It is done! Hallelujah it is complete! This damn chapter took me a week! 20pages and 12k words later and a 24hr stint last night It is up! It is now 7:30AM in the UK….I am going to nap forever now ^_^ I hope you enjoy this chapter I really put a lot of work into it. It was so hard to actually write but it is done now! :D

Pretty please leave a comment if you enjoyed the chapter! I already have the next two prepped and ready to be worked on which I will be doing this week!

Warning: This chapter contains mention of violence, sexual assault and death. It also has more of Avery's backstory finally!

Have a great day y'all!

NQ

XX


Chapter 29: Avery's Confession

3POV

Three days had passed since the attack on the orphanage. Tensions were high, demon corpses burned in the gardens – the hallways and walls had been bleached of blood and the remaining children were restricted to their rooms for the duration of the clean up.

Father Anderson had kept an eye on the two infected children and decided that it would be best for them to remain in Avery's room under the watchful eyes of Heinkel and Yumiko. Avery had been taken to Anderson's room to recover – she had been asleep for three days; energy totally drained from the battle and the sight of the dead children was enough to tip her over the edge. Sister Mary Joan took it upon herself to watch over the sleeping woman during the day whilst Anderson worked on rebuild of the orphanage and dealing with any loose ends.

The Scottish priest had become used to sleeping in armchairs over the last year – taking it upon himself to watch over Avery during the night – her night terrors had only got worse with the events that had unfolded the days before. Unable to wake the sleeping woman the priest was forced to sit and listen to the screams and broken sentences which were muttered in her dreams.

On the third day Avery finally began to stir, much to the joy of Sister Mary Joan who had stood watch over her that morning. With a groan the redhead rubbed her eyes and sat up in bed straining slightly at the sunlight which shone through the curtains.

"Go get Father Anderson please Sister." Mary Joan whispered to her postulant who nodded to her superior and scurried out of the room shutting the door lightly behind her.

As Avery looked around she noticed she was in a place she did not recognize, the room was cosy, the layout similar to that of her own room. Two big bookshelves sat by the side of the bed and an old wardrobe and chest of draws sat by the left wall – they all looked like they had seen better days; as Avery looked around she noticed a distinct difference from her own room – the religious imagery in this room was a lot more obvious. Avery had made it a priority to remove any religious artefacts from her room upon moving in much to the annoyance of Father Anderson and any Sister which found themselves in her room. However, whoever this room belonged to seemed to do the very opposite – a large wooden cross hung above the bed frame, religious imagery hung on the walls and a large Bible sat next to Avery on the bedside table.

Trying to grasp where in the orphanage she was Avery looked over and made note of the items which sat on top of the wooden table. Two leather spectacle cases rested on the wooden table neatly, an old bible which had been well read took up most of the table, underneath which sat a smaller leather bound book – a journal perhaps. Avery thought to herself as she looked away from the table.

As uncomfortable as her body felt at this moment, Avery was comfortable in the bed she was in. Looking down, the bed was large, definitely a custom– it must have been at least a half a foot longer than she would have needed it to be. She felt like a child sleeping in her Mother's bed.

As Sister Mary Joan made her way over to the bedside Avery noticed a familiar smell in the room, it was pleasant – closing her eyes and taking a breath in she could smell the familiar notes of incense, metal and dust – Alex – was this his room? Avery thought to herself as she sat herself up in the bed a small blush creeping over her cheeks as she thought about the fact she could have been sleeping in the priest's bed. Where would he have been sleeping? Avery thought to herself as she smiled weakly up at the old nun who sat herself down next to the redhead.

"W-what happened?" Avery asked groggily as she wiped her eyes once more. She remembered the battle, the werewolves, the demons – the children.

"You passed out in the lobby…" Sister Mary Joan said softly, as she handed the younger woman a small bucket. She had come prepared; the nun had been around the redhead enough to know how she reacted to certain situations. For an ex demon – Sister Mary Joan was always puzzled by the redheads weak stomach.

"Oh God the children." Avery gagged as she thought back to the scene. Throwing her head forward she emptied her insides into the bucket with a groan. "Here…" Mary Joan handed the younger woman the glass of water which was on the table. With a nod Avery swallowed the contents and took a lost gasp as the refreshing liquid covered the inside of her throat.

"Do you want a mint?" Mary Joan chucked slightly as Avery chewed her tongue and pulled a face. Fur mouth was never a fun thing – with a nod Avery took the mint and sucked on it quietly – Mary Joan smiled and picked up the sick bucket and moved it away from the bed.

"Where are Marcell and Sarah?" Avery exclaimed as she began to panic, she remembered how the children had been shot for being infected; they couldn't have got to them too. "They are safe my dear." The Sister reassured Avery who had tried to get out of bed but just stood against the frame wobbling slightly as vertigo kicked in.

Mary Joan smiled at the redhead who had steadied herself against the bed– she knew what had happened with the children and was in the same mind set as Avery. They were good kids – they needed protecting, they would not end up like their friends.

"They are alright my dear. Calm down." Sister Mary Joan said reassuringly as she stood up to help the woman stand up. Avery sighed as she slowly tried to walk to the door; she wanted to see the children.

Avery slowly made her way over to the bedroom door, she wanted to see the children – she had to see for herself that they were alive. As she approached the big wooden door she stepped back slightly in shock as the door was swung open as the postulant and Father Anderson walked into the room. Avery stumbled back and caught herself on the wall with a gasp she took hold of her chest and held herself up.

"Father she is awake." Sister Mary Joan smiled happily as she tried to help the Avery stand again – still wobbly Avery nodded and reassured the old nun that she was perfectly alright. Avery brought her eyes up to look at Father Anderson who stood at the door with a mixed look on his face – Avery swallowed and looked at her feet. She felt like she was about to be yelled at – this could not end well. He had caught her using the dark magic – he may have not killed her in front of the children but he should have no issue killing her now.

"Thank you Sister, I can take it from here." Anderson smiled at the older woman who nodded and picked up the sick bucket and tottered her way out of the room with her postulant following suit.

The pair stood in an awkward silence as she nuns left the room the wooden door creaking then shutting loudly not doing very much to break the tension. Anderson turned to Avery and gave her one of the looks she hated – he was angry, she could tell. Shaking his head and mumbling incoherently under his breath, the blond priest made his way over to Avery and without so much as a word he scooped her up in his arms and carried her back to the bed.

"Anderson put me down - I can walk! What are you doing?" Avery squealed as she held onto the blond mans neck for dear life. She did not fancy being thrown against anything today – she felt too weak for that kind of excitement.

"You shouldn't be out of bed." Anderson said sternly as he walked over to the big bed and placed her back down with a gentle thud as she landed on the mattress.

Anderson POV

I watched Avery pull face at me and pout angrily as she shuffled back into my bed. I had watched over her for the last few nights – it was no longer odd to see her frame wrapped up in my bed sheets. I was tired, the orphanage had been hit badly and the team were working tirelessly to rebuild areas of the orphanage and the chapel which had been hit also.

I had split my time between working on rebuilding the orphanage, dealing with the bodies of the demons and visiting the surviving children – all of which took a lot of effort and time. My mind was still a mess, I was furious at those demons for having the gall to attack Iscariot at home. Many of my team had lost their lives and gone to limbo that night – many innocent children were infected and murdered under the Bishop's orders. It made me feel sick; it had been too much for Avery she lost it when she saw the bodies of the children. For a former demon, she was incredibly sensitive about the death of children, something that slightly shocked me as she had told me in detail about times where she had tortured people into madness – why were children any different?

"Where are they? Where are Marcell and Sarah?" Avery asked sitting up – I sighed and shook my head at the woman as her eyes opened in panic. "I have Yumiko and Heinkel watching them." I said calmly as I took off my jacket and hung it up behind the door.

"They will kill them Anderson!" Avery snapped up at me as I pulled the armchair over to the side of the bed and slumped down into the soft leather with a grunt. "No, they won't – I have given them orders. They will not speak a word of their condition to a soul." I explained as I leaned my head back and groaned a little – I was tense too tense this whole situation was getting to me

Avery POV

I sat in bed and tried to calm myself down, I wanted to see the children – I did not trust Iscariot anywhere near children after what I had just witnessed. I watched Alex take off his glasses and place them into one of the small leather cases on the bedside table. It was rare for him to be without his glasses, he must be tired if he was taking them off this early in the day. I always wondered why a regenerator needed glasses in the first place; they had perfect bodies and could heal themselves from loss of limbs but a little bit of double vision was too much? I cocked my head to the side as he placed the glasses away – it clicked as I realized I was in his bedroom. I felt a small blush creep over my face, how long had I been in here sleeping in his bed? Oh Jesus….

"This is my bedroom Marcell and Sarah are still in your room, they have camped out there whilst the church was cleaned up." Anderson explained, clearly the look of on my face gave away my question.

"Cleaned up? They were just children Alex…" I said quietly as I thought about the poor dead children, it was sickening.

"I know it disgusts me too Love, I don't know what the Bishop was thinking." Anderson grumbled sadly as she ran his hands threw his hair and leaned back in his chair. "Your team just shot them like cattle…" I began to say but was cut off by the priest. "They were following orders." He spoke quietly as he tried to change the conversation.

"That's no excuse!" I shouted, tears forming at the back of my eyes. Children should not be murdered they are innocent, how could a place that says they do Gods work and look for peace on earth murder children?

"I know"

Anderson POV

I could see Avery was still very upset by events; she was not good at hiding her feelings in her human form. Human bodies have natural responses to stimuli and I found that the redhead did not understand that concept just yet. She would cry a lot, she would be mad a lot; controlling her human feelings seemed to bring her issues at times it was quite endearing in times like this it was sad – it was like telling bad news to a teenager.

"What happens now?" Avery sighed as she crossed her arms over her knees glumly.

"We have cleared the demons from the area; we burned them last night. The children and the others who died, we are holding a funeral for them this evening." I spoke softly as she nodded taking in all of the information. "I see, what about the children who survived? What do we do now?" Avery asked as she wiped her face, pulling herself together for a moment.

"We do not shirk when the enemy presents themselves, we carry on as we were – the children will attend the funeral tonight if they wish and then we return to classes and timetables from Monday." I explained as she nodded slowly. "Very well…you know it will be hard for them don't you? This isn't something you can just move on from." She began to say as she looked away from me. Something else was on her mind and it was causing her some problems I could tell. After spending nearly every day around the ex demon for a year I had learned to read her a bit better.

"Aye, I know. The children know they can come to us if they need to talk." I said as she sat up in my chair cracking my neck from side to side. I could feel how tense I was, my muscles ache – they had healed but they still ached like Hell.

I watched as Avery's expression altered from that of grief to rage – she slammed her hands down o the bed and began to shout. I grimaced slightly and leaned back as the redhead unloaded all of her anger out into the open.

Avery POV

I was angry, no, I was more than angry – something had switched inside me, I was livid. How could he be so calm? He had just seen the same monstrosities that I had. He had watched the children die at the hands of his men. How could he be so calm about this? Then it clicked, maybe it wasn't vampires, werewolves or even demons like I that were the real monsters. Humans had something inside them – this lust for pain, for war and conflict I had seen it over the centuries – nothing matched their lust for conflict -for blood.

"You know something that always made me laugh, people like you and your righteous brigade – you hunt us monsters because you think you are so much better than us. I just watched your holy team murder innocent children, you tell me who the real monsters are Anderson." I shouted at the Scottish paladin as he sat in silence taking the abuse.

"Demons and hellish creatures are enemies of God -" he began to respond with one of his holy quote, I did not want to hear it. I was done with it all –I was done with their God, their Bible their beliefs. If they could shoot a child in the face and then claim there God loved humanity I would I rip out their fucking tongues before they spread anymore of their toxic bullshit to innocent children.

"- Were those children enemies of God?! If they had not been infected they would be deemed innocent. Now because of something they couldn't control they are damned to hell? Is that what you people really think?! They were fucking babies! " I roared back at the priest who stood up from his chair and began to pace the room running his nails over his scalp – he growled into his palms as he paced the room.

"I don't know what I think anymore…" Anderson groaned from between his hands as he stood still. I sighed and looked down as I wiped the tears from my eyes and took a breath as I regained control of myself.

"Yeah, well you best think of something. I won't be the one explaining to those children that the same people that took care of them since they were babies, the only family they will ever know -that they were the ones who murdered their friends." I said coldly as I stood up from the bed and slowly made my way over to the door. My legs weak still from the battle, I had little energy left for this kind of argument and I wanted to see the children before I had to sleep again.

"I'm surprised you are so affected – given the atrocities you have caused as a demon." Anderson growled from the other side of the room as I took hold of the doorknob. I stopped in my tracks; I could feel my blood starting to boil as I turned slowly to face the priest.

"What did you just say to me papist?" I growled as I dug my nails into my palms. How fucking dare he! I protected those fucking children with my life – he had told me hours before how he didn't see me as a demon and now he throws that comment my way. How fucking dare he!

Anderson POV

I closed my eyes as soon as the words left my mouth, I was a fucking idiot. This wasn't her fault, I was out of order. I looked over to Avery, her blue eyes piercing my soul – She was giving me the same look she had given me in the National Gallery all that time ago. I would not have been taken by surprise if her eyes had turned black and she set me a blaze where I stood.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean…I was out of order…" I sighed as I shook my head, making my way back over to Avery who stood paralyzed by her anger. I tried to take her hand and lead her back to the bed but she pulled away and turned back to the door.

"I want to see Marcell and Sarah." She said coldly as she tried to unlock the door, hands shaking slightly with rage. I couldn't let her go in this condition – it was not safe she still had to recover.

"I told you they are with my Heinkel and Yumiko. They are safe." I said softly as I tried to calm her down to no avail. She turned back to me and screamed at me – fury in her eyes, I felt my blood begin to run hot as she screamed at me. "The children thought they were safe with your men to – look what happened to them!" She spat. I lost it, no one had ever screamed at me like that before.

"What do you want me to say!?" I roared back at her. I couldn't take it anymore, I knew those kids were good – they didn't deserve the ending they got. They would have gone to heaven; they were good God loving children.

"What the fuck do you think I can say to make that right? I let the kids down – I let them all down… This was meant to be a sanctuary, somewhere away from those monsters. I have slaughtered demons for decades and in all my years I never cared about the demons, they were just that – demons, evil creatures who had abandoned God. They had no place on this earth…now I have seen you change, I have seen the children – they are the same, you are no different from us… I don't know what I believe anymore…" I shouted as I punched the wall next to me.

A picture of Mother Mary fell from the wall and shattered glass covered the floor. I sank to my knees and sat there defeated in silence. I was waiting for Avery to slam the door and leave but she didn't – I sat there in silence for what seemed like forever before I felt a hand on my shoulder. Avery stood above me; looking down- she lowered herself onto the floor next to me and sat in silence for a moment.

"Not all demons choose to become the way they are. The kids never chose it – there are some, I grant you that do choose evil, they are too scared to live out their human lives, they are too scared to die or they hunger for vengeance and see the dark as their only option…others however, find themselves siding with the darkness because they had no other choice." She said calmly as she sat next to me.

Her words hit me in a way I never thought they would. Was she admitting that she never chose to become a demon? I had always thought it was a choice – that demons abandoned God of their own will and gave up their humanity. Was Avery now telling me that was not how it worked?

"Did you have a choice?" I asked as I looked over to her, she sighed and looked away and didn't respond for a moment. "No I never had a choice…but given the choice again. I wouldn't say no." She replied quietly, I was shocked I didn't know how to take that last comment. She would choose the darkness after everything she had said to me? After all the time she tried to be human she would become one of them again.

I tensed up slightly, had I been wrong about her? I thought she was seeing the light after this time – maybe I was wrong, maybe I was wrong about everything. Maybe she was just a temptress that had come here to mess with my mind. Had I been that blind? Was she playing me for a fool after all this time?

"Are saying you are pleased you became a demon?" I asked, holding my breath as I waited for her reply. The atmosphere had changed – we were no longer consoling each other. This was going to be an interrogation – If she was still a demon at heart I would get it out of her if she liked it or not.

"I'm not saying I was pleased, I didn't understand what I had become for the longest time….but now, I am grateful to whatever made me the way I was." Avery replied coldly as she looked straight at the wall with an evil grin. I felt my blood run cold as I stood from the ground slowly moving away from her.

"How can you say that?! How could you be grateful to lose your soul?" I snapped down to her as she stared up at me. "I may have lost my soul but I gained the power to burn my enemies to the ground. If I am not thankful for that I am thankful for nothing." She replied with a chuckle; I was perplexed – everything was confusing me and I didn't know how to react. Should I have killed her for that comment?

"Don't say that! You killed people, innocent humans!" I shouted back at her. She snapped her neck up to glare at me and then she rose slowly form the floor – I tried my hardest to rip my eyes away from her sapphire ones but to no avail I stood silently like a school boy.

"I just watched your men murder children! Do not lecture me on morality Alex! I was given the power to destroy the people I thought deserved it – and I did it with pleasure." She chuckled evilly as she leaned against the bed frame.

"You can't say that…"

"Why not? It is true! I was a demon of vengeance, I was feared and loved for centuries – people begged me to fulfil their wishes, women begged me to kill of their unfaithful husbands, or the men who had raped them, to torture their daughter's murderer. I had my own way of dealing with evil – you tell me how that is different from what you do!" She laughed evilly as she sat herself back down in the leather armchair.

"We are soldiers of God; we are the God's divine punishment on earth…" I began as I watched the redhead smirk from her chair. Her eyes cold – she unnerved me I hadn't seen her look at me in this way for months. I thought we got past this point…

"And I was The Fury, the harbinger of torment – I cut down people that deserved punishment just like you. Yet I am the evil one. I would be the one going to Hell; we were killing the same evil. Tell me where is the difference?" Avery hissed from the chair.

I took a deep breath as I let her words sink in. I had see her in her demonic form, in London –I had seen how she spared those she deemed as innocent, she spared my life. She showed no mercy to those she deemed as evil, regardless of their humanity. She killed human and demon like without distinction – much like us…no….exactly like us. We were God's divine punishment on earth – she was the demon who brought wrath on evil doers…there was no difference.

"There is no difference…" I breathed out in defeat. Avery looked up at me with her mouth slightly open in shock, her eyes locked onto my own, confusion and pain crossed her face. I don't think she was expecting me to concur.

Walter POV

Evening had just hit, I rose from my bed, dressed myself in my usual suit and made my way out into the corridor to collect the daily mail. We collected mail the evening before the rest of the people in Britain – one of the perks of being a major demonic fighting organization, we get to see the bad news before the rest of the public, that way we can aid in any way we see fit.

Collecting the mail and the newspapers I quickly flicked through the names of the senders. I froze as my fingers brushed against one particular envelope. I recognized the wax stamp it was a letter from the Vatican; turning the envelop I read over the name of the sender.

"The Most Reverend

Bishop Thomas

Iscariot Section XIII"

I felt a twinge of worry hit my chest, something must be very wrong for there to be a letter sent to us directly from Iscariot. We were supposed to be reported dead – how was it that this Bishop Thomas knew to find us? Swallowing hard I collected myself and made my way back up the stairs to Sir Integra's office. She would want to see this for herself.

3POV

Meanwhile in the orphanage Alexander Anderson and Odette Avery sat in silence; Avery had got back in the priests bed under his own instruction. After the row, the two decided to sit and cool off and try to talk like civilized human beings. They sat for a while in silence, thinking over the events of the other night. Anderson sat back in the leather chair reading passages of the Bible to himself to calm him down.

"We should have been able to save those children. I should have used a stronger spell…" Avery said angrily to herself as she clutched the bedding between her fingers.

"No! You are not going to use that thing ever again! Do you hear me?" Anderson snapped as he shut his Bible and placed it on the table. Shaking her head Avery ignored the priest and carried on with her rant.

"That magic almost killed you, I watched you, you wasn't breathing I didn't know what to do! Do you have any idea how scared I was?" Anderson began as he grabbed hold of her hand and squeezed it gently. "I held you in my arms and you weren't breathing – that fucking magic drained you. I didn't know what to do…I thought…." Avery looked up from her hands, confused at the sudden burst of feeling from the priest. Her face felt warm as she looked away from the blond man, her heart pounding in her chest as she felt the lingering touch of his hand on her skin. "I'm sorry…" She whispered as she looked down at her lap sadly.

"Please don't play around with that, you should know what will happen to you if you carry on down that path…" Anderson pleaded gently as he ran his thumb over her knuckles slowly savouring the feeling of her soft, warm skin under his own coarse fingers. He sighed silently to himself, he liked feeling her skin, feeling the warmth of her body near his own – it calmed him like nothing ever had before.

"We both know that my human state is temporary Alex. I am still a monster. A monster trapped in a human body." Avery said sadly as she looked at both their hands entwined, her breath caught in her throat.

"That's not true…" Anderson tried to say as he squeezed the redheads hand in his own. "No! The Bishop was right. You are a fool to think I would ever make it in to heaven!" Avery snapped as she glared at the priest.

"The Lord will save you…"

Avery POV

I was a fool - soft between the ears! A stupid fucking fool! What did I think that after four hundred years of killing and torturing the masses I would be saved? That I would be able to live without the guilt, without the pain and the knowledge of what I had done- what I was capable of? That all of a sudden with a few words God would forgive me for all of my sins? That did not happen – not for people like me. I would never be saved, I was beyond saving, and there were too many lives on my conscious, too many souls that had been damned to Hell because of me. What kind of God would have saved me?

Hissing at the idea of salvation I pulled my hand out of Alex's and looked away; I could feel the anger building up inside me. The idea of salvation and of God in general offended me greatly, it was all lies – and on the off chance there was any truth in those blessed pages I knew that their God had abandoned me centuries ago. He never came to me when I cried…not once.

"The Lord will save me? Why now will your God save me?" I hiss back to the priest who leaned back slightly in shock. Offended I assumed by my sudden hostility. I could feel myself starting to shake under the pressure of my own rage. "He had all the time in the world to save me when I cried out to him, did he come to save me. No, he didn't!" I shouted back at the man.

"…Avery…"

"You can praise your God all you want but your heavenly Father abandoned me!" I bellowed taking hold of the glass from the table next to me and throwing it against the door – more glass covered the floor as it collided with the wooden frame.

"Stop it! How can you be like this?" Anderson yelled as he took hold of my shoulders and shook me slightly. I could see he was mad, he loved his God – for me to basically spit in his face was not something he was willing to take lightly. Such a sheep – a pathetic, weak little sheep.

I felt a sting of pain coming from my shoulders, Anderson dug his nails into my skin again as he tried to hold me in place. "One minute you are so human you are warm and caring but the next I see the same coldness in your eyes that I have seen in all abominations. What made you so broken? " he whispered to me as he held me in place. I found it strange how one moment I could feel so much comfort from his touch and the next that same touch causes me pain.

"I just don't see how someone like you could have become like them…" Anderson whispered as he loosened the grip on my shoulders rubbing his thumbs over the red marks on my skin, I winced slightly as he ran the tips of his fingers over the new wounds.

Anderson POV

Biting down on my lip I curse myself again, I felt Avery wince and pull back from me – I was too hard with her. I can never find a happy medium, she will be bruised again. I let out a groan as I removed my hands from her shoulders and ran them down her arms and took hold of her hands once more. I knew I was crossing a line – I could tell but I didn't care at this moment. I could feel us connecting on a new level and I didn't want to ruin it – I may be able to find out something that could save her from her own personal Hell.

"It must be so lovely living in your little catholic bubble. You really know nothing about the world." Avery sighed as she remained still, her breathing slowing down as she looked down to our hands. I was so confused by her, a few moments ago she was screaming and throwing things around; now she was soft and gentle again – I didn't know what to think of her, she was chaos made flesh.

"Well explain it to me then – because right now, I don't understand you but I want to."

Avery POV

I sat in silence for a moment looking down at our hands. Could I really tell him everything? All the horrible details – I had never revealed to anyone in over three centuries. No, I couldn't – I never even told Walter and he knew me better than anyone ever had.

Maybe I owed it to Walter to finally speak about my past – he always pressed it so much when he was alive. I bit down on my lip as I thought on my deceased lover, I never got to tell him how I really felt and now…now he was gone and it was happening again.

Could I do this again? Keeping the secrets, the awkward gazes…I couldn't get myself wrapped up in these human emotions. It was silly – pure unadulterated idiocy. No self respecting demon would be caught dead or alive pouring their soul out to a priest, let alone their enemy. Alex was the enemy after all – even if I was the only member of Hellsing left to remember it. Iscariot was still the enemy – they still hunted people like me, look at the Bishop, he only kept me alive because he needed a new weapon – I was a tool, I had always been a tool. Someone always wanted me for something; no one ever wanted me for me.

No one ever knew enough of me to really want me…even my own Mother...even Walter. He knew what I wanted him to know – if he knew half of the stuff I kept from him he would've run from me. Not that I could've blamed him if he had – I was nothing worth loving.

Anderson POV

I sat and watched Avery silently contemplate whether or not to tell me more about her. I could see this was hard for her, had she not told anyone before? I watched her expression change from that of pain, to sorrow, to anger and something else I couldn't place – she sat in total silence, which was bewildering to me, she was always a loud character and she always had something to say. Was she in shock? Had the question tipped her over the edge? Or where the horrors that plagued her mind to much too even think about let alone speak out loud.

I understood her reasons for holding her cards so close to her chest, a year ago we were at each other's throats – Hellsing and Iscariot were the two best of enemies – the worst of allies and the best of enemies. We would have been quick to dive down and slice the other into pieces without a second thought; we hated each other with a passion. A small smile crept across the side of my face as I thought on how our passions had changed so much.

Everything was different now – for me at least. I didn't see her as her as a hellish monster anymore now she was something more she was less of a demon, more of a fallen angel.

She had the capacity to care deeply for people, I could see it. I saw her around the children and I saw how protective she was of her late Mistress. I even noticed the odd occasion she would care for me, not to my face of course – she wouldn't make it obvious but I still noticed it. I saw how she was regaining her humanity day after day, she was less violent now, less agitated and cold hearted. She no longer played the games he did when we first found her in London. I was watching her evolve and grow as a person with a soul. She was growing into something beautiful – and like a fool I wanted her for myself.

I could see her battling with herself, she was in pain. She was like a cup of water, water had been dripping into her cup for years and now it was about to overflow and break the glass. I didn't want it to break her.

"You can tell me…talking about the past heals." I said gently as I caressed her hands. I knew I was walking a thin line – I made a vow, I had given my life to the Lord and I had vowed that I would remain chaste and not give myself to anyone but the Lord. For my sins, it was becoming more and more difficult to not reach out and hold this woman. I didn't know whether I should be asking God for forgiveness for my behaviour or praising him for bringing such a creature into my life.

"No it doesn't, it just aggravated the scars." Avery spoke sadly as she pulled her hand away from mine and crossed her arms over her chest."Maybe start small…is Odette Avery your real name?" I asked gently as the redhead looked down and shook her head slowly. I nodded and took a breath – we were making progress.

"It's been so long I do not remember my birth name…" Avery sighed as she sat back against the pillows and pulled the covers up over her.

"What do you remember?" I asked tentatively as not to push her to much too soon. I could see the pain cross her face as she tried to think back on her past. I could tell this was not going to be pretty but I had taken hundred of confessions in my time in service of the Lord. An ex demon's confession would probably shock me to the core – but I had to know.

"I was born in the 1600s…I never knew my dad, he died before I was born. My mother and I – we had a strained relationship shall we say." Avery said with a hint of snide. She obviously didn't like her mother that much at all.

"She was an ardent catholic; actually she was a lot like you, randomly quoting scripture all the time –plus she was absolutely crazy…" She continued sadly I nodded at her story- not sure if I should be offended by the last comment. I let it slide for now and continued to listen to the redhead as she opened up.

"She dragged me to church every week, multiple times occasionally – it was fucking tedious but as a little kid I went along with what my mother told me. You know – I didn't fancy the idea of burning in Hell." Avery continued as she lay back in the bed and looked up at the ceiling.

"I can understand that..." I said quietly as I watched Avery struggle with the next part of her story. She lay silently for a moment, playing with her nails and muttering something incoherent under her breath – she was anxious I could tell.

Avery POV

Why was I telling him this? I must be mad, that or they have drugged me again whilst I slept. I shut my eyes and took a few deep breaths – I had no intention of telling anyone about my past. I didn't even want to admit half of it to myself; I didn't need to willingly relive it all. I had enough night terrors that allowed me to do just that. I took one final deep breath and I carried on with my story.

"One morning, when I was thirteen I was sent into town to sell some eggs in the market. It was daybreak, you had to get there early or the other vendors took up the best spots. I made my way into town taking my usual route and..." I stopped myself, I felt sick – the air caught in my throat and I closed my eyes and pulled the covers over my head and let out a pained groan as I tried to hold myself together.

Anderson POV

"Avery are you alright?" I asked as I watched the woman recluse under my bedcovers. Avery popped her head out of the covers, she had gone pale – I felt a slight panic hit as I thought of all the possible outcomes of that sentence.

"What happened?" I asked gently as Avery breathed deeply. I could tell whatever was coming was not pretty.

With a small sigh and Avery ran her hands through her copper locks and growled a little."…Let us just say, I never made it to the market…" She sighed as she shut her eyes. I swallowed hard, she didn't need to say anymore – I knew what she meant. I felt sick; it had only been a few months since the attack at the bar. Was this what she had meant when she said about having had it worse?

"My mother never looked at me the same- not after that. I was a disgrace, those men had taken my virtue and to my mother and to the church I was disgraced, they called me 'The Village Harlot' – Does that sound familiar Anderson?" Avery growled as her expression darkened as she glared at me. I felt my heartbreak - I had no idea, I had been calling her a harlot for months and she hadn't said anything – she just accepted it and carried on. I shook my head in shame; it must have reminded her of that time every time I said it. I am such a fucking fool!

"I'm sorry…I never thought…" I tried to say something, anything but nothing came out. All the words I was looking for escaped me and I sat in silence and listened to the rest of her story.

"As God would have planned it I was pregnant. Barely a child myself, I thought my mother would take care of me but she locked my in our attic for the entire pregnancy – I never saw the light of day or took in fresh air for months. I was like a caged bird. Do you know what the one thing that kept me sane during those months was? It was the idea that after all the pain I would be a mother. I would be able to love my child like my mother loved me…what a foolish child I was…" I could see the tears forming in her eyes.

"One evening I had my tonic, my mother used to give me them each night – she said it would help the baby. It knocked me out. When I woke up I was strapped to my bed – my mother had called some women from the church to deal with my condition. Can you guess what happened next?" Avery hissed as silent tears began to fall from her eyes. I couldn't listen to anymore – I didn't want to know anything else. I couldn't imagine it – I didn't want to it made me feel sick.

"Avery stop, I don't need to know all of this…" I tried to stop her by placing a hand on her shoulder; she hissed and pulled back from me like some kind of feral cat.

"You asked what broke me. Are you going to listen or not?" She snapped angrily her eyes red from the salty tears. I nodded silently as Avery took another deep breath and composed herself as much as she could.

"Those women ripped me open like I was some kind of animal – they took my baby. After a couple of days I managed to crawl down the stairs to find my Mother, when she caught site of me she lost it… A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord…That's what she would scream…my mother killed my baby…she slammed her little body against the concrete floor her head smashed and she bled out in front of me…" Avery gagged as she covered her mouth with her hand. I felt sick, I didn't think people could be that evil – her mother was no woman of Christ to do that to a baby. To a newborn innocent child and to murder the baby in front of her own child- it was revolting.

No wonder she was so attached to the children, it was all becoming clear now. I couldn't imagine the pain she had to have gone through all these years. No wonder the other night shook her up so much it was all the same. As I looked over at the redhead I was shocked to see a evil grin had spread across her lips – Avery began to chuckle darkly unnerving me completely.

"I got my revenge of course. I killed them…I killed them all. My mother, my sister, the maids…I murdered them all." Avery smiled evilly as she thought back to the scene, she chuckled as she looked over at me, her blue eyes now shone cold as ice.

"I have quite a nice little tally of sins don't you think Priest?" Avery said coldly as she looked over at me – she had done it again, she was cold and aloof, this was what she would always do to protect herself – I understood now. I understood perfectly. It was her protection, show no feelings and she couldn't get hurt anymore.

Swallowing hard I shut my eyes and pressed down on my temples, I had to let her finish her story, there mustn't be much more – it couldn't get much worse surely this was enough to make her give up her humanity.

"What happened then? Was that when you turned to the darkness?" I asked slowly as Avery chuckled once more and shook her head. I swallowed hard and listened.

"They took me to the local asylum – I was barely fourteen years old at the time. Do you know what they do to little girls in the asylums Anderson, can you imagine it?" I frowned and felt myself retch a little, this was atrocious I had never heard anything like this.

"I was baron thanks to my mother's little 'intervention' – the guards took that as a sign from God. Night after night after night…it never ended. You people threaten me with hell; the only hell I could imagine would be being back in that place. I was there for twenty years….twenty fucking years of my life I was chained to a fucking brick wall." Avery spat as she looked away from me.

I felt sick, I couldn't listen to anymore – I stood up and began to pace the room silently. I opened the bedroom window and tried to get some I needed something, anything to take the edge off. I tried to listen to Avery but I couldn't take much more of her story – it was too graphic even for me, she was telling me these horrors and didn't miss a beat. If this was making me sick, how must she have felt having lived through it? Now I was beginning to understand why she would have constant night terrors.

"Pretty Polly, that's what they used to call me- Pretty Polly and her little dolly. You start to lose your mind after a while– holding onto the corpse of your dead baby for years can do that to a child…" Avery said coldly as she sat motionless in my bed, arms by her side head tilted slightly with her eyes glazed over as she thought back to the events of her human life.

"I don't want to hear anymore…" I said as I came back over to the bed and slumped back into my chair. I couldn't take anymore – I got the picture, it was disgusting. Avery snapped her neck to the side to look at me."Oh but we are getting to the best part!" She cackled as a small smile crept across her face, my blood ran cold as I prayed silently – it couldn't get worse. That was enough for once person surely – God had to be more merciful that this. He had to be…

"On the last day of my human life, I was dragged out into the main area to entertain the visitors – they would have us on show like clowns. They would gather round in their pretty dresses with their cigars and laugh at how funny we were. People knew better than to come near my baby…it would send me a little bit mad, let's just say I was protective…I guess they forgot to tell the group that came to me that day." Avery said as he played with her hands, cracking her knuckled one by one.

"What happened?" I asked Avery who smirked again. "One woman, she decided it would be fun to see how I reacted if she took my baby. I didn't react well…the stupid bitch got what she deserved; they all got what they deserved. The asylum burned to the ground that afternoon – they shouldn't have had cigars so close to flammable gowns…it was such a fire hazard." She cackled as she threw her head back and laughed. My eyes widened in horror as her words sunk into my brain. She had set them all on fire, their cigars had ignited the dresses and the whole place burned to the ground.

"Do you know what it feels like to be burned alive?" Avery purred as she moved herself out of the bed and stood up. I swallowed and watched as she paced the room absentmindedly.

"I laughed the entire time – watching those fuckers die screaming was the most fun I had ever had. I didn't care that I was burning to…When I woke up I was no longer in chains; the whole building was in bits around me. I was sure I was dead – I felt different." She finished as she leaned against the wall.

"Is that when you lost your soul?" I asked as I turned to her. Shaking her head with a small smile she came down from her high, a frown forming on her face. "You know you people think that when you become a demon you automatically become this bloodthirsty tyrant. It's not true…if you really want to lose your humanity it takes time." She explained as she walked back over to the bed and perched on the end crossing her legs.

"How did you…"

"When I woke I didn't know what I had become; I was still disturbed, totally insane… I worked as a prostitute for years; whoring was all I knew at that point. One day a punter got a little too aggressive for my liking and something switched inside my mind and I lost it." Avery explained through gritted teeth. Tears forming in her eyes once more, she was too tired to keep the act up anymore I could tell.

"Did you?"

"He was the first person I fed from yes. It felt good… I finally knew what I needed. After that I learned how to control people, learning how to break people- it was fun. Over the next few hundred years I made money torturing and killing people for the upper classes – it's funny isn't it nothing changes. I slowly made a name for myself over the centuries; you think climbing up the ladder as a human is hard it is nothing compared to the demonic circles." Avery chuckled sadly – I shook my head trying not to imagine what she was hinting at. I didn't need to know – I really didn't want to know anymore than what she had told me, that was more than enough information for me to ever need to know.

"Is that how you came to work for Hellsing?" I asked my final question; Avery shook her head with a sad smile. "No…that's a different story entirely." I nodded quietly as Avery tried to calm herself down.

"To answer your big question…I lost what was left of my soul somewhere between the mid 18th century-I no longer cared anymore, I was a monster and that was fine with me. You know your God had all the chances in the world to send someone to save me. He never did, so don't you dare lecture me." Avery growled as she stood up off the bed and moved to the window and tried to take in breaths.

Standing up I took some deep breaths myself and watched the redhead stand at the window. It all made sense now how she was and why she acted the way she did. I felt like a fool, I felt angry at myself – if I had not spent this time with her and if she had remained a demon I wouldn't have given her this curtsey and I would never have known her story.

I thought she was just a demonic whore, The Babylon – The Fury, the Hellsing vengeance demon. A heartless monster that enjoyed toying with men and women alike – a soulless demon that would swoop down and burn you to ashes in seconds. I never thought to look past that until she came to us – not until I was able to see that glimmer of humanity tucked away under her layers.

Were they all like this; were all demons just humans that had been torn apart by their own human lives? Was there more to them than I thought I knew? For years I had killed without remorse, without any consideration for the hellish monstrosities. How many innocent yet broken souls had I sent to Hell? I felt ill as I thought over Avery's story. I wanted to protect her – she was fragile she didn't need to be like this anymore, she didn't need to hurt like she was doing. She could be saved, if only she would let me save her.

Avery POV

As I stood looking out of the window, I noticed the small piles of corpses which were being burned; they were all demonic corpses – no children in sight which was good for now. They deserved a funeral at the very least. I heard Alex stand up from his chair; I was waiting for him to just leave the room or to slice me up the middle. Either would have been fine – I knew what I was I didn't expect any mercy from God's Assassin.

I closed my eyes and rested my head on the windowsill, I was tired – I could go back to sleep in seconds. I was expecting a sword to run me through or a punch to the face; something needed to happen surely I needed some punishment for my actions…it was all my fault.

My eyes flew open as I felt a pair of strong arms wrap themselves around me, pulling me into him Alex stood in silence for a minute and held me. I was in shock – I stood there frozen with my arms at my side. Why was he hugging me? What the fuck was he doing?

"The Lord is merciful and gracious; slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always accuse, nor will he keep his anger forever."

I hissed and pulled back from his embrace. How dare he? How dare he presume that I needed any words from his Holy Bible? I didn't tell him about my past so he could pass judgement on me. This was not a confession or a demonstration of faith – I didn't want him or his God's pity.

Pushing him off of me I slapped him hard across the face. Thankfully his glasses remained off or else he would have lost them. "Don't you dare do that!" I growled as I tried to move away from the lunatic priest. I just opened my damn soul to him and now he is trying to push his God onto me. No, this is not happening, not today.

"You can be forgiven." Anderson whispered as he held me in place against the window, I shook my head and slapped him again. I could feel myself getting angrier and angrier – How dare he?

"God has helped you, you just can't see it!" Alex shouted to me, shaking me slightly. I look away as he speaks to me. I didn't want to hear it, I can't believe I told him everything. What a fool I was!

"He has woman, look at you now!" Anderson persisted as he held me in place. He was a determined priest I will grant him that."You are human; you have a place to stay. You lost one child yes but now you have gained ten times that with the children at the orphanage." He said – I never thought about it in that way. I shook my head pushing any positivity from my mind. I was not going to listen to this, he was not going to patronize me like this.

"Shut up!" I screamed as I slapped him over and over again. He just stood there shaking off the hits like they were nothing. "The Lord has given you a second chance with us." He whispered to me as he pulled me into his chest.

"Let me go Anderson!" I screamed as I pushed against his chest, he was too strong for me he just held me there resting his head into my neck.

"Not until you listen to me!" he snapped as he held me against him. I lost it and somehow managed to get out of his grasp and dodged my way across the room. I would not be talked down to by this man.

Anderson POV

I watched Avery pull away from me and stumble across the room; she was way too tired and weak to be running around the room like this.

"Why should I listen to you? Why didn't you just kill me? That's all I want. I have lost count of how many times I have tried and your God won't even give me death!" Avery cried out, I could feel my heartbreaking; she really did want to die. I watched as she slumped down the wall onto the floor – her legs finally giving way from the stress of everything. I couldn't stand to see her in this condition.

"I will not kill you Lass." I said as I walked over to her, she sat slumped on the floor in a tired little ball; she held onto her calves and rested her chin upon her knees. Crouching down to the redhead I took hold of her face and wiped the wetness from her face.

"So what I am doomed to walk this earth now as a weak human, racked with guilt from my actions until the day I finally die and then get sent to Hell for eternity?" Avery asked as she tried to look away from me.

"You won't spend eternity in Hell you don't deserve that…" I said as I caressed the side of her face. I didn't care if I was crossing a line at this point – she needed to know, she needed to know someone cared for her and that her life meant something to someone. Even if that someone was a man who she could never love in return.

"…but I am a monster…" Avery sobbed gently as I ran my thumb across her cheek. She shook her head in defeat as I wrapped my arms around her and lifted her gently off of the floor.

"No you are not. It wasn't your fault; none of this was your fault." I whispered to her as she snuggled into my chest, walking over to my armchair I sat down and cradled the weeping redhead in my arms. She sobbed into my chest – it broke my heart but it was good that she finally was getting her feelings out in the open. Now perhaps she could really heal.

"It was all my fault, I could have fought harder…" She wept quietly. I pulled her closer into me shaking my head. She had blamed herself for all of this for centuries – no wonder she had become so cold and spiteful. "You were a child, you didn't know how to fight anymore- nor should you 'ave known!" I exclaimed as I rocked her gently.

"Do you know how many times I prayed to be saved? No one came to help me. No one…" She sobbed as she began to hit me in the chest; I took hold of her hand and kissed each knuckle gently. Avery lifted her head from my chest and locked her blue eyes with mine- whatever she had been expecting as my reaction I could tell this was not it. Did she really think I was going to hurt her?

"You are not going to Hell do you hear me?" said as I took hold of her face gently tilting her up to me gently. I could feel her heart beating through her top; she stared at me slightly perplexed as her face hovered inches from mine. I could almost taste her on my lips.

"How can you be so sure?" Avery asked softly as she looked up at me. I don't know what came over me, all my vows all of my promises had disappeared in one moment. All I could think about was how much I wanted to be the one to care for her, to feel her soft skin on mine, to feel her lips against mine – I wanted to love her.

"Because if you did go to Hell, I would walk through the flames and drag you out." I whispered to her as I leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss upon her lips.

3POV

A few doors down in Avery's room, Heinkel and Yumiko stood watch over Sarah and Marcell – they had been given strict orders not to harm the children, this order confused the pair as Father Anderson was always quick to slaughter the unrighteous – these two children were now werewolves, they had to be put down at some point; there was no way they could stay in the Vatican City.

Marcell lay in Avery's bed reading a book, Yumiko sat trying to calm a distressed Sarah but to no avail. Heinkel stood by the door keeping watch. The blonde woman was no pleased with the idea of their having to play babysitters to two potentially lethal demon children.

"Sister, where is Nanny Avery?" Marcell asked as she flipped the pages of the book nonchalantly before placing it on the bedside table. Yumiko looked up from little Sarah and replied. "She is resting at the moment Marcell." She said as she rocked the younger child.

"Can we see her?" Marcell asked for the sixth time this morning, the two Iscariots were growing tired of all the questions.

"She will be asleep child, give her some time." Heinkel snapped at the young boy who frowned and turned away and lay on his lap away from the blonde woman. Yumiko was finding it very difficult to calm the little girl down, she had been fussing for the last hour and whatever the nun tried she could not calm her. "Actually Heinkel, go and see if she is awake this child really needs calming down." Yumiko asked with a smile causing the German woman to shy in defeat.

"Alright I will be back." Heinkel nodded as she left the room and headed down to Father Anderson's room – she knew the former demon would be resting up in his bed.

Without a second thought the German opened the bedroom door and gasped in horror and disgust shocked at the scene which met her eyes. Her mentor, her teacher, the most ardent follower of the Lord Jesus Christ lay topless on his bed; Avery straddled his lap as the two kissed a little too relentlessly for the young Germans approval. Oh mein God!

Avery POV

I don't know what came over us, an innocent kiss quickly turned into something a lot more desperate. Wrapping my arms around the priest's neck I straddled his lap and deepened the kiss. It felt so right, I had not been kissed like this in a long time. A shuffled slightly and felt Alex' body responding under my own, I let out a small moan as he took hold of the sides of my face and kissed me harder, desperation kicking in for us both as he lifted me up from the chair and placed me down on the bed.

Trailing kisses down my neck he began to lift my t-shirt off of me gently, I giggled slightly as I helped him with the fabric – leaning in and claiming his lips once more in a deep kiss. "You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen." He drawled, I let out a gasp as Anderson ran his hands down my torso his rough fingers making the hairs on my skin stand on end. God I needed this!

In a quick movement I pulled off his black shirt and pushed him down onto his back and began trailing kissed across his abs. I bit down on my lip as I took in the toned body which was hidden under his clerical robes. Swallowing hard I blink a few times making the Scottish man chuckled and pull me in for another kiss. It felt amazing, everything felt so right- the way he touched me, the way he kissed me with that little bit of urgency.

The moment was ruined as I felt someone grab hold of my hair and yank me backwards off of the bed. "Babylon get your hands off of Father Anderson!" Hienkel growled as I landed against the bookshelf. I blinked a few times as I rubbed my side, now red from colliding directly against the wooden frame.

"Heinkel! What are you doing!?" Anderson exclaimed shocked at the younger woman's presence in the room. Heinkel growled as she threw my shirt at me and spat in my direction.

"German Cunt" I growled as I pulled my shirt on and stood up from the bookshelf.

"The demon brats want to see you." Heinkel growled as she glared at me, with a hiss I turned around and left the room in a huff.

3POV

Anderson jumped up from his bed and pulled on his shirt as Avery left the room in a hurry. Cursing himself Anderson turned and looked down at his student – he was not happy. Hienkel glared up at her mentor – she was disappointed in him, he was a man of God. He should not have given into his sinful urges she thought he was above that.

"Why didn't you knock!?" Anderson barked down at his student, who shook her head. "Father Anderson control yourself! You took vows!" She snapped back at her mentor who took a deep breath and moved over to his bedroom door and held it open angrily.

How dare Heinkel just waltz into his room in such a way – it was rude and showed a total lack of respect. Anderson was coming down from his high and found himself going over the last ten minutes in his mind – had Avery seduced him again or was he entirely to blame this time? As much as he wanted to blame some kind of demon or sin on his behaviour – he had kissed her because he wanted to, he really wanted to. It had escalated quicker than he though – he didn't know he had so much desire built up inside him but he didn't regret it…and that scared him more than the sin itself.

"Remember yourself Father; you are letting that demon lead you into sin." Heinkel snapped as she walked out of her mentor's bedroom shaking her head with disappointment.

"Remember who your superior is Wolfe! Now, I have to prepare for the funeral, please leave me be." Anderson growled down to his former student who immediately straightened up slightly, as she scuttled out of the room.

"Yes, Sir…"


Poor Anderson X_X

Pretty please leave a comment if you enjoyed the chapter! I already have the next two prepped and ready to be worked on which I will be doing this week!

NQ

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