Now
Fang and I planned to leave in an hour. We would pack everything we could, pile into my car, and just drive and drive until we decided we were far enough away.
Fang helped me into my chair, then we split, going to our houses to pack.
"Plans off, Gazzy. Mom, can I spen' the night at Ella's?"
"Really?" She looked at me, surprised. "Of course that's fine," then she went back to flipping through the bills. I shut my door and grabbed one of the biggest suit cases in my closet. Hopefully it wasn't too obvious. I grabbed toiletries and almost all my clothes from the dresser. We'd be long gone before they noticed. I threw in some CDs and books and some of my crocheting supplies. Lifted up my mattress and grabbed the sock from the middle. For awhile now, something had been making me draw money from the bank and hide it in my sock. I hadn't spent any of the babysitting money Mom gave me last year and I had slowly been hoarding it under my bed. I knew I had at least $1,000. I put the sock in my bag.
I glanced around my room. My home. I wasn't going to think something cheesy like, "Will I ever see it again?" But if someone did ask, I'd say no. I could just feel it in my gut. I wanted to feel sad, upset, something, but I was too pumped to feel anything but jittery. I would miss this place, but I wasn't sad.
I made sure to kiss Angel goodbye, tell her I loved her, Gazzy too. I hugged Dad and he kissed my cheek. I called bye to Mom, as Dad helped me outside, but Mom quickly rushed forward and threw her arms around me.
She looked me in the eye, "Things are turning around for you, Baby," she breathed, a smile lighting up her face, "I love you." I kissed her goodbye and Dad helped me out. He loaded my chair and suit case (did no one wonder how I got into the house in the first place?) he told me, "Be safe. Have fun. See ya soon, we love ya." and I drove off. The plan was to meet Fang at the corner.
And that's where Fang stood, for once in his life, on time.
I rolled up and stopped next to him. I rolled down the window, "How much?" I smirked. It must have been short of a Christmas miracle that all our drama had been forgotten -or at least enough for me to crack a joke. I didn't feel anger either surprisingly. Jitters and excitement, but no anger, no resentment, no nervousness or awkwardness. But I was sure that it would change once the adrenalin wore off.
"About tree fitty," he said, mimicking some annoying show he and Iggy liked. "Pop the trunk." I did and he tossed his suit case in, then hopped up front with me.
I paused, not driving.
"You can go now, Max," he said slowly, like he was talking to a stubborn toddler.
"Fang, are you sure you wan' to do this? After tomorrow, we can't turn back. I don't wan' to take you away from your family, your life..."
"Max, if I didn't want to go, I wouldn't have suggested it. Do you not want to go anymore?"
"I do want to go! I mean," I said calmer, "I do wan' to, but I wouldn't go if you didn't want to." More like couldn't.
"Well, I do."
"Me, too."
"Then lets get this show on the road."
I put the car in drive and started towards the freeway. "Where should we go?"
"Where ever you want."
"That's helpful."
"Well... let's go to..."
"Let's go t'Montana." That's where we had lived before Oregon. It would be nice to get back to our roots.
Fang nodded, "Home sweet home."
Montana, where everything started. Where Mom and Dad got married, and they had met Eden and Jimmy. That's where all six of us were born. Where Fang and I had made our first snowman by ourselves. And Iggy threw his bottle at it and our chubby and deformed snowman lost his head. That's where we had grown up.
I wanted to talk to Fang. I wanted to calm down a little, but I wasn't sure what to say. What to talk about without bringing something un-dicussion worthy up.
So I settled for, "If we drive all night we should get there by eight in the morning."
"We'll call the parents goodnight then throw our cell phones away."
"Where should we go? A motel?"
"For the night, but we'll look for something more permanent later."
I nodded, "Did you bring the money? I brought like, a thousand bucks."
"Jeez! We'll be set for awhile. I did bring the money."
"Good." What to say, what to say. "Uh, did your parents notice anything?"
"They thought it was weird that I was staying the night, but that's it."
"My mom was all proud, like staying the night at Ella's was a big deal," I rolled my eyes.
"If you really were staying at Ella's it would have been a big deal."
"No, it wouldn't."
"Max, I barely saw you at all and even I could see you stop talking and paying attention. I could tell then that you didn't want to do anything."
I didn't reply, just glared at the road.
"See? You're doing it again!"
"Doing what? I'm not doing anything!"
"See? I told you!"
I huffed out a breath."I did plenty of things! Do you know how many blankets I crocheted?" He snickered. "Well, what did you do, huh?"
He stopped laughing, "I, uh, swam... and our team barely won! What did I tell you about you being my good luck charm?"
"I doubt it. Maybe you were just trying to impress me."
"Nah. You're as lucky as rubbing Buddha's belly."
It was quiet then. I didn't know what to do or feel anymore. I wanted to talk with Fang but it was starting to feel weird. We had been on the road for about fifteen minutes.
"Does this feel weird t'you?"
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"Jus'... after not talking for so long, and then we're suddenly all buddy- buddy?"
"Does it feel weird to you?"
"Not really. Jus' so much has happened -more like not happened- without you. It's been so long, and now everythin' is jus' fine and dandy. We're not acing like we've barely spoken in almost a year. Like, at all."
"Are we supposed to? I thought it was a good thing that things were fixed so easily."
"I guess so. It's jus' starting to feel a little strange."
He didn't say anything. It was finally silent for awhile, and about two hours later, Fang switched spots with me so he could drive. I found out he could still lift and carry me. At first, being in his arms felt awkward and uncomfortable. I had hoped he would walk fast. But as we passed around the hood, I realized how arms his arms felt against my back and legs. I noticed how warm he was and him holding me brought up the memories of him carrying me at the amusement park on my 17th birthday. He had strong muscles. Suddenly I wasn't tense anymore and I finally felt the most comfortable I had in days. Fang opened the door and put me inside. For the next hour I had the feeling of his arms against me.
At nine, we called our parents goodnight and goodbye. I felt a small pang when I hung up. They weren't going to be there for me anymore, wouldn't be there in the end. But then we turned our phones off. We were about to throw them away when Fang suggested running them over instead. I felt surprisingly giddy and giggly as Fang put both phones in front of the tires, hoped back in, and rolled forward. Then we heard the loud "CUR-NCH" and it might have been the sleepiness the road was giving us or maybe just finding stupid stuff funny but we both started laughing and snickering.
"That sounded so funny," I giggled.
Around eleven we pulled into a Denny's parking lot. Fang unloaded my chair from the back and we went inside. The diner was pretty much barren, only a few truckers, a giggling couple in their twenties, and an old man with big glasses reading a book.
To tell the truth, I was exhausted. Even though I was just sitting there, while Fang drove most of the time. It was hard to sit up straight without hunching. I kept having a tickle in the back of my throat and I kept straining to not cough. I wanted to sleep so bad. The past few weeks I was having trouble sleeping despite being desperately tired and begging to fall asleep. If I was lucky, I would sleep for five hours. I wanted to take sleeping pills. I wished I could just lay in bed and sleep. No pain... just nothing. I was beginning to crave that nothing-ness. I was tired of hurting, tired of feeling stuck, tired of my family seeing me like this, tired of pretending, tired of needing help, but most of all I was tired of being tired.
We drove the rest of the night and got there about 7:40 AM. We went to a few motels before one finally accepted cash. It was $37 for the night and thankfully the room wasn't too sleazy but we were defiantly not in the lap of luxury. Fang parked the car with the license plate facing the wall and we to our room. We were setting our stuff down as we were faced with a problem. Only one bed.
Fang said we could go ask for a room with too beds.
I said I didn't care.
So we both climbed under the covers. We were side by side as I thankfully began to drift off to slumber land, when I felt something around me. My eyes popped open and I glared at a sleeping Fang and his arm. I was too tired to move. I finally fell asleep with the weight of his heavy arm around me. It was the first time in months that I had slept so well.
