Chapter Twenty Eight – Fixing the Gaps

It was so peaceful at this hour. The sun wasn't quite up in the sky yet, but Nick had been awake most of the night. He had been tossing and turning in his bed for the past few hours, starting to get frustrated that he couldn't just let go and fall asleep. It wasn't even his nightmares keeping him awake this time. Instead of attempting to sleep any longer, he decided to make his way outside to the Sanders garden to stretch his legs, breathing in the fresh air.

He could almost smell the sea from here.

Nick took a stroll towards the swimming pool, watching the clear blue water glistening beneath the sky. It was almost tranquil. He was miles away from Texas, Las Vegas and his torture chamber six feet under, but he still didn't feel at ease.

Dusting off the leaves from a nearby chair, Nick perched himself on the edge, trying to clear his head. He rested his elbows against his knees, focusing his eyes on a single leaf floating around in the pool water. It spun around and around, before the wind blew it towards the shallow end of the pool, where it got sucked up into the filter as though it never existed. He wished he could wipe away certain memories of his past, giving him a clear head for the future, but he was afraid that he was going to be stuck like this forever at this rate.

"No, I told already," He heard a familiar voice, followed by the sound of a door closing. "It's got to have a garden. The garden is the key feature. If it doesn't have a garden, then there's no point in me even looking at it."

Nick pushed himself to his feet, tiptoeing round the side of the house. He peeked through a gap in the hedge, spotting Greg walking across the driveway.

The younger man perched himself on the low brick wall surrounding the edge of the drive, holding a cell phone to his ear. He dug out something from his pocket a moment later, bringing one of the objects to his lips. He pulled a lighter out of another pocket, lighting the cancer stick he had between his lips.

Nick almost wanted to charge over to him and rip the object from his mouth, but he didn't want to get too close. He couldn't believe that Greg was smoking, especially right in front of his parents' house. He knew that he had no right to judge, but the man he loved was smoking a cancer stick that killed his grandfather.

"A three foot courtyard does not count as a back yard!"

Greg continued to argue with his realtor, wishing he had fired her, before he left Las Vegas. She didn't seem to understand anything that he wanted and the houses she had been showing him just kept getting worse and worse. He took another puff of his cigarette, flicking away the ash against the wall.

"A two car garage doesn't make up for it either. No it doesn't. You can't stick a kid in the garage to kick a football around. This is Las Vegas we're talking about. There must be a house on sale with a reasonable sized back yard."

He glanced round as he saw a shadow, looking like a deer in headlights as he spotted Nick stood just a few feet from him.

Greg quickly tossed the cigarette aside, stamping it out with his foot before the man inhaled any of the fumes. "Uh… yeah, fine. I'll be back in Las Vegas on Monday. I'll see you then. Bye." He ended the call, ditching the phone in his lap, keeping his eyes fixed on Nick's. "Hey," He rather awkwardly smiled at the moment. "I-I thought you were still asleep."

"No, I couldn't sleep." Nick took a few steps closer, smelling the stench of the cigarette already. "I didn't know that you smoked."

"I don't… exactly." He kicked away the evidence, pushing himself to his feet. "As far as my Mom's concerned anyway. It's just a… nerves thing. I've had this box for two weeks now, it's still practically full. See." Greg showed the man the evidence, quickly slotting the box back into his pocket. "So um… do you want a coffee or something?"

"Yeah, okay." Nick followed him back into the house, catching the younger man popping some chewing gum into his mouth. He took a seat at the counter, resting his chin in his hands as he watched the younger man preparing them some coffee.

"Fair warning, the coffees not all that." Greg warned him, getting the dried coffee beans down from the top cupboard. "My Mom likes it weak and tasteless and my Dad doesn't care what it is, just so long as it's hot. I guess you remember that from the last time you were here."

"I'm not sure I should even be drinkin' coffee."

"Right," Greg remembered their situation, wishing he could just have a moment to breathe. He finished the coffee prep, leaning against the counter in front of Nick. "I started smoking in San Francisco." He admitted to him, realising that the secrets thing had to work both ways if they wanted this to work out. "I don't know if I ever told you this, but I used to smoke back in High school, mostly to get in with the cool crowd, but there was this girl I was trying to impress too. My parents never knew, but my Papa Olaf caught me and threatened to tell my Mom if I didn't hand over every single one. Then when I moved to New York, everyone at the lab smoked, so I kinda took it up again. I kicked the habit before I joined the lab in Las Vegas."

"Why'd you start again?"

Greg breathed out a deep breath, hating himself for doing this, but the truth had to be told. "A guy."

"Really?" The Texan tried to hold back his surprise. "What… um… what guy?"

"Are you sure you want to hear this?" He could already see the pain in his eyes.

"We were apart for six years, Greg. You were twenty four when you left. You're a gorgeous man. I wasn't expectin' you to remain celibate or anythin'."

Greg felt his cheeks flushing a little, giving the older man a slight smile. "You still think I'm gorgeous?"

"You're beautiful." Nick said without hesitation. "So the guy?" He changed the subject.

"Right," He tapped his fingers against the counter, wishing he had never brought it up. "It was… someone from the lab there. Total mistake, I know, but who else are we going to meet working the hours that we work? It was never anything serious. Nothing like what you and I had… have." Greg corrected himself, turning for the kettle behind him as it finished boiling. He filled the coffee pot all the way up, grabbing two mugs, before he joined Nick at the counter again.

"You're not goin' to hurt me by tellin' me the truth, Greg."

"He was just… a guy. We were never anything serious." He continued with his stand offish explanation.

Nick watched the younger man filling their coffee cups with the discoloured liquid, before he turned for the fridge to grab the milk. "So, does this guy have a name?" He curiously asked him.

"Yes."

"What is it?" He smiled at the younger man, feeling as though he was running an interrogation here. "C'mon G, you bought the subject up. You can't leave me hangin' on one detail. I just want to know his name. It's not like I'm ever goin' to bump into him, right?"

With the milk in his hand, Greg moved around the side of the island, taking the seat next to the older man. He studied his features closely. His prominent jaw line and chin were both void of the scruff he had been living with for the past few weeks. It looked so smooth and perfect; Greg strained himself not to reach out to caress it.

He loved him so much.

He caught Nick's gaze after a moment, those beautiful deep chocolate brown eyes filled with sadness and a measure of trepidation, like an animal caught in a trap. He wasn't sure if it was his closeness causing his timid reaction or the fact that he was in the house of some severely pissed off in laws, but he felt compelled to protect him from it all.

"It doesn't matter." He refused to give up the name, deciding it was the only way to save his already broken heart. "It's supposed to be a nice day today. I was thinking we could take Evan out to see the ocean for the first time and my Dad said the boat is up and ready for sailing again. We always planned that weekend away together. We just never had the time before."

"I can't sleep because every time I close my eyes, I see the box." Nick decided to make a confession of his own. "Not just the box. One time I made it through the glass. My fingers were clawed down right to the bone, but I still managed to claw my way through the dirt to the surface. When I got there… I was alone."

"You're not alone, Nicky."

"I was alone because I've lied to everyone my entire life. I hurt everyone around me so much that they finally threw in the towel and called it quits on me. Until I had that dream, I thought I was just terrified of bein' trapped in that coffin again. But I think I'm more terrified of bein' alone."

"Nick, you have me." He gently reached out for Nick's sore hand, brushing his fingertips across the cuts to his knuckles. "You have Evan. You have this baby. From what my mother told me, once you have kids you're never alone again and you'll always have my family."

Greg climbed off his stool, cupping the beautiful man's face in both his hands. He gently brushed his thumbs across his smooth jaw line, looking into his eyes for a moment, before he closed the gap between them to kiss him.

"You'll always have me, Nick. From now on, I go where you go."

Nick shook his head, removing the younger man's hands from his face. "I don't want you to stay with me out of duty, G."

"It's not duty. It's me and you against the world. The way it was before." Greg placed his hands on the man's thighs, leaning closer to him so their noses were practically touching. "I love you so much. Seeing you like this, it really hurts. You need to talk to someone, Nicky. You need help." He reached his hand up to his cheek again, gently wiping away a tear spilling from the Texan's eye. "I'll be with you every step of the way, but you have to do it. If not for you, then do it for me."

"You still love me after everythin' that I've done?"

The younger man answered him with another kiss, playfully teasing his tongue into his mouth. He felt the other man's hunger for him, finally feeling as though things between them were starting to get back to normal.

He knew they would never be the same as before, but he could at least try to rekindle the romance from his first great love.


"Look at that one." After hours of running through the sand, Greg was relieved for the chance to finally sit down and collect shells on the beach. He handed his son a swirly white shell, smiling as he watched the fascination in his eyes. "My Grangela collects buckets of these ones. She doesn't do anything with them; she just puts them on display around the house. As you go through the front door, there's a two foot fish bowl crammed full of them."

"I like this one." Evan smoothed his fingers across its surface.

"You know if you hold it up to your ear, you can hear the ocean." Greg watched the child raising the shell to his ear, looking more confused than amazed. "Technically it's not really the ocean you can hear, that's a myth. What you can actually hear is your surrounding environment resonating within the cavity of the shell…"

"Uh Greg," Nick cut him off there. "He's six. Don't channel Grissom in front of him."

"Right."

"Daddy, look at this one." Evan crawled over Nick laying in the sand a few feet from them, holding it just above his head so he could look at it. He looked even more exhausted than he did the day before, but he didn't want to miss his son's first trip to the beach for anything in the world.

"Oh yeah, that's a nice one." Nick beamed a smile up at him.

"You're not falling asleep on us, are you, Nicky?" Greg crawled towards them, adoring the sign of the smile returning to his reinstated boyfriend's lips. "We can head off to the boat if you want some shut eye. We can pick up some lunch."

"Alright, I'm sold." He sat himself up, brushing down the sand from his chest.

Greg sprang to his feet beside him, reaching out for his partner's hands to help him up. He gave him a smile as he pulled him up, gently brushing away the sand from his back. "C'mon Evan, you best grab those shells if you want to keep them."

Evan quickly collected up his favourite shells, handing them over to his father to hold. "Greg, can I drive the boat?"

"Yeah, I don't see why not." Greg grabbed the last of their things, throwing their towel over his shoulder. He took the shells off Nick's hands, dropping them into the plastic bucket they bought earlier. "My Dad taught me how to drive it when I was around your age. You have to be careful though. It's not a toy. You know I've always dreamed of chucking life on land to live on a boat."

"Even though you can't swim?" Nick smiled back at him, shielding the sun from his eyes. "What would you do for work?"

"Once I have enough money together, I mean. Like a retirement thing. My Dad always wanted to, but my Mom doesn't have the stomach for it. She can tolerate day trips out on the boat though. They go out practically every week."

Greg led his family back to Nick's truck, smiling at a couple walking by with two small children in a stroller. He really wasn't too keen on the idea of having a baby at first, but he was starting to feel like an expectant father, hopeful for the future.


"Welcome aboard," Greg climbed onto the boat first, reaching his arms out to lift Evan over. "Remember, no running on deck and stay away from the edges." He warned him again, helping Nick to bridge the gap. "Do you like the new boat?"

"It's bigger." Nick noticed right away.

The last time he stepped onto a boat with Greg, it looked like a sail boat, designed only for sailing on. It only had a top deck and a short distance to move around on. This one didn't have a sail in sight. It did have a much larger deck, with a huge cabin in the middle. A staircase led up the side of the cabin to the boats controls and plenty of soft seating.

"My Dad got tired of the sail boat, decided to upgrade to something a little more modern. I think he's going through a midlife crisis or something."

Keeping his mouth shut, Nick followed the younger towards the cabin door, waiting for him to unlock it. He dropped his jaw at the sight of the full functioning kitchen inside. The floors were hard wood, the counters were white and the stove looked huge. He followed the younger man towards the dining area. A booth big enough to seat four people with leather seat covers and a spacious table between them. Next was the living room with an L shaped sofa and a staircase leading upstairs.

Nick caught Evan before he climbed on the clean furniture with his shoes on, following Greg up to the bedroom and bathroom upstairs. The windows against the far wall stretched from the floor to ceiling with a clear door in the middle, leading to a top deck.

"Wow." Nick whistled, keeping hold of Evan's hand in case he ran towards the rails outside and fell overboard.

"Personally, I think it's a little too flashy, but my Dad calls it his man cave." Greg smirked dropping their stuff on the floor. "The sofa downstairs doubles as a pull out. I can sleep on there, while you and Evan take the bed. If you want to stay here for the night." He subtly added, hoping the time away from his parents would make Nick more comfortable.

"Can we?" Evan clambered straight onto the bed, giggling softly as he crashed out. "Daddy, it's like jelly."

"Water bed." Greg lifted the covers to show him. "The bathroom even has a shower. There's a TV in the front room too. Only plays DVDs, but it should keep us entertained for the night. I'll go start the engines. Are you sure you're ready for this, Nicky?"

"Yeah." Nick took a seat on the bed beside Evan, feeling a little queasy as the whole thing wobbled.

"Can I help?" Evan quickly climbed off the bed, hurrying after Greg. "Can we go really fast?"

"We have to go slowly on the way out, so we don't hit any of the other boats. Stay a deck a moment, I have to untie us." Greg led the way, instructing Evan on safety.

Listening to the two of them talking, Nick crashed backwards across water bed, holding onto his stomach as the whole thing shook beneath him. He wasn't too keen on the idea of being stuck out in the middle of the ocean, but he didn't want to disappoint, Evan. He focused on the only still thing in the cabin, the ceiling above him, hoping he could hold onto his breakfast as they set off.

He didn't know if it was the motion of the boat or the freedom of the ocean, but he started to doze off to sleep, feeling a sense of security with Greg nearby.

When he woke up a few hours later, the sun was starting to set on the horizon. He felt tempted to doze off to sleep again, but then he heard laughter coming from downstairs. He struggled to sit himself up on the water bed, rolling himself over to crawl to the edge. He noticed his boots had been taken off as he climbed to his feet, guessing Greg had found him out like a light.

He padded down the stairs into the front room, smiling at the sight of Greg and Evan cuddled up close on the sofa, watching a movie together.

"Hey, sleepy head. You actually managed to get five hours of sleep in." Greg noted the time on the clock, patting the sofa beside him. He lifted the blanket covering himself and Evan, letting the older man crawl in beside them. "This fresh sea air must be doing you some good. How do you feel?"

"Rested." He collapsed back against the leather sofa, settling the blanket over his lap.

"You missed lunch… and dinner, but we've got pop corn." Greg handed him the bowl, smiling as the Texan immediately grabbed a large handful for himself. "Unless you want me to fix you something else to eat. We had some chicken left over from dinner."

Nick shook his head, grabbing himself another handful. "No, I'm fine with this."

"Daddy, shh." Evan hissed at him, trying to watch the movie.

"Sorry, baby." Nick whispered, crunching on his pop corn a little quieter. He cuddled up closer to Greg's side, adjusting himself as the younger man pulled his arm out from between them, snaking it around his shoulders instead. He smiled to himself as he had always pictured family moments like this, but they always seemed just out of his reach.

Until now.