A/N: I don't know what it is about Calzona. My heart wants them to be happy but my mind keeps putting them through drama chapter after chapter. I hope you all are able to follow this story with ease. I change Points of View in this story a few times. Here we go.
Chapter 29
Callie's POV
It had been a long day at work and I was on my way to a grief counseling session. That's what it's called now. I still call it therapy, but whatever. I rush through the glass doors of the twelve story building trying to catch the elevator before it closes.
"Thanks for holding the elevator." I say to an elderly lady in the front. "If I'm late for this appointment, I'll have to reschedule which is actually impossible because my workflow will not allow it. I'm at the hospital majority of the day. Then I come home and entertain four children and try to be a good wife. Life has a hazardous schedule. You know what I mean?"
The enclosed space is silent and I now realize that I just ran onto a crowded elevator and started rambling all of my business to strangers. The nice old lady simply pats my left arm and as politely as she can, says "Save it for a therapist dear."
How embarrassing. That right there tells me that I have said too much. The elevator seems to be moving in slow motion now and I can't wait until it reaches the tenth floor. When the doors finally reopen to my floor, I rush off and don't look behind me. I turn the corner and am greeted with a bright smile from Dr. Vahn standing in her doorway.
"Right on time Mrs. Torres. I was just about to close my door. Glad you could make it." She says.
"I am so sorry. My last surgery ran late and there was traffic." Wiping my brow, from the condensation starting on my forehead, I walk in behind her to my cozy spot in the corner that I post upon every week. She closes the door and my safe zone is activated.
"Callie are you okay? You seem on edge."
"The normal plus I think an old lady on the elevator just told me to shut up because I talk too much."
"Really?" She laughs. "Well why don't we start where you left on in the elevator with the rude old lady?"
"Oh, she wasn't rude about it at all. That's the thing. She was sweet and straight to the point. I was talking about how hectic my schedule was. My career, four kids and being a wife. I was rambling. I got straight on the elevator and developed vocal diarrhea." I can't help but laugh at myself and so does Dr. Vahn.
"Okay. Well that coincides with what we discussed last week. It seems that you have been exercising the importance of communication."
"Yeah, right! One step at a time or one stranger at a time."
"Whatever works for you. It seems second nature for you to open up to anyone that may be near you. But not Arizona. Why is that?"
"I, I don't know. I never realized how much I communicated with Mark until now."
"Why do you say that?"
"I always unloaded on Mark so that I wouldn't worry Arizona. Coming to these sessions and talking to you has helped me see my situation from a third person's perspective."
"Good. I'm glad to hear that. So tell me, what is it that you see. What does standing on the outside looking in, look like?"
"Scary. It looks very scary and Arizona was right. Her comment about 'me being scared that Mark is gone and it's just the two of us in the marriage now'. She, uh-….. She was right."
"Yes, I agree. So, what are you going to do about that? Do you feel you should talk to her about this?"
"Umm.. Yeah. I, I think I should apologize."
"Apologize? Why apologize Callie? For what?"
Dr. Vahn and all her damn questions. Always making me think and now I can't seem to swallow this large lump emerging in my throat. I don't want to cry. I don't want to cry….. Shit! I'm going to cry. "For bringing Mark into our marriage. Mark was Sofia's father and he had the right to be in her life but I took it a step further and brought him into my marriage. I sat and thought about all the times that I made decisions based on Mark's input and not Arizona's alone. Every major decision in my life that pertained to Sofia or didn't, were made by Arizona, myself and…. Mark. I would discuss it with Arizona and then the next day almost always talked about it with Mark."
"Why do you think you did that?"
"He was my best friend-"
"But Arizona's your wife."
"Yes, but Mark has always been there for me."
"Arizona hasn't? Again, she is your wife."
"Yessss she's been there but I valued Mark's opinion and-"
"And what?" She asks. "Regardless of what your wife's opinion was, Mark's was the one that really mattered?"
"No. No, that's not how it was. I mean, when it was all said and done, Arizona was the person that I made my decisions with. Mark was just my confidant. He was a good guy and he was always there for me."
"You keep saying he was always there for you. Arizona was there also. Why couldn't you share the burden of your world with her?"
"Mark was alone all his life. We were his family and that wasn't going to change. He finally had a family. I wasn't going to leave him because I found a mate."
"You didn't answer the question. Why couldn't you share the burden of your world with Arizona?"
"I don't know the answer to that question. I want to share it all but I also feel the need to make a perfect world for her. I hate to burden her. She lives in a pink fluffy bubble and I don't want to be the one to bring darkness into her world. She's happy and I want her to stay that way. I love her too much."
"You have to protect her?"
"Yes."
"She's not one of your children. She's your wife Callie. When did you marry Mark?"
"Come again?"
"I said…When did you marry Mark?"
What the hell does she mean by that? She's thrown some questions at me before but this one is way left field. She's not smiling, so it's not a joke. "I don't exactly know what you're asking me. Mark and I never married."
"You acted like a married couple. You discussed your every move with him. You slept with him. You had his child. You said you were family. He was your spouse. The one you made decisions with- The one that you ran to with your problems - The one that you bore your deepest darkest secrets and heartache to. Sounds to me that you were married to Mark and in a relationship with Arizona."
As I sit in this comfortable over priced piece of furniture, my body is on fire. My eyes are stinging and my heart is pounding out of my chest. There is an itching sensation along my cheeks where my tears have traveled and my jaw is aching from clamping down on my lower lip. Had Arizona seen my friendship with Mark as a marriage too? Oh my God. What have I been doing all these years? …
Arizona's POV
"Come on ladies. We have a lot more to do before we meet Mami and Sofia back at home."
My little darlings and I have had a long day of shopping and buying items we both need and don't need before finally reaching the frozen yogurt parlor. They ponder a few moments trying to decide which flavor they will each have. Everyone with exception of Sanaa. Syan, Salana and I collect our frozen yogurt.
"Sanaa we're still waiting. What flavor do you want?"
"She gets the same flavor every time Mami brings us here. The same flavor and the same toppings." Salana tells me.
"Yeah." Syan adds. "She likes strawberry yogurt with sliced strawberries and strawberry sauce."
"Yumm, that sounds good." I say to her. "Sanaa you getting strawberry?" I grab a bowl and hand it to her but she doesn't take it.
In a solemn voice, Sanaa answers. "I don't want any."
For the first time since arriving at the parlor, I observe the change in Sanaa's mood and realize that she appears quite upset. "You don't want any? Sanaa is something wrong? Are you sick honey?" I maneuver around the other two girls and press the palm of my hand against Sanaa's forehead and cheeks. "You're not warm. Why don't you wa-"
"I'm not sick." She says as she ducks her head away from my contact and moves outside of my reach. "I just don't want any."
"I understand if you don't want any. That's your choice but I don't understand you pulling away from me. Have I upset you? You didn't have a good time shopping today?"
"I had a good time."
"But I upset you somehow?"
Avoiding all eye contact, she answers "No."
I'm trying to piece together the cause of my daughter's unhappiness but cannot come up with any real answer. Sanaa isn't helping any with her vague responses so I try again.
"I'm going to need you to be more detailed. You say that you had a good time today and the girls tell me that you love strawberry frozen yogurt but you are in a funk and I don't know why. I need you to tell me what's wrong. I'm going to pay for the rest of our desserts while you have a seat and get your thoughts together."
As I pay for mine and the other two girls, Sanaa just sits quietly. She looks sad and as if she is about to cry but she doesn't. I decide to ask my other two babies if they know what's eating at their sister. They both say that they don't but I don't believe that for a minute. After paying, I give Sanaa one last chance to get dessert before we leave and she declines.
"Okay. Well let's get in the car. I have to pick up Mami's dry cleaning before we go home. Sanaa, do you want me to take you somewhere else for dessert?"
"No thank you. Will mami be home when we get there?"
"Yeah, she will." Now I'm getting worried. "Sanaa, you know that you can talk to me about anything that may be bothering you. Come here." I turn her so that she is facing me. "Baby, what's wrong? I love you so much and I don't like to see you sad." I gently stroke her beautiful little head but she doesn't budge in giving any information.
"I just wanna go home." She says.
I see that I am fighting an uphill battle right now so I cave in and let the conversation rest. While searching for my keys, the three girls walk out of the establishment in front of me. I hear Syan say thank you to someone holding the door for them. As I look up to also thank the stranger, I come face to face with The Devil Herself.
"Arizona. Just the person I was hoping to run into. Can we talk?" _
Sofia's Room
General POV
"He asked about college."
"He…He who?"
"My therapist Angelica. That's the only guy I've been talking about for the last fifteen minutes. Have you been listening to me?"
"Oh, oh. My bad. Well what did he want to know?"
"He wanted to know my plans. If I were going to college - what colleges have I applied to? All that good stuff."
"Oh."
"Oh? That's all you have to say?"
"What do you want me to say? That's a pretty straight forward question. He didn't ask if you would be a bone marrow donor or something."
"What The Fuck is wrong with you Angelica?! You have been in a funk all week. Aren't I the one that's supposed to have the stank attitude?"
Angelica is silent on the other end of the line. She ponders whether this would be the appropriate time or not to tell her girlfriend that she is going to be attending college on the other side of the country. Sofia's world slowed down for awhile but Angelica's has been moving full steam ahead. Bette Porter made sure of it. If all went according to plans, Angelica would be residing in our nation's capital, Washington DC. Georgetown University is where Angelica has set as her destination, much to Bette's dismay.
"Angelica? You still there?" Sofia asks.
"Yeah, I'm still here. Sorry. I was-" she's begins.
"Somewhere else." Sofia cuts her off. "I know. I'll talk to you later. I hear my ma coming in."
Before Angelica has the chance to dispute their conversation ending, Sofia ends the call and goes to find Callie whom has just entered the house. …
Sofia's POV
As soon as I saw mami in the kitchen, I knew something was on her mind. "Hola Mami. You didn't yell for me when you came in. You need any help with dinner?" I ask her.
"No thanks. I thought I heard you talking to Angelica. Is she here or were you on the phone?"
"I was on the phone but ended the conversation when I heard you come in. Short and sweet." Mami is clearly upset or bothered because she hasn't bothered to look at me. She's somewhat lost in her cooking.
"Sounded short but not to sweet from down here. I recall hearing you drop the 'F bomb'. I don't consider that too sweet." She says, still never looking up.
"You got me. Not too sweet at all." I confess. Just as I am about to be interrogated, I hear the front door open. Whew!
"Callie…we're home." I hear my mom yell out.
"We're in the kitchen Babe." Mami yells back before finally turning in my direction. "We'll finish our conversation later. You're not getting off that easy."
"I'm sure we will." I reply while thanking God that this conversation was cut short for the time being.
In come my little sisters with momma strolling in behind them. Salana and Syan each take a seat beside me at the counter top island as Sanaa goes directly to mami and secures herself to her right hip. Someone must have pissed her off. She's always so needy when she is upset. She should win an Emmy for her dramatic performances.
Hugging her tightly, mami peppers her face with kisses. "Muah, muah, muah. At least one of my little ones love me." Mami says as the rest of us look on.
Not wanting to be outshined, Syan and Salana jump down from their stools and join one third of their party in sandwiching our mother. The weight of the girls shift mami slightly to the right, causing Sanaa to fall backwards into the refrigerator.
"Oww! Move stupid." Sanaa yells. "You pushed my back into the fridge and it hurts."
"Sorry" they both reply.
"Sanaa, don't call your sisters names. It was an accident." Mami tells her in a very scolding voice.
"They only came over here and hugged you because of what you said. They sat down instead of hugging you. Momma bought them frozen yogurt today. That's all they care about. They care about getting stuff. They don't care about you like I do!"
Wow. Where is this coming from? First mami comes in vexed and now Sanaa comes in upset. Anyone else in our household pissed off tonight, I wonder.
"I thought I had a rough day today." Mami says sarcastically.
"Frozen yogurt. That's what set her off." Momma says all of a sudden. "I took the girls to get frozen yogurt and she's been acting funny ever since we left the parlor."
Sanaa doesn't say anything in her defense. She stands there with her face buried in mami's side and doesn't speak a word.
"It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see where this is going." I tell my parents. "I'll finish dinner and you two can fix Sanaa."
"I don't need to be fixed!" Sanaa screams out at me.
"Uhm, okay. My bad Sanaa. I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings." No one moves and all that can be heard, is Sanaa crying. Mami rubs her back as she escorts her to the dining room. I begin to mumble to myself and am unaware that I am speaking out loud. "When did our family become dysfunctional? This is the shit you watch on TV. Are there hidden cameras I don't know about? Am I on a reality television show? What-the-f-?"
"Sofia!" My moms both say simultaneously.
"Sorry sorry."
Syan retreats to the family room and Salana tries to stay in the kitchen with me and cook. Since my parents are in the next room with Sanaa, I plan to eaves drop, of course. I send Salana to join Syan in the family room and thank God that all the attention isn't focused in my direction.
I can see Sanaa sitting at the table with her head hung low. I almost feel sorry for her. We would all choose punishment over receiving a lecture from our two mothers any day. I'm sure it won't be bad though. They can tell that she is stressing. I can barely hear them, so I concentrate very hard. Momma starts first …...
"Sanaa, earlier I said I was giving you time to get your thoughts together. So, are you ready to explain what is going on in your pretty little head?"
"No." Sanaa whispers.
"Let me change that. I worded that incorrectly." Momma clears her throat and starts over. "We went shopping today and had a very very pleasant day. We were all smiles and enjoying ourselves until we went for dessert. Clearly I've done something to upset you because you pulled away from me today and you won't look me in the eye. I feel that I have been very patient and given you time to think. You need to start talking now."
"She pulled away from you?" My mami asks. "Like stepped back or-or - what do you mean she pulled away?"
"I was trying to see if she had a temperature and she moved so that I couldn't touch her."
"And this didn't happen until you got to the parlor? She was happy until then?"
"Yeah. Callie what are you getting at?"
Mami takes a deep breath and I can tell that she may know what's up with my little sister. "Sanaa come here." Mami sits Sanaa on her lap and just as she expected, Sanaa immediately buries herself deep into her embrace. "Are you upset because momma took you to our special place?" She asks.
Sanaa nods yes. She is so spoiled. I can't believe this little girl. My moms exchange glances and finally exhale.
"Momma was attempting to be nice sweetie. She didn't mean any harm."
"That's our special place." Syan finally mutters. "That's where we have Mami time. You're always with Sofia now and you don't take us there anymore. When momma took us there today, Syan said that we weren't going to have Mami time anymore." Sanaa sniffles and wipes at her nose. "I'm not a baby but I liked our special time. We're not allowed to be with you anymore."
How the hell did I get into this conversation? All of this is because of me? I didn't tell mami to start smothering me.
"Sanaa, you know that's not true. You-" Mami tries to explain to Sanaa that nothing will change but she cuts her off.
"No we're not mami! Sofia or Aunt Lucy picks us up from school. When you come from the hospital, you always have something to do with Sofia or momma tells us not to bother you. We see you everyday but we don't get to be with you. We eat dinner together and you tuck us into bed at night but we don't get to go places with you and you don't sit and talk to us or play with us. After Uncle Mark died, you started planning the day around Sofia. We saw your calendar in your bedroom. All of your days off from the hospital are filled with activities you have to do with Sofia or your therapy sessions. You don't have our names on the calendar at all. Then momma took us to our special place today."
Mami must feel awful because her eyes are beginning to water. I don't think she ever knew that Sanaa felt that deeply about their special place and she didn't realize how much she had began to ignore the girls. They even noticed how much mami has been smothering me with attention.
"Sanaa I am so so sorry. First of all, your momma only took you to the parlor because I mentioned to her that you all enjoyed going there. She told me where you were shopping and I suggested that she take you there. As for my actions… I didn't realize how I was acting. I have been trying to be there more for Sofia to help her deal with her dad's death. I thought you all understood that. I didn't mean to push you aside-"
"We do understand that. You talked to us about it but you didn't say that you were going to stop being our mami for a while."
Momma jumps into the conversation now. Mami is in her feelings and can't exactly find the right words to console my seven year old sister. Clearing her throat, momma encourages Sanaa to sit up. She pulls her chair close to mami's so that she too can put her arms around Sanaa.
"She hasn't stopped being your mother. That will never happen." Momma assures her. "Mami is trying to deal with a very bad situation right now. We all are. It is going to be hard for us all but it won't last long. Baby you have to remember that we both love you all the same. Okay?"
"Yes ma'am. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or be rude. I was scared and didn't know how to express how I was feeling."
"That's alright. I was worried and scared too." Momma tells her. "Find the other girls and get washed up for dinner."
Sanaa leaves the room and my parents begin to talk.
"What am I doing Arizona? I'm trying to be there for Sofia and I'm going about it the wrong way. I want to be a good mother for the girls but I'm clearly not doing that too well either. This has to get better before it gets worst right?"
"Callie, you are wonderful baby. You have a lot on your plate right now. That's all. We'll get through this together."
"I don't know what I would do without you Arizona."
"Go crazy." Momma tells her with a chuckle and bright smile so that her dimples pop.
They walk hand and hand out of the dining room and into the kitchen where I pretend I haven't been eavesdropping.
"Well, it seems there may be three of us in need of some therapy in this house." I say, speaking of Sanaa needing a little added attention or someone to talk too. My moms don't find my comment to be funny and they both just give me the 'dumb' look. "I'm going to just continue fixing dinner and you two can do whatever you were about to do."
Completely dismissing me, they continue their conversation.
"Arizona, we need to talk. Not about the girls but about us. There's something I need to address."
"Okay Callie. I need to talk to you about a situation also but do you think it can wait until tomorrow? We've had enough excitement today."
"Sure hon'. Tomorrow."
Now this can't be good. Both of my parents have something on their minds that they need to discuss. This is going to be interesting.
A/N: Here we go again. Next chapter should be interesting. Please, please review. I love hearing from you!
