Author: ZombieJazz

Fandom: Chicago PD

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.

Summary: The holiday season begins after a year of struggle that looks like it's going to continue onward for lengths unknown. Erin comes home for Thanksgiving posed for some big conversations while her family grapples with their own struggles - illness, PTSD, shifting relationships and challenges on the job in New York and Chicago. Set in the Interesting Dynamics AU and post-S4 finale.

SPOILER ALERT: There are MAJOR spoilers in this collection from Interesting Dynamics, So This is Christmas, Scenes, Aftermath, So It Goes, The Way From Here (including chapters/scenes in So It Goes that have not yet been written or posted), and Hereafter. This series also contains SPOILERS related to SEASON 5 of Chicago PD.

"You forget your key?"

That's what he got out of Erin's mouth as she pulled open the backdoor for him. Shit-eating grin all over her face. His girl still thought that smile had him wrapped around her baby finger. She was right. To a point. Though, might not work as well much longer. She was going to have some competition on using that smile of hers to get her way – times two. And didn't doubt for a minute that the little guys – guy and girl – she'd be bringing into the world – into the family – would figure out how to work that grin just as quick as she did with him. Didn't take long.

But Hank only patted her cheek and gave her a look right back. "Kiddo, few months out – all that sass is going to be biting you in the ass."

Sure would. Times two there too. And she likely didn't even know the half of it. Maybe not the quarter of it, in this case. Maybe she thought she did. But you don't know until you've got them there. You really don't.

She was going to have fun. Knew that much. Only had to hope that it was actual fun. Not a fucking mess. Still working on feeling that out. Trying to get a handle on where all this was headed. Hoping hard that this wasn't just another exercise of her and Halstead playing house. Or just keeping on playing. Not ready to stop even now. Though, maybe if you played house long enough, it just turned into the reality it needed to be. Supposed that's what family and marriage was for a lot of people. Just wasn't what he wanted for Erin or these grandkids that were in the offing. All three of them deserved better than that.

Jay did too. But thought the guy might be too far down a hole – or have his head shoved too far up his own asshole – to see it quite that way right now. To respect himself enough to know that he deserved what was coming and what he had right now too. Take the good with the bad. The kid was focusing too much on the bad these days. Letting it eat him up alive. Can't do that. Not on the job. Not when you've got a good woman at home. Not when you've got kiddos on the way. Got to shut the barn doors. That too practice and concentrated effort, though. Maybe he needed some coaching and fucking permission to put the time into doing that too.

"Where the boys at?" Hank put to his girl, as she allowed him another one of those smiles. A better one. Not the shit-eating one. One he'd earned on his own. Liked those ones a lot more.

He scoped out the … didn't know what they called it right now. Jay's fucking crash pad. But figured – if she came back to the city, if that was the plan and this house was still part of that plan – that by mid-year it'd be more getting the label of the 'family room'. And sure looked like it'd been cleaned up real well since he'd dropped in on Jay a week ago. Fucking dumpster dive in that drop-in. Clean now but no signs of life.

Erin gestured up the steps. Fucking townhouse. Modernized crap. Give you the same amount of limited floor space but housing developers seemed set on jamming as many people as possible into a block as they could. So these narrow fucking buildings and each floor having two rooms on them if you were lucky. Dumb.

It'd be a mixed bag if Erin's – Jay's, their – plan was for her to be back in Chicago when the babies arrived. Knew that they'd be cursing themselves about getting a place with that many steps. There'd be a whole lot of up and down and up and down going on. Be even more fun if they were still in this place when the kids were mobile. And dealing with getting through fucking baby gates. And then toddlers all over the house after they were managing the stairs and walking and wanting to do their own thing. Headache.

But Hank was also feeling glad they had the townhouse. Good amount of space for when they had two kids on the way. Good amount of space for raising a couple kids. Sure they'd end up appreciating having this downstairs space and the living room space up the stairs that Erin was gesturing. Room to play and grow and be together.

But he also didn't have a handle on where the plans were at with that either. Any of it. Chicago, New York. Keeping the townhouse or selling. Looking somewhere else or for something different. Them staying a couple or getting married or doing this as some sort of … modernized raising kids together but apart crap that he wasn't going to pretend he understood. Wouldn't say he approved of it. But he'd do his best to support Erin – and the grandkids – in whatever it was that she was sorting out for herself. And he'd just have to fucking hope that Jay was the kind of man he knew he was. So it was more he was going to have to maybe give the guy some kicks in the ass so he'd realize the kind of man he was. Stop fucking questioning it or doing some kind of pity party or wherever the fuck his head was at these days. At work. At home. He was a yo-yo.

Hank just hummed at her. "They distracted?"

Erin shrugged. "Ethan's passed out. Henry was pretty screen-zombied. He didn't react to you knocking. Pounding," she corrected. "On the door."

Hank grunted at that. Needed to get their attention. Another problem in that house. Could be a whole lot of steps and floors away from the door.

"Why?" Erin put to him, gesturing for him to come in so she could shut the door and likely try to keep the heating bill a bit more reasonable.

But Hank didn't move. Just gestured on his own back to where he'd legally parked the Escalade flush against the back of their neighbors brick wall. Those folks had stopped complaining about people parking where they weren't supposed to after they realized Jay and Erin were the police. Not much point in calling the police over a fucking parking ticket. Besides, he'd move the thing in a few.

"Olive had me swing by Santa's workshop," he said. Erin's brow creased and he gestured for her to follow him over. "Costco," he provided. "That Hot Wheels bundle. For the boys."

He popped the hatch for her and pretty much watched her eyes pop too. His eyes had done about the same when he'd gone to find the thing. Made the mistake of bypassing the cart. Navigating the thing in that fucking place at that time of year – really any fucking time of year – was a giant waste of time. Didn't have the patience for it. But got down the toy aisle to realize that'd been a fucking mistake.

Bundle was bordering on ridiculously massive. A whole lot more than what he would've gotten for their pooled Santa dollars if he'd just gone into the Walmart or Target or Toys R Us to grab some cars and track for the boys. It was a good spot by Olive. Wasn't sure how she'd found out about it. Wasn't much of a Costco shopper. Didn't blame her there. Though, should likely add it to the list of things to work at getting Erin thinking about. Bulk diapers alone would likely make the membership worth her while. Not to mention bundles like this at Christmastime.

"Bit of an eyesore to be putting anywhere at home that Magoo won't spot."

"Ah … yea …," Erin acknowledged and shook her head out of it. "Umm … did you want to put it in the garage?"

Hank grunted and started to pull it out. "One thing in it, Olive wants put together."

"Okay," she acknowledged and reached in to help him with the haul. "So tell us what. We can get that done."

"Nearly feeding time?" Hank asked.

She shook her head. "But thrown in the oven a bit late. Likely about an hour more."

He nodded and nudged her gently aside, as he righted the box to get it on his knee and then hauled up. Good weight and heft to the thing. Didn't need her thinking she was going to Rambo when she was pushing four months pregnant and carrying twins. He got a real look at that. But she better get used to it. Wasn't like she was huge yet but she was showing and showing more than he remembered Camille – or most other pregnant women he'd encountered over the years – when they were in that three-four month period. Figured those growing grandkids would have her looking pretty visibly pregnant in short order and she'd be getting a lot of doors held open for her and things carried for and seats given up for her – and looks if she was doing something that the general population didn't think was too appropriate for a woman who looked more like she was in her third trimester than one in her second. Likely a real good thing in a way that she was on a desk job and he wasn't having to play boss and father while she was going through this. And in the meantime, she could fucking get used to him not letting her do unnecessary heavy lifting when she was already carrying his grandbabies and had a whole lot of other more pertinent heavy lifting to be working on in her personal life than carrying some damn box of toy cars and plastic orange track.

"Boys really checked out, can get started on it with Jay before chow time," he told her.

She gave him another look but didn't argue. Though, she did go to open the damn garage door. And he gave her a look.

"Twenty degrees out. Not freezing my balls off for either of those little jokers."

She cocked an eyebrow at him. She seemed to think that whatever faces her and Jay thought his grandson was making was Jay's genetics kicking in already. Hank wasn't so sure about that. Two of them – all eyebrows.

"You do it inside and they might end up thinking Santa came early," she said.

He just shrugged as he juggled the thing secure under his arm – best he could. "Do it upstairs," he nodded.

She huffed a bit at him. Gave him that look like he was playing with fire. But thought he knew his son and grandson pretty good. Did a lot more late-afternoon zombies with them than her lately. If E was really passed out and they had some fucking Pixar movie on for Henry – he wouldn't even warrant a look from either of them.

Look he gave back must've conveyed that and she headed back into the house. Didn't try to argue with him about helping carry the box either. Didn't get some comment about him being the over-protective father and that might've been okay when she was a teenager but that she wasn't interested in it now. But he didn't really care. Whether she liked it or not, they'd entered another stage in their relationship. In a father-daughter relationship. One he'd been waiting for. One he'd had lots of times he didn't think he'd get to – between her career and her baggage and her Bunny issues and her relationship issues. One he thought he might've fucked up the opportunity of getting to be a part of after Justin and then after that spring too. But family. Apparently he'd raised her well enough she got it. Maybe she'd got it more than she ever really wanted to or he ever really needed her to. But she got it. And if she thought he'd been over-protective as a father – with her as the daughter he got to raise – just wait until she saw that translated into the grandkids she was giving him. Into a little girl that he'd get to hold on Day One and watch grow up and hopefully get to have some hand in helping raise. She didn't know what overprotective looked like. Not yet.

For now, though, one look she did need to know was he wasn't going to look like a fucking jagoff getting this thing inside. Wasn't so big as it needed them to look like some sort of clown show hauling it up the stairs.

"Smells good in here," he commented as he really did get in the door and she got it shut. Peace offering for her humoring him on what he would and wouldn't let his pregnant daughter get away when he was within her radius. And, really, as much as he was a little glad he wasn't going to have to figure out the personal and professional balance of having his pregnant daughter in his unit – and just how not to piss her off with desk duty or shuffling her out – he sort of would've preferred she was a little more in his regular radius during all of this. That if she was going to look at him like he was being over-protective than at least have her close enough that there was regular reason (in her mind) that he deserved to get that look.

"Oven ribs," she allowed. "Collard greens, coleslaw and sweet potato hash. As per Jay. Only I guess now as per me, if you're getting him to help you with …" she gestured absently at the box as they went up the stairs. "So don't expect the sides to smell as good when I get them going."

"Sure they'll be fine," he said.

She was also so self-depreciating when it came to her cooking. And a lot of other things. Another habit she'd have to work on breaking before the babies got there. Especially with a little girl. Neither of the kids needed to hear their mother talking about herself that way. But worse to have a little girl growing up learning to think about herself – and the skills and talents she did have – that way.

"Jay …," she called across the room in a soft even tone as they got to the top of the stairs.

Hank kept just in the stairwell in case the kids had stirred and decided they were going to notice his presence. But they hadn't.

E was taking up the whole couch and beyond passed out. It was clear they'd put him down for one of his "not naps". Real pillow from the bedroom was under his head and full-sized blankets piled on top of him. Looked pretty dead to the world.

And H didn't give him even a first-glance either. Fucking Rudolph was up on the screen. At least it was a change of pace from the endless stream of Cars and Thomas the Tank Engine and Planes and Paw Patrol that was usually a necessity at some point in grandbaby-sitting duty with the kid if he was going to have him for more than about three hours. About the only way to get him to sit still and shut up in 20 minute intervals. But, Hank was about ready for the holiday season flip-over to get fucking Rudolph off the screen too. Was pretty sure he could recite the thing at this point.

Funny, though. That was Justin in there, he thought. Because sure remembered J loving that one too. Had it taped off the TV on a VHS that the kid had worn out from having to rewind and watch it too many times. Remembered that. There'd been a meltdown. A major fucking meltdown. And it'd been a year with a whole lot of snow. Blizzard conditions like in the fucking TV special. The one where Santa almost had to cancel Christmas. Yeah, well, what Santa had ended up doing that year was sending the family their Christmas present early. New fucking VHS machine – when really should've likely held off on buying that dated technology and waiting on DVD players becoming more affordable – and the fucking special on its own exclusive, store-bought videotape. Likely still had that in a box. Though, didn't have anything to play it on anymore. Al likely did.

Wondered if J would remember that Christmas. Thought so. Had been pretty exciting stuff at the time getting a letter and package from Santa early. But then sometimes it seemed like Justin had forgotten more of the happy times and happy memories after his mom was gone. His got knocked out of him in a different way and for different reasons than Magoo's had. But still seemed like a lot of them had disappeared.

Still, could hope that if J was there, he'd want to be sitting there with H watching that movie over and over again. That he'd remember doing it – with him, with his mom – as a little boy too. As it was, though, it was Jay who was sitting with Henry. And H was just sprawled right in his lap, transfixed by the screen.

It was strange watching Henry. He knew that his grandson was too young to know what happened to his dad. But in other ways, Hank knew the little guy knew. H knew that his dad was gone. And knew that there was this piece of his life missing. Could see too that he was already – just aware that he was supposed to have men and male role models in his life. Hank could see it and feel it with how H interacted with him. Even with E. But he'd been watching since the summer how the kid was seeking something out from Jay too.

Had seen it in a bunch of their interactions. H would seek out Jay's attention. Get up into his lap. Try to get him to play. And a lot of the time – even when Jay was looking real out to lunch – the man humored H. Sometimes it even seemed to pull him out of his funk. Funny how kids worked on you that way. Funny too how comfortable H seemed with Jay. Wasn't sure how much J would like that. Or how Olive felt about it. Sometimes Hank wasn't even sure how he felt about it. But did know he was glad that H had some male role models in his life. Glad he had family in his life. Didn't have his dad. But at least he had that.

Halstead seemed reluctant to pull his eyes away from the screen too when Erin called at him. Like he hadn't caught that special on CBS every year of his life growing up. Like it was about the first time he was having to endure the red-nosed reindeer and was actually absorbed in the story of the misfits. Or maybe the guy was doing another one of his pity-party moments that he'd only end up apologizing for. But was sitting there thinking he could relate in that moment.

Still, he managed to look over.

"Hank wants to take something upstairs," Erin provided.

Jay glanced at him but only nodded and started to shift his eyes back to the TV.

"So, help," Erin put to him a little more bluntly.

Jay's eyes came back at that and actually seemed to take in the box that time. Actually met eyes with him. Figured he'd detectived out what was in the damn thing. Wasn't plastered with the contents but the blue and orange on the side would give it away to a good chunk of the male population, Hank figured. At least he hoped the man had grown up with some kind of diecasts kicking around the house floor for his mom to nearly break her neck on. Though, if he was staring at Rudolph like he'd never seen it before, had to wonder if the family spent much cash on things like toys either.

The guy did juggle Henry off his lap, though, that time. Little boy's eyes didn't even leave the screen. Just flopped off and curled into the chair he got to claim as his own as Jay came over to him.

"Where do you want me to put it?" Jay asked Erin as he treaded by the kitchen.

Erin just shrugged. "Sort it out," she provided dismissively with a look both their ways.

And Hank just grunted at him and nodded up the next flight of stairs around the corner. Sort it out was right. Figured there was a lot of that going on with everyone lately. And figured maybe a conversation with Jay here might at least be a good start in him getting more of a handle on what was going on. And maybe he could manage to nudge Jay in the direction he really hoped the guy wanted to be going too.

"Want me to take that," Jay offered.

Hank didn't much need to be treated like a grandpa that way. But wasn't going to turn down the offer. Because that was the guy Hank knew Jay was. The guy that offered to – and was ready to – carry a load. For the better good. For people other than himself. And, if handing off the box to the guy was a step toward helping the man figure that out – he'd hand it over.

"Sure," he grunted.

Because that was the other thing about being the parent of adult kids – adult kids about to have their own kids, to be parents themselves – you had to step back. Let them figure it out. Let them make their mistakes. Had to let them do things their way.

But you still had to be there. Be there for them. Didn't matter how old they got – it was the most important thing. And carrying the load –his share of the load or more – that'd help Jay get there – stay there – too. The weight of family. Heavy. But sometimes that weight of responsibility wasn't such a bad thing.

Not for men like Jay. Not for men like Hank. It kept you weighed down enough you didn't go running away. And it gave you some direction. In this case – up. Had to believe that. Even in the bad times, eventually things are going to go up.

So up they went.

AUTHOR NOTE:

So next chapter will be a continuation of this scene. It will likely still be from Hank's POV. But no matter if it's Hank's or Jay's it will be dialogue heavy.

Thanks for your readership, comments and feedback.