Chapter 29
Edmund was thankful the Ford of Beruna was running low and smooth at the moment, since he could not take his eyes off of Aslan to watch his own steps. Though the sun shone in the sky, it was nothing against the radiance of the Lion. Edmund did not even notice that Caspian waded next to him through the water, Peter and Susan walking to Caspian's left. No, Edmund's eyes were fixed on Aslan until the moment he reached the shore and knelt on dry ground in front of the Highest King of Narnia.
A thrill ran through Edmund's chest when he heard Aslan's low, majestic voice. "Rise, Kings and Queens of Narnia." Edmund stood automatically at the command, still transfixed and, he was certain, grinning like an idiot to see Aslan so close. He watched as Aslan's piercing, depthless eyes focused on Edmund's left side and spoke again. "All of you."
Edmund was puzzled until he heard Caspian's shaky voice. "I do not believe I am ready to be king."
Though his eyes remained steady on Aslan, Edmund scoffed at Caspian's words. Really, none of them were ready when they were crowned, himself least of all. Yet that had just given them the determination to learn and do the best they could with Aslan's help. It seemed the Great Lion felt the same, as he smiled and reassured the young king, "That is how I know you are." Edmund took his eyes away from Aslan long enough to smile at Caspian, who stood to his feet. It was obvious from the look on his face that the Telmarine was still in fearful, enraptured awe at Aslan's presence, his acceptance and unspoken forgiveness. Edmund knew how he felt.
"High King of Narnia, why do you not stand?" Startled at Aslan's words, Edmund looked past Caspian. Peter still knelt on the rocky sand, head bowed in dejected shame, hands clenching the hilt of his sword so hard that they were trembling. Edmund's heart ached to see his brother so overcome with emotional agony that he could not bring himself to seek the comfort of looking into Aslan's loving, comforting eyes.
When Peter finally gathered the courage to speak, still not looking up, his voice was shaky even as he spoke in a manner befitting royalty. "Aslan, I am not worthy to be called so. I forgot the duties and allegiance of the High King; nor did I act in accordance with your will, only my own. In my arrogance, I caused the deaths of many good Narnians under my command and protection, and I…" Peter faltered in his, clearly well thought out, speech, and his hands somehow clenched the sword hilt even harder. "And, in more ways than one, I nearly lost what is dearest in the world to my heart."
Edmund might not have understood what Peter meant by the last confession had he not caught a glimpse of Caspian out of the corner of his eye. The young king's face looked pale and guilty as he glanced from Peter to…Edmund himself. Confused, Edmund caught Caspian's glance and raised an eyebrow. Caspian read the silent question and nodded before turning his eyes to the ground, as if ashamed of something.
Edmund still was not sure he understood. Surely Peter didn't mean him. Obviously the use of the superlative had to be an exaggeration; but, moreso, how could Peter ever think he could lose Edmund? Granted, they had been separated for awhile when Edmund had been among the Telmarines and, well, the whole bleeding out on the floor of the How might have made for a few tense moments, but there had been no losing involved.
He stepped towards his brother to protest this. But then Peter looked up, straight at Aslan. Edmund almost gasped at the despair and resignation in Peter's face as he finished speaking. "I can not defend my actions and I will regret to my dying day that I ever turned away from you. I now submit to your justice in this matter, my king. I am at your mercy." With that, Peter bowed his head again, awaiting sentence.
There was never any doubt in Edmund's mind what would happen; after all, he had been in that dark abyss of guilt himself, before being pulled into the light. And that Light, that Lion spoke now with love, just as he had those years before. "So mercy you shall have." Peter looked up in shock. Aslan smiled as he drew close, until his muzzle was only a few inches away from Peter's face. "My son," he said, his golden voice full of forgiveness and love as he breathed gently on the child in front of him.
The change in Peter was immediate and evident. His back relaxed as the weight of his mistakes fled; his eyes brightened from dull grey to sparkling blue. And, for the first time in a year, since leaving Narnia, Edmund finally saw Peter. Not the callous boy who had stolen his brother's face, or the empty shell who was only the High King, but Peter. Aslan had answered Edmund prayers and brought his brother back to himself, and Edmund could only share in Lucy's delighted grin as their brother stood and took back his rightful place as High King Peter the Magnificent.
~*~
As High King, Peter's moods and actions often affected those around him, especially those who ruled by his side. Therefore, it was not surprising that, when Aslan breathed new life into the fallen king, the others felt it as well. Caspian felt more at peace about his role in Peter's grief and fear, more able to let go of his own guilt with the High King no longer seeming as…fragile as he had before. Susan looked at her brother and forgave him completely at seeing the old him fully broken and rebuilt into the king she knew he was. Lucy smiled from her place at Aslan's side, overjoyed as everything seemed to fall into its correct place at the Lion's command.
Edmund just felt relieved. Relieved and tired as he let the stress and worry and wrath of the battle wash away from behind the shields he had used to hide them. Peter was back, and Edmund didn't have to be the strong one anymore, didn't have to support the weight of watching over his family and people by himself. The thought should have been a comfort.
Yet even as he smiled with his siblings, that relief was assailed by a sudden, distressing doubt; he didn't know if he could let Peter take over as the pillar of their royal family. As much as he wanted to hand Peter that weighty responsibility, Edmund didn't know if he could trust his older brother not to abandon the responsibility, abandon them as he had already done once. And it hurt Edmund to the core of his being that he had lost his absolute trust in his brother at this bright moment when Peter had finally returned to himself.
The entire contemplation had struck as quick as lightning, and now Edmund struggled just as quickly to hide his distress from the others. He nearly panicked when his usual means of suppression failed, his troubles welling up in waves and threatening to drown him. Edmund fought against it, terrified. At any moment someone, Peter, would look at him and read his thoughts in his face and it would tear them apart again just as the wounds were beginning to heal and…
"Edmund."
Aslan's voice pulled through the panic. Edmund dropped to his knees, absurdly thankful at the chance to hide the turmoil etched on his face. Head and body bent low, Edmund warred between his joy at hearing the Lion speak to him, and the guilt he felt for his lack of trust, for all the mistakes he had made since he had been brought back to Narnia. He had tried so hard to act like the king Aslan meant him to be, but everything – teaching Caspian, the raid, trying to help Peter, supporting his family, everything – had just fallen apart so badly.
"Dearest" Edmund gasped softly at Aslan's address, spoken just over his head, the loving words coming over sweet breath like a spring breeze. His vision, fixed on the rocky ground, was suddenly overwhelmed by a sea of golden fur as Aslan used his soft muzzle to push against Edmund's head and chest. The movement was so gentle that Edmund never lost his balance; but his back was forced to straighten until he was bowing not dissimilar to how Peter always knelt.
The sea of gold disappeared and Edmund looked up into Aslan's smiling eyes. "Well done," the Lion said, simple words with so great a meaning. And, as Aslan's breath had brought light back to Peter, now it brought Edmund the peace he so needed. This was true relief: the burdens were not gone, but were borne by Aslan's strength instead of Edmund's weakness. Edmund's trust in Peter had been shaken, but he could trust Aslan to help him find it again. His mistakes and failures could not be undone, but Edmund was confident he could now move past them; after all, even his greatest betrayal had already been forgiven.
Standing again, Edmund's smile was broad and clear as his burdens slipped away. He looked at Peter who smiled back at him, his eyes sparkling with new light. Caspian, standing between them, shared his own happy smile with Lucy, whose grin was the brightest of all. It was a moment of joyful contentment among the four, and Edmund looked past Peter to bring Susan into it as well.
But Susan had turned away from them – or more precisely, away from Aslan's gaze which now held deep grief along with the light. Edmund's smile disappeared, not understanding, but then he saw what he thought must have caught their attention: a group of Mice were carrying a wounded Reepicheep towards the Narnian royals. The injuries looked severe, but Lucy was by the Chief Mouse in a flash, and Edmund knew he was in good hands.
Indeed, Reepicheep was soon on the mend, but Edmund was distracted by a whinny and a brown blur that materialized into an anxious Mare as Hwella nearly ran him over in her excitement. "My king, you are well! I saw you in the midst of those soldiers and I could not reach your side, and it worried me."
Edmund chuckled and patted the Horse's neck. "I am glad to see you alive, too." Hwella had not quite come through the battle unscathed, but her wounds were mostly as superficial as his own; cuts and bruises were a warrior's lot.
Edmund refrained from rolling his eyes as Hwella, not very subtly, looked him over for signs of serious injuries that he might be hiding. Honestly, he wasn't that bad. Finally satisfied, Hwella nickered into his hair, before moving away to give her king space to breathe. "What happens now?"
With that, Edmund returned to his identity as king and general, yet more confident and content than before. "Now, if you are willing, I believe Lucy will want to get to the battlefield quickly to help tend to the wounded."
Hwella nodded, happy to aid the youngest queen in her endeavor. "And then, my king?"
And then would come a host of issues and problems, including dealing with the captured Telmarines, sorting and mourning the dead, and all the other grim details that came with the aftermath of battle. But that was for the kings and queens to deal with. For Hwella and the other Narnians, what mattered is that they had won. That Caspian had won.
So Edmund smiled and answered her. "Then we have a coronation to attend."
