with Alice was everything I needed, and everything I wanted.
Well hold onto me girl and if you feel your grip getting loose,
Just know that I'm right next to you.
Well hold onto me girl and if you feel your grip getting loose,
Just know that I won't let you down.
"Alice; I love you, more than life itself. I promise you that I will be here for you from this moment on. I am so amazingly sorry that I let you leave that house. I should have stopped you. I should have listened to why."
Alice looked thoughtful for a moment.
"Jasper... I love you too. But I should never have had the blade in the first place. You and I both know that. But I came to realise something, in the heart wrenching time that you and I were apart"
I looked at her, waiting for her to tell me what it was she had realised.
"Jasper, for the first time in my life, I am happy that I let you in. You make me realise that there is more to life than I knew."
Alice paused again, but by the look on her face I could tell there was more she wanted to say, so I waited.
"I let you get close."
AN – Ok guys. What did you think?
I am really sorry to let this one go, but she's all grown up now, and it's time to let her go. There will be an epilogue posted, in a couple of days. Here is a massive hug for everyone. I am such an emotional girl. I'm crying so hard right now.
I love you all so much. Thank you again, for reading and reviewing.
A thousand hugs.
