Woot! Chapter 29! I guess you're all curious about what Judai said to Haou, huh? Lol well now you can figure it out haha.
Song: Marching On by OneRepublic
Judai's POV
It was distracting. Having Johan right outside the door, beautifully gliding his fingers across the keys and humming soft lyrics. I wanted to pay attention to Haou. We had to settle everything immediately. But how could I do that when Johan's playing? Every time I hear him, my eyes involuntarily close and my fingers crave the feeling of his smooth skin and hair.
I took a deep breath and tried to push the sound of Johan's music away. "What are you doing here?"
Shrugging, he said, "I honestly don't know. Maybe I came to see…how you were doing…I guess." Although Haou was looking at me, he refused to meet my eyes.
I shook my head guiltily. "You came to see me? It should've been the other way around. You know that."
Haou uncrossed his arms and looked up and for a second, I thought you would meet my gaze. But he ended up looking at a zit just under my hairline. "I shouldn't have yelled like that. Hell, I shouldn't have even said anything in the first place. Not after Johan-"
"You had every right," I interrupted. "What I did was horrible and you shouldn't be making any excuses for my dumbass mistake. And I'm sorry."
He sighed, crossed his arms and went back to looking at the stain on my shirt. "Can I just ask you why? Why'd you use me like that?"
Now, it was my turn to look away. "It wasn't intentional," I mumbled. "When Johan came into the hospital, I was shocked. Paralyzed even. I wanted him to wrap me in his arms and tell me to forget everything that happened.
"But I knew I couldn't. I had to sit by myself for a while and think about what happened. I mean, really go over it. With Johan around, I couldn't do it. It was like I was in a binding spell. I couldn't resist him.
"So, when I told Johan to leave, it was like my heart was broken all over again. And when you came in after him, I felt something."
I saw Haou lift up his head slightly out of the corner of my eye. But once our eyes met, he looked down again.
Internally sighing, I continued, "In my mind, I went through all of the time we'd spent together. And I realized that I liked you.
"So, when you told me how you felt about me, I jumped at the chance. I convinced myself that it was ok. And that was when I kissed you." I closed my eyes and swallowed.
"The next day, my head had cleared and I knew that I had to straighten things out with us. But then you kissed me again-"Haou flinched-"and I felt that same spark that I felt before. And I didn't say anything.
"And whatever happened at your house," I shook my head as if it would make everything go away, "I guess it was just the heat of the moment."
Haou scoffed. "The heat of the moment? That's the only excuse you can give me?" He was yelling now. "An Asia song?"
I sighed. "Haou, it was more than that."
"No!" He was looking me in the eye now, pure rage glowing in his golden eyes. "It really wasn't! It seems to me as if you knew all along you were going to forgive him. You just wanted to see him suffer. But if anything, that bounced right off of him and hit me in the face! Thanks a lot, Judai."
His words stung. Was he right? I always knew that there was a possibility that my relationship with Johan could end but I never pictured it. But I never meant to hurt anyone…did I?
I mean, I was really mad at Johan. Did I take out all of my anger on Haou?
When I didn't respond, Haou marched out of the room, me hopelessly following him, trying to make him stop.
Johan was sitting behind the keyboard, the music coming to an abrupt stop which intensified the tension between Haou and I.
My eyes were filled with tears that threatened to fall. I struggled to keep them at bay. I didn't want to break down in front of Haou.
I saw him say something to Johan, but I was too busy trying to control my emotions.
Finally, Haou left, and I allowed the sobs that had built themselves up in my throat to flow freely.
Johan took me to the bed and held me, not saying much. Just letting me soak his shirt with my salty tears.
The feeling was horrible. I had broken Haou's heart and damaged mine in the process. And the more I cried, the more pain I felt.
Then suddenly, it was like I was put in a time machine. Three months back in early September. Johan was telling me the story of how he lost Yusei. And I let him cry on my shoulder. And I knew that I had to find a way to prove to him that what happened wasn't his fault.
And as I thought about that moment, I was able to pull my thoughts together. Haou was wrong. I mean, some things he had right but not the most important detail. I never wanted anyone to get hurt.
Yes, it was true that I knew I'd forgive Johan. But his reason was wrong. It wasn't because I wanted anyone punished. I was waiting for Johan. I wanted him to show me that he was sorry. Because saying wasn't enough. He had to prove to me that what he did was wrong, stupid and that he was sorry. And he did exactly that.
"How you holding up?" I heard Johan mumble softly.
"I'm ok," I said as I sat up. All of the crying had made me tired and I just wanted to sleep. Then, I randomly remembered the life outside of Johan. Asuka, Sho and Jim. I had basically abandoned them. "I should probably get going."
"What?" Johan sat up too, startled by what I had said. "Is this because of Haou?"
I felt guilty again for scaring him. What else could you think after what had just happened. "It's not, I promise."
Johan's eyes grew serious and he stared at me. He was searching for something. Maybe for a tell. A quickened pace of my heartbeat, a twitch, something to prove I was lying. Again, I couldn't blame him. I'd be worried too if it were the other way around.
"I just want to see Sho, Asuka and Jim, you know? I feel like I haven't seen them in forever. I don't want to be one of those couples who only have time for each other." I rolled my eyes at the thought. There were so many movies and books about them, it was sickening.
I was relieved when he said, "I understand."
I tried to break whatever left of the ice between us with a small joke. "Plus, it'll be good for you," I said with a smirk. "Considering an hour ago, you wouldn't let me pee by myself."
I swore to him that I'd see him later, just before I left.
As I left the Blue Dorm, I almost expected Haou to be there. But he was gone.
Sighing, I thought, I did the best I could. And it would be pointless to try and go after him.
I walked into the Red Dorm to find everyone crowded in there, hovering over a flyer that was in Sho's hand.
"Judai-kun!" Asuka said cheerily. "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages."
I blushed. "Sorry."
She brushed off my apologizing and gave me a hug. "Don't worry about it. So, have you and Johan worked everything out yet?"
Smiling, I nodded.
"That's great, mate," Jim said from next to Sho. "I knew you'd be back to each other eventually."
I laughed happily. "Yeah, I guess so. What are you guys looking at?"
Sho stood up and showed me the flyer. "It's a contest at the Meiji Jingu Baseball Stadium. We found it online. If we gathered up every last penny, I bet we could afford to get Johan in. How awesome would that be?"
I wasn't even listening to him. I was too busy picturing Johan up on that stage playing one of his songs. And not just in front of the school. In front of all of Tokyo.
"The prize is a record deal," Jim said.
I looked up at him. "Seriously?"
They all nodded.
"Johan would have his own album by the time spring break comes around," Asuka said with a huge smile. "You know, if he wins. Which he will."
I laughed at her. I was so excited. I knew Johan would win. His songs were different than every other singer. His songs weren't only filled with emotion, they were filled with personal experience.
Sure, you could tell someone what you think a broken heart feels like. You know, from all the books that they all read now. But if you've felt it before, like Johan and I have, you'd know that there are absolutely no words. But somehow, Johan had done a great job describing it and even making the words rhyme.
"So, what do you think, mate?" said Jim. "If we're gonna pull it off, we'll need your help."
I rolled my eyes. "Are you kidding? Of course I'll pitch in."
So, now, we were on the floor, quiet, trying to figure out how to come up with the money.
Sho and I were digging through our checkbooks, looking at how much money we'd used and how much money we'd need in the not-so-distant-future.
Jim and Asuka were looking at their paychecks they had gotten from part-time jobs at the restaurant (Jim) and babysitting (Asuka).
I'm not sure how, maybe it was a miracle, but somewhere past two in the morning, we had figured out a way to get the money and not be absolutely broke afterwards.
"I'm tired," Sho said through a yawn, throwing the pen and paper across the room and collapsing on the bed.
"Me too," Asuka moaned. "C'mon, Jimmy, let's go to our dorm."
Jim ended up having to carry Asuka back to their dorm which I would've laughed at if I weren't so exhausted.
"It's good to have you back, Judai," Sho mumbled in the pillow as I got into my bed.
I slurred some kind of agreement as I slipped off into a deep sleep.
You're gonna be famous, Johan, was the last thing I thought.
See? I told you it wasn't over yet. Lol you guys need to have more faith in me XD unfortunately now, I have no idea what's gonna happen in the next chapter, so thanks for officially emptying my creativity box haha jk
Review plz!
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