NeonHorizon: I feel like I should put a warning on this one. Um. It's got some self-mutilation. Sorry. Just to clear things up, in the previous chapter Ayato told Saya about Kaneki trying to escape and said that he didn't even attempt to find Saya so she assumes that Kaneki was more worried about himself than her (he doesn't even know that she was taken as well). Her sanity is depleting because she's been trapped in a room for several days without anything to occupy her mind.
I'm going to go insane. Saya was sitting on the floor beside the bed, her gaze fixed upon the wall as she gnawed on a scrap of meat. Sleep was not an option. Not while Ayato was out. Not while she heard those footsteps outside in the corridor. Not while she smelled other ghouls passing by.
Her head slowly tilted, eyes half-closing as she heard heavier footsteps and tried to guess who it might be. Too heavy to be Ayato or Eto. The other girl occasionally paid her visits and had told her about some of the other ghouls in Aogiri Tree, along with descriptions. Yamori? No. Was it Noro? I can't remember what Eto called the tall one, but I think that was probably it.
Drawing her free hand away from her hair, she was slightly taken aback by the sight of blood beneath her nails. Staring down at the red oozing out onto her fingertips, she felt a momentary spike of panic. What did I do? She ran her hand over her hair and felt the slick sensation of blood on her scalp. When did I do that? Did I already lose it or can I still get some sanity back?!
Again, footsteps moving down the hallway. The accompanying scent was not that of Ayato, but another male ghoul. Unlike a majority of the footsteps she had heard, these ones stopped right outside of the door. Saya moved onto the bed, her pale blue eyes going wide as she sniffed at the air. This guessing game was one of the few stimulations she was able to get while Ayato was gone; one of the few things that were keeping her sane.
Ayato has this scent on him sometimes. It's kind of faint. I know this one's important. She took a deep inhale and released a shaky breath, staring intently at the door and waiting for something to happen. The girl was hesitant to move, but instinct made her lift the chunk of human flesh to her mouth and she began to eat once more. As tempting as it was to call out, Saya was also wary.
Whoever it was, they stood on the other side of the door for around five minutes before walking away. Just before the footsteps began again, she picked up on the sound of the other ghoul sniffing. Her eyes narrowed as she sank her teeth deep into the flesh, tearing away and letting the blood drip from her lips.
The girl did not know how long she had been a captive. She did not know if Kaneki was still alive, but she thought of him more and more every day. Betrayal or not, she still loved him and she hated that she loved him. It made her sick when she found herself worrying about his condition, but she did so at least three times a day. Pathetic, idiot Saya, she thought to herself grimly. I always love people that don't love me and now that I have someone that actually loves me, I can't stop thinking about someone else. There's something wrong with me.
She relaxed little by little until she was leaning comfortably against the wall furthest from the door. Without the element of eminent danger, she could fully enjoy the snack that Ayato had brought her that morning. It satisfied her hunger and it tasted as fresh as could be expected. He provided her with no mental stimulation while he was gone, but gave her food every day. That in itself was maddening and she began to wonder if his plan was to make her feral.
Saya knew that if she remained in the room day after day, doing nothing, she would lose her mind. How can I get out? It's locked from the outside. He gives me these little snacks so I won't be hungry, but it's not enough to give me the strength to break the door open. If I bring up that I want out, I'm sure that they'll be more desperate to keep me locked in. Her pulse raced as these thoughts passed through her mind. Indefinite imprisonment was looking far worse than death.
Shift P.O.V
His gaze was on the floor, body limply seated in the same chair that he had occupied for days now. Kaneki had endured unspeakable horrors. Now, as he sat with his head bowed and his energy gone, he wanted it to end. This torture was like the cruelest of cats playing with its prey.
He thought of so many things over the past days of imprisonment, but now they settled on Saya. As he wished for some release from this pain, he tried to think of her. The way that her eyes lit up when she was on a date with him, the impish sort of half-grin she displayed for his eyes only, the way she seemed to be grateful for every little show of affection that he gave her. He was starting to think about their more intimate moments when Yamori's voice penetrated his thoughts.
"That girl with the blue hair is your girlfriend, right?"
Kaneki subconsciously tensed in his chair, but did not look up. His lower lip started to quiver, fear making his pulse speed up. Saya? Why would she be here?
"The koukaku girl with blue hair. The girl that Ayato insisted on taking with us. I haven't seen her around, but I know she's here somewhere. Maybe you'd like to be reunited with her."
"…no…"
"What's that? It's no trouble. I'll find her and bring her here so you can-"
"She isn't…she isn't here…" Kaneki had thought that he was out of tears, but they were beginning to well up in his eyes and threatened to overflow. Saya can't be here! I don't want to think about her going through something like this! Why would they take her, too?! He tried not to let the panic register in his face, fearing that Yamori might follow through with the threat.
Fingers gripped the boy's hair, forcing his head back to reveal his teary eyes. The other ghoul seemed pleased, almost delighted. "You're a hard one to break, but I think a found a crack. She's a delicate little thing, isn't she? I bet her bones would snap really easily and she's not a quick healer like you are."
Saya…The tears slid down his face and Kaneki felt a sharp agony shooting up his arm. The tool in Yamori's other hand sliced clean through his right index finger and he bit back a cry of pain.
"Might take a while, but I'll track her down. Don't worry."
Shift P.O.V
She felt something wet against her fingers and paused, blinking in surprise. The girl had failed to even notice that she was running her fingers through her hair, let alone that she had managed to hurt herself again. Bringing her bloody fingertips to her mouth, she licked away the crimson essence and frowned.
Hours had passed since the person had stood outside the door. Ayato had been gone for even longer than that, leaving her alone with her thoughts. The more she thought, the more she found herself backtracking and thinking the same things over and over and over again. She felt like a spring that was being wound too tightly and tasting her blood brought on a horrible, dark revelation.
If I eat Ayato, I could get the strength to break out of this room! If I eat more of Aogiri Tree, I could become a kakuja and find Kaneki and whoever else and break them out! Her eyes narrowed on the door as she numbly chewed on her fingertips, fresh blood running into her mouth and down her throat. The taste was nothing compared to the flesh that she had eaten earlier, but it was tolerable.
Tilting her head back to drink more of her blood, Saya frowned. To eat Ayato, I'd have to kill him first. Can I kill him? We've slept together a few times so it might be kind of hard. I need to get out of here though. Kill him. Eat him. That little shit. Save Kaneki. Kaneki…Kaneki…KANEKI! She jolted when there was a light knock at the door, her teeth sinking into her fingers particularly deeply.
"Saya? Are you awake?" a female voice called to her.
Her eyes widened as she pulled her hand away from her mouth, seeing that she had managed to take off a decent amount of her own flesh. "Eto-chan."
There was a quiet sniffing and a small thud against the other side of the door. "I smell blood."
Examining her gushing injury, she slowly tilted her head. "Kaneki."
"What did you say? Did something happen to you? I smell ghoul blood."
"Kaneki. Kaneki. Kaneki. Kaneki. Kaneki. Kaneki." Saya felt a burst of adrenaline from being wounded and watched her blood drip onto the blankets beneath her. "Kaneki." Tears filled her eyes and ran down her cheeks, mixing with the blood on the fabric. "Ka…ne…ki…"
Eto lingered near the door for a long moment, puzzled and curious. "You want to see Kaneki," she stated. "It's not really safe for you to go where he is."
"I need him! I need Kaneki!"
"Ayato will be back tomorrow." Quiet footsteps moved down the hall, away from the room.
Alone again, Saya gnawed more at her hand and stared at the door. Tomorrow? I can't last that long! I won't last until tomorrow! I need to get out of here! I have to escape! What can I do?! I'm not strong enough to break free! Her teeth closed on bone and she pulled away again, the tears multiplying. She had chewed part of her left thumb down to the bone.
She gently hit her head against the wall behind her, hands curling into fists. The thought of being trapped alone in the room for a full day was quickly driving her toward a dangerous panic. He said he wouldn't do this! Ayato! You little shit! You said you wouldn't leave me like this! An hour, a few hours, that's okay! A whole day though?! I'm going to go insane!
Another hour or so passed as she licked away her blood, her tongue brushing over exposed bone and sending a chill down her spine. She repeated the action again and again, hitting her head against the wall and closing her eyes. Saya imagined Ayato returning early and it gave her hope. She wanted Kaneki to break down the door, tried with all of her might to imagine him attempting such a feat. It was impossible to actually picture her timid boyfriend successfully rescuing her.
The ghoul moved off of the bed and gripped the bedsheet with both hands, tearing a long strip from it to use as a makeshift bandage. Securing it the way that Yomo had taught her when she was younger, she managed to get her hand to stop bleeding. Ayato never said anything about me joining Aogiri Tree or letting me go. So what's his plan? Did he expect me to just stay in this room forever and rot?
Shaking her head, she started to pace. The pain in her hand was a distraction from the desolation so she at least had that to focus on now. In addition to this, her stomach was starting to growl again. What food she had managed to consume before the injury was put toward trying to heal, but was not enough. Pain and hunger are what will keep me sane, she determined. I have to stay hungry and injured or I'll lose my mind in here.
Heavy footsteps were coming down the hall at a slow pace, alerting her to an approaching ghoul. As she put her back against a wall and tensed, she caught the sound of sniffing. The newcomer grabbed the door and began trying to force it open. Saya felt the color drain from her face when they succeeded.
